Memo: Hey Again All Flamers are welcome. Just not those newbie ones that say "OMIGOSH UR STORI SVCKS." That doesn't count. A long flame with comments about how I could improve my stories is what I'm looking for.
Hope You enjoy reading this.
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It was lunchtime. She really wasnt very hungry. The breakfast would tie her over until dinner.
She regretted shouting at Malfoy. Things had finally become civil between the two. Then she had to go and ruin it just because she couldn't keep her temper. She deeply sighed and headed out onto the grounds. She would go and see Hagrid.
She wondered if he also knew.
She trudged down the grounds, feeling better than she had in a long time. She felt healthy and alive. She loved this feeling in her chest. She ran her hands through her thick hair and took in a deep breath of the summer air. Summer wouldn't end for another few weeks. The school year did not affect the actual seasons. So with a smile she headed on her way to Hagrid's Hut.
She quickly stepped up the few steps and knocked on his oversized door. She looked around and saw several strange creatures pinned behind the hut and she felt absolutely no desire to go and see what they were.
The door opened up with a creak and after one look at him,her heart sank.She knew that he knew.
His eyes were blood shot and his face was tear stained. He had never been one to control or hide his emotions. His body was trembling and his hair was a mess. He looked down at Hermione and his lips began to tremble and he squinted against the tears.
"Oh Hermione!" he cried and bent down and she was enveloped in his strong arms. She wrapped her arms around his bushy head and held him tight. It was less for her comfort and more for his. He cried and held her tightly, but not too tightly. She could still breathe.
They remained like that for a few moments and then he pulled away.
"Oh I'm sorry, Hermione. I'm being all selfish. How are you?" he asked and ran his nose across his sleeve. Hermione ignored the rather disgusting gesture and smiled.
"Im great Hagrid. Haven't felt this good in a long while," she said with a laugh. Hagrid smiled and looked around.
"It's Hogwarts. It can do wonders," he said with a shrug. "Please, come in," he said and stepped out of the way. She walked inside and looked around. It was the same as always. Fang looked up and made a small yip and she knelt down and stroked him gently. He nuzzled her hand before going back into a peaceful snooze.
"Have a seat," he motioned towards one of the chairs that were much too large for her. She still did and crossed her arms, watching him fumble about, trying to be distracted.
"Hagrid..."
"You know this year I have a whole lot planned out for me class..."
"Hagrid..."
"Its going to be a real thriller this year..."
"Hagrid..."
"Would you like some tea? Of course you would..."
"Hagrid!" Hermione finally called out. He froze, a teapot and mugs in his hands. "Hagrid, will you please look at me?" She asked. He turned slowly and faced her, though his eyes were firmly planted on the floor. "Please Hagrid," she begged of him, her voice on the verge of breaking. The sound of her so upset caused Hagrid to look up.
Tears were spilling over his eyes and onto his cheeks. He set the teapot and mugs down on the table and sniffled.
"It's just not right, Hermione. You don't deserve it...oh look at me. I'm just being inconsiderate. Crying and all... it's not as if you need to be reminded!" he said, inwardly beating himself up. Hermione slid off of the chair and walked towards him slowly. She took his oversized hands in hers and looked up at him sadly.
"Hagrid, its OK to cry. God knows I've done my share," she said. He squeezed his eyes against the tears. He took a shaky breath.
"I promised myself I'd be strong..."
"Hagrid, look at the size of you! I have a feeling you're strong without even trying," she laughed. Hagrid looked down at her with guilt in his eyes, though the small familiar twinkle of laughter.
"How do you do it?" he asked her suddenly. "How do you put up through all of this with a smile on your face?" he asked and sat down. He began to prepare the tea, sniffling and trying to get control of his tears. She sighed and watched him stir it. Her hands were cold and she rubbed them together quickly, the friction warming them. How did she do it? She didnt even know. She could give up. Stop taking medication...and just quit...but she was never a person to give up.
"I have my good days and bad days, just like everybody else. They've been mostly bad lately, so I was due for a good one. That's what today has been like, anyways,"she said. She took the mug of tea gratefully and sipped on it. Hagrid was a lousy cook but he knew how to make the perfect cup of tea.
