Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, we would all be in serious trouble.

Warnings: This fic has bad language. Virgin ears be warned!

Chapter 5: I Set My Friends on Fire

One week passed and the program continued. Not much changed since the first day. Kakashi's group was still loud and got into name-calling screaming matches every day. Gai's group was still standoffish and horrified with the exception of the overzealous Lee. Asuma's group still alternated between acting like the best of friends one minute and then bickering like pissy cats and dogs the next. And Kurenai's group still acted like a bunch of angels, Kiba's loud nature easily making up for his quiet classmates. It was going just as Shizune had expected. And it was time to start slowly putting things into action.

Sakura dragged herself to Kakashi-sensei's classroom, especially tired that day after having pulled an all-nighter studying for her advanced chem class. She had doubled up on math and science that year, taking algebra and geometry as well as biology and chemistry. She was the only freshman even in her chem class. Those, along with advanced American History 9 and advanced English Lit. 9 often left her feeling a little overwhelmed. She smirked. It was totally worth it, though.

Slipping inside and flopping down ungracefully between a brooding Sasuke and bored-looking Naruto, she pulled her bag into her lap and started digging through it for her algebra homework. This had become routine after the first day when the kids had become aware that they'd be waiting for Kakashi somewhere between ten and twenty minutes. She could get whole assignments done in that time depending on what they were.

When the door opened again she glanced up disinterestedly, expecting to see Sai standing there with his stupid smile. She was surprised when instead there was a teacher. One whose name she couldn't remember for the life of her, but she was sure he taught English for upperclassmen. Was he looking for Hatake?

"Kakashi-sensei's not here," Naruto immediately said, thinking along the same lines as Sakura. "He'll probably get here in about fifteen minutes, though, if you wanna come back."

The man scratched the back of his shaggy brown head awkwardly. "Ah, no. I'm actually here for you guys."

"Anbu-sensei?" Sai's distinctive baritone drew their attention to the pale boy blinking at the teacher in what they suspected was probably a startled way. "Why are you here?"

Anbu-sensei (That's right, Sakura thought, mentally kicking herself for forgetting.) gave him a small smile. "Hey, Sai. I'm here to teach your group."

The blinking increased and now Naruto and Sakura wore identical looks of incredulity. Sasuke looked as uncaring as ever, but he snorted drolly. "So Pervert the Pirate abandoned us already."

Yamato stared for a moment, but his mind quickly supplied that no one but Kakashi could possibly be called Pervert the Pirate. It was rather fitting actually. "You mean he didn't tell you I was coming?"

He got four blank looks.

Dammit, sempai. "Kakashi-sensei has obligations that frequently require his attention, so he'll have to miss the program sometimes. I'm just his substitute on those days." He shifted his gaze to Sasuke. "He didn't abandon you."

Sasuke shrugged and muttered something that sounded like, "Who gives a shit anyway?" and Sakura put her algebra away with a sigh. Looks like she'd have to wait until she got home to do her homework today.

With another hearty smile, Yamato came happily over to the table as Sai took his seat next to Naruto. "Now then, my name's Yamato Anbu, and I teach English. Here you should call me Yamato-sensei. Kakashi-sensei told me a little bit about you guys, but let me make sure I remember this correctly." He pointed at each in turn. "Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, right?"

Sakura nodded a bit, when Naruto immediately cut in, waving his arms, "Hey, hey, Yamato-sensei, you forgot Sai!"

Yamato chuckled. "Oh, don't worry, I know Sai already. I have him for class."

Blue eyes blinked in surprise. "Really? I thought you taught seniors and stuff."

"I teach mostly juniors and seniors, but I have one class of freshman this year."

Naruto sat back in his chair. "Oh." There was a pause before he went on, "So are we just gonna sit around and talk about nothing like usual?"

Sasuke muttered again, "This is such a fucking waste of time," and Sakura sighed once more, wearily sinking down in her seat. Maybe she could sort of zone out and achieve one of those 'asleep with your eyes open' states. That would be nice.

"No, today there's a particular activity planned. I mean, it is still mostly talking, but not about nothing, as you put it. We'll be talking about one thing specifically."

