Broken- A Greys Anatomy Fan Fiction
From Arizonas point of view.
"I want to hold her." Callie says "I made her, I need to hold my baby."
"I know you do, I know it feels like hell not being with her." I say, trying to comfort my broken Callie. "She hasn't opened her eyes yet. I know she's still waiting to see you. It's only gonna be for a couple more days. You can see her then." I pause to age her reaction. She just stares at me with tears in her eyes. I grab her hand and rub tiny hearts on her palm. "If it helps I haven't gotten to hold her yet either."
"I miss her, I haven't even met my own baby, how wrong is that." She laughs a nervous laugh. More tears fall from her eyes. "How wrong is that?" She says as she starts to sob. She repeats that again and again.
My heart aches as she cries, it feels like it's made of lead. I just hold her hand and try to hold back the tears welling in my eyes.
"Arizona, can I talk to you?" Christina says as she slides the door open. "Now?"
"Callie, I'll be right back I promise. I love you. I'm going to be right outside the door." I lean over and kiss her forehead.
"Okay." She whispers, but her hand grips me tighter. "Okay."
I stand and kiss her hand, squeeze it, then pry my hand from hers. I move from her bedside for the first time in hours. My legs tremble and I feel like the knees are going to buckle. I turn back to her and say "I love you." I steady myself and walk out of her room.
Christina shuts the door and looks me in my eyes. "Her heart." She pauses. "The baby's heart isn't ready."
"What?" I shout, even though I was trying to stay calm. "I know.. I know. I knew this would happen. Damnit." I take a breath. "What's wrong with it? Is it just under developed or is there more?"
"Patent Ductus Arteriosus, we started her on Indomethacin, but we're not seeing much improvement." She says. She shifts her weight from foot to foot. "We can do surgery, but she's so small."
"Give her a shot of steroids, see if that helps her get stronger." I pause and take a breath. It feels like I need to remember to breathe. "Update me in a couple hours. Okay?" She nodds.
"I'm so sorry. I really am." She says. "Um." She wraps an arm around me. "I'll be back in a few hours." She lets go and runs back to the NICU.
I stare through the glass and watch Callie, she's fallen asleep. Her rhythmic breaths make her chest rise and fall. I let my own breathing match hers. Everything is going to be okay, please, please, let everything be okay.