So, let's everybody hope that Daniel and his awkwardness can help out Juliet here in this chapter! Just know, I've been listening to weird songs and they may influence this chapter. Such as 'Issues' by Escape the Fate. Not my usual choice in music, mind you.
Here's the inspiration of the day which brought you this chapter!
So I try to be silent, but my words,
They explode like hand grenades.
I just gotta stay calm,
Before I let this time bomb,
Explode in my face.
-Escape the Fate(Issues)
August 1,
1975.
Sawyer was determined not to say anything about the fact that Juliet had been spending less and less time with him. He tried his best, really, not to be deterred by the fact she was now spending more and more time with Daniel the longer that the awkward little physicist stayed. Which apparently, was going to be until the end of this month when the sub returned. He felt like, after their last real conversation last month, his best friend had pretty much disappeared.
Hell, even Miles and Jin had commented that the blonde had all but disappeared now that Daniel had returned. When those two feel the loss of her presence, he knew she'd managed to have a hell of an effect on all of them in different ways and not just himself. That made him feel a little less left out of her and Daniel's little bond than before.
But still, all he'd seen from her lately was that quiet emotionless face she'd had on all the time before they had arrived here in Dharmaville. Except with Daniel. With him she was smiling, laughing and being her usual self. Or at least what had become normal for her. It almost had him wanting to ask Daniel to stay, just so that she'd keep on smiling.
"Hi Jim."
He looked up, slightly startled out of his thoughts, as Amy appeared in front of him on the porch of his and Juliet's little yellow house. "Hey Ames."
She took a seat next to him. "You guys must be so glad to see Daniel again, have you been having fun?" she asked him with a pleasant smile.
If only she knew, he thought to himself. "Ain't seen much of him at all, actually," he admitted to her. Although he wasn't too sure why, he figured it was because he'd lost the only other person he really talked to. "Or Juliet, for that matter."
Amy thought about that for a moment. "They always did seem rather close when you guys arrived here," she pointed out. "You know George from the motor pool, right?" she asked him. At his nod, she continued. "Well, he said that Juliet had seemed really sad that day that Daniel came back. At least until he showed up."
"Sad?" he questioned, arching an eyebrow up in response. And it hit him, had Juliet noticed that he'd been avoiding her that week or so after their conversation? He had wanted to apologize to her but then Daniel had showed up and he'd barely seen hide nor hair of her. Maybe that's why she hasn't talked to him much. "Do you think it was my fault?" he dared to ask.
Amy looked at him with slight confusion.
He frowned. Usually Juliet shared everything with the brunette. "Just that... me and her kinda had this talk last month and I ain't used to sharing things with other people," he explained. He really couldn't believe he was talking to Amy. "I sorta avoided her right up until the day Dan showed back up..."
Amy wasn't sure how to tell him that Juliet had clearly been doing the same thing he had. "You two are both so distant," she told him. "You were both so busy avoiding contact with the other, that neither of you took the time to notice that the other was doing the same thing."
Sawyer was stunned, mostly because he hadn't realized that Juliet had been avoiding him as well. How could he not have caught that? 'Duh...' he thought with slight annoyance. It was exactly like Amy said. He'd been too busy avoiding her to notice. He rubbed his temples with his fingers, now he was getting a headache.
"You can both sit around and try to pretend that the little spark igniting between you, isn't really there," Amy told him. "But it won't change the fact that it is indeed there. "Trying to ignore it, is only going to distance the two of you further from each other."
He stared at her. "And how would you know?" he grumbled out.
Amy just smiled at him knowingly. "Because I've been watching this little tap dance that you two do for the last eleven months. And sure, it probably meant nothing those first couple of months, but sooner or later, you're going to realize it's not going away."
Sawyer was silent in response to that one.
"The two of you are both just too stubborn because you've been burned in the past," she pointed out. "And try not to think of this as rude, Jim... because I don't mean it that way, but you two are so damned hard-headed that you make me get a headache trying to figure you both out."
He chuckled, mostly because she was right. But he shook his head. "Tell me this then, Amy..." he muttered. "How would it be fair for Juliet, if it still hurts to say her name."
