Chapter 11
Even though they were standing inside the airport, both Tommy and Jude were bundled in jackets and scarves. There was just under a month left until Christmas, and the first substantial snow of the season had taken place the week prior. The tapping of his right foot hadn't stopped, and it was starting to irritate Jude. But, knowing how nervous he was, she let it go; instead, she grabbed his hand, interlocking their fingers. She felt his actions calm slightly and smiled, knowing that the simple actions had the desired effect.
They had arrived at the airport about 5 minutes before Sam's flight was supposed to land, Tommy hadn't wanted to be late. Jude had known that their early arrival meant waiting a bit longer for the girl, but if it made him feel a bit more in control, then so be it. Passengers began to stream into the baggage claim area, and Jude suspected they were from the flight Sam had been on. She began to intently search the faces of those entering the room, quickly scanning past the old men and business professionals.
The moment the dark, curly-haired little girl came into sight, Jude's heart caught in her chest, and she knew that this was Sam. The girl took a few steps closer and looked around the room, complete terror evident in her wide blue eyes and furrowed brow. Though there was an elderly flight attendant walking with her, Jude knew that Sam was basically alone, and her heart broke. How could anyone let this precious child travel with hardly any supervision? What a crock that American social service office was! Thankfully, Sam would never have to go back there.
The beautiful little girl came a few steps closer, and Jude could tell the moment that she saw Tommy. The father and daughter's eyes locked, and both were stilled in shock. Tommy hadn't moved a muscle since seeing the girl come into the room, and the uncertainty in Sam's eyes was mirrored in his own. The attendant accompanying Sam pushed her towards the couple, and Jude was only seconds from reaming the insensitive woman who was only interested in pawning off the child. However, the scared look covering Sam's face caused Jude to pause, and she instead squatted to the ground. Resting on her heels, she put a smile on her face and looked at the little girl with what she hoped were kind eyes.
"Hi, I'm Jude. You must be Sam. It is so good to finally meet you!" Jude stuck out her hand to shake the girls', but was completely surprised when the little bundle catapulted into her arms. Almost by instinct, she put her arms around Sam, not sure what else to do. After a few moments of holding the girl, she looked up to Tommy, trying to gauge what her next actions should be. He looked to still be in somewhat of a daze, the blue of his eyes clearly visible. He had just finished providing the flight attendant with some sort of identification, proving that he was the one who was authorized to take custody of the girl.
Though the attendant had already left, Tommy was still looking at her retreating figure. Jude decided that he wouldn't snap out of it on his own, so she nudged him with her shoulder, trying not to disrupt the girl currently encircled in her arms.
He looked down at her, appearing slightly startled. "What?"
With her eyes, Jude gestured to Sam. "Babe, why don't you get her luggage. I'll..." Glancing at the girl again, she finished, "just stay here." She gave him a small smile, trying to convey a bit of love and calm him slightly. As he walked away, she could in his steps that he was uncertain, confused, and unsure of how to proceed. She knew that it would be an interesting few days, but she also knew that this little girl could only bring more joy to them.
Murmuring words of encouragement to the little girl, she leaned back slightly, trying to look her in the face. "Hey, Sam?"
The brunette curls moved a bit before it leaned back. A set of eyes opened to reveal a pair of beautiful light blue orbs, sparkling with freshly shed tears.
Jude wanted nothing more than to make her smile and take away her sadness, but was unsure of how to accomplish such a goal. So, deciding that getting the girl to talk could only help, she asked, "I was wondering...what is your favorite color?" Hoping that this would start to take Sam's mind off of the crazy situation they were all in, she smiled brightly at the girl.
"I have two."
This was going to be harder than Jude had hoped, but she proceeded anyway. "Two favorite colors? Me too! What are they?"
The younger girl looked at the older girl as if she was trying to assess whether or not she could confide. "I like pink and black. I really like it when they are the together." Her eyelashes batted up and down, still looking at Jude with a question in her eyes.
"Pink and black, huh? Well then, I think you'll love your new room." She wiggled her eyes up and down, then asked, "What's your favorite food?"
The girl looked down and smiled slightly, "I think noodles are my favorite."
Thank goodness this was working. With a sense of relief, she questioned, "Chinese noodles or Italian?"
"Huh?" The confusion was clear on Sam's face.
"Do you like the noodles with red sauce and cheese on top or with vegetables?"
Eyes wide and the smile getting larger, Sam responded, "Red sauce." From her position still in Jude's arm, she leaned closer and whispered in Jude's ear, "Do you think we can eat that tonight?"
Jude could barely contain a giggle, but held it in. "Of course, Miss Sam." But, before continuing their conversation, she had a more pressing question. "Why did you whisper when you asked?" The girl shouldn't feel the need to whisper or hold back when she wanted something.
"I didn't want to be too loud. Mama never liked it when I was too loud. She would yell at me if I didn't ask her right." At her confession, Sam's eyes started to fill with tears again.
The sight of tears made Jude's heart clench all over again. How dare anyone treat a little girl like that! Placing her hands on the girl's shoulders, Jude spoke evenly and looked her right in the eyes. "Sam, you never have to worry about that again, okay?" Pulling her close in a hug, Jude continued speaking, "Whatever bad things happened when you were in New York will never happen again. Do you understand that? Your Dad and I love you very much, and we only want good things for you. If you want something, you can ask us, okay? You don't need to whisper or hide what you want. We love you." Pulling back one more time in order to look the girl in the eye, Jude emphasized her point with small kisses placed on Sam's forehead, nose, and cheek. "We...LOVE...you."
