Chapter Two
It had been two days since Dave had visited Kurt at his Dalton Academy dormitory. In that time, he had told no one else about himself, or what he and Kurt had talked about. Kurt had even promised not to tell his own family, letting Dave know that it wasn't his place. This might have made for an awkward ride back with Finn, if Finn had decided to be nosy and push for details, but he didn't. He simply asked Dave if everything was cool between he and Kurt now, and made Dave promise not to terrorize him anymore. Dave agreed, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, and grinned slightly with satisfaction and relief.
It was also perhaps altogether too convenient that it had been Friday when Dave confessed himself and opened up to Kurt, since it meant that he wouldn't see anyone at school until Monday. Dave spent most of his weekend in his home, watching DVDs, playing Xbox or sometimes, when he dared, just sitting in his quiet room, thinking to himself. This was sometimes cathartic, and but also forced him to think about things that he still wasn't sure he was ready to cope with. He had come out to Kurt, but that was just one small step. Now he had to think about how and when he would come out to everyone else, and it scared the shit out of him.
Sunday night rolled around, and Dave was getting particularly nervous about going back in on Monday. He had no intention of telling anyone else his secret just yet, but he was concerned that after "coming out a little" on Friday, he might have permanently altered his outlook on things and people might notice something different about him. Not knowing what else to do, he remembered that Kurt had given him his cell phone number. He pulled out his phone and entered the number, but hesitated over the send button. Was he calling him because he was nervous and needed his support? Or was this something else? After another moment had passed, Dave decided not to call. Not yet. He hit end and turned off his phone's screen.
He walked across his room to his closet, reached into the back and found another bottle of whiskey, opened it up and took a few swigs of liquid courage. He'd save Kurt's number until he needed the real thing. Sitting back down in his chair, he took a few more pulls off the bottle and sat quietly, telling himself that he was going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. After he felt like he had sufficiently numbed himself, drinking more than was probably necessary, but less than he had been in the past few weeks, he closed the bottle and got into bed, closing his eyes and hoping for pleasant dreams.
Dave walked down the hall on his way to class when he heard the voice of his best friend calling out to him.
"Yo, Dave! What's up, man? Where were you on Friday?" Azimio said.
"Oh, uh...I had some stuff I had to do for my mom."
"Oh. Why didn't you tell me? You know we were supposed to head over to the mall with the guys."
"Sorry, dude. I totally forgot." Dave had in fact forgotten that he had plans with Azimio and some of the team.
"Man, where's your head been at? You been acting strange for weeks now."
"I dunno, Az. Just...stuff, y'know? I mean, after getting suspended for freaking out Hummel, and then having to catch up on homework and stuff, it's been crazy. My dad is really pushing me to get my grades back up too."
Azimio scoffed. "Your grades? Who cares? You gotta get back on your game so you can still get a scholarship."
Dave frowned. "Scholarship or not, I still need good grades to make sure I can keep it."
"Psh, whatever man," Azimio said, rolling his eyes and waving his hand dismissively before walking off. Dave sometimes wondered why he was even friends with him, as he turned to see Rachel standing right behind him, almost uncomfortably close.
"Uh..." Dave muttered, startled by her presence. "What do you want, Berry?" Her expression was unreadable, but then she broke into a small smile.
"So I heard about your little visit with Kurt on Friday." Fuck. He said he wouldn't say anything. Dave's pulse began to race.
"That so?" Dave tried to act macho, but he felt like he might have been shivering a little bit.
"Yup. I called Kurt to make sure that you hadn't gone and tormented him further, but he said that you actually apologized, and he is sure that you meant it."
Dave let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding in. "Oh, yea. Well, didn't I say s'what I wanted to do?"
"Yes..." Rachel blushed, a bit embarrassed remembering her own behavior. "I'm sorry, Dave, but you can see why I was hesitant to take your word for it. The way you treated him, the way you treat people in general, is really rather despicable." Dave frowned, and Rachel regretted her strong wording. "What I mean to say is that, given your record with Kurt and the Glee Club, you can perhaps understand why I wasn't ready to just take you at your word."
Dave couldn't deny it. He knew he had fucked up royally, and that it was time to start making amends. "I know. And don't be sorry. I know I'm kind of an asshole. I don't mean to me...I mean, I guess I do, but I don't want to be..." Dave, stumbling over his words, paused to collect his thoughts. Rachel looked puzzled, as if this new, humbler Dave was a riddle that she had to solve. Or perhaps she was wary, as it he were a deadly trap waiting to be sprung.
"I just...I've gone through some things lately, in my head, and it's kinda changed my thinking on some things. Namely why I'm such an asshole." Why was he even telling her this?
