Disclaimer: I still don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters. And I still own the world's bitchiest cat. And still no one wants her.

Chapter Warning: Language, boy/boy kissing, suicide, blood, hospitals (ACK!), and yeah…

Timeline: Sora's part took place Tuesday morning through Friday afternoon. This chapter is Friday morning through Monday afternoon.

Part 2

We Are Just Now Crying Out

Tears. Tears and pain. Tears and pain and blood. Everywhere. Why? I don't understand. Why would you do it? Why would you end it like this? What were you thinking? What could have been going through your mind for you to do this? What happened to you?

"Riku! Hey RIKU!"

I slam the door to my jeep and turn. With a smile, I cross my arms and lean against the metal door as I see them.

Irvine, Quistis, Nida, Shiva, and Siren; my new entourage. Irvine was taller than me. He had the longest brown hair I've ever seen, always in a ponytail. And the guy was always dressed like a cowboy, wearing these long coats, boots, and hats. He was always hitting on every girl in the school. And usually getting turned down. Quistis never went anywhere unless her blonde hair was done up and she was dressed to perfection. She was always professional. She was actually a year younger than the rest of us. She skipped her sophomore year, going straight from freshman to junior. Just about the smartest girl I've ever met. And Nida is her older brother by a year. They were exact opposites. He was good with tools and machines, but his academics were always slipping. And then there was Shiva and Siren. They were twins and they were both handfuls. Siren had long blonde hair that fell past her back. And she had a voice that could make anybody swoon. And she knew it. Both she and Shiva were big flirts, but Shiva was by far the worst. She had this oddly colored blue hair that hung down to her shoulders. Whenever anyone asked if it were natural, she'd always smile and say something along the lines of, "Wouldn't you like to know?" She dated a different guy weekly but mostly she just clung to me.

"Riku!" She calls again and throws her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Shiva, let go or you're going to make me late." I say quickly and attempt to pry her arms off.

Yeah... she clung to me no matter how many times I turned her down. And there were countless times.

She loosens her grip a bit and moves her hands to my arm, latching tightly.

With a suppressed sigh, I turn towards the building. My gaze suddenly spots them and my legs refuse to move.

"Riku!" Shiva wines and tires to tug me forward. "You said it yourself! You don't want to be late!"

I give her a smirk. "Maybe I don't care if I am." And I step back. But my gaze lingers on the group of friends heading into the building. The ones I used to know so sell... "Sora..." And is escapes my lips without my knowledge.

I don't know why it happened, really. It was just... easier, I guess. We got back to the island and the school wanted to put us to work right away. We were busy the rest of that school year and all through summer trying to catch up. I didn't mind though, because I wanted to be a senior, which that upcoming year I was supposed to be. So, I worked my ass off. And Sora and Kairi were always a grade under me. So... they were working together and I was working on my own. It was always like that during school. It was just easier to forget about them for a little while. I never meant for a little while to turn out to be that long though.

"Sore?" Shiva says. "I'm not sore at you silly!" She giggles and tosses her head back. "Now! Come on before we really are late!"

I let her pull me along right behind everyone else, but my thoughts linger a moment on a different time.

By the time I realized it, it was too late to do anything about it. I had distanced myself too far from them. I didn't think they'd want me back either. They had their own group of friends and I had mine. It was just easier that way.

The bell rings signaling that first period is over. Smiling and waving goodbye to Irvine, I head out to my next class. I'm slightly surprised not to see Shiva waiting for me. She's in my next class and usually latches on as soon as I set out. I breathe out a sigh of relief, hoping she was in the bathroom or something. Maybe I can get to class without being groped in front of everyone in the hallway.

And I thought too soon. Because I would have preferred the groping to be in the hallway. Shiva can just be...

I turn the corner and head down the stairwell to the first floor where not only the freshmen lockers were located, but also my next class. I'm about to pass the boy's bathroom when an arm snakes out and grabs me. And suddenly I'm pulled into the very empty freshmen boy's bathroom.

And you get three guesses as to who the arm belonged to. And the first two don't count.

Shiva throws her arms around my neck and pushes me against the door. My head knocks into the door and a pain shoots down my spine. She practically gags me with her tongue and slams her hips against mine. Neither action does much for me and I attempt to pry her off.

Shiva smiles coyly and moves her hands downward, cupping a certain part of my body that I would rather her not to.

I struggle to keep my voice from cracking as I push her hands away. "Shiva... the bell is going to ring."

She pouts and bends forward a bit, clearly trying to show off her abundant cleavage. "But Riku dear, the bell already rang. And we are already late..." She steps forward again.

I reach behind me and grab the door handle quickly. "And we have a Calculus test that we both have to pass in order to graduate."

