Chapter 4
What did he want?
(Bella's POV)
(A month later, after school)
"Bella, is that you?" Renee called from…somewhere in this godforsaken house.
"Yea, Renee it's me," I answered trudging up the stairs.
It's been a month since Ms. Carlson told me and Edward about the Christmas Vacation Talent Tour. I had forged Renee's signature and tuned it in Thursday the next week, along with Edward. I have yet to tell Renee about the program; she'll never be willing to let me go. "What are you doing in my room?" I asked dropping my bag and kicking off my muddy converses Damn ice, I thought grimly.
She shrugged holding a picture frame in her hands, tears rolling slowly down her face "I didn't know you had this…" she whispered showing the photo that haunted me through the bad and the good. Reneesme and I were beside a big blue spruce Christmas tree. Three years before her…accident.
My face hardened as my room transformed back into the woods that night. Trees…dead leaves… I shook my head. "Renee." She looked up at me, "I need a few minutes alone…I need you to leave," she didn't even move. Eyes wide…lips pale blue… I grasped two handfuls of my hair, gasping for breath. "Now!" I growled out sliding down to the cold wooden floor, my knees to my chest.
"Ok…" Renee left my room and let me deal with my pain.
…Pale skin…dull blue eyes…blue lips agape…I groaned "No…go away." Rocking back and forth, I thought of songs, instruments, artists, bands, anything to get my mind off that night. Piano…blood splattered leaves…evanescence…blood…Blood For My Valentine…blood…blood covered blouse…tears…Nessie…"No!" I screamed through my sobs. The flashes were taking over, taking over my life and body. Stopping them was impossible…until I was completely taken over. Reneesme… Carlie… Swan…dead-7:57 pm…Sunday…June…"Stop it, Reneesme…stop," I shuddered saying her name. "Please stop," I sobbed out clutching my hair tighter. I love you Bella…Reneesme's voice…then the flashes stop, the jerks ripping through my body lessened and I was once again back in my cold room, alone, my hair clutched in my tight fists.
Wiping my face off, I staggered over to my dresser, pulling out some sweats and a t-shirt. "Bella…I'm going out…be back later on," Renee called from downstairs.
"Yea…ok…whatever," I muttered not caring. It was better if she was gone when I start writing. I sat down on my soft plush bed, grabbed the picture and my notebook. "Ok…" I said in a thoughtful voice before I got started.
The light bulb above my head, went off and on for the next two or so hours. Like I said the flashes, the past…it was taking over me; body and mind. After two hours of arguing with my inner voice and scribbling then scratching out letter and words I scanned what my paper said:
(bold-lyrics italics- thoughts on paper)
(Verse 1)
You don't remember me,
But I…remember you.
I lie awake and try so hard
Not to think of you.
But who can decide
What they dream?
And dream I do…
(Chorus)
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you
To live...
To breath...
You're taking over me.
The first verse is about that night. I try so friggin' hard not to think about it, but eventually, once I've fallen into my slumber, I'm haunted by the same dreams.
The chorus on the other hand, is sorta in-between Reneesme and a certain bronze-haired-mystery-guy-in-all-my-classes. I believe in them both; Reneesme is still here, haunting me, keeping me. Edward I believe in him too…he is here with me, helping me, saving me. I want to find Reneesme; I'll give anything-if everything-to do so. Edward…I want to find the inner Edward. I can tell there is something different about him than there is with his bubbly twin sister, Alice. I want to find the real, hurt, and broken Edward that he's hidden deep inside himself.
I have to be with Reneesme…if not physically or even verbally then spiritually. She was my little sister. The little girl that kept our family whole. I feel as if my life isn't right without my little sister.
(Verse 2)
Have you forgotten,
All I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning
My love for you,
And touched my hand.
I knew you loved me then.
(Chorus)
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you
To live
To breath
You're taking over me.
The verse is Renee and Edward. Had Renee forgotten all that we had known; family wise? Had she forgotten, before Nessie's death, we had something?
Edward saw that there something was wrong…mourning my love for Reneesme…and he touched me-figuratively-and I knew he cared for me then.
(Bridge)
I look in the mirror
And see your face!
If I look deep enough,
So many things inside
That are just like you are
Taking Over…
(Softly and louder towards the last line!) (Last Verse)
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you
To live
To breath
You're taking over me.
(Chorus)
I believe in you,
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you
To live
To breath
You're taking over me.
(Taking over me…)
You're taking over me…
(Taking over me…)
Taking over me…
The bridge is about Nessie and Renee. I see Renee every time I look in a friggin' mirror. Inside me…I can feel the guilt…and numbness eating at my core. I can feel and see the "Flash-back-attacks" taking over my mind and body. I needed some type of solution. I need to find Nessie, or at least find a way to be in the same place as her death without wanting to kill myself as well.
I liked what I had so far. It was a great song. Now all I needed was music for it and a person to sing it. I didn't believe, no matter how many times Edward or anyone else told me, that I was an amazing singer. I loved the release of singing but, singing my songs for everyone or even having my songs with my voice on a CD was insane as it sounded.
