Chapter one: Tick, tick tick...
Carnival in Brazil, a time for the humans to celebrate their own dark nature before willingly entering into a period of penance. Only their penance had a finite set of time. Their punishment would end after forty days and forty nights when they would be free again, their souls clean once more. Quite fitting I groaned to myself as I rested my head against the pink insulation lining the dark attic walls. I had turned this desolate place into my own personal jail cell just over three weeks ago after failing once again to catch Victoria yet again. It had been a long six month game of cat and mouse with her, and I just didn't have the strength to pursue it myself anymore. I hadn't willingly drank a drop since the day I left her in the woods. Now the taste of cooper and salt simply repulsed me, a constant reminder of the monster I had become.
Now all I could muster the strength to do is wallow in this room, and I am perfectly fine with that. Closing my eyes, I set my body to stone. The physical noise from the streets below is loud and unwavering, piercing my sensitive ears sharply. But at least those sounds are relativity happy and innocent. The beats of different drums, laughter from children, the sizzle of food carts, all annoyances I could live with. All noises that told me I was where I was supposed to be, held up away from the innocents below, like a dragon in his tower. All sounds which reassured me that leaving my Bella had been the best choice, the only choice.
But those were not the only sounds assaulting my head. There were also the haggard thoughts of the strangers below to contend with. Dark, dirty thoughts that hammered down upon the back of my eye sockets, threatening to pop them out of my head. Thoughts that reminded me that not every human possesses a soul as pure and innocent as she does. Oh damn I lost my panties, says one voice, I wonder if I can pick that guys pocket, says another. It had been years since I had really paid any attention to the goings ons of humans but now their inner demons were disconcertingly impossible to ignore. With each passing thought I was urged one inch closer to calling my sister, to having her check in on Bella. But I had to resist, my family was suffering enough at my expense, picking up my slack in chasing Victoria, missing her, and missing me too. Besides, anyone of us in more dangerous to Bella then even the scummiest of human souls. We all just have to let her go, our period of pretending to human had come to an end. This dark whole in the world is right where I should be, and I fully intended on staying here for the rest of my existence, basking in the memory of her.
And what a memory it is. I close my eyes and allow her to come into my head, blocking out all of the ciaos below. First I see her almond shape eyes in all their milk chocolaty glory. They are twinkling with life and love. Next is that hair, that chestnut brown haven that smelled of strawberry and freesias. I can smell it, I can almost taste it. And then I can feel it, her rose colored lips as hot as fire as they lightly brush against my own hard cold ones. Her's are soft, the lower one slightly fuller then the top and they quiver slightly in innocent nervousness. My body warms immediately to the thought of those lips, the dark walls around me fading away into the imagine of our meadow. Home I smile.
"Bella love, look at the shooting star" I point towards the streaking fire burning across the night sky. "Hurry love make a wish." We are laying on a blanket in the middle of our meadow, her head resting on my hard chest. She smiles and shakes her head ever so slightly.
"Silly Edward, I have nothing to wish for, the universe has already given me an angel." Her hands are methodically scratching my forearm and it feels like five little feathers sending shivers down my entire body. Together we sit in comfortable silence, with only the sounds of our breath and her heart in the background. Soon she yawns her in her catlike way, it is late and she is tired.
"Sleep now love, I will wake you when the sun is rising and we can watch it together," I whisper in her ear. She sighs in resignations, she would love to not be a slave to her human ways sometimes, only she does not realize how much of a gift sleeping is. Slowly, I rub her head as I hum her lullaby until I feel her body begin to fully relax into sleep. Once she is out I hold my breath to still my chest for her and continue to star at the stars.
"Edward, Edward I love you." She sings to me through her dreams. I could sit here forever enjoying the site of her closed twitching eyes. But my body is too hard for her and she is getting restless, turning around and wrapping her little hands around my waist. She is squeezing me so tightly... too tightly...
"Bella, love wake up" I say, when did you get so strong...
"Be careful Emmett" I hear from seemingly out of no where. "He is very weak, it will be easy to hurt him." The voice is not unpleasant, musical even, but it is not her voice. "Lighten your grip, but just a little, when he wakes up he will struggle." Alice, I think and my beautiful meadow begins to slowly melt away.
"We can't have him running away Alice, he's too fast for us" Emmett grunted as he squeezed onto my ribs a little harder.
"He won't, he will not be able to now, he is too weak" Alice whispered back sadly. "It took me too long to find him this time, we will have to carry him all the way back to the car." Her voice was so quite and small, even for her tiny body. For a second I was racked with regret for what I was doing to my family, I knew I was hurting them. But they were hurting me too now, they had just taken my Bella away all over again. And there was no way I was going to let that happen.
"Give her back to me" I croaked out in a horse, rage filled whisper. How long had it been since I had last spoken I wondered. It had only felt like a few instances since I had shut my mind off to the mardi grai nonsense from below, allowing myself a few precious Minuit with her sweet memory. I thrashed about against Emmets strong grasp. But the movement was so utterly and completely draining to me. I would never be able to muscle my way against my strong healthy brother.
"Fuck Emmett, give her back to me now" I cried out this time, before doing the only thing I could think of, sinking my teeth down hard into his bicep. He tasted mostly of burnt maple syrup just as his venom should taste, but mixed in to him was also the tell tale metallic notes of the blood of his last kills. The musky robust pine like taste of a bears blood. It was good.