Naruto immediately perked up. "Really? What are we talking about?"

Dattebayo!

"That's stupid. Why the hell do we have to sit here and talk about our best friend, like we're in kindergarten?"

Asuma sighed. He had known, out of the three, that Ino would be the one to give him a hard time on this.

"Now now, love, just because you don't have any friends--"

"Shut up, Shika. Just eat your fucking chips."

"They're not my chips, they're Chouji's chips. And he's sharing them with me because he's my best friend. Though you never were very good at sharing--"

"I hope you choke on one of those."

Chouji quietly munched away on his snack.

Dattebayo!

"This is the stupidest thing we've had to do yet."

Gai pointedly ignored Neji and continued to focus his gaze on the brunette girl in front of him. The one who was squirming uncomfortably in her seat.

"I, um..." Tenten shifted her weight once again. "I guess... my best friend's Megan Harper. Yeah..."

"And tell us a bit about Miss Harper. How do you two know each other?" Gai boomed, making her wince.

"Um, well she's a junior here. She's on the basketball team with me..." Tenten trailed off and shrugged. It was rather obvious to anyone listening that, while Megan might be the closest thing she had to a best friend, they still weren't really that close. Gaara figured she was probably as close to this Megan as he was to, say, Chouji or Kiba.

Gai nodded his head, refusing to let his disappointment show on his face. "Very well. Thank you, Tenten."

Tenten nodded warily.

"Lee, why don't you grace us with information about your best friend?"

Lee was acting rather subdued, especially for him. He actually fidgeted much the same way Tenten had, not making eye contact, cheeks flushing red just a little. "I have many acquaintances whose company I can say I avidly enjoy. However, I... do not really have any friends."

The silence that followed the statement was rather heavy. Gai very carefully kept his happy face on, sadly already having expected the answer. Tenten became very interested in the writing scratched into the science room tables, Neji, surprisingly enough, didn't grace them with one of his usual, biting comments, and Gaara just stared. His face was its usual mix of blank and angry, but inside he was absolutely shocked. Why wouldn't Lee have any friends? He was weird and occasionally his enthusiasm could be a little annoying, yes, but he was a really nice guy. A much better person than Gaara was, and yet Gaara had a few friends, one that he was close with. How did he have them when Lee had no one?

Dattebayo!

"Um, a-ano... my best friend... would be Sakura Haruno." Hinata pressed her fingers together nervously. Why was she nervous? God, she hated how she could never just calm down, always afraid whatever she said sounded completely stupid.

Kurenai smiled encouragingly at the girl. "Okay, good. Tell us a little bit about Sakura."

She nodded, twiddling her thumbs around each other in circling motions. "W-well, she's a freshman like us. She has pink hair, but it really is natural. She-she's very smart, in advanced classes, always gets s-straight A's..." She looked to the teacher, wondering what exactly she was supposed to say.

"How did you two meet?"

"We... we actually met back in first grade. I think... yeah, we became friends sometime around fifth, when she got into a fight with the group of girls she was friends with before. We've been friends ever since."

Kiba narrowed his eyes a bit, slowly processing what the girl had said. "So basically, Sakura's friends ditched her and you were her backup plan."

"Kiba," Kurenai growled, furious, but Hinata smiled.

"N-no, it's okay. That's pretty much right, but that was a long time ago. I'm very quiet, so n-none of the other girls really talked to me. I was actually very happy when she approached me. And we're still friends now because we like each other. Not because we don't have other options."

Kiba frowned a bit, but Hinata knew that was just because Sakura wasn't his favorite person because of how she treated a certain loud blond. It was the one thing she and her best friend disagreed upon. To Sakura, Naruto was an annoyance. To Hinata... She blushed a little just thinking about it.

Dattebayo!

"My best friend's Hinata Hyuuga. She's a freshman like us, blue/black hair, pale eyes. Really unique, they're kind of off-whiteish, but they have almost a lavender tint to them... It mostly depends on how the light hits them..."

All four males in the room watched as a dreamy look came over the pinkette's face. Well, that was a bit odd. Yamato cleared his throat softly, and Sakura snapped back to attention, cheeks flushing a little.