After her little speech, Jude again grasped the girl in her arms and held her close. A few moments later, the two girls separated. Jude looked at the younger girl and smiled. "Sam, what do you say we get Daddy and then go home?" She stood, stretching her legs and flexing her muscles, trying to regain feeling. Putting her hand out, she was surprised when Sam didn't take it. "You gonna come with me?"
Sam looked up at her somewhat bashfully. "Um..."
"What is it, hon?" Jude could tell that Sam wanted something, and she wanted to make sure that the girl knew she could ask for anything.
"Would you carry me?" Sam closed her eyes and cringed.
If she wasn't so completely happy with the prospect the question offered, she would have laughed at the cute face the girl was making. Bending down, she grasped Sam under her arms and picked her up, placing her on her hip. "I would love to." Kissing the girl's forehead, she said, "Now let's get Daddy."
As they headed in Tommy's direction, the girls continued to talk, Jude finding out more about Sam, and Sam warming up the Jude. Eventually, they got her bags and were headed out to the Range Rover. Tommy had bought the car the week prior, wanting to make sure they had something kid-worthy. Sam and Jude hadn't separated from each other, and Tommy could barely get a word in between the two.
Piling in the car, Jude put Sam into the car seat they had bought for her and climbed in back to be with her. She had noticed that the girl would only talk to Tommy when holding onto her, so she made sure to be close at hand. This was bound to be quite an adventure.
…
They had been driving for twenty minutes, and he had barely been able to talk to his own daughter. Looking in the rear view mirror, he smiled at his girls. It didn't matter that he had only known Sam for about an hour, he loved her. In fact, he suspected that the love began within the first few minutes he found out about her. Now that she was here, his feelings only intensified. But, because of that, he couldn't help but be a little disappointed that Sam wouldn't really talk to him.
They had only spoken a few words, the bulk of her conversation being with Jude. He was thrilled that the two were getting on so well; but saddened that his own daughter seemed to be a bit scared of him. Of course, it wasn't really that surprising considering he was a strange man as compared to the beautiful, kind, and caring woman that was his girlfriend; but he couldn't help but want his daughter to talk to him and like him too.
The rest of the drive only took about ten minutes, and before he knew it, they were pulling in to the garage at his and Jude's place. After unloading all of Sam's luggage, they left it in the entry to show her to the room they had created. Putting her hands over the girl's eyes, Jude walked her into the doorway, wanting to surprise her. On the count of three, hands were removed and the room was unveiled.
"Oh my gosh!" The girl screamed in pure joy. Tommy couldn't help but laugh at her reaction—it was exactly he had been hoping for.
"Do you like it?" he asked, wanting to be sure that she was happy.
Sam grabbed Jude's hand and looked at him shyly, a small smile on her face. "It's awesome."
Grinning like a little boy, he nodded. "Good." Walking around the room, he showed her the various features, turning to her guitar last. Picking it up in one hand, he motioned to the bed with the other. Once Sam sat down, Jude next to her, Tommy began to play the music to Better Together. He could see his little girl's eyes grow in size, and his heart sang with joy. His little girl liked music!
Once he finished the song, she looked between him and Jude and asked, "Will you teach me to play?"
He could only nod his agreement, to excited for words. Not only did his little girl like music, but she wanted to play...and she wanted him to teach her! This was such an amazing moment, and he wanted to savor it. He looked back and forth between Jude and Sam, but couldn't stop smiling like an idiot.
Finally, Jude told the girl, "We would love to teach you." Putting an arm around her shoulder, she continued, "Now, what do you say we head back down to get your stuff. We can unpack and then show you the rest of our home, okay?"
"Okay," was the girl's simple response. She got off the bed and led the group to the staircase. Grabbing Jude's hand to steady herself, Sam went down the stairs to her luggage. Tommy helped them gather all of the bags and delivered the to the room. After an hour, all of her things were put away, and Jude was beginning to teach the young girl a simple song. Tommy stood in the doorway, loving the sight of his girls playing music. Everything just seemed right.
As if she could read his thoughts, Jude looked up and caught his eye. As Sam continued to play, Jude mouthed, "Lunch?"
Nor surprised at her request, he only smiled and walked out of the room. A short while later he returned, letting the ladies know that lunch was ready downstairs. All three made their way to the dining room and enjoyed their sandwiches and each others company. Jude suggested a movie, and they all settled onto the couch. After the movie finished, Jude and Sam went for a walk to the playground that was only a block away. Hours later, Jude was helping him tuck Sam in by reading a story.
He was surprised when Sam asked, "Jude, will you stay with me tonight?"
"Oh course, sweetie! We'll have a girls' night. Let me go get my things and I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"
At Sam's nod, Jude stood up, Tommy following close behind her. Stopping at the door he turned, "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you."
He heard a faint, "you too" from Sam and smiled. She may not be quite ready to say it on her own, but that had to count for something, right?
Following Jude out of the room and into their bedroom, he asked, "Are you gonna stay the whole night?" Tommy didn't care that he sounded like a whiny little boy, he missed his girl. He hadn't really spent any time with her all day and he missed her. "Baby..."
She stepped closer to him and put a hand on his arm, "Honey, you know that we are trying to make this transition as smooth as possible for Sam, right?"
He nodded. As much as he understood, he wanted Jude with him—he didn't care that he was being selfish.
"Sweetheart," she paused, wrapping her arms around his waist. His arms immediately went around her, holding her as close as he could. Looking up at him, she continued, "Babe, I would much rather be next to you tonight. But we have to be there for Sam."
He sighed, "I know, I'm just going to miss you...and your sexy ass." With that, he gave her rear a smack. Her smile made him smile, and he gave her a sweet kiss, loving the taste of her. Before he could deepen the kiss, she pulled away. He gave her a pout, hoping to change her mind, but it did no good. "Fine, get your things and go to Sam's room for your 'girls night,' but know that I'll miss you."
