"Timothy. What seems to be troubling you?"
"Hi, Ducky. Thanks again. I'm sorry to be disturbing your time off."
"Nonsense, dear boy, the only thing you're disturbing is my solitude, since Mother will have gone off to bed by now. Would you care to take this somewhere more hospitable, maybe my house, per chance?"
"You wouldn't mind?"
"Not at all. In fact, why don't you give me a ride in that wonderful sports car of yours? You can drive me back in in the morning, as well. I would love the opportunity to ride in it."
"Would you like to drive it?" Tim offered with a smile.
"Thank you, but no. I will refrain from such luxury, as I am much too used to driving my Morgan to do your prized car justice."
"Okay." Tim replied with his smile still in place.
Thirty minutes later found Tim and Ducky settled comfortably in the older man's den, each nursing a hot spot of tea to warm their bones. The chill had permeated through Tim more than he'd realized until he'd gotten inside and felt the difference. Now, he was grateful for the opportunity to have this talk in comfort rather than the cold.
"All right, Timothy. What seems to be the trouble?" Ducky asked.
"Ducky, have you ever spent your whole life believing something about someone, only to find out after they're gone, that what you knew about them wasn't the truth after all?"
"Someone important in your life, Timothy?" the older man watched closely for the reaction he was sure to come from his gentle probing.
"Yeah." Tim answered so quietly, Ducky barely heard him.
The pained answer pulled at Ducky's heart strings. "Do you wish to talk about it?" he pushed gently.
"I can't Ducky. If I started to tell you about it, I wouldn't be able to stop until everything came out, and it's too much." Tim's anquished admittance ripped the band-aid off his broken heart and allowed the pain to climb into his expression and even his posture.
"Timothy, when a burden becomes too much for us to bear alone, that is the ideal time for a friend to help us shoulder that burden." His surrogate uncle reminded him gently.
Ducky's words brought tears to Tim's eyes and he quickly turned his head away before the kindly M.E. could see his weakness. He'd needed someone to talk to for weeks now. But, he hated the idea of burdening this kind gentle soul with all of this. His only intention tonight had been to ask for a 2nd opinion about what he felt he needed to do.
"Timothy, I know you well enough to know that right about now, you're fighting with yourself about this. You think you will be burdening me by allowing me the honor of sharing whatever it is that has weighed you down so terribly." The M.E. reasoned wisely.
"Yeah. I guess you really do know me, Ducky." Tim answered quietly with awe in his voice even as it broke.
"Yes, dear boy, I do. Come now; allow me to hear what you need to get off your chest. Let me see if I can be of help to you, hmm?"
Tim took a couple of deep breaths and opened his mouth and just let the words come without much thought to how much it would or wouldn't reveal. "I found out two weeks ago that the man who raised me, who I spent my whole life believing was my father, wasn't my father after all." The anger he'd been harnessing was being released through is words and the pure, underlying rage that he felt at the situation could be heard clearly in his tone. "The man who meant more to me than anyone else in my life, wasn't actually who he'd pretended to be all these years."
"Oh, Timothy. How painful for you. May I ask how you found out? Does that have any bearing on how this has affected you?" Ducky asked sympathetically.
"You could say that. I found out because when the man I thought was my father died two months ago, my mother found something he'd left for me. She found them two weeks ago. I have no idea why it took her so long to find them." Tim replied with the same dose of anger, obviously unable to shove it back down into hiding just yet.
"Timothy, your father died two months ago? No one on your team has mentioned this to me." Ducky exclaimed.
"They don't know," Tim admitted quietly.
"You didn't tell anyone?" the M.E. asked in disbelief.
"I told Director Shepard. I had to take the day of the funeral off. I don't know what excuse she gave Gibbs. I just know there weren't any questions about my absence when I came back."
"Jethro was told that you were out of town on a family emergency that Director Shepard herself had granted you the day off for. He was also told that all questions regarding the situation were to be directed to her." Ducky informed him.
"Great! I'm sure Gibbs was just thrilled about that!" Tim worried.
"Has he said anything to you or acted differently toward you since then?" the M.E. questioned carefully.
"No, everything's been same as usual. So, I guess it's all right." Tim reasoned out.
"Timothy, why wouldn't you want your team to know about your father's passing? Did you doubt that they would be there for you?"
"Yeah, I did. I mean, don't get me wrong, Ducky, they pull together really well when they need to, for each other. But I just couldn't handle the jokes and the movie references and the rhetoric that's meant to be sympathetic but disappears just as suddenly as it shows up to begin with. "
"But you did need your friends to be there for you. I believe not having them to help you through that difficult time most likely affected how you've dealt with this loss. In not allowing your friends to help you through this, you've found it necessary to hide all that comes with that loss. You haven't been yourself since his passing, Timothy. We have all seen that. The last two weeks have been especially difficult for you."
"You're right, Ducky. It's been hard. Really hard." Tim admitted even as his voice broke once again and an errant tear slipped down his face.
"Timothy, let it out, dear boy." Ducky urged as he enfolded Tim into an embrace that would anchor him through the storm he needed to let rage in order to begin to heal and move on.
Tim's need to let Ducky in distracted him just enough that the grip on his control slackened and everything he'd been bottling up inside began to slip right through the cracks that Ducky's compassion and support found their way into, allowing the storm to build. Thankfully, this storm, when it finally broke, was a much weaker version of the one he'd gone through back in his father's study two weeks ago and he was able to regain his control and equilibrium after just a few short minutes.
Stepping back, Tim stepped over to the table where Ducky kept a box of tissues, grabbed a few and dried his eyes and his face. The torrent of tears left him feeling drained so he sat himself down in the closest chair before he spoke. "Thank you."