"...oh. Okay..." she said, unsure how to respond to Dave. "Well I'm glad, and if it means that Kurt doesn't have to feel afraid anymore and can return to McKinley, then I'm all for it."
"Thanks...I guess." Dave wasn't sure if that was a compliment, but he'd take it.
"No, thank you. It seems as if you may have had some sort of epiphany, Karofsky, and if it means that you're turning over a new leaf and will no longer be the arrogant, homophobic bully that we've known you to be, then I can only imagine that things will be better for you and for us gleeks." Rachel smiled at him, but then switched to a more serious expression. "But if you ever slip, if you ever hurt Kurt or any of us again, you'll regret it." Ah, there it was. Dave had thought that this was going just a bit too smoothly.
"Are you threatening me?" Dave had to smirk at the irony of it.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" She didn't.
Dave couldn't help himself. He let out a small laugh. "Okay. You win."
Rachel, who had obviously been preparing for a verbal confrontation at this point, seemed flustered. "Oh...well alright then." The bell rang for class. "Um, well then I suppose I'll see you around then."
"Sure."
And with that, Rachel walked off toward her class, leaving Dave standing in the hallway, smirking to himself.
By the end of the day, Dave had had a similar confrontation with Mercedes, and received peculiar looks from other members of Glee Club (who had no doubt heard things about his transformation) as he passed them in the hallway: looks that said "who are you, and what have you done with the real Dave Karofsky?" It felt surprisingly good to Dave to see their awestruck faces. For years now, he had prospered on being a bully, the top of the heap, a king among the serfs of high school. Now, instead he saw what it was like not to be feared, but instead...respected? Perhaps that was a bit too strong. He was fairly sure that none of the Glee Club members were terribly fond of him, even still, but at least they seemed, to him, to be taking a cautiously optimistic approach to their former tormenter. He smiled wide at this thought, while walking confidently into the locker room to get ready for practice, only to hear the room go silent as he entered. His fellow teammates looked at him, and he stopped where he was. No one said anything at first, but then Azimio stepped forward.
"Hey Dave, what's up?" He smiled as he spoke, but there was something a bit unnerving about it. It seemed fake.
"Uh...nothin?" Dave looked around at the rest of the team. They just looked at him, but said nothing.
"Oh Dave, gentle Dave. Can I call you Davie?" Dave eyed Azimio suspiciously, trying to figure out what this was all about.
"Is this some kind of joke or..."
"So you and the Glee Club are all buddy-buddy now?"
Oh.
"Uh, what the fuck are you talking about, Az?" Dave asked as nonchalantly as possible.
"I think you know what I'm talkin' about. A few of us have seen some of them gleeks looking at you today, and seen you looking at them. You were havin' a conversation with that Berry chick and Mercedes. Oh, and I myself happened to overhear Puck and Finn talkin' just a little while ago. Somethin' about you apologizing to that fag Hummel? And now he's coming back, 'cause you were so nice to him?"
Azimio's voice had been getting progressively louder and more agitated as he spoke. Dave didn't know what to say, so he remained silent, but tried to maintain eye contact.
"WELL?" Azimio took a large step forward, standing mere inches from Dave's face.
"Fuck off, Azimio."
"What'd you say?"
"I said, fu-"
"I motherfuckin' heard what you said, bitch! Don't you fuck wit me!"
"If you heard what I said then why'd you ask?"
Before Dave could react Azimio pushed him hard with two hands to the chest. Dave stumbled backwards and nearly toppled over, but steadied himself.
"What the hell, dude?" Dave tried to remain cool, tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but he knew it wasn't going to be that simple. Without even realizing it, Dave had alienated himself from his team by making peace with the enemy.
"What the hell? I think you know exactly what the hell, son! What the fuck are you doing talking to that faggot Hummel? Why the hell did you apologize to him? HE DON'T NEED NO APOLOGIES! What are you, some kinda faggot?"
Dave tried not to let it get to him. He tried to keep his head, but when Azimio called him a faggot he lost it. He lunged at Azimio pushing him across the room and eventually over a bench. Azimio toppled over, but Dave was right on top of him within seconds. As Azimio struggled to get his bearings, Dave swung a punch and made contact with the side of his face, and started to go for another, but Azimio managed to knock Dave off of him, and now Dave found himself with the full wait of Azimio sitting on top of him, punching him in the arm, in the chest, in the face. However, before Azimio could do any real damage, Coach Beiste came in.
"HEY! ENOUGH!"
Her booming voice commanded everyone's attention. Even Azimio froze mid-swing.
"GET OFF OF HIM! NOW!"