"If I were in your position they'd all be bad," he said gruffly. "You on any medication?" he asked, seeming awkward. Hermione nodded.
"Yes. If I were on any more I swear it would just make more sense to drug me to unconsciousness," she said. She knew it was a bad attempt at humor, so she just sipped her tea and avoided Hagrid's gaze.
"So how has Head Girl been working for you?" he asked and just stirred his tea, not particularly interested in it's soothing nature. She sighed deeply and thought about it for a moment.
"Its a lot like being a Prefect. I just sort of supervise it all. I haven't really been keeping up with it, though. And I've been a real jerk to Malfoy," she said sadly. Hagrid rolled his eyes.
"Well he deserved it! I swear, with what he's done...he should have been expelled long ago!" he slammed his mug of tea down and Hermione jumped. She sighed, feeling even worse about how she was getting along with the horrid boy.
"I know, but McGonagall hasn't told you about the terms, has she?" Hermione asked Hagrid. He shook his head and his bushy hair shook with it. Hermione took a deep breath and swirled her tea around in its mug. "Well, if Malfoy and I arent civil to one another we're both going to have our privileges taken away. Head Girl, no more," she said sadly. Hagrid glared angrily but stayed quiet. "Malfoy was keeping up his end of the bargain, but he asked me a... sensitive question and I blew up at him."
"You should have," Hagrid said grumpily. Hermione laughed and silently thanked him for being Hagrid.
They were silent and Hermione sipped her tea, it warming her.
"Hermione?" he asked quietly and a bit nervously.
"Yes?" she asked and looked up from her mug of tea.
"Have you told Ron and Harry?" Hagrid asked. Hermione was silent. She set her mug down and stared at her pale hands, her fingers trembling as she rung them together. She shook her head no after a few moments. "They have a right to know."
"I know Hagrid! But do you know how they'd treat me if they found out?" Hermione asked. Hagrid closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't want to be different, Hagrid. I want them to treat me the same as always. I promise I'll tell them eventually, but not yet. Please, dont mention anything to them," Hermione begged of him.
"Hermione, they need to know..."
"They will know, just not yet. I'll tell them," she promised him. Hagrid looked up at her sadly. His bit his lip and scratched at his beard.
"Hermione, you know this isn't right. I'll trust your judgment. Tell them after your appointment at St. Mungo's. Promise me that." Hermione nodded and whispered her promise. She finished off her tea and bid farewell to Hagrid.
Leaving, guilt rushed through her. She didn't know if she'd ever tell Ron or Harry. They meant so much to her. She couldn't stand the thought of them treating her in the way that Hagrid just treated her. It wasn't right. Every time they'd look at her there would be tears in their eyes. Every time they touched her it would be gentle, as if she were a piece of china. Everything they said to her would be guarded, making sure that they didn't contradict her or hurt her feelings in any way possible.
She knew this was true because this was how the Professors, her parents, the doctors, and her Muggle friends had all treated her. By the end of the summer she had no muggle friends. None of them could even stand to be near her.
Harry and Ron treating her in the same manner frightened her more than anything in her life, including her current condition. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. She rested her fingers on the welt on the back of her neck. She felt the stitches. She ran her finger along the extent of it.
If it were for magic, she wouldnt have been able to hide from the ugly truth of it. If it weren't for magic people would stare at her every day.
As soon as she got to St. Mungos they would tell her the cold hard truth of it.
She wondered how she would react to it. She wondered what they would do to try to help her. She had been to countless Muggle doctors and none of them were able to help, just give her all of this medication. Hopefully the wizards could do something more.
Hopefully they would fix her.
She knew it was more complicated than that and the thought weighed down her steps as she headed back up to the castle. She was not merely a broken toy that could be fixed with a simple wave of a wand.
She was a toy that was smashed to pieces and the pieces them crumbled to dust and thrown carelessly to the wind.
It was going to take a lot more than just a simple wave of a wand to put her back together.