"Yeah, anyway, she's really sweet. She's seriously the nicest person I've ever met; I don't think I've ever heard her say a mean thing about anyone, even when they deserve it. She's always quick to forgive and forget." She looked at Yamato. "Anything else?"

Yamato scratched his chin thoughtfully before shaking his head. "No, that's all. Thank you for sharing so cooperatively, Sakura."

Sakura nodded and sunk back in her seat. That hadn't been so bad. Then again... it was always easy to talk about Hinata.

"Okay." Yamato looked to the sullen boy on Sakura's left. "Sasuke, your turn."

Sasuke frowned a bit more, shifting his weight. "I don't want to talk about this."

Wonderful. "Now, Sasuke, I'm sure--"

"I said I don't want to talk about it. It's retarded." Black eyes turned hard as diamonds, fixing with the teacher's soft brown ones. "And the rules say I don't have to talk about anything I don't want to."

Well, he was right. Before Yamato could agree, though, Naruto cut in with a loud, "Don't mind him, sensei, he's just upset 'cuz he doesn't have any friends!"

Oh, this didn't bode well.

"I have friends, dobe."

"Oh yeah, who?"

There was a pause. "I don't need to tell you."

Naruto chuckled delightedly. "See! See! I told you, dattebayo!"

Yamato blinked. What the hell did 'dattebayo' mean?

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun has lots of friends," Sakura cut in, though her voice didn't hold as much bite as it usually did. Of course, her face still had an obvious blush on it too. "He's the most popular kid in our grade and one of the most popular in the whole school."

Sasuke glared her way. "I don't need you to stand up for me."

Naruto laughed once more. "That's why 'Sasuke-kun' doesn't have any friends. He's a prick, even when someone's being nice to him!"

"Naruto..." Yamato warned, but the blond was not to be stopped.

"He doesn't have any friends because he thinks everyone's so far beneath him, he's too good for the rest of the world. And guess what." He leaned in closer to the scowling Uchiha, eyes sparkling in mirth. "You can be the most 'popular' person on the planet, it doesn't change the fact that if you went around the school and asked everyone here what they thought of you, almost no one would like you. And those that do only like you for your looks, prettyboy."

A crushing silence followed the last of the blond's words. Sakura didn't attempt to defend Sasuke as she usually did, though whether this was because she'd just been told off for doing so or because she agreed with Naruto, no one knew. Sasuke seemed to be in a state of shock and was having some serious trouble gathering his thoughts. No one had ever said something quite like that to him. Yamato didn't know whether or not to punish Naruto for what he had just done. The kids were supposed to talk openly and freely with each other so long as they weren't being malicious or overly insulting... Did Naruto's speech fall under that category?

After another moment that felt like an eternity, Sasuke came out with, "Hn. Who cares? I don't need friends." But even he couldn't deny that his voice shook just a little.

Dattebayo!

Shikamaru and Chouji had identified each other as their best friend, briefly pointing out what they liked best about the other in the most annoying way they could think of (flirty voices, batting eyelashes, and instigating far more physical contact than two teenage boys generally shared), leaving only Ino to really talk about hers. Something she wasn't too keen on doing.

Shit, what should I do? I don't have a best friend! But I can't tell them that. And I can't say I don't want to talk about it, that's the same as telling them. So I should just make something up. Yeah, that's what I'll do. They'll never know.

She smirked to herself, tossing a blond ponytail over her shoulder. "My best friend's Brian Schaeffer."

Chouji made an odd noise into his chips and Shika raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Oh? The flavor of the week, is it?"

Ino glared. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing."

Asuma ignored the typical exchange and focused his gaze on the quietest of his group. "Chouji, you all right?"

Chouji fiddled with the end of his shirt, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. "I hate Brian Schaeffer."

Ino was instantly on the defensive. "Yeah, well he probably hates you too."

The large boy's eyes were unusually serious for him and almost... defeated? "I know he does."

Ino's mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. That wasn't the reaction she'd been expecting.

Clearing his throat, Asuma decided to let that issue be for now. "Okay, Ino. Tell us a little about your friend."

"Yes, Ino, do tell."