And Amy realized after a moment that the her he had emphasized, was the girl he had lost in the shipwreck, not Juliet. She gave him a sad smile and rested her hand on his shoulder. "I can assure you, it's always going to hurt," she explained. "And it may not seem fair, not to either of you, which is why you're having these problems. It doesn't mean that you're never allowed to move on."
He took a deep breath and just shook his head again. It wasn't as if he could just up and tell Amy that Kate wasn't dead, at least, he didn't think she was. The real issue for himself and probably for Juliet as well, was that Kate and Jack were off in the real world, probably together. He wasn't sure which would hurt worse.
"Maybe, Jim, just maybe... if you accepted whatever you're feeling towards Juliet," she mentioned quietly. "Then you could help each other move on. But, that's just my opinion. I'll leave you alone now."
He didn't say anything as she got up and left him alone with his thoughts. He wondered if Juliet really even thought about Jack very much anymore. He'd spent eleven freaking months, thinking about someone that he had know for only three months. He'd been obsessed with a relationship that had been dysfunctional from the very beginning, when there was a blonde bombshell that had been by his side for nearly a year, taking whatever he dished out.
He realized now, how much he'd truly put the damned woman through. Multiple instances led to her get mad and upset, wanting to leave him and the island behind. What the hell would he do if she left on the sub with Daniel at the end of the month? "Shit..." he muttered, covering his face with his hands.
August 3,
1975.
In the twelve days that Daniel had been here, Juliet had told him just about everything that had gone on. From smoke monsters to Sawyer getting shot, to the conversation that led to the hug, that led to her 'issues'. She was currently sitting with him in one of the newer houses that had been built for new recruits coming in at the end of the month.
"Did you really love Jack?" Daniel finally asked her. In twelves days he hadn't been able to convince her to just talk to Sawyer and get it over with. But he kept trying anyways.
"In a way, I suppose..." she admitted. "Or maybe, maybe I just loved the idea of him," she stated with a sigh. "I just wish, you know... that nothing between him and I had ever happened."
Daniel frowned.
She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. "In all my years on the island, I had pretty much learned to live half-alive, Daniel. Then I met Jack... and he made all of these promises, promises that he broke." She frowned and opened her eyes to see Daniel staring at her with a look filled with worry. "He made me feel fully alive again, and I hate him for it."
"You don't want him to come back for you?" he asked her with uncertainty. To be honest, he'd never fully grasped the relationship between her and Jack, but she'd taken the time lately to explain it all to him.
"I don't want him to come back at all," she growled out in frustration. "But hell, even if he did, he wouldn't come back because of me. He'd just do it for himself. He'd just do it because he'd probably feel like he needs to fix some stupid mistake he's made somewhere." She still remembered his touch on the scar on her back like it was yesterday. His promise that they'd get off the island, do it together. She just wished that she'd realized then that he was using her to pretend he didn't really love Kate.
"So why not give Sawyer a shot?" he questioned her. He took her hand in his, and it felt weird to do so, but he figured that people did this when they had conversations like this, right? "It's better to love and lose it, then to never love it all. Love doesn't hurt, Juliet... it makes us stronger."
Juliet frowned in response. "Then I guess I've never loved, I guess I'm just falling to pieces... if this is giving up Daniel, than that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm giving up on love."
Daniel let out a muffled sigh as the blonde stood up and left. He really wished he could help her, but he just didn't know how.
Ten minutes later...
Sawyer glanced up from the book he was reading as Juliet slammed the front door closed behind her and went straight to her room. He frowned slightly and after a moment, he followed after her. He stopped in her doorway, glancing at her sitting on the bed. "Hey... you okay blondie?"
Juliet let out a strangled laugh and just shook her head, laying back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Daniel says that love doesn't hurt, that it just makes us stronger," she informed him. "I call bullshit..." she muttered.
He lifted an eyebrow in response. Well, she was talking to him, that was a start he supposed. He wandered into the room and awkwardly sat on the side of the bed near her.
"I'm giving up..." she mumbled, pulling a pillow over her head and attempting to ignore how close he was to her. "I can barely even get friendship right anymore, I wouldn't freaking know what love was if it hit me smack in the face."
