Chapter 4
Just under two hours from London, Jude woke up to Spied poking her. "What?" She was irritated that he had woken her up—she had finally fallen asleep on a plane, something that never happened. Jude looked over at the lead guitarist who was sheepishly smiling at her. "Sorry for yelling, but what do you want?"
"Sorry, dude. But I know how much you love that pudding stuff, and the lady wouldn't let me get you one if you weren't up. Besides, now you can tell me what was going on earlier."
Jude smiled at how sweet he was, even if it was annoying at times. "Thanks." She ruffled his hair and accepted the pudding cup that he offered her. Leaning her head on his shoulder, Jude enjoyed her snack and sighed. Thinking over the last few days, she was quickly heading back into the midst of her sadness. Jude missed Tommy—she hadn't seen him as much as she wanted, but she knew it was better this way. Seeing him this morning had been hard, especially when he asked if you would sit next to him on the plane. As much as she had wanted to say yes, Jude knew that it would be better if she didn't, so she had grabbed Spied and told Tommy she had already promised to sit next to him. Thankfully, Spied was willing to go along with her, and pulled her on the plane after him.
He had known something was up—everyone saw how inseparable Tommy and Jude were. As soon as they were seated, Spied had asked what was going on. Jude had avoided his question, but knew how persistant Spied could be. He would keep asking until she told him what happened with Tommy. As much as Jude didn't want to tell anyone else what had happened, she took confidence in the fact that Spied was a good friend. They had known each other for over 10 years, and grown especially close when Tommy went to New York. Spied had been her confident in the past—especially in her frustration related to Sadie—and she knew he would keep her secrets.
The time had come to tell him what happened with Tommy. She could tell he was waiting for her spill—he had this determined look in his eye. "You really want to know what happened?"
Spied's eyes widened, as if to say "Duh!"
Jude chuckled. "Right." Taking a deep breath, she started, "Well, you know how much I missed Tommy when he left, right." When Spied nodded his understanding, she continued. "Oh course. So, I was totally stoked when he told me he was coming back. He said he was moving home, and I literally couldn't wait. For the two weeks after I found out, everything I did made me think of him. It didn't matter if I was watching TV or walking down the street or at work, but everything related to him. And then, he came and I got to pick him up at the airport...I was done for." Jude's desperation was coming through her words. The helplessness she had been feeling was coming back in full force. Looking at Spied's caring face, she sighed, "I love him, Spied."
At her confession, Spied held her close to him and rubbed her back. "I know, Dude. But why did things change now? I mean, you knew that you loved him before."
"That's just it. When he was in New York, nothing could happen. Sure, we would flirt and get to see each other every now and then, but I could handle it. The distance made it easier. And before, I was still too young, so I knew nothing could happen. But now he's back...and we're together all the time...and then we kissed." The shock on Spied's face registered in Jude's mind and she paused to tell him about the kisses she shared with Tommy. She continued tell her friend about Sadie and Kwest's engagement, and her fear of never finding someone to love her.
When she confessed that, Spied leaned back from her and grabbed her shoulders. "Jude, you know that you'll find that. You are amazing—and not just 'cause you can sing and have sick guitar skills. You are always so worried about those around you and care about your friends and family. You work incredibly hard, and you make everyone's music better." At his insistance, a small smile started to appear on Jude's face. Spied continued, "Let's make a deal, Dude. You rock—that's a given. How 'bout if neither one of us is married by the time we're 35, we'll get married to each other. We can have some fun, rock out all the time, travel the world...it'll be great. And you know I love ya."
"I love you too Spied. You are an amazing friend and I am totally blessed to have you around." After another moment, Jude smiled and nodded her head in agreement. "Sure, if that happens, we'll get married." Little did Jude know that Tommy had walked past in that moment, and only heard her last comment. Shock covered his face and clouded his vision, and he stumbled back to his seat, two rows behind Jude and Spied.