Azimio climbed off of Dave, and Dave slowly stood up, supporting himself on the bench.
"Somebody tell me what the hell is going on in here!"
No one said anything. Even Dave was reluctant to explain what had made him go off on Az, worried that it would bring too much unwanted attention and people might question just why that particular word could cause such a reaction in him.
"Who started this? Somebody better start talking or you're all gonna be doing extra pushups!"
"Dave started it, Coach Beiste. I was just trying to defend myself."
Dave looked to Az, shock and betrayal spreading across his face.
"Well it didn't look like self-defense to me, Azimio, but we'll talk about that later. Dave, would you come with me please."
Hurt and anger contorting his features, Dave punched the nearest locker once before following Coach Beiste into her office. They sat down, and Coach asked Dave again, only softer, with more compassion, as if she could just tell that there was more going on here than what she'd seen.
"Dave, please, what happened out there?"
He sat in silence at first, looking anywhere but at the Coach. He was still angry, and he was worried that he actually might cry just a little bit.
"Dave? You can talk to me. What's wrong?"
Dave finally looked at Coach, and he saw the concern in her face. Suddenly he realized he couldn't hold it together anymore and he started crying. Somewhere in his head was a small voice telling him that he really needed to stop crying so much, but he would have to file that advice away for another time. He did his best to suppress the tears which threatened to keep coming indefinitely, and he looked back up at Coach, whose concerned expression had increased significantly.
"Az...he called me a...a faggot."
"Well that's fairly vulgar, and I'll have to speak to him about this but, and don't take this the wrong way Dave, I'm fairly certain that I've heard you use that word before, particularly when describing Kurt Hummel, back when he was still a student here. I'm sure you know that he's a homosexual, and so that probably hurt him at least as much if not more."
"Coach...?" Dave looked down shamefully. "If I told you something, could you promise not to tell anyone else?"
"Um, sure David. Yes, I can do that." Coach looked puzzled. Dave took a deep breath, knowing what had to be done, deciding that now was as good a time as any.
"I'm..." Dave hesitated, closed his eyes, took a deep breath. "I-I'm gay."
Coach's eyes widened and her lips opened just a bit, but she regained her composure quickly. "I see." Dave's secret was out, again. He felt like it should have felt like more of a relief, but the sting of Azimio's words still hurt. He finally realized now how awful it must have been for Kurt all that time. Or at least, he was starting to.
"I...I've known for...for a while, but it was only just recently that I've been able to admit it to myself. I'm not proud of myself."
"Of how you'd treated Kurt in the past? No, I don't suppose you are." Dave looked away. He wasn't sure he was up for a lecture at this point. "But of who you are? You should always be proud of who you are. You can't change who you are, and why should you try to?"
Dave turned back to Coach Beiste at this point, feeling suddenly touched by her words. Another person who knew about the part of him that he still wanted so desperately to hide...and another person who found it to be okay, to be more than okay, to be something to be proud of.
Coach got up and came around to the other side of her desk, resting her hand gently on Dave's shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly.
"I...apologized to Kurt. For everything. He forgave me."
Coach Beiste smiled. "I'm glad, Dave. Now, I can't tell you what you should do. That's something you have to decide on your own. What I can say, though, is this: Be happy with who you are. Never let the close-mindedness of others get to you. It's like poison. People can be cruel, but you've got to be strong. Okay?"
Dave looked up at her and did his best to smile, though it was bittersweet. "Thanks, Coach."
"No problem. Now, I'd suggest you head down to the nurse's office so she can have a look at those bruises. The way they're looking now, it looks like they're going to leave a mark."
After the school nurse patched him up, she suggested that he sit in the back room for a while and, feeling drained from the whole ordeal, Dave did not object. The resting area of the nurse's office was quiet and secluded from the front of the office, and it was empty. Dave sat for a few minutes, trying to let his mind shut off, if only briefly, but after not too long his thoughts wandered to Kurt. Dave pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. Not in the right mindset for a conversation and not in the mood to have his phone taken away by the nurse, he opened the text app rather than the dialer and put Kurt's number in. He tapped out a message with the on-screen keyboard:
"Got in2 fist fite w/ Az. He called me a fag. Talked to Coach. Told her I was gay."
He hit send, and put his phone down on the cot next to him, nervously nibbling at his lower lip as he waited for a response. He didn't have to wait long.
"A good friend of mine often gives me some good advice. Just one word, really, but it's made all the difference for me: Courage."
Dave read the message, and his apprehension began to dissipate. When the next text came, he smiled, feeling once again like a weight was lifted off his shoulders—an overwhelming sense that maybe everything would eventually be okay.
"I believe in you."