So what? I wasn't attacked to Shiva. So what if she was popular and slutty and adventurous and fun to hang out with... she was just a friend. Her having no affect on me whatsoever didn't mean anything. Certainly didn't mean I was like gay or something.

Literature sucks, if you ask me. Which is why I slept through it today. And now it's the last period of the day. Study Hall. Shiva and the others don't share this class with me, so I'm stuck in here alone. But a few people smile and wave as I walk to my seat. I return their acknowledgements and sit down. I pull out my Calculus homework and start silently cursing the teacher.

"Asshole..." I sigh and read the instructions at the top of the assignment page.

The following problems require the use of the limit definition of a derivative.

It takes nearly a half hour for me to complete the useless Calculus problems. I close the book with a smirk and push it aside. And now I'm bored. Sighing, I look around. I see Sora sitting across the room, staring down at the table. I smile despite myself and shake my head slowly. He was never one for school. It's good to know he hasn't changed. Or at least in that aspect.

Another person catches my sight. Cyndi Cuttlerman. Pretty. Smart. Popular. Hell... why not?

The instructor is asleep... again... Good for me. I get up and cross the room to Cyndi's empty table. "Hey Cyndi." I say casually and sit down.

Cyndi smiled and quickly closes the book she was reading. "Hello Riku."

"So Cyndi… what has life been throwing at you lately?"

"Me?" She giggles a bit and lowers her head. "Cheerleading mostly. And the dance committee…"

I smile and nod at what she says, but I'm not really paying attention to her words.

All girls I've dated and talked to are pretty much the same. Ask them questions and they won't shut up ever. Talk to them as if you really care which nail polish matches their eyes or if this skirt makes their ass stick out. Or which member of the hit band Nobody's Fool is gay. Which, by the way, I know for a fact which ones, not one, are gay. The lead singer is as flaming as his red hair. And I know he has a thing for the blonde drummer. And the emo keyboardist and that bass player with the mullet… I'm pretty sure they're dating. Actually, I'm pretty sure they are all gay. I know them as well. Haven't seen them since we--Sora, Kairi, and I--got home... Anyways… I'm getting a bit off track. My point is that if I pretend to care, I can pretty much get any girl to do whatever I wanted. And no. I don't mean that in the way it sounds. Sure, I've dated my share of girls. Probably have the school's male population of girls… but my rods stays in my pants. Yes! There! I admitted it. I was a virgin at 18. Should have been my first guess, huh?

"And I really would like to be a model, you know?"

It registers quickly in my head that she's stopped talking and is looking at me expectantly. "Yeah…" I nod and smile. "I could see you as a model. You have the personality and the brains for it."

"Really? You think?" She perks up.

Bingo. I nod again. "Not to mention you're just about the cutest girl in the school…"

She giggles and latches onto my arm.

I don't mind the contact too much and don't pull away. If it had been Shiva, on the other hand…

"Don't look now…" Her breath is on my ear and I realize she's leaned closer rather quickly. "But we have an audience…"

"Oh really?" An audience? Now what? "Who? And where?" I resist the urge to look around and find out myself. It certainly wouldn't be the first time admirers were flocking.

Cyndi inclines her head slightly. "The brunette at the table in front of us. What's his name? Sero?"

Sora? I smile and look over at the brunette. My eyes catch his and he looks down quickly. "Sora."

She giggles. "Yeah! That's it! A friend of yours?" She asks with interest.

I shake my head. "Not really. We hung out a few times before… but…" I shrug and look back to her. "Besides… I think he's just jealous."

Jealous? If only I had known the extent of what I had just said.

"Really? Why do you say that?"

"Because…" I say slowly smirking. "He doesn't have a date with one of the prettiest, most talented, and popular girls in the school tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night?" She repeats slowly. "That's the dance. Who are you going…" Something in her eyes spark. "Oh!" She blushes and lowers her head. "Well… Heath asked me last week… but we broke up a couple days ago…" She bit her lip. "I can't believe you don't have a date!"

I shrug. "I did, actually. Luna and I were supposed to go. But a family member passed away and she left yesterday with her family."

Cyndi nods slowly. "I had heard that… are you guys… going out…" She asks slowly.

With a smile I shake my head. "Nah. Just going as friends. Basically we agreed to go each other to fend off stalkers. Irvine wants her and Shiva wants me." I wave my hand and lean farther back in my chair. "Both can be really… clingy."

Cyndi giggles like it's a joke. "Makes sense. I'm guessing you haven't told Shiva you're dateless yet."

"Ah." I say smiling. "But I'm not, am I?"

Laughing, she shook her head. "No. But you'll have to meet me there. I have to go early since I'm on the committee."