"I know, Baby. Me too."
Within a few minutes, she was changed and had a few things with her and went back over to Sam's room. For the next thirty or so minutes, Tommy could hear giggles coming from the other room. He was restless all night long—tossing and turning constantly—and unable to get hardly any sleep.
When he woke up the next morning, he hoped for a better day, but was met with more of the same. Sam clung to Jude and would only talk to him when she was there. In fact, it was like that for the next couple of days. On top of being sad that Sam wasn't bonding with him very much, he was frustrated with how little time he had with Jude. It wouldn't have been so bad if she was sleeping next to him and he could hold her in his arms, but even that wasn't happening right now. Sam had only been there two nights so far, and Jude had been with her for both of them.
Tonight, Tommy was hoping to change things. He had cooked a simple pasta dish with red sauce and chicken, getting on Sam's good side. Now, he was setting up the TV for Ratatouille—an animated film that he happened to enjoy—which he found out was one of Sam's favorites. Jude had suggested that they have a family sleepover in the living room, and was currently pulling out blankets from the closet in the hallway. Sam was getting her pillow, and they were all to meet in the living room in about five minutes, clad in pajamas.
Jude came into the room a moment later, arms full of blankets and a couple of pillows. Rushing to her side, he grabbed some of them and helped her lay them out on the ground. They had moved the couches aside slightly, making more room for them to lay down. "How do you think this should work, Babe?"
"It would probably be best if Sam was in the middle. We can put these couple of blankets over us and that should make for a nice little bed."
With all of the blankets and pillows laid out, Tommy stretched and then pulled Jude close to him, savoring the feel of her. "Thanks for thinking of this."
She smiled at him, kissing him softly before responding. "Of course, hon. This is the perfect way for her to warm up to you a little more."
Tom sighed, "I hope so. I hate that we haven't bonded yet."
"Oh, Tommy. It may not seem like it, but she does like you. Yesterday she told me that she wanted you to teach her that song you played the other day, and just a little bit ago, she told me she was excited to have a sleepover with you too." Again, she kissed him, her actions having an immediate affect on him. "She wants to be close with you, she's just tentative."
Still holding her in his grasp, Tommy laid his head on hers, enjoying her closeness and comfort. "I know all that, its just hard. I want to be a Daddy."
"I know, Babe. You'll get there, though. This morning we were at the park and she saw another little girl with her dad. She told me that one day she would get to go to the park with her Daddy."
Separating from his girl, Tommy looked at her with wide eyes, "Really? She said that?"
"Yeah, she did. She said that she wanted to know you more, but she couldn't wait to play with you."
The sincerity in Jude's voice was clear, and Tommy could see only honesty shining in her eyes. This was only one of the many reasons why he loved the woman in front of him. She knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Only she had ever been able to calm him down...only she had ever been able to love him like he needed to be loved. Overwhelmed with love for her, he brought his face to hers and kissed her soundly. The moment their lips touched, electricity flowed.
Having not been able to really touch her for nearly three whole days, he was quick to respond. He had been in a constant state of slight arousal, and any time he was close to her, he had to make a conscious effort to keep everything in place. Now that they were alone, no matter for how short of a time, all guards were down and his erection sprang to attention. Gently, he prodded her mouth with his tongue, asking for entrance. She granted it, and soon their tongues were engaged in a fiery duel, each vying for control and power. A quiet moan escaped her lips, and his erection grew even more. He let one hand drift to her ass, cupping the perfection and pulling her flush against him. Lips still attached and bodies impossibly close, the pair was interrupted by the "eww" that came from the little girl on the stairs.
"Jude, why are you letting Daddy attack you?"
Removing her lips, Jude began to turn towards Sam, but was quickly stopped by Tommy's hands. "Babe, if you move too much, Sam will see a very obvious tent in my pants, and I don't think that now is the time to explain the birds and the bees."
She giggled, and the sound brought a smile to his face. Turning carefully and intentionally, Jude faced the girl, making sure to stay in front of him. "Sam, Daddy wasn't attacking me, he was telling me that he loved me."
Hearing her explanation made his smile grow. Jude was so good with Sam, and her words were so perfect. He kissed her cheek from behind, then moved to her ear, whispering, "I do love you...so much." He could feel her smile, and after he spoke, he could feel her shiver.
"But he didn't say anything?" The confusion was written all over her face, along with a bit of what appeared to be disgust.
Smiling, Jude again answered, "Hon, sometimes you don't need words to tell someone that you love them. Like when I give you kisses, I am showing you I love you. Does that make sense?" At the girl's nod, Jude asked, "Do you have everything you need?"
At the girl's excited nod, Jude told her to come into the living room and put her pillow down. "Now, did you go to the bathroom?"
When Sam shook her head, Jude told her to make sure she went before they started the movie. When the girl scampered down the hall, Jude turned to Tommy again. "Now, why don't you go upstairs to take care of...this..." At the word "this," she lightly grabbed his still hard erection, causing him to shudder in pleasure and surprise.
He could only nod, eyes closed, as he focused on not taking her right then and there. When she released him, he struggled across the room and up the stairs. After taking care of his large and painful issue, he went back downstairs, chuckling at the two girls giggling on the floor. Sam was trying to tickle Jude; and, even though he doubted that his daughter was really tickling his girl, she was laughing and smiling, trying to "get back" at Sam.
Joining the girls, he crawled under the blankets and grabbed the remote, turning on the movie. As they settled in, Jude sent him an air kiss, which he happily returned. After only minutes, Sam was completely engrossed, eyes riveted on the screen. Watching the movie with his girls, Tommy thought about how right this moment was. The only things that would make this more perfect and more normal was being married to Jude, and maybe to have a pet. Of course, he and Jude would marry soon enough, and as for the pet, maybe they could get a rat like Remy.