However, Jude was still in a tight hug with Spied and didn't see Tommy walk by. After agreeing to Spied's suggestion, tears had started pouring down her face. The thought of having to marry Spied because no one else would love her was depressing. She was grateful to Spied for his friendship, but her heart ached at the prospect that she would never get to marry the man of her dreams. She felt like life was not worth living if she didn't have Tommy by her side. Jude then thought of one day when Tommy would have someone else by his side. At that, her sobs got louder, and her despair greater. On top of all of that, Jude thought of the comment Tommy had made this morning before boarding the plane. She hadn't told Spied, but his words had truly affected her.
Before he had asked her to sit with him, Jude had asked what he was up to last night. He got this look on his face of pure panic, but pushed it aside. Jude had literally seem him debating whether to tell her or not, and when he spoke, she didn't know how to feel. "Oh you know; I hung out with Kwest for a bit and then ran by the studio."
"Oh?" Jude had responded. "That sounds pretty normal. Nothing too exciting...no last minute flings before tour?"
"Nope. Nothing exciting."
Jude had no idea how to feel. Did Tommy mean that the beautiful woman she had seen him kissing wasn't a fling but was more? Did he mean that kissing random girls was normal? Why didn't he tell her? Jude had been confused and sad. She had been trying to move past her feelings for him, but to hear him blatantly lie to her was hard. Even if he didn't love her, couldn't he be honest with her?
Because of the fragile state her heart was in, her conversation with Tommy nearly brought her to tears, and she had been relieved when Spied had shown up. Now, sitting on the plane in Spied's embrace, she was again struck with a determination to move on from Tommy. She knew that she would never fully get over him, but if she could learn to function without him, maybe she would be okay. With a determination, she sat up and told Spied her plan. He smiled in support, and gave her a high-five. "Sounds good, Dude. You know I'm here to help! Let Operation Help Jude Move On begin!" He raised his fist and let out a battle-cry.
Jude laughed at her friend and appreciated how upbeat he was. She pulled his arm down and suggested they play cards. About an hour later, the pilot announced that they were beginning their final descent into London. All of the G Major tour members got smiles on their faces as they were filled with excitement. This was the start of the rest of tour, and they were all hoping for an amazing three months.
…
As they were waiting to disembark the plane, Tommy was perplexed. Jude hadn't come to his place last night, and she had hardly talked to him at all this morning. He had texted her asking if she wanted a ride, but she refused and had arrived at the studio with Kwest and Sadie instead. She seemed to purposely avoid riding in the car he was in to the airport, and hadn't really spoken to him at all while they were waiting for their flight. At one point, she had asked about his night. She had a funny look on her face, and Tommy wasn't sure how to respond. He told her that he was just with Kwest and that he ran by the studio. At that point he had hoped that she would tell him about her new song. Instead, she questioned him further and then asked the question about "flings." Again, Tommy hadn't known how to answer her. She couldn't have seen him and Angie, could she? He had decided to play it cool and pretend like he hadn't even seen the woman from his past; because, in reality, Tommy wished the event with Angie hadn't happened.
He could clearly remember how her face had dropped when he told her it was "nothing exciting." She had immediately looked for a distraction, and then when he asked her to sit next to him—in the hope that they could figure out whatever was weird between them—Jude had grabbed Spiederman and told him they were sitting together. Something was clearly wrong, but what Tommy couldn't figure out was why Jude hadn't confronted him thus far. She was always honest and upfront—usually brutally so, and often impulsively so as well.
Tommy knew that the kid, Spied, had a crush on Jude, he had for a few years now, so it was no surprise when Spied had readily agreed to sit next to his girl. Just a few hours ago while they were in the air, Tommy had walked past the two and heard something about Jude agreeing to marry the guitarist. He had been close to grabbing the kid and taking his seat—someone needed to protect Jude, and Spied clearly wasn't. Thankfully, Tommy had refrained from doing so and just went back to his seat.
He tried to figure out how to fix things as he moved toward the front of the plane. Jude was still ignoring him, and had now put in a set of earbuds to ignore the rest of the world. Figuring that Spied wouldn't tell him what was going on, Tommy decided to call his longest friend, Kwest. After all, Jude had arrived with him and Sadie that morning, maybe he knew what was going on. Pulling out his phone, Tommy dialed his friend as he made his way to the baggage claim section with the rest of the tour members. He left a message for Kwest to call him and grabbed his couple of bags. Tommy saw Jude's bag coming around the turn and was about to grab it when someone else picked it up. Jude had donned a pair of large sunglasses and an oversize baseball hat that Tommy thought he recognized as one of his own. Her little guitarist friend brought her bag over and grabbed her arm, leading her outside before Tommy could say a word or get her attention.
