Author's Note: I'm glad that you guys liked the first chapter. I thought it would be little too angsty but apparently not. Now, that Elliot's made a decision (the right one), he has to stick with it no matter how hellish things get…and they will get hellish. Fortunately, he has Olivia to make things bearable.

This will NOT be an affair fic. I'm going to say that right now. Olivia deserves more than to be the other woman or the rebound so they won't be sleeping together in this chapter. It will happen but only after El works through his issues and gets divorced.

PS: Liv's appearance may be off a bit. I don't know when she cut her hair again and since I haven't seen the episode in forever, I'm just going to go with her Oregon look. Filled out more, long hair…you guys know.

Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"

When she saw him, her heart shattered in her chest. In the last 8 years, she had seen him happy, sad, angry, and even philosophical. He had never looked…broken before. It scared her. Silent tears were pouring from his sky blue eyes and Olivia did the only thing she could think of doing.

She opened her arms.

His hug was desperate and tight, like he was scared that she'd leave him…again. Going to Oregon had been good for her professionally. She now had the Feds in her corner and she had helped solve an old forgotten rape case, giving the victim the justice she deserved. In other areas, it had wreaked havoc. Their little group was strained now and the boys treated her with kid gloves so she wouldn't up and leave again. Each one of them thought it was their fault and the guilt had become some form of resentment. Why couldn't she have just said something? Why did she have to go across the fucking country to find herself?

Why didn't she at least say goodbye?

Elliot had been a wreck after her departure. She had heard the stories. Double and triple overtime, sleeping in the cribs, almost beating Huang to a pulp in an effort to figure out where she was, and of course, the whole debacle with Dani Beck. A kiss was confirmed but sex was just a rumor, a rumor Olivia didn't want to entertain.

It was bad enough that she had to think of him with Kathy.

Kathy…was there something wrong with her? The kids, were they okay? Elliot was not the sort of person to cry without having a damned good reason…

"El, what's wrong? Did something happen to Kathy? The kids?"

He shook his head negatively and buried his face in her long honey locks.

Her cover as Persephone James had forced her to change her appearance. She had grown out her hair and her body was softer yet still muscular, a result of a diet filled with organic produce, protein and fits of exercise. After all, running from trigger happy hillbilly cops was quite the workout.

She kept it long for him. Even when Elliot had been looking straight through her, she had noticed the admiring gaze on her hair. So even though it was a major pain to maintain, she did it to please him.

It was only a fraction of how far she was willing to go for him.

"Liv…I just need you. You're...you're the only thing that makes sense in my life right now." he finally said shakily.

Abruptly, Olivia was seized by a memory of him saying something remarkably similar.

"Look, you and this job are about the only things that I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it."

It had been after Gitano. It ended up being the catalyst for their partnership changing from the good to the self destructive. It had caused the distance, the coldness, her running…

Well, she wouldn't run this time.

"Come on. I'll make you something to eat and then you can talk to me. Okay?"

He nodded and went past her into her apartment.

With a sigh, she followed him, shutting and locking the door behind her.

///

"Am I a bad father?" he asked after finishing her leftover casserole.

"Better than mine." she replied with a mirthless smile.

It was a weak and inappropriate joke but it had been the first thing to pop into her head. Elliot was better than her father. Although, any one could be better than a scumbag rapist, she mused darkly as she sat down next to him.

"Royce got to you, didn't he?", she asked sadly.

Elliot snorted and said, "He was me, Olivia. Like looking in a fucking mirror."

"That's not true!", she denied heatedly.

How could he even say that? Think that?

"Isn't it? He was Catholic, he was in the service, he had big family that he couldn't even give a proper damn about, He was selfish, arrogant, manipulating…need I go on?" he listed morosely.

She got in his face and placed her hands on his shoulders, shaking them until he looked at her.

"You are not Royce! You aren't capable of hurting your kids!"

"Yes, I am! Kathleen…she told me everything that they've been going through! She wants to fucking take the butcher's knife to me, Lizzie cries herself to sleep, Dickie's a goddamned hermit, and Maureen refuses to come home! Just because I'm not blowing their heads off does not mean that I can't hurt them!" he insisted before twisting out of her grip.

She made to touch him again but he moved away with a sound of self loathing before she could.

Undeterred, she followed him and placed a hand on his shuddering back.

"The fact that you actually care that you're hurting them says a lot. Royce didn't want to lose his family because he didn't want to lose the so called perfect life he built. You don't want to lose your family because you love them. That makes all the difference in the world. You're not him. You couldn't ever be him. If you tried, you know I'd put your balls in a blender."

A quiet but genuine laugh escaped him and he looked at her with the gleam she remembered before it all went to hell, the gleam of care and unspoken emotions.

"You would. You have always brought me back from the brink. Always. That's why I came here because I was seriously considering doing something really stupid."

Olivia's alarmed gaze immediately flicked to the side arm that he put on the coffee table.

"No, not that, Liv. I...I went to check on the kids and…I considered well, um…"

"Sleeping with Kathy to make the pain stop." she surmised and he looked down at his shoes shamefully.

If she was in his situation, the same thought would've crossed her mind. After all, there was comfort in familiarity.

"I couldn't do it. It would've caused more problems in the long run and it just…felt wrong, you know?" he admitted.

"And coming to me felt right?" she questioned quietly, breaching another one of their "rules".

Don't touch each other unless they were hurt and don't ask too many prying questions about their connection. Doing either or both led to uncharted waters and risky, reckless behavior.

But, she had to know.

He looked at her with an unreadable expression and then nodded once in confirmation.

And a glimmer of long forgotten, forbidden hope filled her heart before she could stop it.

Don't get your hopes up. It's late and he may just be saying that because you're his friend and partner…nothing more., her voice of reason reminded her, forcibly tamping it down.

Looking away, she said, "You can stay here and get some sleep. The spare sheets are in the linen closet and there are some gym clothes you left here in the bathroom. If you need anything, I'm straight down the hall."

She got up and headed back towards her bed, her cold, lonely, and too big bed.

"Olivia?"

She turned.

'Thank you."

Looking at him, she let some of the tenderness she felt for him warm her gaze.

"We're partners. We take care of each other." she simply replied before retreating.

His gaze remained on her until she disappeared behind the door.