Ino contemplated killing Shikamaru. "Y'know, it's really not that weird to be best friends with your boyfriend."

"Of course not." Shika yawned and then grinned at the fuming girl. "So really, tell us something about him. How about his favorite... well, anything. Sexual position doesn't count, of course. You don't need to be friends with him to know that."

Asuma cringed just as Ino shrieked, "Just what the fuck are you implying?"

Shika grinned deviously. "Now now--"

"Don't 'now now' me, asshole! Did you just call me a slut?"

"Of course not. Whatever would give you that idea? I mean, c'mon, it's not like you act like it every single day or anything like that."

"Okay, that's enough," Asuma said firmly, giving Shika a scathing look. "Remember the rule about being respectful?"

The ponytailed brunette muttered a, "Sorry, sensei," looking properly ashamed of himself. Though it seemed he was more sorry for upsetting Asuma than he was for what he'd said to Ino.

Asuma sighed and looked back at Ino, feeling a headache coming on. "Go ahead, sweetie."

Ino cleared her throat in an annoying, haughty kind of way. "My best friend is Brian Schaeffer, my boyfriend. He's a senior, has brown hair and brown eyes. He's the starting... well, I don't actually know what position he plays since I don't like football, but he's definitely a starter." She paused for just a moment. What else could she say about him? She didn't know anything else about him. Calm down, Ino, you don't need to know anything else. Just work the girlfriend angle. "I really enjoy spending time with him, even if we're just hanging out and watching TV. He's a lot of fun... And I haven't slept with him." She glared at both boys, daring them to contradict. Chouji was still staring at his lap, snack forgotten, and Shika was still wearing the same shit-eating grin.

Asuma smiled. "Thank you, Ino. Any questions, boys?"

"Yeah, I got one," Shika said immediately, leaning forward in mock anticipation. "How long until you dump him?"

Asuma really wanted to strangle the boy. "Shikamaru--!"

"No no, sensei, it's all right," Ino cut in, holding up a well-manicured hand. "I have gone through a lot of boyfriends lately, it's a fair question." She rested her chin on her entwined fingers, smiling sweetly Shikamaru's way. "But this one's different. I really like him, and I have a feeling he's going to be around a long time." And he was, if for no other reason than to prove Shikamaru wrong... Well, really there wasn't any other reason. Brian was a complete and total moron, not to mention a jerk, no matter how good-looking. She had been planning on dumping him that weekend. But... well, plans change.

Eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"Mmhmm."

"Ah." Shika leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head nonchalantly. "So you'll be finding out his favorite sexual position soon then."

Asuma knew he was going to need some damn Tylenol when this was all over.

Ino frowned at the lazy boy, though for once there wasn't a hint of anything fake in the expression. "Why are you so convinced I'm a whore?" And she really did want to know.

Shika sighed heavily, sitting forward and giving her a bored yet serious look. "I don't think you're a whore, Ino. That sexual position thing really was just a joke to piss you off. I think you're a flirt, but that's all." His eyes narrowed just a bit. "However, I think the only reason a senior guy dates a freshman girl, no matter how gorgeous and popular, is because they're after one thing. Actually, I think the only reason Brian Schaeffer dates anyone is because he's only after one thing. And I know you're smart enough to figure out what that one thing is, no matter how dumb you insist on acting in front of everyone else."

There was an awkward silence after that, and Ino really didn't know what to say. Asuma decided to forgo scolding Shika, at least for now. He was actually hoping what the boy had said would get through to the blond, if only a little.

Dattebayo!

"All right, Gaara-kun, it is your turn! Please grace us with a tale of your best friend!"

Gaara's eye twitched, though that was due to Gai's volume and overdone enthusiasm, not the request itself. "...Sure. My best friend's Naruto Uzumaki. He's a freshman here, and he lives with his guardian Iruka. He's always friendly... really friendly to almost everyone, unless they're being a dick. He's loud and likes being the center of attention. And if he could, he would probably marry and have kids with his instant ramen." Teal eyes stared.

Gai blinked. "Well, thank you, Gaara-kun." His joy picked up as what had just happened fully registered in his mind. The angriest and possibly most antisocial of the group had just given him the first good contribution of the day. He might as well keep it going for a bit. "Would you mind sharing how you and Naruto-kun met?"