I know what you're thinking. If you don't believe you are a singer worthy, then why are you in the Christmas Vacation Talent Tour? I just want to see what it's like. I want to see how much pressure it could be. Plus, six weeks away from this hell-hole...hell yeah! I am up for anything!
Just as I was about to turn on my keyboard, Selena, my pure black cat, meowed and hissed at my window, loudly and dangerously. Slowly I walked over to my window, my face hidden by my curtain. A tall man stood outside, staring at my house. His face was hidden by the hood of his jacket. Who was he? Why was he just staring? And, as is he had read my mind, he looked up at me. Right into my eyes! The bottom half of his face was covered by a black cloth. Maybe a scarf? But his eyes...those I could see very clearly. I jumped and backed up immediately! I grabbed Selena and huddled in the corner beside my bed. I took many deep breaths before I got back up. I looked back out my window. Nobody was there. Just a barren street.
I didn't recognize his eyes. Who did I know with cold bright blue eyes? I tried to rack my brain of men with those eyes. I couldn't think of anyone...
DING-DONG!
I jumped again, still holding tight to Selena. She seemed fine, but I was still freaked by the way the guy had looked at me. Like I was...
DING-DONG!
I gasped, still freaked, and grabbed my can of Pepper Spray. Charlie had a whole box worth when he was still here. He had taught me how to hold it and how to use it. Slowly I stepped down the steps, careful of making any noise. Once I got to the living room, I lifted the curtain edge and peered at the door stoop. I sighed and dropped the can of mace when I saw who it was.
"You scared the shit out of me!" I cried jumping in his cold arms. "Are you cold? Come in."
"Are you ok, Bella? You look more than a little scared?" Edward asked looking at me from arms length.
"Yea I'm fine, just a little jumpy." I lied closing the door behind him and inviting him up the stairs with me. "So, what brings you here?" I asked as we made it to my room, my little black book still open on my bed, purple pen resting on the crease of the spine. Quickly, before he snatched it up, I grabbed it and locked it away in my top drawer of my nightstand. The key to the lock was looped around the chain that always hung around my neck.
"Why don't you ever let me look inside that book?" he asked plopping down on my bed, looking like he belong there.
I smiled sitting on the side, staring at the window, while petting Selena. "Because...its private."
"So?" he asked as if it didn't apply to him. "She should show me her little black book, shouldn't she Selena? Yeah?" he asked pulling the fat black cat onto his stomach.
I smiled at them both. Selena had taken a large liking to Edward when she first met him. She was always rubbing on his legs, arms, climbing onto his stomach, shoulders, any part of him that was possible for her and anytime she could.
I didn't get her. But at the same time, I can see why she liked him so much. He was sweet to her. He loved her almost as much as I did. Edward was the best thing to fall asleep on. I know because we had a substitute in Music one day, and we watched Hair Spray! I thought I was going to die! Then, the sub made the bad mistake of letting people pull out the beanbags. Edward had grabbed our favorite one. I told him it was a 99% chance that I was going to fall asleep, and he moved my head to his chest and ran his hands through my hair till I was asleep. That was the best hour and thirty minutes of sleep I had ever had.
"Bella?" Edward's voice broke through my thoughts.
"Huh? What?" I asked pulling out of my reverie.
"I asked if you wanted to go walk real quick? I just want some fresh air. I need to get out of closed spaces. Too much of those at my house." I was shocked. In the month that we had known each other, he never mentioned his home life. I mean yeah, we talked a shit load about everything, but that subject was a tender spot for each of us.
"Um...yeah sure, just let me write a note for Renee and slip on some shoes." I said grabbing my bag and flipping through the folders, looking for loose paper.
"Bella, you might want to put on better clothes. It's way too cold for that attire." he said before leaving my room and me with some privacy,
I looked down at my t-shirt and sweats. "True..." I mused, snatching out a piece of paper and a pen. I grabbed a pair of black skinny-jeans, a black tank-top, a black and white stripped long-sleeved shirt, and my Blood On The Dance Floor hoodie, then got dressed. I stuffed my feet through my furry knee-high black boots and at the same time wrote a note for Renee saying:
Hey,
Went for a walk with a friend, be back in an hour or more. If not back when you get home, then call me.
Bye,
Bella.
"Edward?" I asked running down the stairs, folding the note and turning my phone on vibrate at the same time. "Edw-?" I would have finished my sentence if it weren't for the clumsy gene kicking in. I was going to meet the floor in...3...2...
"Bella..." Edward chuckled as he caught from flying down three more steps. "This is like a new job for me...I should be getting paid for saving you daily." he joked standing my back up right.
"Fine then..." I said softly kissing his cheek before putting the note on the kitchen table and grabbing my keys. "You're paid for this time."
He laughed holding my coat open for me. "You never cease to amaze me, Bella." He said as I slid into the big golden brown coat.