Ah… the biggest dance of the year other than the prom. It was called the Lazy Daze Dance. Yeah… corny name. Basically, it's all student set up. We raise the money and pick all the shit on our own. There's no teacher involvement and hardly any chaperons. No one dresses up. In fact, most of the girls dress down. Sounds pretty lame, huh? Sounds like any other dance to me. But to people like Cyndi, it was a pretty big deal. And I was expected to go. And when Luna had to cancel on me, I had to find a replacement fast. Or else I'd be cornered by Shiva. All night long. And I thought Cyndi would be a good replacement. I never did make it to the dance though. But I heard Heath showed up and they got back together anyways.

"Fine with me." I look up and see Sora again. "Cyndi, give me a piece of paper quickly."

She follows my gaze, then smiles and opens her notebook.

I scribble down a few words and then roll the paper into a ball. "See you tomorrow beautiful." I wink at Cyndi and see her blush. The bell isn't far from ringing. I look over at Sora again and he's still staring at the table. After making sure the instructor was still sleeping, I throw the crumpled paper in my hand at Sora's table. Then turning, I head back to my seat.

I swear I was not looking for a confrontation. I honestly thought he liked Cyndi. And if he did, I wanted to try and goad him into asking her out. Hell… I didn't want to actually date her. I just wanted to keep Shiva away. And I though Sora needed a girlfriend. He and Kairi spend too much time together for a non-dating couple.

I hear his shuffling as I toss my books in my locker. I wipe the smile from my face and slam my locker shut. "What's your problem?"

"Huh?"

His nervousness and surprise catch me off guard. But I force a glare and roll my eyes. "I saw you in Study Hall today."

Sora's eyes widen and he looks even more nervous, almost like he was going to cry.

Does he think I'm going to hit him or something? I cross my arms and lean back slightly. "Well? You were glaring at me the entire time I was talking to Cyndi." I see confusion in his eyes and I continue. "Last time I checked, you weren't dating her. She's not your property." I tilt my head to the side, watching his facial expression. Maybe I had been wrong in my assumptions. "You're not dating any girl for that matter. I was sure you'd be banging Kairi."

Okay. Thinking back on it… the comment about Kairi was going a step too far. I think I was just rambling by then. The whole situation went so different then how I saw it in my head. I honestly thought he had a thing for Cyndi.

"Wait a minute…" Sora holds up his hand. "You think I'm jealous of you and Cyndi? That I like Cyndi?" He laughs and shakes his head. "Okay, even if that were true, what right do you have to tell me I couldn't do anything about it?" He steps forward.

Yep. Looks like I was wrong. "So… you aren't after Cyndi? " I say, confirming that I am a complete idiot and take a step back.

Sora throws his arms up in exasperation. "No, Riku. I'm not the least bit interested in that slut."

He's in my face now and I want to smack him for calling Cyndi a slut. It's not her fault I made a judgment mistake. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I've ever done that. I narrow my eyes at him and something inside my brain twitches. He's too close. I shove him slightly.

"My problem?" Sora steps forward again, getting back in my face.

I see his hand lifting but I don't move to stop as he grabs me by the collar. It was Sora after all. How many times had I kicked his ass in sparing practices and game courts? Sure, he'd kicked my ass a couple times with that damn keyblade. But I didn't see…

I hear this sickening crack seconds after later and realize he's shoved me into my own locker. My head starts throbbing and I have to strain to concentrate on what he's saying. I think he's talking.

"You're my problem, you self absorbed asshole."

Asshole? My mind grips around that word and anger flares through me. I open by mouth to tell him exactly what I think.

My head hurts from the collision and I feel like I'm spinning and I'm vaguely aware of the lips pressing hard against mine and the tongue that's probing mine but I still feel like melting. I swear if that hand weren't holding me up, I would melt. I've never been kissed like this before.

A slight moan escapes me and I feel Sora press harder against me as he kisses me. And then it suddenly hits me. Sora. Sora is kissing me. Sora is kissing me in the middle of the fucking hallway at the fucking school.

My head is suddenly clear enough to focus. His hold on my shirt had slackened by then. I bring my arms up quickly and push him away. He staggers backwards a moment, his eyes still closed. And before I realize what I'm doing, I'm punching him as hard as I can across the jaw.

Yeah... I may have overreacted a bit... or a lot probably... but I just had the best kiss of my entire fucking life and it was with a guy. And not just any guy at that, it had been Sora. And he had been in control. And I had let him. So yeah, I overreacted.

Sora lands hard on his ass, looking completely surprised and caught off guard. He looks nervous as he glances down the hallway and then back at me.

My knees feel weak and I just want to sit down for a second. Instead, I glare at him and wipe my mouth on the back of my hand. "Fucking faggot." I hiss in a voice that doesn't sound like it belongs to me. I suppress a shudder at it and turn down the hallway.