Another eye-twitch, more staring. "...Okay. I had just moved here in middle school when I saw this annoying, loud kid wearing orange at the park. I decided I didn't like him so we fought. Then afterwards, he said he wanted to be my friend." He scowled at the four looks of incredulity he was getting. "I told you he was friendly." Besides, that was the short version of events. The conversation that had followed the fight (which he had lost for the first time ever) had been quite a bit more in depth than that. But the end result was the same.

"Is this before or after you fought with Lee?" Neji asked in droll amusement.

Gaara glared his way, not appreciating his stupid smirk. "After. Naruto was the last person I've fought."

"How sweet."

Gaara stiffened, expression turning downright menacing. "I could always make an exception for you, Hyuuga."

"That was wonderful, Gaara-kun!" Gai jumped in, stopping the impending confrontation in its tracks. "Thank you so very much for sharing your youthful tale with us today! Your gesture of trust and friendship with us is most appreciated by all!"

Gaara almost rolled his eyes. Crazy fucking gym teacher.

"Neji-kun! Why don't you grace us with your own youthful tale?"

Pale eyes that had been fixed on the little redhead, swerved to look at the older man. A scoff followed. "This is ridiculous. I'm not going to waste my time on any of this nonsense."

Gai didn't bother to say anymore to him, knowing the boy wouldn't be swayed. Gaara smirked at Neji now, Lee actually looked as though he wanted to do the same, and Tenten carefully looked away. They all knew the truth behind the Hyuuga's superior act. He didn't want to talk about this because, like Lee, he didn't have any friends to talk about.

Dattebayo!

"Okay, Kiba, your turn."

Kiba shot the Spanish teacher a wolfish grin. "Sure! Only..." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I don't really have a best friend. I got a lotta friends," he added quickly. "It's just, I don't have that one I'm really close with." He bit his lip wishing he was smarter and therefore better at explaining things.

"That's okay, Kiba," Kurenai instantly assured, giving the boy a warm smile. "That's actually not that uncommon. Why don't you just think of the person your closest with and tell us about them?"

Kiba scratched his cheek, laughing a little. "Well, if you put it that way, it would be my sister." He laughed again, louder this time. "Pretty lame, though, sayin' my sister's my best friend, so I probably shouldn't tell people that." Whether it was 'lame' or not, he obviously had no problem saying it, full of self-confidence and uncaring of what others thought. It was a trait both of the other kids in his group greatly envied.

Kurenai chuckled with him a bit. "That's fine, Kiba, tell us a little about your sister."

"Okay. Her name's Hana, she's twenty-two, and she's in school to be a vet, but she already knows, like everything she needs to, seriously. She works at my family's shelter thing as an 'assistant'" --he actually did the finger motions-- "to my uncle. She's got brown hair and brown eyes like me, and people say she looks a lot like me, only, y'know, more girly and stuff." He shrugged. "I know a lot about her, so we could be here all day if I kept going."

Kurenai was pleased with his willing participation. Considering she knew he didn't want to be there, he'd been quite well behaved every day so far. "Pretty big age gap between you two, huh?"

"Yeah, that's probably why we get along so well. Ma says when kids are as far apart as we are, the older one tends to take on an almost parental role towards the little one, and they don't fight very much." He smiled deviously. "Unless I'm being a real pain, at least. Then she never hesitates to kick my ass."

Kurenai nodded. That was true of most siblings. "Is it just the two of you? No other brothers and sisters?"

The response was immediate. The smile slipped away, the playful eyes dulled, everything about the boy's usual boisterous demeanor turned downtrodden and withdrawn. "I don't wanna talk about that," he muttered, pulling his hood up over his head.

Kurenai deeply regretted ever asking that question. She had never expected that kind of reaction.

Hinata, being the wonderful person that she was, attempted to gently steer the topic of conversation back onto more neutral ground. "I ag-g-gree with your mother, Kiba-kun. M-my little sister is five years younger than me, and I feel our relationship is almost more like parent and child than two sisters."

Kiba perked up a little. "Oh yeah?"