Not realizing he had said the last part out loud, he was surprised when Jude exclaimed, "No! We are not getting a pet rat!"
The laughter bubbled out of his chest, unable to contain it. Her expression was hilarious, face scrunched, eyes closed, head shaking back and forth. "Sorry, Babe. I didn't realize I said that out loud." He began to laugh again, but was interrupted by Sam.
"You like rats, Daddy?" Her eyes were wide and mouth open, and Tommy wasn't sure whether or not it was a good thing.
Deciding to just be honest, he nodded, "Yeah, I think they are kind of cool animals." He waited for her response, wanting so badly for her to agree with him, or at least not be grossed out by the thought that he kind of liked the beady-eyed creatures.
A giant smile came over her, lighting up her eyes and causing them to sparkle. "Me too, Daddy! I think they are awesome!"
Relief washed over him at her words, and he couldn't help but hug her.
"No...no. Sorry guys, but we are not getting a rat. I don't care how cute you both are, it isn't happening." Her head was still shaking back and forth.
He was about to break out in laughter again, but Sam's words stopped him. "Don't worry Jude, we'll protect you from any rats we find." Looking back at Tommy, she asked, "Right, Daddy?"
Silently, he nodded, loving the way "daddy" sounded coming out of her mouth. "Right, Sam. We'll protect Jude." While saying so, he winked at his girl, knowing that they would never be getting a rat. No matter how cute Sam was, she would never sway Jude's hate and fear of rodents.
From that moment on, Sam seemed to warm up to Tommy. For the rest of the movie, they would joke together, and once the movie finished, she even began talking to him without holding on to Jude. As they were about to fall asleep, she asked him, "Daddy, can you take me to the park tomorrow?"
His heart soared at her question, knowing that this was exactly the night they needed to bond. "Of course, Baby. I would love to take you to the park tomorrow. Let's go after breakfast."
"Okay." Turning to Jude, she offered, "You can come too, Jude."
"Oh, thanks." Though her comment could easily have been seen as bitter, one look and Tommy knew she was teasing.
"Well, now that we have tomorrow morning planned out, let's get some sleep. How does that sound, girls?"
"Perfect. I love you, Babe." Jude's response was somewhat sleepy, but it caused Tommy to grin.
"I love you too, Babe."
"I love you Daddy, I love you Jude." Sam told each of the adults.
Jude shared her love with Sam too, but Tommy was too stunned to make a sound. Tears of joy began to form in his eyes, this was the first time Sam had told Tommy that she loved him all on her own, not in response to him. Finally, words found him, "I love you too, Baby. I love you too."
…
The past week or so had been spent going to the park, watching movies, lots of laughter, and love. As cheesy as it sounded, it was true: regardless of the fun they were having, Tommy, Jude, and Sam had love. He smiled while driving, maneuvering between cars as he continued the journey to the zoo. Sam had been in Toronto for a week already, and today was their second to last adventure before real life kicked in. Tommy and Jude had both taken the week off from the studio, though both were still making progress on her album thanks to a home studio. Jude had convinced him to let her produce her own album, with help from him when time permitted.
The day after tomorrow would mark Sam's first day of Kindergarten at Clinton Street Junior Public. The couple had met with the principal the week before, trying to get more information before making a decision on where the little girl should go. After the disaster of a visit at the Montessori school, they had also checked out Ogden Junior Public. While they hadn't been overwhelmed by it, the school seemed nice and academic standards were pretty average. However, after spending some time at Clinton, they had been convinced. Not only were the academics on par with other schools in the community, but there was a wonderful arts and music program. For Tommy and Jude, that had been it—there were ways for Sam to grow beyond academics and develop a creative way to express herself, and that was exactly what the couple wanted for her. So, they had enrolled her at Clinton, where she would begin classes tomorrow.
When they had asked where Sam wanted to go on "her" day, she had immediately responded with, "The ZOOOO!" Her excitement made the decision easy, and so they were off. Though it was nearly a forty minute drive, it hadn't seemed that long at all. Sam had been telling them what animals she wanted to see and demonstrating what she thought they sounded like. At one point, she had been trying to imitate a giraffe and had Tommy laughing so hard he nearly had to pull the car over. Thankfully, he recovered pretty quickly and his eye returned to the road, negotiating the final twists in the road that led to the zoo entrance.
Finally, the group made it inside, and Tommy made sure to have the map in one hand and a camera in the other. A few days ago, Jude had suggested they start bringing a camera with them to try and catch some of these experiences on film. The very next morning he had rushed out to get one of those small digital cameras that you could take anywhere. He spent an hour at the electronics store making sure they had the best camera they could get.
Their first destination was the African Savanna exhibit—Sam had really wanted to see the giraffe to find out what kind of noises they made, but surprisingly fell in love with the hippopotamus. From there, they were off to see the rhinoceroses and leopards, making sure to visit the polar bears along the way. The camel was also a fun stop, but more-so for Tommy and Jude who were watching Sam try to mimic the mammal. She would bob her head and stick out her tongue, trying to make it as long as the camel's. One quick pass through the rodents and reptiles was enough for Sam, they completely grossed her out, evidenced by her scrunched nose and wrinkled brow. Last they were off to see the various primates—monkeys, apes, and gorillas galore! Again, Sam tried to imitate the animals, putting her hands under her armpits and making "whooping" noises. At one point, she began to beat on her chest like the big male gorilla; thankfully, Tommy was able to snap a picture of her before her actions caused her to fall backward.