I'm shaking terribly and I have to will my legs to move until I'm out the door. I step towards the outside wall and lean against it for a moment. My chest tightens and for a second I can't breathe.

"Hey Riku!"

I look up to see Shiva and Siren standing in the parking lot not too far away. Taking a deep breath, I push away from the wall and approach them.

"Riku…" Siren says softly in her sing-song voice. "Honey… are you okay? You look terribly ill!"

And I felt it. I nod slowly. "Yeah… I don't feel good…" I wobble slightly on my unsteady legs. I just want to sit down for a second.

Shiva doesn't miss a beat as she runs forward and latches herself on my waist. "You poor thing! You don't even look like you can walk. We'll drive you home."

I shake my head. "No. I think I can manage…"

Siren shakes her head as she opens the passenger side door of their small mustang. "Get in and hush. And give me your keys."

I look at her a second before sighing and nodding. I fish around in my pocket and hand over my keys. Shiva detaches herself as I get in.

"Shiva, follow us in Riku's jeep." Siren tosses the keys to her sister and walks around to the driver's seat.

Shiva's mouth drops open. "What? Me? I want to drive him!" She stamps a foot.

I close my eyes and sink down in the seat.

"Shiva, I cannot drive that thing and you can. I will not be responsible for tearing up Riku's engine." I hear Siren say and silently pray Shiva doesn't argue.

I open my eyes as Siren gets in and closes the door. I look around out the windows but don't see Shiva. She must be going to the jeep. I sigh and rub at my temples, which were throbbing.

"So what happened?"

I shrug as she starts the engine and pulls out. "Food poisoning maybe."

I still can't explain what happened. I didn't feel sick exactly. And I didn't fucking have food poisoning. I felt light headed, though. And my chest hurt inside. And I was grateful for Siren and Shiva. I'm not sure if I would have been able to walk in a straight line let alone drive.

"Really… I'll be fine!" I insist to the two glare sisters above me. "Really! I'm fine!"

Siren and Shiva exchange looks.

"Really!" I insist for like the millionth time.

Shiva drops to my couch and throws her arms around my neck. "If you need anything, call!"

I feel her purposely press her chest against mine. "Really Shiva. I'm fine." I breathe out in relief as she pulls away.

Siren grabs Shiva's hand and pulls her towards the door. "We'll see you at the dance tomorrow, right?" Siren pauses at the door.

I nod. "Yep. I'll be there with Cyndi."

"Cyndi?" Shiva gasps. "What about Luna?"

Siren pulls Shiva through the door and I laugh.

I hear their car pull away and I shake my head. I reach for the remote and flick on the TV. And there is nothing on that I want to watch. I switch it over to some mindless cartoon about a yellow sponge and lay down on the cough.

I think I've fallen asleep because suddenly the clock says 4:30 and my phone is ringing. I sit up and yawn as I fish in my pocket. I pull it out and stare at it a moment before my eyes fully focus.

I didn't want to answer it. I wanted to lie back down and go to sleep. It's a good thing though that I didn't.

I stare at the cell phone ringing in my open hand. The display reads 'Kairi Cell' and I shake my head slowly. It had been so long since she or Sora had called me. I'd forgotten I still had their numbers programmed into my cell. I don't feel like answering. I don't really want to talk to her. I'd much rather just close my eyes and drift off... But I flip it open anyways and press it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Riku. It's been a while..." She sounds hesitant.

I smile slightly and lean back against the couch. I lift the remote and start channel surfing again. "Yeah, it has."

I can hear her sigh. "Listen Riku, I know I probably shouldn't be bothering you, but I have a favor to ask."

I hit the off button on the remote and the screen goes black. "What's up Kairi?"

And just like that, I was sucked back into their world. It was so easy too. She called and said do me a favor, and I was ready to jump.

"Well... I'd understand if you say no and I'm probably just worrying over nothing... But you know me! Or at least you used to. So in this case... you remember me. Unless you've completely and utterly have totally forgotten everything that we've..."

"Kairi!" I interrupt her rambling. "Just spit it out already, okay? You have to at least give me a chance to say no."

"Oh!" She's laughing nervously. "I... well I'm on the road with my mom."

"Can you not talk then?" I stand up and head towards the kitchen. My chest doesn't hurt anymore. And my legs are working again. I smile slightly.

"Not for much longer. We stopped for a bathroom break. We're heading up to see my aunt who's in the hospital."

I grab a soda from the fridge and let the door slide shut as I turn towards the counter. "Is she okay?" I set the can down and lean slightly on the counter, listening intently. And I have to admit, it is nice talking to her again.

"Not exactly. My mom was supposed to be going up by herself but then she got a call from her brother. Aunt Decca took a turn for the worst this morning."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I pop the tab on the can and it snaps off.