What the hell is going on? Tommy thought to himself. He had to get to the bottom of this and knew that, right now, Kwest was his best option. He checked his phone once more to see if Kwest had called him back, and headed outside toward the waiting bus.
Once they had dropped their things in London, the group had split up and done some sight-seeing and walking around—no one wanted to sit after being cooped up on a plane for so long. Jude had left with Spiederman, Wally, and Kyle to go see the London Eye; JP and Sean went to stroll through the streets and grab some food; and Chaz and Bruno had decided if they could find some girls to occupy their time in London. Tommy had been left alone and decided to use the time to his advantage. After grabbing some food at a local pub, he had gone back to the hotel and played his acoustic—it was what helped him think and process his thoughts—while he waited for Kwest to call him back.
The ringing phone had startled Tommy out of his playing, but he had quickly answered. "Finally! Hey man." Tommy was relieved to hear from his friend. It had seemed like forever since he had decided to ask for his help, but after checking his watch, he realized it had only been a couple of hours since they left the airport.
He could hear Kwest chuckle on the other end of the phone before he responded, "Tom, what has your panties in a bunch?"
…
Kwest laughed under his breath hearing his friend on the phone. It was obvious that Tom was having a hard time, and Kwest had a feeling it had something to do with a certain blonde producer-turned-soon-to-be-artist who was on tour with his friend.
"Shut up. I just..." Tommy paused and Kwest knew that he was debating how to continue. Deciding that being straightforward would be the best option, Tommy asked, "What's going on with Jude?"
Kwest could hear the desperation in his friend's voice. "What do you mean? She seemed fine this morning." He knew that Jude wasn't fine, but he was curious as to what was going on with Tommy.
"She's not fine! She hasn't talked to me, like, at all this whole trip...she wouldn't sit next to me on the plane...she left with Spied and the other two kids...she's barely looked at me, man!" Tommy's pent up frustration came out, and Kwest couldn't help but smile. His friend was clearly attached to Jude—probably more than he realized. Once again, Kwest wondered if maybe Tommy even loved Jude. "Are you sure she wasn't just busy? I mean, you guys have a lot going on right now and you only had a couple of free hours today."
"No, man. She had been avoiding me. And you know how we are, if she was working, she would rope me into helping."
Kwest knew that was only partially true. Yes, if Jude had to work and Tommy didn't, he would help. But Kwest knew that was mainly because Tommy just liked being with "his girl." Jude would never have to "rope" Tommy into anything—she would just have to smile and Tommy would do just about anything. Knowing his friend was looking for help, Kwest thought about how much he should share. He knew that if he told Tommy that Jude loved him and was heartbroken to see him macking on some other woman, she would kill him. But, Kwest also knew that Tommy needed some help. "So, was this out of the blue? What happened the other night?"
A pause on the other end signaled to Kwest that Tommy was trying to remember all of the details of the previous night. "Uh...I guess it started at the airport. I mean, she didn't come by last night and we didn't go to the airport together, but that was when she started avoiding me."
"And what did you say?" Kwest felt like he was pulling teeth to get any information out of Tommy. No wonder he was having a hard time figuring out what was wrong—Tommy was dense.
"Nothing."
"Tom, clearly something was said; otherwise, Jude wouldn't be avoiding you. So, let me ask again, what did you say?"
"Seriously, it was nothing. She asked what I did the other night and I told her we hung out and that I went to the studio." Tommy paused, and then exclaimed a moment later, "Oh! She asked a random question about my flings. I told her I did nothing special that night. That was when she started acting weird."
Kwest could hear the confusion still in Tom's voice. Before he could stop, Kwest exclaimed, "You idiot! Of course she walks away when you lie to her. And what the hell, man? At least be honest with me! You can tell me when some beautiful mysterious woman shows up and starts making out with you." Now Kwest was irritated. Tommy was his best friend—he had never blatantly lied to him before. Silence greeted him on the other end of the phone. After another moment, Kwest had to make sure Tommy was still there, "Tom, man? You there still?"