When she landed on her rear, Jude was the first to her side, and Tommy couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of him. Before any tears could escape Sam's eyes, Jude had her standing up and laughing again, spinning in circles. Taking another picture, he tried to imagine how they got from imitating the gorilla to spinning in circles. But, with no obvious connection, he ignored the thought and went over to his girls.
"You okay, Sam?" The "dad" in him was coming out, wanting to make sure that she really was alright.
"I'm fine, Daddy! Did you see us spinning?"
The way her eyes sparkled brought a smile to his face and warmness to his heart. "I did, Baby! I even got a picture of my girls spinning. Wanna see?"
At the excited expression on her face, Tommy turned on the camera and clicked to where their spinning picture was. Showing it to Jude first, them Sam, he laughed at their different reactions. While his daughter loved it, his girlfriend was not so pleased.
"Babe…" she whined. Trying to grab the camera out of his hand, she continued, "I look so goofy." Trying to persuade him by sticking out her bottom lip in a pout, she also gave him "puppy-dog eyes."
However, her actions failed to convince him and he took back the camera. "But I love when you look goofy. It makes me feel better about myself." As hard as he tried to keep a straight face, her shocked expression caused another laugh to escape. He leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss—innocent and gentle, but full of love.
A tugging on his hand brought Tommy's attention back to his daughter, and he asked, "Yes, Sam?"
"Do you think we could take a picture together? All of us?"
The way she asked was precious, but the question itself made Tommy's heart literally sing for joy. His little girl wanted a family picture! "That is a great idea, Sweetie. Let me go ask an employee if they would take our picture, and you and Jude pick a place, okay?"
"Okay! Come on Jude, lets go look at that bench!" She grabbed Jude's hand and dragged her along the walkway to a bench about fifteen yards away. Tommy smiled at their retreating figures, then turned to seek out someone who might be willing to take a picture of them. Finding a zoo employee who looked to be in her mid to late twenties, he walked up to her.
But before he could ask her to take a picture, she gushed, "You're Tommy Quincy…Little Tommy Q!" Tommy cringed at the sound of his former nickname, and was further disgusted when the woman placed a hand on his upper arm. "I went to a bunch of the Boyz Attack concerts years ago and even went to a couple of your reunion shows. You are so talented, I always thought you were the most talented one. Do you have a girlfriend?" Her words came out in a jumbled mess, and he didn't know where to start or how to respond.
Simply smiling, he thanked her and turned. He would find someone else to take their picture. Unfortunately, she was quick, and grabbed his arm. "Wait…" He paused and turned, not wanting to be too much of a jerk. She continued, "Do you have a girlfriend? Hell, even if you do, I can show you a good time. What do you say?"
Somewhat repulsed, he awkwardly looked over to where Jude and Sam were waiting for him, his daughter carrying on about who knows what. Why did strange women have to remember him for who he was? He would love to forget his boy bander past and move on with his life—one filled with Sam and Jude and music. But no; women like this make him remember the man he used to be.
Regardless, he had to turn this girl down, and figured that being blunt was the best option. "Sorry, my girls are waiting for me over there."
Again, he turned to walk away, but was stopped by her. "They won't notice if you're gone for a little bit, will they?" Wiggling her eyebrows, the woman tried to appear sexy and alluring, but it did nothing for him. Now that Jude was in his life, other women just didn't have the same appeal. Besides, what kind of father would just leave their daughter while they went off for a "quickie"?
"As tempting as your offer might be, I have a beautiful daughter to get back to. But have a great day." Smiling, he turned for the final time and walked back towards his girls. He had wanted so badly to tell the woman to "get real," that he was the luckiest man in the world because he had Jude by his side. His girl had more class and beauty than any other woman, and he wouldn't do anything to mess things up. Nonetheless, he had been nice to the park employee and simply walked away. There was no need to ruffle any feathers if he could just walk away and be done with her.
Heading back towards Sam and Jude, Tommy wasn't sure who he could get to take the picture now. There was a group of tourists to his right, but they weren't speaking English or French. A little old couple was at his left, but they were so involved in each other, that he didn't want to interrupt their special moment. The only other option was a couple of guys who looked to be in their twenties standing by the bench where Jude and Sam were sitting. He would have considered asking them, but the way one of the guys was eying Jude irritated him.
Of course, she was completely oblivious to her admirer, wrapped up in what Sam was saying. As much as he trusted Jude, the attention of the other guys brought out a jealousy in him. More, it brought out uncertainty. There were still lingering questions of whether or not she really wanted this. Sure, she said that they were in this together, but did she mean it? What about when things get hard or Sam isn't darling and easy? What happens if things get stressful at the studio and then they come home together? Feeling a need to mark his territory and find some sort of reassurance, Tommy strode over to his girls, bent down, and grabbed Jude's face, bringing her into a bruising kiss.
She was the first to pull back, surprising him. "What was that for?"
"Just needed a kiss." Separating from her, he continued, "I can't find anyone to take a picture, so lets just do it on our own."
"Do it on our own, huh?"
The suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows instantly cause a reaction in his lower body. "Oh, Babe...that's for later." Lowering his voice slightly, he continued, "Later when there are not little ears so close." Standing again and moving to the other side of the bench, Tommy sat next to his daughter. "Sam, what do you say we take that picture now?"
"Yeah! Get the camera ready!"
Sam was bouncing up and down with excitement, and he couldn't hold in the chuckle. "Sam, you have to sit a little more still for the picture, okay?"
Eyes wide, she quickly said, "Oh! I'm sorry, Daddy! I'll sit very still." She crossed her ankles and put her hands on her lap.