"I really don't know her that well. She didn't get along with the family much. I think I've only met her once. But that's not the reason I called. It's Sora."

"Sora?" I repeat, nearly dropping the can that I had just picked up. "What's wrong with Sora?" I could hear the squeak in my voice and I silently curse myself, hoping she doesn't notice.

"See, we planned this movie date tonight at my house because my parents were going to be gone. Mom was going to visit aunt Decca in the hospital and dad was off on a business trip. So he was going to come home with me. But he didn't because he said something about needing to talk to a teacher after school..."

I shift slightly, glad that this was a phone call and not face to face. I could feel the blush threatening my cheeks. Sora didn't meet with a teacher after school today.

"He was supposed to come over at like 5." Kairi continues over the phone. "But as soon as I got home, mom was getting ready to leave and said I had to come with her and that dad was going to meet us there. I tried to call Sora to tell him, but he wouldn't answer his phone."

"Wait..." I lift my hand in surprise. "You're worried because he didn't answer his phone?"

"Well... yeah! You know Sora... well... you remember Sora, right?"

Yeah, I knew him alright. I knew how sweet his mouth tasted and how forceful he could be when he was upset and how good he felt pressed up against me. Yeah, I would say that I remembered him pretty well.

"He always answers his phone!" I hear Kairi insist desperately. "He's not supposed to come over for another half hour."

"So? What do you want me to do about it?" I snap at her without meaning to.

"I want you to go to his house."

My eyes widen slightly. "What? Why?"

"He's not answering the phone!"

"So?" I'm starting to get a little tired of this conversation.

"He doesn't know he's not supposed to come over! Just go and tell him for me! Please!"

"Kairi, I don't think..."

"Riku! I know you're a selfish prick now, but there was a time when you'd do anything for Sora and me. Just do me this little favor and call me back, okay?"

I pull the phone away from my ear after she hangs up. My mouth is hanging open and my eyes are wide as I stare at it. Is that really what she thinks of me? And Sora too? I feel a sickening lump form in my throat.

I would have gone even if she hadn't begged me to and insulted me. The truth was I actually wanted to see Sora. I wanted to apologize and make sure he was okay. I'm not the complete ass I appear to be, really. Like I said earlier, it was just easier that way, to pull away. I couldn't hurt him anymore and he couldn't hurt me. And it was working too, until he kissed me that is...

The phone rings and rings in my ear but there's no answer. I sigh as I lift the cell from my ear and flip it closed. It makes a dull pinging sound as it does so. I start to feel nervous that he didn't answer, even though Kairi just told me he didn't answer her. All I can think about is what happened earlier.

But maybe he's not home yet, my mind reasons. Maybe he's still at the school… But even as I think it, I know that's not true. I can't explain it, but I just feel that he's home and not answering his cell phone on purpose.

I tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear as I think about it. Of course Sora wouldn't answer my call, not after what I did.

And I'll be the first one to admit that I reacted badly but I had my reasons. It was Sora, of all people. One minute he's yelling at me and calling me an asshole and the next he's kissing me. I was surprised. And I was pissed. It was Sora! And he was a guy! And he kissed me! And he shouldn't have. If it was going to happen, it should have been me. I should have been the one in charge. But, if I was being completely honest, most of all it freaked me out. No one had ever kissed me like that. And I liked it. I really liked it. And I'm pretty sure he could tell that I liked it. I don't know. Maybe I jumped at the chance to go check on Sora hoping he might try it again. Maybe I was just another horny teenage boy. Or maybe, subconsciously, I knew he needed me. Either way, I went. And it was probably the single worst day of my life.

It takes me about ten minutes to get to his house. I notice quickly that his mother's car is indeed gone. Sighing slightly, I turn off the engine and climb out. I look up at the house I used to know so well. How long had it been since I was there? A month? No... three? Four? How long since I was really here?

I sigh again and head up onto the porch. I knock on the door. But no surprise when I get no answer. I knock again, more heavily this time. Again, no answer. I touch the door knob and find that it's unlocked. Twisting it, the door opens easily. "Sora?" When I get no answer, I push the door further open and look inside. All the lights are off and it's pretty quiet. I quickly shut the front door and start looking around.

"Sora?" I call out, checking the living room for signs of life. "It's Riku..." Like duh... "Kairi called me worrying that you didn't get her message. She had to go north with her family at last minute." I leave the living room and move to the kitchen. "She like practically begged me to come over and tell you in person." No one in the kitchen. "Sora? Are you even fucking home? I feel like I'm talking to myself..." Sighing, I move towards the steps that go upstairs.