"Hey," he called out to her under the pillow, nudging her knee with his own. "I think you got the damn friendship thing down pretty well." He was at least making the attempt here, right?
She let out a laugh from under the pillow. "You obviously haven't been paying much attention the last three weeks or so then, because we've barely spoken two words to each other."
He frowned slightly in response to that. "What the hell have you and Mr. Wizard been talkin' about?" he growled out.
"Oh you know, smoke monsters, how I want Jack to never come back," she mentioned. "Oh, and don't forget about how much I suck at life."
It took a moment for her statement to hit him. She didn't want Jack to come back? Never? He leaned over and peeled the pillow off her face and was surprised by the tears. Was that why she put the pillow over her? To hide the tears? "Hey... what's wrong?"
"I miss my sister..." she finally admitted, covering her face with her hands this time. "Jack made me think I had a chance to get off this island, he made me think I had a chance to see her again," she muttered. "I wish he'd never done that... I wish he'd never... I just wish that none of you had ever crashed on this stupid fucking island."
He was stunned by the outburst, by her use of the 'f'-bomb for the second time in two months. He was really effecting the way she cursed. He laid back on the bed next to her and he could tell she was biting down on her lip to stop the waterworks, it actually seemed to work. "They ain't comin' back, alright?" he told her. "And I'm glad we crashed here, because your the greatest friend I ever had."
"I've been the worst friend," she muttered, shaking her head. "We haven't even spoken, James, what the hell is so great about that?"
He smirked at her. "Talkin' now, ain't we?" he asked her, lifting an eyebrow up. He stared at the strands of hair that fell in her face and he brushed them behind her ear with his hand. "Obviously we both suck at this, but I'd say we're doing pretty damn good, for a couple of screwed up people."
She chuckled half-heartedly and rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I think you're better at it than I am..." she admitted.
"We're both improving," he stated with a laugh.
"This is our home now... isn't it?" she finally asked him.
"I guess it is..." he agreed.
For a good ten minutes they both laid there with their eyes closed.
"James..." she mumbled.
"Hmm..?"
"Maybe I don't mind it here so much..."
He just smiled. "Me either, Juliet, me either..." And he hadn't meant to fall asleep there, not really.
August 4,
1975.
When she woke up, she was tangled limb for limb with someone else. She was really confused at first, until she looked over at Sawyer. Almost immediately she turned red in the face and her first reaction was to pull away as quickly as possible. Unfortunately that woke him up too. Not only was she silent, but she was certain that her face was still as red as a tomato.
He was equally as stunned as he sat up and looked at Juliet. Neither of them spoke as they stared at each other in complete shock and they quickly inched further apart. And at the same time, she seemed to have the same idea as him, as they both checked what they were wearing. He sort of felt the need to run, but he thought it would probably be not only rude, but may just give the wrong idea.
Juliet found her eyes wandering the room for any reason they could get out of this awkward situation. When her eyes hit the clock, she knew she had the excuse. "We're late!"
He followed her eyes to the clock and as if the morning couldn't get worse in it's odd ways, apparently they had both overslept. They were both up on their feet instantly. He paused and watched as she dug through the closet, pulling out her jumpsuit. After that, he wandered out cursing to himself along the way, heading into his own room to get dressed for work.
When they met up at the front door a few minutes later, they both shifted awkwardly. Finally he relented and opened up the door, letting her out first. And fortunately, nobody seemed to be paying attention that they had both showed up late for work today. Or at least if they had, they'd been decent enough not to mention a word about it.
August 8,
1975.
They were doing it again. Avoiding each other.
Sawyer realized fairly quickly that her words last week had been true not only for herself, but for him as well. They were both absolutely horrifyingly horrible at this relationship stuff, even if it was just friendship. They were completely mincing the word 'friendship' here and shredding it into tiny, microscopic pieces. He wondered if even Daniel could see it under his microscope.
When they ran into each other, she'd turn redder than any shade of red he's seen before, and he just wouldn't know what to say. He was even less sure what to think of the fact that the Kate in his dreams, was slowly becoming a blonde. That her green eyes were turning a magnificent shade of blue. It scared him in some ways. How the hell had Juliet managed to dig herself this far into his thoughts, so much so, that she'd replaced Kate in the dreamworld?