Again, Tommy smiled. He pulled the girls close to him and yelled, "Smile!" while snapping the picture. Taking a look, he couldn't help but feel like it was probably the best picture he had ever seen. Handing the camera off to Jude so she could see the picture, Tommy kissed his daughter on the top of her head. "Is there anything else you want to see before we head out, Sam?"
"Daddy, can we just go see the giraffe again?"
Big blue eyes stared up at him in question, and he couldn't help but agree. "Of course, Sweetheart. Let's go." Standing up, he grabbed her hand and led the way to the African Savanna exhibit to visit the giraffe one more time. An hour later, the three were headed for the exit, ready to get home. They had spent nearly all day at the zoo, and Tommy was beyond ready to go home. He didn't realize how tiring it could be to spend a day at the zoo with an energetic five-year-old.
On the way home, the group made a quick stop at Tommy and Jude's favorite Thai place, figuring that would be much easier than cooking a full meal. As Tommy and Sam waited in the restaurant for their takeout to be ready, Jude was outside on her phone. Sadie had called while they were out and claimed some very important question, but Tommy had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't very vital. Sadie had a tendency to blow things out of proportion.
Sitting in a booth close to the entrance, he was lost in his own thoughts, but was brought back to the present when Sam asked him something. "What was that, hon?"
"I said..." She rolled her eyes before continuing. "Is Jude my mommy or was Mama my mom?"
Not sure how to answer her question, Tommy decided to ask, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I used to live with Mama in New York. But now, I live with you, here in Toronto. Jude lives with us like I used to live with Mama, and Mama told me that mommies and daddies live together. So, will Jude be my mommy?"
For a minute, he didn't think about her question, but only considered her logic. The girl was pretty brilliant, especially for only being five! A faint, "Well, Daddy?" entered his thoughts, and he refocused on her question.
Does he tell her the truth? How much will she understand? Will she get that Jude isn't her real mom, but she'll act more like a mom than Angie ever did? Will it make sense that Jude is living with them, but that she isn't Sam's mom? Should he even go there? How do you explain love to a five year old? If he started to tell Sam that he loved Jude, would he have to start talking about sex?
Deciding to keep things simple, Tommy explained, "Sam, Jude is just Daddy's best friend. She's going to be living with us because she wants to hang out with you and get to know you better. Does that make sense?" He pushed aside the hint of unease that developed after he finished speaking. It's not like Jude could hear anyways, right? In reality, she would have a much better answer to Sam's question, but the uncertainty from before was creeping back in. Maybe if he downplayed what he shared with Jude it wouldn't be so bad if she decided to leave?
"I guess so." There was a glimpse of sadness in Sam's eyes, but it quickly disappeared when she spotted who Tommy assumed would be Jude. Turning, he saw the normally bright blue eyes of his girlfriend looking a bit guarded and dull. He briefly wondered if her conversation with Sadie had not gone well, but those thoughts were interrupted by the older man at the counter calling his name signaling that their food was ready.
Getting up, he grabbed the bag and gave the man a tip, ushering his girls out of the restaurant. On the way home, he was a bit stunned by the silence in the car. Sam was in her booster seat on the verge of falling asleep, and Jude was looking out the window. Since grabbing the food, she hadn't said a word to him, and he again questioned what had made her talk with her sister so awful.
The three got back to the apartment and quickly grabbed plates for their food. The meal was finished in relative quiet, all parties lost in their own thoughts. Tommy was stunned when Jude grabbed her purse and headed for the front door after putting their dishes in the dishwasher.
"Where are you going?" He thought they would tuck Sam in and curl up and watch a movie before heading to bed. Tomorrow would be their last chance to be together before getting into the routine of normal life. They had to get a few last minute supplies before school on Monday, but other than that Jude thought it would be nice to spend the day relaxing together. But now, Jude was leaving their place. It was almost eight and he had no idea where she would be off to at this point.
"The studio." Her answer was short and to the point.
Tommy was now thoroughly confused. Why would she go to the studio when they had one here? And more, why was she being so evasive? "Why not just work on things here?"
"Needed some space to get perspective, you know?" Again, a short answer, not providing much more than the basics.
"I'll see you later, I guess?" Tommy asked uncertainly. Would she be back in an hour, a couple of hours?"
"I'll text you if I'm going to be past midnight." With that, she went over to Sam and whispered something in her ear before kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, Sweetheart. I'll see you later, okay?"
Tommy smiled at the girl's words that followed, "Okay. I love you too, Jude"
Jude smiled at his daughter, but her expression turned blank when she turned to him. "Later," was all she said before walking out the door.
What the hell had just happened? Deciding that a bit of space would do her some good, he went over to his daughter and picked her up, tickling her as a way to take his mind off of Jude's strange behavior. They could talk when she got home. As much as he wanted to believe that her strange mood was due to something Sadie had said, intuition told him it was more than that.
…
Sitting in the studio, head in hands, Jude let the tears escape. Had she really thought that they would be a happy little family? Was she kidding herself that they could go from friends to dating to a family so easily? She should have realized it was coming after his meltdown after talking to Kwest a couple of weeks ago. This was just reality kicking in. It wasn't love, they had just been caught up in the moment. He would always be her best friend, but who were they kidding trying to make some relationship work, especially with a kid thrown in the mix.
With those feelings and frustrations racing around in her head, Jude grabbed her guitar from the corner of the room. She began to strum along with the Patsy Cline classic You Were Only Fooling. The words held so much truth to what she was feeling right now, "You were only fooling me when I was falling in love." The tears continued to fall off of her face, some landing on her skin, others making their way to the floor.