"Sora?" I linger on the stairs, guilt creeping up on me. "Look... I'm sorry about earlier..." I take a step up. "I overreacted a bit..." Another step up. "You just... caught me a bit off guard..." I'm halfway up now. "And I freaked a bit." Almost at the top. "I didn't mean what I said..." I'm on the second floor now. "None of it. That shit about Cyndi... I thought you liked her or something... I was trying to make you jealous enough to ask her out." I turn towards his bedroom door and see that it's propped open a bit and that the light is on. "Sora... come on! Talk to me damnit!" I step towards the door. "I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you. And that I punched you. And yelled. And called you... you know... I didn't mean it... I didn't even..." I'm at his door now and reach out to push the door open.

"Sora?" I see him on his bed, his back to me. It looks like he's sleeping or something, on top of his blankets. And I can tell right away that he still sleeps naked. Rolling my eyes, and take a step into his room. "Look Sora... I..." He doesn't move. "Sora..." Again, nothing. "Damnit Sora..."

I was standing over him. I was fucking standing over him wasting fucking precious time and I didn't even see yet. How could I have not seen it? The red! It was everywhere. But I guess... thinking about it... I never did think about it. Sora was always a happy-go-lucky person. He had always loved life to its fullest. So something like that had never crossed my mind.

"Please..." I reach out to touch his shoulder. My hand quickly recoils as something wet and sticky clings to my fingers. I turn my hand over and my eyes widen instantly. Blood...

I think my heart stopped beating then.

I reach out to him again. And it feels like it's taking forever. I can't seem to reach him. My fingers finally grasp his shoulder again and I pull, rolling him on his back. My eyes glue themselves on the deep gash on his chest. And the dried blood around it. And the blanket underneath him that it soaked. And the switch blade laying discarded beside him. And… I think I really am sick.

I don't remember much after that. Everything happened too fast and I didn't stop for even two seconds. I remember checking for his pulse and barely feeling it. I remember checking to see if he was breathing. Again, it was barely. I think I called the hospital after that. And I know I called Sora's mom, though I can't remember what I said to her. I must have called Kairi at some point too because she showed up the next day. But I honestly can't remember the phone conversations. I do remember climbing into Sora's bed while we waited for the ambulance…

I can't take my eyes off of his face. His eyes are closed and something about his expression looks… peaceful… I don't want to touch him. I'm afraid of hurting him more that I already had… But I never could be reasonable.

"Sora…" My voice is so soft it sounds like a stranger's. I move to the end of his bed and slowly and carefully climb up beside him. "They're coming Sora." Again it's a voice that doesn't belong to me.

Gingerly, I edge closer and without thinking, I lift him and cradle him in my arms. His skin feels clammy and cold. "Remember Sora? Back when we were little? We'd sneak out of the house late at night and sit on the paopu tree all night. And then we'd sneak back in our rooms right before sunrise…" My voice squeaks as I talk. "And then we'd be tired the next day at school. And get in trouble." I smile. "Remember that time when we were… what… eight or something… I spent the night at your house and we climbed out your window and your mom caught us… and she said I couldn't come over for a week. We showed her, didn't we? Do you think she knew I climbed in your window every night…"

I sat there like that holding him until the ambulance came, just talking. I can't remember everything I said. But I thought if I kept talking, he'd hear me, you know? And he'd come back. So I just kept talking.

"Riku is it?"

I'm sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. I've been here, waiting for over two hours. And so far, no one will talk to me. Some shit about not being family. I shake my head slowly, attempting to force my head to clear. It doesn't work and I look up at the officer. I nod slowly.

"I'd like to ask you some questions." He says softly.

I nod again and lower my head. "Is he okay? They won't tell me anything…"

The officer seems to think it over a moment. "I'll go find out…"

I look up and follow him with my eyes until he turns the corner. I sigh and lean further down in the chair. There's dried blood on my clothes. It's on my hands and arms too. I think it's on my face too. I felt it earlier, drying and caking up. I must have tried to wipe the tears away earlier after…

The officer stands in front of me again. "He's stable at the moment." I hear him say. "But he lost a lot of blood. The next couple of days will tell."

I nod slowly and suddenly there are tears in my eyes again.

"Now… I need you to tell me what happened."

I sigh and go over the details of Kairi's phone call and going to Sora's house. I tell him about searching the house and finally going up stairs. I recall what I can about finding him. Parts of it seem hazy. But I think he believes me. He's patting me on the back. And then he's thanking me and walking away.

I didn't tell the police about the incident at school earlier that day. It wasn't exactly lying. But I guess it might still be considered withholding evidence or some stupid shit. Deep down I knew it was all my fault. But at that moment… I just couldn't handle the acquisitions.

"Can I please see him? Just for a few minutes?" I'm standing in front of the room where I've been told he is. A large nurse is blocking the doorway. "Please!"