"Ye...yeah. I know, but...wait! How did you you know about Angie?"
Tommy paused, as if waiting for a response, so Kwest explained, "how do you think I found out, Tommy? Jude told me. Actually, she told me and Sadie this morning before we took her to the studio. She told us how she saw you making out with some woman in the studio. On top of that, you know how lonely she's been feeling. I mean Sadie doesn't know it, but anyone who's close to her could see that she's not doing well. She didn't know who Angie was, but from how she described the girl, I assumed it was Angie. When did you start talking to her?" Kwest was seriously curious about Angie's presence in Tom's life.
"That's just it—it was only that one night. I went to the studio to find Jude—you know, after we talked I wanted to make sure she was okay. Anyways, she was playing this song and, I didn't want to interrupt, so I decided to go in after she finished. But before I could open the door, Angie was there and grabbed my arm. She told me how she missed me and that she's changed; but she hasn't! I could smell the alcohol on her breath and her eyes were fuzzy—she wasn't normal. It was so strange to see her again, but so irritating."
"That's all fine and good, but you kissed her...as in, on the lips! What happened!" There had to be more to the story than what Tommy had just told him. Kwest knew that Jude wouldn't lie about him kissing another woman.
"She grabbed me and kissed me; I tried to stop, but then she stuck her tongue down my throat. For a second it was like I was six years in the past and we were together, but even thinking of that didn't feel right. And then she made this noise...it was like everything was out of place. I felt like...I don't know." Clearly, Tommy was confused.
What Kwest didn't know was if Tommy's confusion was in regards to his feelings for Angie or because things felt "out of place." He needed more information. "Why did it feel out of place?"
After a very long moment, his friend answered in a small voice, "It felt like I was cheating on someone."
This was an interesting development, Kwest knew. "Who did you feel like you were cheating on?" A few silence-filled moments later, Kwest asked again, "Tommy, who did you feel like you were cheating on?"
"Jude." Kwest could hear a giant sigh. "It just felt like I shouldn't be kissing this lying, cheating, manipulative woman, especially when my best friend was in the other room, having a rough couple of days."
Kwest wasn't surprised by Tommy's answer, but still wondered why Tommy had lied to her about it that very morning. And then another question plagued him, "Why didn't you just go into the studio? And why didn't you tell Jude about Angie the next morning?"
"She locked the door. I tried to get in there and I was going to tell her all about it, but she locked it." Tommy paused again to take a breath, "as for why I didn't tell her today at the airport...I don't know. I think I was hoping that she didn't know and if I didn't mention it, she wouldn't know. Kwest, you know how much I wish that I could forget she was a part of my past."
And Kwest did know—Tommy was not proud of a lot of the things he did when he was younger. Angie was one of those things he wished that he could erase from history, largely because he had been so wrong about her. "I get it. But you know how Jude is. Even if she didn't see you guys, she would have wanted to know. And especially considering that she did know, she deserved your honesty. After her parents divorce that's become like, the most important thing to her."
"You're right man."
Kwest knew that Tommy felt bad for not telling Jude what happened. But he also knew how emotional Jude could be—especially right now.
Tommy's voice came through the phone, "be honest with me, Kwest. Can I fix this?"
"Of course you can!" He thought it was ridiculous that Tommy wasn't sure if he could fix his relationship with Jude after one problem. They had countless arguments and fights before, and yet, they had always found their way back to each other—that was how Tommy and Jude worked.
"Then how do I fix this?"
"Do what you do best and tell her how you feel. Write her a song, Tom."
"Can I do that again?"
Kwest was surprised at Tommy's question. He was one of the two people who knew that Tommy wrote his own music. "We both know that you haven't stopped writing, man. Just think about it." After that, the two spent a few more minutes speaking of what other things were going on in their lives. They evenutally hung up and Kwest sat back in his chair and sighed with a smile on his face. He knew that Jude and Tommy had a strange and complicated relationship. But he also knew that they were meant for each other. Kwest just hoped that they would figure it out sooner rather than later.