And he'd be damned. He'd slept good that night in her room.
He ran into Daniel now and he couldn't help but stop the smaller man. He opened his mouth to speak but the nerdy science boy managed to speak up first.
"If you want to talk about Juliet, then we should do that at my place..." he told him, wandering towards his own house.
Sawyer followed him, albeit reluctantly. Maybe he could at least get some answers here. "Look, it's just about whatever conversation you and her had last week," he muttered as he followed Daniel inside the newer house. "I know it upset her a shitload.."
Daniel chuckled. "All she really said was that before all of you came to the island, she was living, mostly, half-alive. And that Jack made a bunch of promises, made her feel fully alive again, and that she hated him for it." He hated to break the confidence of her chat with him but if he couldn't help her, maybe Sawyer could. She clearly needed to let somebody here help her before she completely fell apart.
"What the hell does that mean?" he grumbled out in frustration.
Daniel sighed and shook his head. "Put it this way, before she had any interactions with Jack, she didn't really expect to ever go home. But he gave her hope and she hates him for that false hope," he explained. "You might think it was because she loved him, but that wasn't the case," he told him. "And she'll probably be really mad that I told you all this, but somebody needs to help her. And she likes you, trusts you. For whatever reason..."
Sawyer stared at him indifferently. "Gee Dannyboy, couldn't ya' have at least said that a little more nicely?" How the hell was he supposed to help her when they couldn't even look at each other?
Daniel shrugged. He eyed him suspiciously for a moment before crossing his arms. He narrowed his eyes. "You like her... don't you?"
Sawyer waved him off.
"You do!" Daniel said with a sudden giddiness. "That's good, real good, we can work with that."
Sawyer managed not to smack whatever he was thinking right out of his head. Instead he shook his head and walked out the door.
"Hey! You didn't wait to hear-" he frowned. He shuffled from the house and headed towards Miles' and Jin's place. He gave a half-ass knock before going inside. "We need to do something," he informed them as he shut the door behind him.
Miles looked up from the card-game he and Jin were in the middle of. "Well hey to you too, Dan."
Jin threw his cards down. "Two pair."
"Shit! This is bullshit," Miles muttered.
"Hey, are you paying attention?" Daniel asked, heading towards the table.
"Yeah, yeah," Miles muttered tossing his cards into the center of the table. "What do you need us to do?"
Daniel gave him a half-assed grin. "It's about Sawyer and Juliet."
The other two men looked at him immediately.
"We're all ears," Miles informed him, the card game forgotten. "Because short of locking them in a room together, we're out of ideas."
Daniel lifted an eyebrow up. "Really? You haven't tried yet?"
Miles and Jin both looked at each other.
"Because that's exactly what we need to do."
Jin threw his hands up in surrender. "No way, I not get Juliet mad at me."
"Ditto, man," Miles stated. "She's scary."
"24 hours," Daniel stated. "It'll be like an experiment. We could use the infirmary. It locks from the outside."
Miles was stunned. "Have you become the mad scientist since you left? Do you know how pissed they'd get?"
"Less pissed if it works," Daniel stated.
"He have point," Jin said. "We get them together, less trouble for us."
Miles thought about that. "True... shit, why not? Let's do it."
"Really?" Daniel asked.
Jin was nodding. "Needs to be done."
"Definitely," Miles agreed. "Hell, this is probably the smartest idea you've ever had, Dan!" he exclaimed jokingly, patting him on the back.
Daniel rolled his eyes. "I say we plan this out for a few days. Now how do we get them both to the infirmary?"
Miles was beaming, a huge grin covering his face. "Oh leave that to me! I got this shit covered!" he wandered out the door to enlist Amy's aid.
Like a brick or a stone slowly crushing my bones,
Sending me to my grave and it's just such a fake,
This life that I've made, I'm going insane.
Yes, clearly there will be a part two. I have lots more planned for this month to manage to fit it all into one chapter. So! Be prepared for all out insanity in the next installment! When Daniel, Miles, Jin and Amy lock Sawyer and Juliet in a room together. Because what could possibly go wrong with that? Haha.