After continuing to play the song a few times through, Jude stopped. In an instant, her feelings, frustrations, heartbreak, and hope had formed words, and those words needed to escape. She grabbed the notebook that was always close at hand, and searched for the Sharpie® she used to write lyrics. She loved the permanence it held, the story it told through the lyric and chord variations. The words that were crossed out and changed spoke of the journey it took to get to the final song, one that was usually powerfully honest. That same honesty was present now, as with any great heartbreak there was the possibility for great inspiration.
She still held a hope that Tommy hadn't meant his words to Sam, that their confessions of love were genuine and real. She truly desired to be with Tommy—be by his side through the good and bad times. She needed him to be near her, his absence was always felt. In this moment, she felt every inkling of hurt he caused her, but it was like a splinter—irritating under her skin, but loving the intimate closeness. But, it was as if he was so close to her that she wasn't sure where she ended and he began.
Close to midnight she sat back and looked at the notebook pages that were filled with honesty, hurt, desire, and love. Deciding to go over the song one final time, Jude grabbed a sip of her water and then began to play.
Where she walks, no flowers bloom
He's the one I see right through
She's the abscess on my lip
The splinter in my fingertip
But who could do without you?
And who could do without you?
She the sea I'm sinkin' in
He's the ink under my skin
Sometimes I can't tell where I am
Where I leave off and he begins
But who could do without you?
And who could do without you?
Oh, we're a pretty, pretty pair
Yes, we are
All, all the king's horses
And all of his men
Couldn't tear us apart
Dancing with a ball and chain
Through it all we still remain
Butterflies around the flame
Till ashes, ashes, we fade away
Sighing, she released some of the strain of the emotion that had been weighing her down. As painful as some songs were to write, once they were finished there was always a sense of freedom. As much as the words hurt, they were true: who could do without Tom Quincy? Jude resigned herself to the reality that she could not do without him. She needed him. She would figure out whatever was going on to make him call her only a "best friend;" and in the end, they would come out of it okay—whether as best friends or still in a relationship.
The sound of hands clapping startled Jude out of her reverie, and she quickly turned to see who was intruding on her private concert. Surprised, she found that she was looking at her brother in law, Kwest. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged his shoulders before answering, "Honestly, your sister was driving me insane. These pregnancy hormones will be the death of me!"
She laughed, knowing how Sadie could be. She had always been dramatic, but it was true, the pregnancy was making her even more emotional and crazy. "What did she do this time?" If nothing else, at least hearing about her sister's actions would give her a laugh.
Kwest told her how Sadie was looking at wedding pictures and all of a sudden got really mad at him. When he asked what was wrong, she told him he should know, "but why would you waste our money when it should have been for the baby?" At that point, Kwest was completely confused, but knew better than to ask more questions. Instead, he told her how sorry he was, thinking that would be the end of it. But no! With Sadie, there had to be more to it. She had leaped off of the couch and threw the wedding album at him, nearly hitting him in the head. Apparently missing her target, she then threw her cup at him, thinking it was empty, but was surprised when the little bit of hot cocoa at the bottom went everywhere. Of course, she blamed Kwest for the spilled drink, but when he offered to clean it up, she yelled that he wasn't grateful for all the things she did around the house. Knowing there was no winning in this battle with Sadie, he grabbed his wallet and keys and told her that he would be back later with mint chip and pistachio ice cream and the cereal she liked with those mini marshmallows. Instead of thanking him, Sadie had yelled, "when you get back you'll be cleaning up this mess you made and you'll be sleeping on the couch! Just be glad you're bringing me ice cream and cereal or I would send you to Tommy's place!"
Jude was nearly rolling on the floor when she heard what her sister had told Kwest. She could just picture her face, red and puffy from anger, eyes glaring with anger. "You're right! She is crazy!" Getting up from the ground, she moved to the comfortable couch that sat behind the sound board. "Wanna join me?"
"Sure, thanks." Moving closer to her, he sat on the opposite side of the couch and placed his feet on one of the chairs. Leaning back, he asked, "Why are you here?"
Regardless of the fact that she would probably end up telling him everything, Jude played dumb and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Nice try, Jude. I know that you and T have taken the past week off to spend time with Sam, and I also know that you guys have been getting some work done at the studio he has in-home. Anything you need to record can be done there and there isn't anything you are on a deadline for at this point. So again, why are you here?"
A pointed look from Kwest caused her to sigh. "Fine, it isn't like you won't find out eventually." Leaning back and putting her feet up, Jude's position now mimicked his. She began to tell him about the things they had done with Sam over the past week and how much she loved that little girl. She got into their trip to the zoo, and explained all of the antics that Sam had been up to—imitating the different animals and such. Eventually, she got to the fateful words Tommy said that had led to her current confused state. "He said that I was his best friend and the only reason I was living there was to hang out with Sam. I almost lost it when I heard him, but didn't know what to say. He didn't know I was standing behind him, so its not like the words were for my benefit." She closed her eyes, the emotional strain from recounting the day's activities wearing on her. "Anyways, we got the food and went home. Since we were all a bit tired, we didn't talk much at dinner, and then I left. I just couldn't stay there so unsure of what was going on."
After a few moments of silence, Kwest spoke, "So how do you feel?"
Leave it to Kwest to ask the hard questions. Jude didn't know how she felt, and she told him so. "Honestly, I don't really know. I'm confused because I thought what we had was so real. I'm hurt because, if what he told Sam is how he really feels, then he's been lying to me for the past few weeks. I'm sad because I miss him. I've only been gone for a few hours, and I miss him! I'm angry because I miss him and I feel so lost without him next to me. And I feel pathetic because I am so dependent on someone who I have only really been dating for about two weeks." She stood again, and began pacing the room. She wasn't sure what to do or where to go, but restlessness had begun to set in.
"Where does that leave you guys?" Again, it was Kwest with a hard question.