…
Tommy closed his phone after ending his conversation with Kwest. As much as he had tried to fool himself, Tommy had known since last night that it was a possibility Jude had seen him and Angie. Now that he knew for sure that she had seen them, the past day and a half made much more sense.
When it came down to it, Tommy knew that by lying to Jude, he had crossed a line. Honesty was the most important thing to her. When her dad cheated on her mom and asked her to lie about it, a part of Jude seemed to break. Another piece of her seemed to break when her mom left for a vacation with her divorce attorney and still hasn't come back. Sure, she had healed over time, but the scars were still there. Tommy knew that Jude's biggest fear was being left alone and lied to.
He decided to follow Kwest's advice and tell Jude how he felt—how sorry he was. Though he wasn't sure about the song idea, he did want to write down a few thoughts to clear his head. Grabbing his notebook and a pen, Tommy set to work, trying to make sure Jude would know how sorry he was. A few hours went by and suddenly, it was 11:00pm. Stunned, he looked back over his work and was shocked to see that his thoughts had transformed into a lyrics. He hadn't planned on writing a song because he didn't want to be too cliché. But despite those efforts, he was already thinking of chord variations and possible melodies. He even thought about when the percussion could come into play and how the bass would sound. As an after-though, Tommy also considered the possibility of having a violin playing a small part of the melody.
Shaking his head to rid him of his musical planning, Tommy set his notebook aside—after making a few more notes. He decided to try and find Jude the next morning before things got too crazy. If he could just tell her what happened, maybe she would understand. With that thought, Tommy stripped to his boxers and crawled into bed, missing the blonde that would often spend her nights with him. He never really understood how comforting her presence was. He hoped that tomorrow they would be back to being friends and could count on her presence next to him—providing him with the contentedness that only she could bring. Smiling in hope for tomorrow, Tommy finally drifted to sleep.
…
Jude was standing to the right of the stage as Spied, Wally, and Kyle ran by her after their set. It was their second night in London, and they were part way through the first of the three shows that would take place their. SME had just finished and the Boyz were on stage in the middle of their first song. Despite being surrounded by people, Jude was lonely. She had spend the past day in London nearly attached to Spiederman's hip, but she still hadn't really lessened her dependance and attachment on Tommy. After everyone had dropped their things off at the hotel, SME had dragged her along to see some of the sights. They went to the London Eye first, and ended up spending and hour on the thing—the boys had wanted to ride it twice because they wanted to make sure they saw the whole city. Sure, the guys were fun, and she had laughed when they had mooned people in the other cars, but it wasn't the same as how it would have been with Tommy.
Next, Kyle had wanted to go to the Tower of London to look at the swords and weapons, and then Wally had wanted to go to the zoo. Sadly, they had spent nearly 2 hours trying to get there, and it had already closed. Somewhat exasperated, completely exhausted, and ravenously hungry, Jude had demanded food. The four of them ended up meeting Chaz and Bruno at some pub close to their hotel, and everyone had their fill of fish and chips and pints of beer. Jude was annoyed by the girls Chaz and Bruno had found, so once she had eaten, she said goodbye to her buds and went back to the hotel. At least five times last night she had picked up her phone to call Tommy, but each time she stopped, reminding herself that he was possibly with someone else. Even if he wasn't seeing that woman, Jude had to remember that he lied to her—to her face. And, in addition, she had to prepare for when Tommy did find someone and she wasn't his number one girl.
She ended up falling into a terrible sleep at only 9:30pm. The next morning she had awoken to three boys jumping on her bed. She swore that they were like little children trapped in the bodies of 22-year-olds. Jude had barely been able to get her coffee before being rushed off to the O2 Arena to get ready for the performance that night. The day had been crazy—busy checking sound, equipment, cables, and the set-up. But on top of that, Tommy had tried to grab her three distinct times. Each time Jude had nearly given in and told him something funny that Wally had said or that Spied had instigated. But she was resolute and created some emergency that had needed tending to. As she watched him sing the songs from his past, Jude recalled Tommy's face when she told him she had to check on something. Nonetheless, she had walked away each time.