"You're quite welcome, young man. I only wish you would have at least let me know. I would have accompanied you and been there when you needed someone." The older man gently scolded.
"I know. But you were backed up in Autopsy. You wouldn't have been able to come with me and it would have left you feeling bad and I didn't want that." Tim answered quietly in his own defense.
"Ah, Yes, I remember. Well. You've reached out to me for help now, and I will do what I can. But, I must ask you, Timothy, is what your father left you the cause of you not being able to sleep?"
"How did you know I haven't been able to sleep?" Tim asked in surprise.
"Jethro asked me to see what I could do to help you get some rest." Ducky revealed.
"Oh, no!"
"Timothy, he is concerned. That is all." The older man endeavored to reassure the young man.
"Really? Do you think you would be willing to read what he left me and help me figure out what it means? I mean it looks pretty clear-cut, but I just… I need to be sure."
"Certainly."
Tim dug out his wallet, took out a folded piece of paper and unfolded it and then handed it to the M.E. "I only have it on me today because I knew I was gonna need to show it to you when I talked to you."
Ducky sat back and read the letter carefully and thoroughly, feeling pain for the young man with every word he read. When he'd finished reading, he set the letter down in his lap and looked over at the young man who'd come to him for help and a second opinion above anyone else he worked with and trusted to have his back every day on the job.
Where Ducky had thought this was going to be just a simple question and answer situation, he know realized this was much deeper and much more entailed than Timothy was even letting him in on, in all likelihood.
"Timothy, while this is certainly enough to cause you enough to feel as though the rug has been pulled out from beneath you. I do not understand why this would cause you to lose sleep over it for this long. What is really the trouble here? Is it the anger or the feeling like you've been betrayed? Would talking to a psychologist help you get through this better?"
"That's all just part of it, Ducky."
"What is the rest of the problem?"
"The name."
"I'm afraid I'm not following you."
"Will you look over the paternity test for me?" Tim pleaded.
"Certainly."
Again, Tim dug into his wallet and took out a folded piece of paper. This one was yellow and had the definite look of a lab result.
Ducky took the paper and looked it over. When he was absolutely sure the tests results made sense and looked right, he looked at the name; the very thing that was causing Timothy to lose sleep. Lucas Martin
Ducky's brain hitched at that name. Something was familiar about it. Where had he heard it before? As the questions ran through his mind, the fact that the name was adversely affecting this young man was sending warning flags to Ducky's brain as well.
Tim got up from his chair. "Ducky, I need to use your computer. It'll make more sense to you if you just look at this file." He said as he walked over to the Desktop computer and fired it up. It wasn't password protected and Tim was quickly online and had even dug out his flash drive and had it plugged in before the M.E. had even joined him at the desk. Once he'd gotten the files to upload and open, Tim walked away, leaving Ducky to see for himself what was causing Tim sleepless nights
As soon as the pages of saved data began popping up and the headlines began jumping out at him, Ducky's blood ran cold. For Timothy's sake, he forced himself to read through what the young man had uncovered about the man who was reported to be his biological father.
"Now do you understand why I can't sleep at night?" Tim asked from the doorway. He stood where he didn't have to see the images that had already been burned into his brain. They were the reason his mind couldn't escape this new truth that his life had become, even in his sleep.
"Oh, Timothy!" Ducky sympathized.
"What I needed your opinion on is whether or not I should get a second test done; DNA or a second paternity test or something current. Something … I don't know…I just…" Tim tried to explain.
"I certainly understand you desire for more current test results, Timothy. I would recommend it, yes. But, as far as you getting it done, I'm not sure how you would go about doing that."
"I'm gonna go ask him to voluntarily give me a sample."
"Timothy, why would you put yourself through that? Why not simply get a court order and let the system work for you?"
"Because I'm not doing this as a Federal Agent. I'm doing this as an adult who wants to know whether or not this man is my father. I want absolutely no ties to the agency involved in this."
"I understand your reasons, Timothy. Still, I think it highly unwise for you to do this alone."
"I don't have much choice, Ducky. It's not like I want it made public. Anyone at the agency finds out; I might as well hand Abby or Tony the bullhorn and let them have at it." Tim said dryly.
Ducky read the pain within the jest. He wasn't willing to let this young man think for a moment that he had to go through any of this alone. But, he did still need some questions answered.
"Timothy, is this why your mother called Jethro and the purpose for your sister's visit to him, as well?"
"I'm sure that's part of it. It's probably because I haven't talked to them since I found out."Tim answered quietly.
"While I can understand your anger towards your mother, as I'm sure you must have immediately jumped to the conclusion that she had to have known all along; I do find it puzzling that you would not want to talk with your sister."
"I just can't handle them right now, Ducky. I can barely function at work and I'm losing more and more sleep every night. Visions of who this man is and what he's done won't leave me alone. Every time I close my eyes…." Tim said in a voice that was full of frustration, anger and pain, none of which showed any sign of leaving him anytime soon.
"Timothy, Jethro has expressed no dis-satisfaction with your job performance and has only expressed concern regarding your obvious sleep deprivation."
"Exactly, Ducky. I'd really like to keep it that way. Although, I'd love to be able to sleep a full 8 hours, too. But, I doubt that'll happen anytime soon."
"Come, Timothy, we shall take care of that right now. Drink this tea and take this sedative. The guest room is plenty comfortable"
"No, Ducky, I couldn't."
"Yes, you can and you will. Now, drink up. "
As expected, Tim was safely and peacefully asleep a short ten minutes later with Ducky sitting by to keep the nightmares at bay.