She looks me up and down a few minutes before sighing and stepping to the side. "Just for a few minutes. It's rather late though. You should get home quickly. I must warn you… he can't…"

I don't listen to her words anymore. She had said yes. That is all that matters to me. I push past her and practically run to Sora's bed. I swallow the lump in my throat as I look at him. He's lying on his back, covered in white hospital blankets. His eyes are closed and he looks so small on that big bed. Wires and machines surround him, reading things I couldn't quite understand.

"Sleeping, huh?" I say soft. I reach out slowly and brush my fingers along his jaw. He's not so cold anymore. I glance around the room quickly. Behind me there's a chair. Grabbing it, I move it as close to the bed as I can get. Suddenly, I'm tired and I can't stand anymore. I sink down into the chair and lean my arms beside Sora on the bed.

"Sorta reminds me of the time I broke my leg." I say with a smile and yawn. "When I tried to climb to the top of the damn paopu tree." I lay my head down. "And I was in the hospital for a couple days." My eyes close. "And you wanted to have a sleep over… and ended up falling asleep in the chair…"

"Riku?"

I feel someone shaking my shoulders. I bat them away and snuggle closer to the body beside me.

"Riku? Wake up! It's Kairi."

"Go away Kairi! We don't want to play." I say, still refusing to wake up.

I hear her giggle and I feel her hand brush over my hair. My eyes finally open. For a second, I can't see everything. It's too bright. I blink away the whiteness and slowly begin to refocus. I'm in the hospital… I fell asleep last night… in Sora's room...

Sora! I then I feel the hands on my arm. Looking down, I realize I'm lying in Sora's hospital bed. And the brunette has his hands around my arm. I sit up slowly, careful not to jostle him. "Kairi… how long have you been here?"

She smiles and sits down in the chair I fell asleep in. "For about an hour."

"What time is it?"

She glances down at the watch on her wrist. "Just after 6 in the morning."

I nod slowly. "I thought you were up with your aunt."

"I was." She says nodding. "But after you called I convinced dad to drive me back. It took most of the night." She sighs softly. "He dropped me off and had to turn right back around." She pauses a moment. "I got a call from Rain a few minutes ago…" She was biting her lip.

"Yeah?" I wondered last night when Sora's mom would show up. "Is she… here…" I ask slowly. I didn't want to see her.

Kairi shakes her head. "She was planning on not coming back for a while. She had trouble finding a flight back at such short notice. And she lost her purse with her ticket. She ended up finding it right before it was announced that the flight was delayed." Kairi shook her head slowly. "When I last talked to her, she was at some airport waiting on another flight. It will probably be a couple more hours before she gets to the island."

I swallow and nod.

"Have you been here all night?" Kairi asks slowly.

"Yeah…" My eyes meet hers. "I didn't want to leave him alone… in case he woke up… and… I fell asleep in that chair…" I nod towards her. "How I got here…" I point down to the bed. "I have no clue."

She smiles. "Well… I'm sure Sora appreciates it. But maybe you should go home for a bit. You look awful." She looks me up and down. "Get cleaned up and get something to eat."

"Clean up…" I say slowly. "Yeah…" I slide off the edge of the bed and turn to unlatch myself from the sleeping brunette. "You make sure to call me if he does wake up. Or if anything happens. Okay?"

Kairi smiles and nods. "I will."

"I'll be back in two hours, tops."

I had to admit it; Kairi was good at being a mother hen. I did need a shower. And a change of clothes. Not to mention my stomach was growling. But I didn't go to my house. I headed to Sora's first. I couldn't let his mom come home to his room. No mother should have to see that. The police had taken pictures of the room and took the switch blade as evidence or something. But the bed was still a mess. I stuffed everything in a trash bag and stashed the bag in the garage. And then I went back upstairs. And I found the poem he wrote. I called Kairi up and she briefly told me about the poetry class Sora was taking.

My eyes scan the words on the printed page and my chest starts to hurt. I didn't realize the extent of what was going through Sora's mind. But now… "Fuck…" I breathe out. I drop the paper and run from the room. I really was the cause, wasn't I?

I don't stop running until I'm at my own house. My movements are nearly automatic as I take a shower, throw on clean clothes, and satisfy my empty stomach.

I look up as my phone rings. It's sitting about a foot from me on the counter. Swallowing, I reach for it. Kairi. "Hello? Kairi? Is he okay?" I ask quickly without giving her a chance to answer.

"Sora's fine Riku." She says quietly. "But there is a slight problem... his mother just showed up… and she's waving some paper around…"

"What?" I don't quite understand what she's talking about.

"She says Sora left some sort of suicide note… and..." She pauses. "She thinks it's your fault."

"WHAT?!" I gasp and my chest tightens.

"She's told the nurses not to let you in the see him…"

Suddenly I can't breathe and my knees feel weak.

"She's been ranting about it since she got here… Riku… what exactly happened?"