Despite her loneliness and missing Tommy, Jude smiled as she continued to watch the Boyz Attack performance. A whole different side of him came out while on stage—in a way, he came alive. She was engrossed while watching the rest of their show, going about her duties automatically and on autopilot. The benefit of ignoring Tommy today was that she knew the equipment she was working with like the back of her hand.
Eventually, the Boyz finished their songs and the show was over. Jude started performing her end-of-show duties and headed over to the stage wings. She had gotten in the habit of giving all of the guys water after they performed—just because she was avoiding too much contact with Tommy didn't mean she would shirk her duties. However, when all but one water bottle was handed out, Jude looked to see where the fifth member of Boyz Attack might be. She was shocked and confused to see her best friend still on stage.
Getting as close to the stage as she could without being seen by the audience, Jude observed what Tommy was doing. He had grabbed an acoustic guitar and a stool and brought them to the front of the stage.
"How's everyone doing tonight?" Tommy asked the crowd. At the cheers, Jude saw him smile and then heard him continue. "Good to hear. Tonight, we have a little bit of a surprise for you. This is a song I wrote recently and I hope you enjoy."
Before he started singing, Tommy glanced to the right of the stage where Jude was usually standing. Tonight being no different, Jude was just off stage watching his every move. Her confusion was evident by her wrinkled brow, but she didn't move. Her eyes were glued to Tommy, waiting to see what he had to say. Though she couldn't be sure, Jude secretly hoped that the song would be for her.
Tommy's rich voice coursed through the arena after a few moments of play. Jude listened closely to the words, trying to derive meaning from them.
…
Tommy was nervous as hell—pits and forehead sweating, slightly short breath, and eyes wide—but he knew this would be the only way to get through to Jude. After the third time trying to talk to her this morning, Tommy decided that playing the song was his last resort. Just before the show he talked to the guys about it and they all agreed that it would be fine. Then he made a dreaded phone call to Darius who, surprisingly, agreed to let Tom perform the song. With everything set, all he had to do now was sing. Taking a deep breath, he began singing after playing the beginning chords of his song.
Will you listen to my story?
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain?
What ever happened here
Never meant to hurt you
How could I cause you so much pain?
When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe
Will you believe me?
All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse
No explaination
Belive me
If I could I'd undo what I did wrong
I'd give away all that I own
When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe
Will you believe me?
If I told you
I've been cleaning my soul
And if I promised you
I'll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in?
Take me for who I am
And not for who I've been?
Who I've been...
When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me?
Listen to my story
Say you wont leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe?
When I say I'm sorry
(When I say I'm sorry)
When I say I'm sorry
(When I say I'm sorry)
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me?
When I say I'll always be there
Will you believe?
The first thing Tommy did was look at Jude. He could only hope that the tears in her eyes were happy ones. Wanting to get back to his girl so they could finally talk and sort things out, Tommy quickly waved to the crowd, saying, "Thanks so much London, have a great night!"
With that, he promptly walked off stage, guitar in hand, and lightly grabbed Jude's arm once reaching her. He handed the guitar to a nameless stage hand and looked his best friend in the eye. "Babes, we are going to talk. You have been avoiding me for the past three days and it isn't okay. I miss you and..." Tommy paused and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he told her what he should have the moment he got off stage. "Let me start over. I'm sorry. Now, we are going to get out of here, okay?"
Jude started to nod her agreement, but then shook her head. "No, we can't. You have to do autographs and meet and greets with the rest of the Boyz."
As soon as she began disagreeing with his earlier question, Tommy shook his head. "Nope. I don't care, I'm not doing that tonight—this is way more important. Now lets go; I have a taxi waiting at the back of the arena." Not waiting for a response, Tommy laced his fingers with hers and headed for the rear of the venue. They got into the waiting taxi and headed in the direction of their hotel. Not a word was spoken the whole drive, Tommy because he was nervous; Jude was quiet, he assumed, because of her confusion. Once they finally arrived at the hotel, Tommy didn't ask where they should go, but instead led Jude to his room. He knew for a fact that his view was amazing and that Jude would appreciate it once they sorted things out. Finally arriving at their destination, Tommy led his girl to the bed and motioned for her to sit. She did so, crossing her legs and leaning against the headboard. He followed suit, but placed himself at the foot of the bed, with one leg hanging off the side.