"I don't know." Shoulders shrugged as she continued, "Its not like I can stop loving him. I mean, I was in love with the guys for years and he wasn't even in the same city. One little issue like this isn't going to change that. But, if none of this was real, I don't know what to do." Looking directly at her brother in law and close friend, she let a bit of her desperation shine through. "What can I do? Even if the past couple of weeks was a joke or some failed experiment, he'll still be my best friend. Besides, he'll need help with Sam until he finds some other woman." At those words, her throat clenched. The thought of Tommy with another woman made her want to cry. Trying to regain a bit of composure, she took a large gulp and continued, "And let's be honest, I already love that little girl."
Kwest looked up at her somewhat surprised. "I didn't realize how much you cared about her." Standing up, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Not that it isn't great, but why do you care so much?"
Laughing, she couldn't help but smile at the thought of the precious little girl that had already worked her way into the depths of her heart. "I can't help it. When Tommy first told me about her, I couldn't wait to meet her. The more we designed her room and put things together and checked out schools, the more I wanted to meet her. When I saw her at the airport, she grabbed ahold of my heart. Since then, I couldn't help be love her. I even thought about how great it would be if..." Looking down, she thought about what she really meant. She thought about how great it would be if Sam was hers and Tommy's. Jude knew that it was wrong to think that, but it was true. She wanted Sam to be hers because she wanted to be tied to her. She wanted to be her mom.
It was as if Kwest knew exactly what she was going to say, and pulled her into a tight hug. It was comforting, but not as much as it would have been coming from Tommy. Trying to push thoughts of him aside and lighten the mood a bit, Jude pulled back from Kwest and asked, "Shouldn't you be getting back to your moody wife, right about now?"
He chuckled, "Yeah, I probably should." He hesitated before asking, "Why don't you join me? Come back to our place and crash for the night. I guarantee our couch is more comfortable that this studio."
Liking the idea of staying with the closest family she had—other than Tommy—Jude grabbed her purse. "That sounds great. Do we need to stop at the store?" She knew that Sadie would not be happy if her ice cream and cereal was forgotton.
"No, it's actually waiting in the car. With it being so cold, the ice cream should still be frozen."
"That's kind of awesome." As she began to pull her keys out of her purse, the thought of driving seemed utterly exhausting and overwhelming. "Hey Kwest?" She was unsure how he would feel about taking her home.
"What's up, superstar?"
"Do you think you could take me home? I really don't feel like driving right now."
"Of course! We can grab your car whenever. It should be fine here. Let's go."
The pair were off and arrived at the door of Kwest and Sadie's home only fifteen or so minutes later. Ice cream and cereal in hand, they walked through the door, Kwest calling out, "Honey, I brought you a visitor!"
Noises came from upstairs, and a moment later, Jude saw her sister coming towards them. "Jude!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here? What did Tommy do now?"
Wow! Jude thought. Her sister knew her well! Nonetheless, she didn't want to talk about it any more tonight. "Later, Sades. Let's go to sleep and I can tell you all about it tomorrow, okay?"
Sadie watched her for a moment as if trying to asses whether or not she'd be okay. Deciding that the following day would be soon enough, she said, "Fine. I'm going to bed. Love you, sis." Turning to Kwest, she asked, "Would you bring some ice cream up stairs?"
Smiling, Kwest held in a laugh and simply said, "Sure, Babe. Mint chip and pistachio with cereal on top?"
"Perfect. Thanks." She turned and headed back up the stairs without a second look.
Kwest went into the kitchen while Jude went to the couch and set down her bag. She grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and sat down, throwing the blanket over herself. Trying to get comfortable, Jude tossed and turned a few times before realizing that there would be no hope of being as comfortable on this couch as she would be in Tommy's bed. Thoughts of Tommy began to fill her mind, and she was unable to push them away.
However, Kwest interrupted her racing mind, saying, "You know he's an idiot, right Jude?"
She nodded, knowing that her brother was only trying to help. Regardless of his good intentions, Jude wasn't sure if he was right this time.
He sat down next to her and put the ice cream on the coffee table. "I'm serious, Jude. He is an idiot for not telling Sam the truth…and we all know the truth is that you guys are made for each other. Give him a night to realize what a fool he is for saying that, and tomorrow he will be at the door begging for you to come home."
"But what if he isn't?" The question was faint, but it was obvious that Kwest still heard it.
"He will be. But, if for some reason he isn't, its because he got abducted by aliens." Smiling at her, he finished, "Jude, you know the guy is head over heels for you. He even…"
His words trailed off and Jude knew that he was hiding something from her. But, whether it was because it was already nearly one o'clock in the morning or because she was emotionally drained, she didn't care. "I hope you're right," was all she said instead. Watching Kwest leave and head upstairs, Jude thought about what he said. Would Tommy be there tomorrow morning? Would he even care that she was gone? Would he still let her be a part of Sam's life?
The stream of questions was continuous, and Jude knew it would be a long night. Ultimately, she wondered if her relationship with Tommy would ever work. If not, she guessed it was better to know now rather than be surprised by it later, when she had fallen harder for him. She realized that she was probably over-reacting a little bit, but the anxiety of going back to being "best friends" with him was real. She loved Tom Quincy…and she had been loved by him. If she had to "forget" that, Jude knew that her heart would be broken.
But, given the choice between having been loved by Tom Quincy or not, she would choose love every time. To feel the way he made her feel would be worth it every time. She just hoped he felt the same.
…
Clinton Street Junior Public School and Ogden Junior Public School are both public schools located in Toronto. I have no real knowledge of the schools, their beliefs, academics, or practices.
The song is Birds of a Feather by the Civil Wars. If you haven't heard them, check them out…they are pretty fantastic