I told Kairi about Friday. I told her about Study Hall. And about the confrontation at my locker. And yes. I told her that he kissed me. And that Shiva and Siren drove me home. Sora's mother wouldn't let me in to see him anymore on that Saturday. Or on Sunday. Kairi kept me informed though. I jumped every time my phone rang. Most of the time it was Shiva or Cyndi. I had completely forgotten about the dance Saturday night. Sora didn't wake up while I was kept away. I was torn when I heard that. I wanted him to wake up and be okay. But at the same time, I wanted to be there when he did. To apologize… to beg to forgiveness… to… I don't know… I just want our old life back. I want everything to be okay. I want Sora to be okay. I want to be okay.

"You want to transfer classes now? It's nearly two months into the school year."

It is Monday morning. And I am sitting in the Principal's office. By choice. I nod my head. "Yes, I know that Principal Dirtri."

The older woman shakes her head and leans forward slightly. "The time of the class conflicts with your Calculus class."

"Yes is does." I say softly.

She looks at me like I'm stupid. "You do know that that means you will have to switch classes. And that you won't earn the mathematics credit from the Calculus class…" She says slowly.

"Yes I know that." This woman must really think I'm an idiot. Of course I know what all this means. I've done the math.

"You will be one mathematics credit short of graduating then."

I nod for what seems like the millionth time.

"You will have to repeat your senior year then."

I lean forward, tired of this circle. "Yes, Principal Dirtri. I've done the math, so to speak. I know that by dropping the class I won't graduate. And before you ask me why, I have my personal reasons and would not care to talk about them. Grade wise, the class is fine. But I no longer want to take it. If there is no way for me to transfer, I will just completely drop out of it and quit going. So either way, I will be here next year." By the end, my voice has risen slightly. But I lean back in the chair and wait for her to say something.

She sighs after a few minutes and turns to root around. She produces a few papers and slides them across her desk. "Here are the forms you will have to fill out. You will also have to get permission from Miss. Heartilly to transfer into her class so late in the semester."

I nod and stand up. "Thank you, Mrs. Dirtri." I reach out for the papers and she grabs my hand.

"I got a call from Sora Tottori's mother earlier this morning."

I flinch visibly at his name.

"She told me the basics of what happened and that he won't be back to school for a while." She pauses a moment. "I understand you had something to do with it…"

I wrench my arm again and grab the papers. "Thank you for your help." I say quickly, fighting the urge to scream at her. "I will speak with Miss. Heartilly right away and get the forms turned in."

I don't know who's a bigger bitch. Mrs. Dirtri for bringing it up like that or Sora's mother for insinuating that I was involved. I mean… she made it sound like I was the one holding the blade against his skin! I wasn't even fucking there! I was asleep. And where the hell was she anyways? Out of town! If it hadn't been for me… Sora would have… I was the one that found him… I was the one that held him and called his name… I called the hospital! I called his mother! I cleaned up the mess! I stayed with him all night in case he woke up alone in that damned place! ME!

"You're positive you want to do this?"

I nod and turn to look at the black haired teacher. I silently willed her not to push it. I'm tired of fighting. I've done it enough today.

She nods and smiles and scribbles on the forms I gave her. "Great! It would be a pleasure to have you in my class!" She's practically beaming.

"Really?" I straighten up in the chair and can't hide my surprise. "Even this late into the semester?"

She nods. "You haven't missed much." She turns around to get something.

I shake my head slowly. After the confrontation with the Principal, I hadn't expected this to be so easy.

"We've gone through the first three chapters of the text book." She places a book on the desk and pushes it towards me. "At the end of each chapter there are a couple exercises…"

I reach into my backpack to grab a notebook and scribble down her instructions.

Nearly an hour passes before she finishes. "Well… that's about it, I suppose. You are at a slight disadvantage, starting late, but if it becomes a problem at any time, make sure to come and see me."

I nod and begin to gather my things together.

"Welcome to Introduction to Poetry!" She smiles and hands me a sheet of paper. "Take your time with the other assignments and give this one a try first. It's the one I assigned last week."

I accept the paper and scan it. "Oh… yeah… I nearly forgot…" I grab a folder out of my bag and pull a paper out of it. "One of the students in the class…" I say slowly. "Sora… he had… an accident and will be in the hospital for a while… I believe this is his assignment. I think he'd want it turned in on time…"

Miss Heartilly takes the paper and nods. "Principal Dirtri informed me of the incident. And I thank you for turning this in for him." She smiles sadly. "When you see Sora, tell him he better get back as soon as he can." She says sternly. "I can't have him getting behind in class."

"I will." I smile for the first time in what seems like years. "Thank you."

Sora's mother was right. It was my fault. And I have to live with the fact I was what drove Sora to this. It is my fault. And so help me…