"So, what's the deal Tom?"
He cringed at the use of his first name. Tommy knew she was serious when she called him "Tom," and at that moment, he couldn't wait for time when he heard "Tommy" or any other endearment out of her sweet lips. "I need to confess something...and then I have some explaining to do." Knowing how emotional Jude could get, he added, "Can you try to just listen for right now? I promise to answer any question you have, but I need to just get through it." Using his best pout, Tommy questioned her with his gaze.
Jude just nodded her agreement and slightly readjusted her position, as if she was bracing herself.
"Okay. Well, you know that something happened at the studio the night before we left. I know that you saw that woman kissing me." Seeing Jude about to protest, he reached over covered her mouth with his hand. Giving her a look meant to keep her quiet, he continued. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but to be honest, she is a part of my past that I wanted to forget. I met her during my last year in Boyz Attack. I was dating Portia—you know, Darius' sister—at the time, but then I met Angie. She was beautiful and vibrant; everything she did was exciting, and she didn't care about Boyz Attack. I ended up getting together with her while I was still with Portia." Tommy could see Jude's shock and continued quickly so that the slightly disgusted expression would come off her face. "I know, I shouldn't have done it but she was intoxicating...I couldn't think straight when she was around. Anyways, I eventually broke things off with Portia so I could really be with Angie; and for a while, things were great. But then I realized that she was changing. She started partying more when we had to go to events, and soon she was inebriated all the time. About six months after we started going out, I found out she was cheating on me. Shocking, right? I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. We worked it out and things continued—her getting plastered all the time, she started using coke, the cheating. At one point, she got me to try the cocain she had in some misguided attempt to convince me it wasn't a big deal. Though I never did that again, I did start drinking more. I was getting smashed with her a few nights a week and that prompted things going downhill with the band. But everything changed when Ang had a pregnancy scare. She didn't tell me until after she had an abortion, but that was the wake-up call I needed. I knew that, if I were ever going to have a kid, I would be a good dad. You know how shitty my home-life was growing up." Jude was one of two people who knew about Tommy's childhood. His dad was an abusive alcoholic who ended up abandoning his family when Tommy was 9. That caused his mom to start drinking, and a couple of years later, she had become verbally abusive all the time. Jude knew how hard Tommy worked to forget his past and move on from his crazy parents. "I decided that I needed to clean up my act and be better. The problem was that, when I tried to convince Angie to do the same, she started lying to me. A week later, I caught her with one of the Boyz roadies and I was done. Things with the band were awful and Angie was the last straw. I quit the band and came to work for Georgia. A year later you showed up and the rest is history." Having reached the end of his story, Tommy looked at the floor, not sure how his best friend would respond.
After a few moments, Jude reached out and grabbed his hand. "So, what happened the other night?"
"Oh." Tommy sighed, forgetting that there was still more to confess. "Uh, Kwest and I had hung out that night and he told me that you weren't spending nights at your house. He told me that you had been spending time at the studio and at SME's rehearsal space. You know that's a crappy part of town, Jude. I decided to go to the studio and tell you to stay at my place instead of going to that hell-hole. I heard you playing and I was going to listen, and then she showed up." Tommy couldn't hide the disgust he felt when thinking of Angie. Once again, she had made a mess of things. "She told me that she changed and that things were different, but I could tell that they weren't. No matter how many times she goes to rehab, nothing will change." Tommy barely registered that Jude squeezed his hand in encouragement, but felt a smidge better at her gesture. "She grabbed me and kissed me. I didn't know how to respond, but for like a millisecond, it felt like old times. But then I actually processed what was happening, and I couldn't do it. I pushed her away and told her to leave. I went to open the studio you had been in and it was locked. I could hear you crying and I hated that—I just wanted to make you feel better. I didn't tell you about it at the airport because I thought maybe you didn't see it. I think I knew that you really did see, but I was trying to hard to forget that, if I pretended that it didn't happen, maybe I could erase it from my memory." After another minute, Tommy took the hand that Jude hadn't already given him and looked her in the eyes, sincerity radiating off of him. "I am so sorry Jude. If I could take it all back, I would. I'm sorry for lying, and I'm sorry for hurting you." His final words spoken, Tommy looked down at their locked hands.