"Shit Alice, you couldn't of seen that coming" Emmett yelled before slamming down against an old beam on the floor. Yet still he held on to me.
"Sorry Em, it wasn't really a premeditated decision of his" she chirped back.
"yeah, well, you be the one to tell Rose her favorite gun is now scarred" he grimaced back. They were simply ignoring me now, they had no intention of giving in to me and I had no means to break away. I was defeated so I let the dry sobs come out in full force.
"please, please just leave me her with her" I whispered into Emmett leg. Hell no brother, this is enough now. You are coming home with us, we are your family and we will take care of you. He thought solemnly to me.
"Oh enough of this shit," said a faint high pitched voice that was clearly still a few blocks away. "Edward I am going to kick your ass this time," it continued. And with that proclamation Rose entered the attic in a streak of blond light. She stopped in front of Emmett, hissing loudly at his injured arm. Delicatly kissing her healing venome down over it.
"Rosie I am fine silly" Emmett chuckled while he rubbed his nose to hers.
"I love babe, you are a beast are you not, but this, well this is getting old real fast." she said looking down her thick eyelashes at me. Listen to what I am thinking right now dear brother of mine. No one took her away from you, you did that all by yourself. You are the only one who can give her back and I am beyond tired of following your broken ass around the world. You are hurting your mother, she is not eating either, did you know that hot shot? If you want to sulk, fine sulk. But you will do it at home and you will do in on a full stomach. Do you understand me?
Her harsh thoughts ignited whatever spark of life I had left inside me, I could not stand to think of Esme hurting over something as worthless as me. Nodding my head slightly, I let all the weak fight inside me be extinguished and rested my head on the floor. "Good boy" Rose said, in an oddly comforting tone. "Oh, and by the way, I had a blast killing the red head for you. I will count that as your make up Christmas gift to me. But you'll have to figure out something for Esme and Carlise all on your own."
January in Alaska, the equivalent of going on vacation in Cancun to a human. Dark to dusk with nothing in between for 30 days straight. It is and has always been the favorite destination for my family. A true solace from the rest of the world, a place where we blend in the most. Esme, Alice, and Rose always love it here because they are free to shop and socialize 24/7. Jasper, because he has much less temptation by was of population here. And Emmett enjoyed the shrill thrill of seeking out hibernating bears to awaken and fight with. It is the place Carlise always takes us when he feels our family needs to reconnect.
So of course, this winter he thought it be best for us to go here. He is hoping it will fix us, well fix me really. But his hopes are futile, I will always be broken. But it matters not to me where we live now, my lives purpose now is solely to humor my family. I eat when they tell me to, I help Esme reinstate when she asks me to, I pretend to read whatever book Carlise brings for me, and do my best to be cordial to my siblings. And, for the most part, my siblings humor me as well, trying hard not to push me the wrong way. They are satisfied with letting me wallow so long as I try to appease Esme and Carlise.
Each and every endless dark day feels like a millennium to me but it is a feeling I slowly grew reacquainted to. I was now even able to keep her out of my head for the most part, this dark wet, cold environment providing no real association of her to me. It was only when her face would pop into the head of one of the family would I feel anything other then numbness. They all tried to hide their thoughts from me, but it was impossible to do so all of the time. At least Alice had seemed to learned how to tune out any visions of her as I had requested. She had to have moved on by now, probably even had a new love in her life, and I feared what it would do to me if any image of that ever popped into my mind.
On this day the house was even more quite then normal, Alice and I being the only two not out on a hunt. I was still only feeding when it was absolutely necessary, and today she was the one nominated to be my babysitter. She lounged in the living room, sketching away at her imaginary fashion line. In my head I could see the clean flowing lines appear effortlessly onto the paper. Her work had started to become really well put together lately, and would look right at home walking down any runway in New York. But Alice was sastifed only dressing herself, Esme and Rose. But every once in a while she would unconsciously design something that would have been perfect on Bella. Today was one of those days and I was battle hard not to storm downstairs and rip her arms off.
I will have to distract myself, I thought bitterly. Normally, the piano would have been my distraction of choice. Esme had even purchased a brand new one in hopes of enticing me back to it. I could not deny that it was a beautiful instrument, the sole piece of furniture I would allow her to put in my room. But I had only ever been able to start the tempo meter, and today was no different.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, I stared at the hypnotizing needle as I tuned out Alice's blue dress creation. She knew what I was doing, but she was much to into this creation to stop on my account.
Soon the sounds of her drawing chanted though. No longer was she making slow deliberate lines across the page, now they sounded quick and erratic, desperate even. Was she really that mad at me? I wondered, I mean I was making an effort here for her. But once I heard her whisper my name, I knew there was something horribly wrong, Alice would never push me talk.
Opening up my mind to her again I was shocked to her her work of art now littered with corpse after corpse. Before I could even ask her what the drawing meant, she had already began on a new one. Slowly, I watched line after line morph into a recognizable image. Washington DC. Washington DC burning to the ground. When she finished the image she began to scribble something in the corner of the page, as if she was singing her work. 1/31, only a few days away. Exhausted from her vision, Alice laid her head down on the glass table, hard enough to cause a slight crack to form and leaving no sound throughout the house but for the ticking of my piano.