Hinata nodded emphatically, glad to have been able to keep Kiba away from the brooding place he'd been headed. Thank goodness he had a short attention span.

"Shino, how about you?" Kurenai said, shooting the Hyuuga girl a quick grateful look. "Who's your best friend?"

There was the pause they had all become accustomed to before Shino spoke. Like he was taking a moment to make sure his thoughts were completely gathered. "I don't have a best friend. I don't like a lot of the kids that go here. I suppose I'm closest with a few cousins near my age." There was the smallest shifting of his layered shoulders that Kurenai had come to learn was a shrug.

The teacher bit her bottom lip, unsure of whether or not to push the boy a little. She decided it probably wouldn't be very beneficial. "Okay. Thank you, Shino."

The hooded head inclined in the slightest of nods.

Dattebayo!

"Naruto, tell us about your best friend," Yamato said with a chuckle, trying to ignore the tension still thick in the air.

Blue eyes focused on him, and the hyper blond went from being cheerful in an almost scary way to just being naturally happy again. "No problem, sensei! My best friend's Gaara Sabaku. Freshman, red hair, greenish eyes, scary expression. Short, wears all black, eyeliner. Average student, vegetarian."

"He's a vegetarian?" Sakura asked, agape.

"Yep, no meat for him! Anyway, I've been friends with him for about a year and a half now, after he moved here with his brother and sister. We do everything together, and I call him my Tanuki-chan because his eyeliner makes him look like a raccoon!"

Sakura snorted just a little. "A feral raccoon."

Naruto just nodded his agreement. "Yeah, he looks mean, but he's not really that bad. Y'just gotta get past the gruff exterior."

Sakura made a small noise of assent, seeing as how she admittedly didn't know the redhead very well. Sasuke stayed deathly quiet, even for him, through all of this. His face had a normal scowl, but he seemed overly eager to just get out of there.

Yamato's brown eyes strayed to the even paler raven who was drawing while listening. "How about you, Sai? Who's your best friend?"

The scratching of pencil against paper stopped and obsidian eyes glanced up from the sketch pad blankly. "I don't see the point."

Yamato sighed, rubbing the back of his neck to relieve the stress that had built up over the day. He was surprised no one had outwardly complained before this. "I know this all seems pointless to you right now, and I'm sure you'd rather be at home but--"

"No," the boy cut in evenly. "I meant I don't see the point in having friends."

The silence that followed could only be described as the deformed lovechild of shocked and awkward. Not really at the words themselves, seeing as how Sasuke had said basically the same thing, but more at the way they were said. When Sasuke'd said it, he sounded like a petulant child. When Sai said it... well, hearing words like that come from a young teenager's mouth with such complete seriousness... it was surprisingly disturbing. More so than any of them would have imagined.

Yamato recovered first, coughing lightly into his hand. "Well, Sai, there are a lot of reasons to have friends."

Sai shrugged, fake smile in place. "There are reasons, but none of them are important. Such emotional ties can only break or hinder in the end. You shouldn't let such feelings weaken you."

None of them knew why exactly, but for some reason, Sai seemed very much like something straight from a horror movie right then. Like one of those creepy six year olds who looks at you with a straight face and tells you you're going to die. Sakura actually felt a shiver run down her spine, and Naruto leaned away from the smiling artist. "Dude... you need some serious therapy. Are you sure you're human?"

Sakura swallowed hard. "You're not gonna like... bring a gun to school or something, are you?"

Sai gave them both one slow blink. "Why are you reacting like this to me when Emo-duck said the same thing?"

Sasuke, who looked more freaked out than both Naruto and Sakura put together, literally jerked in his seat. He licked his suddenly dry lips, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room, trying desperately to get his uncaring mask back in place.

He... he didn't sound like Sai. No, he was nothing like the pale freak. He just... he just didn't need other people... That was all.

Slender hands clenched into fists. He suddenly didn't feel so well.

FantasyChick, UberRandom, remychan123, sasunaru4evar, iscreamdrizzle, diadem-de-amor, miss kaitlin inuzuka, AspergianStoryteller, Magical Fox

Thank you for reviewing!