Jude removed her hand from his, and Tommy started to panic a little. He hoped that this wasn't a goodbye, but his thoughts were interrupted when a set of arms wrapped around him. He felt a slight wetness on his shoulder, and when he pulled back slightly, he saw tears coming out of his best friend's eyes. Panic started to set in again, but she grabbed his face and he couldn't think of anything but her beautiful features in front of him.
"Tommy, you need to stop beating yourself up over what happened in the past. Angie is a whore—don't base your worth on who she was or who she is now. You are amazing...and the fact that you decided to change at the thought of having a kid shows how amazing you are. I understand why you didn't tell me...and even though I hate it, I get it." She paused slightly, but before Tommy could say anything, she continued, "Tommy, you're so great, and you know I'd be lost without you. I don't care about your past, just be honest with me. You know I'm here for you no matter what." She started to hug him, but pulled back quickly, "And your song kicks ass. I mean, seriously, it was amazing!" At that, Jude embraced Tommy held him close to her.
In that moment, Tommy had never felt better. To know that she was okay and that she forgave him made everything alright again. After enjoying the moment and their closeness, he asked her, "But Jude, you have to be honest with me too. What's been going on the past couple of weeks?"
His girl pulled back from him and looked at the floor. Before she could deny anything or protest, Tommy told her, "Nope, I told, now you have to. What's going on?"
She looked at his determined face and scooted back. Laying down, she patted the spot next to her, motioning for him to join her. Once he laid down by her, Jude told him what had been going on. She explained how lonely she had been feeling and how scared she was about being left alone. Tommy's heart ached at the tears in her eyes and the shakiness of her voice. He hated seeing her so torn up. Jude continued confiding her fears. Subsequent to finishing her story, Jude's silence was overwhelming. Tommy wrapped his arms around her and just held her close. After a few moments, Jude whispered something to herself that was too hard for Tommy to hear.
"What was that, sweetheart?" Though he didn't know why, Tommy knew that whatever she had just said was important—maybe more important than everything she had just told him.
"Its just...when you...what if..." Jude stopped and started a few times, seemingly trying to gather her thoughts. Finally, she took a deep breath and proceeded. "What happens when you find someone? Then you'll leave me too."
Tommy was shocked to hear her confession. No matter who came into his life in the future, Jude would always be his girl. How could she even begin to think that would change? "Babes?" His confusion was evident as he spoke to her. When she wouldn't look at him, Tommy tipped her chin up to face him. "Babe. Lots of people will come in and out of my life, but you know that you will always be number one. You are the only one who knows me and gets me...the only one who seems to understand everything about me. I wouldn't give that up for the world! Who else do I ever show my music to? Who is willing to pick me up when I am drunk off my ass? And who would voluntarily take care of me when I am puking my guts out." Tommy chuckled at the memory of when Jude came all the way to New York when he got a terrible flu that put him out for over a week. She had made sure he took the necessary medicine, got enough fluids, washed his clothes and sheets daily, and had soup and tea around the clock. Not even his mom had taken care of him like that before she had gone crazy. "No one can ever take your place, and I will never leave you, okay?" When she didn't respond, Tommy asked again, "okay?"
Thankfully, Jude nodded her agreement and rested her head on his chest. That action prompted Tommy's realization of how tired he actually was and suggested they find something on the television before getting some rest. The beautiful girl in his arms accepted and flipped to a cooking show. Despite her inability to cook edible food years ago, Jude had improved her skills in the kitchen when her mom moved out. Now, one of her guilty pleasures was watching the Food Network and Cooking Channel.
"Yes! I haven't seen this one yet!" Jude exclaimed at the episode that was currently playing on the TV. She sat up to make sure she got all of the details, and Tommy smiled. Just under a half an hour later, the episode was done and Tommy and Jude were curled together in between the sheets. They had drifted off moments ago, both with a smile and a sense of contentment. This was how every night should be.
Song Tommy performs is Sorry, by Chris Daughtry