I smiled opening the door, welcoming the cool air. "All in a days work, I guess."
We both stepped out into the cool breezy air, both having something to say, both running from something. Somehow, we both ran to one another. Weird. "So...I want to know something." Edward started as we got to my driveway.
"Don't we all..." I murmured looking at the spot where the guy was, right beside my mailbox. I walked over and stood where he did. I stared straight ahead. I shuddered, my eyes were right on my little sisters tire swing. Was this what the guy was staring at? If it was, why?
I looked up at my window, I saw my curtains, but I could see wall behind it. Which means he could've seen me, right? I looked at my feet immediately at the thought. I shivered, it wasn't from the cold. I was scared. This guy really scared me. Who was he? Why was he here? Why was he staring at Nessie's tire swing? Why did he choose the mailbox to stand? Why not the driveway?
At that thought I looked at my mailbox, was it possible that he was here for more than just to look? What if he was here to send a message? Is it possible that this guy had an agenda? Numbly, I opened the mailbox door. I had checked it when I had come home from school. So it should be empty. I kept repeating that I was being skittish because the guy scared me.
Edward was beside me now, holding my hand asking me if I was ok. I didn't answer. There was something inside the mailbox. But that couldn't be, I was sure I had gotten all the mail this afternoon. As I pulled the envelope from the box, my hands shook terribly. The front was blank. There was no markings on the front part. On the back, in typed letters cut out and pasted were the letters:
R C S
I started breathing heavily, pulling in more than I needed in short quick breathes. I couldn't breath. I couldn't breath...
"Bella..." Edward asked taking the envelope from my grasp and pulling my face so he could see my eyes. "Bella...tell me what your thinking. Whats wrong?"
"There...there was a man here, about ten minute before you came. He was standing right here. I had checked the mail when I had came home. We had a few bills. It was supposed to be empty. This guy, he was just standing here, staring. If you stand here, and stare like he was, you would be looking at that tire swing. He then looked up at my window...like right into my eyes. He scared the shit out me. And now...those letters...those are the initials to my...little...my little sisters...name..." I gasped out the words. I was shaking so badly I thought I was about to fall. I decided to sit down. I couldn't breath. I heard Edward open the envelope. I heard his intake of breath. I looked over at his hands. But he had already hidden them from me and stored them inside his jacket.
"Time to go inside, Bella." He said, his eyes darting all around us. "Come on, lets get inside and talk about this." He was talking in a hushed tone, his eyes wide and moving along the edge of the woods that lined my house. He held me close for a minute, enough time to whisper into my ear real quick. "Walk as fast as you can to your door, shut it, lock the back door, sit on your couch, I'll be right behind you, ok?"
I was too scared to answer. I got up and walked as fast as I could, without it looking like I was running. I got inside, threw off my jacket, locked the back door, curled up on the couch with my favorite pillow and waited till Edward had checked all that he had wanted to. He came inside, locked the door behind him, sat next to me, folded his hands together and sighed. "What was it?" He didn't answer me. He didn't look at me.
He sighed and leaned back, pulling me into his chest. "Bella, I need you to tell me what happened to your sister."
Tears filled my eyes as I thought about the night. "Reneesme, that's her name, and I went to the park one summer afternoon. We had a plan to meet up just before sunset, so we could ride home together and still have light to get home without getting spooked." I wiped my nose. "I went off with my friends and she went off with hers. When it was time to go, she wasn't there. I waited at our oak tree for thirty minutes. Then I went looking for her. She never was late. I was worried. Her friend found me before I found her. She took me to her. My little five-year-old sister had been slashed across the neck with a knife and was left to die! I called my parents and it tore them apart. " I sobbed into his chest.
"She was only five-years-old. She hadn't even started school. She didn't get to have a life before she died. It's not fair! She deserved better. I miss her. I miss her more than I have ever missed anybody. I keep that swing out there because, I sometimes see her out there, laughing and swinging high, with her long caramel curly hair flying all around her pale round face." I sobbed louder and harder. "Why could it not have been me? Why was it her? She didn't deserve it. So why her?"
Edward stroked my hair and kept quiet while I sobbed it all out. When I was done, I felt weak and ashamed by my actions. "Bella...I am so sorry for your loss. But it wasn't your time to go from this world. I know it's unfair. I know how you feel. And I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You don't deserve this. Neither did your sister. If she was anything like you, she must have been an amazing girl." He kissed the top of my head.
I sighed. "Thank you, Edward." I got up to walk him to the door. "I'm sorry about my behavior. It's getting late. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school?" I asked putting the note to Renee inside the trash and putting my coat on the rack.
Edward sighed and pulled out the envelope from his jacket. "Bella...I'm not leaving you here. You're coming home with me." he said laying out a piece of paper that said:
You're going to be next, Isabella...
Along with pictures of a little girl, in a baby blue sundress and caramel curly hair and blood, dried blood, all over her neck, shoulders, and chest. Reneesme...and that's when everything went black...