Coming to Terms - Chapter 11
Monday brought more of the same routine that Dave had begun to adapt to since coming out a few weeks prior. He woke up, got ready and headed to Kurt's. Kurt got into his truck, gave him a tender kiss, and began talking about anything and everything. Dave nodded along, contributing where he could, smiling the whole time and thankful that he had him. They arrived at school, kissed again and headed to class.
Then Dave and Az would either be hassled by the hockey players or retaliate, seemingly locked in an endless, equally matched battle. Sometimes Finn, Puck, Sam, Mike and even Artie would jump in to even the numbers for them, if they happened to catch a fight in action. Kurt didn't, but it wasn't because he didn't want to. Dave had told him in no uncertain terms that he was strictly forbidden from helping, that this fight was between the football team and the hockey team. However, Dave had lied, because the real reason he didn't want Kurt to fight was because he felt an overwhelming obligation to protect him, partly because he cared about him so much and wanted to be his knight in shining armor, and partly because he felt that he had a lot to make up for in their past together.
Dave held strong, though, in no small part with the support of the his friends, old and new. No matter how much shit he had to deal with during the day, Az and the glee club helped him cope. It's why he managed to keep smiling, and that came with a bonus because Kurt loved Dave's smile.
Glee club practice ended for the day, and everyone started collecting their belongings and heading to the door. Mercedes' bag slipped from her grasp and fell, dumping half of it's contents on the floor. Az rushed up to her, perhaps a bit too eagerly, and began helping her collect her things.
"Here, girl, lemme help you wit that," he said as he handed her a lipstick that had rolled toward him.
"Thanks, but it's no trouble. I can handle it." Still, Az kept picking things up, and she kept accepting them without another word of complaint. When they both reached for a compact in between them, their fingers touched briefly, and both froze for a moment, before Az picked it up and placed it in Mercedes' hand.
"Uh...thanks again..." Mercedes said, shaking her head gently to clear it.
"Sure, no problem," Az said, briefly making eye contact with her before looking away awkwardly. Both of them got up.
"Well, see you tomorrow," said Mercedes, and she quickly scurried out if the room.
"Yea, see ya," Az called after her.
The room was nearly empty, the only students remaining being Az, Dave, Kurt and Santana.
"Smooth, Az," Dave said quietly into Az's ear with a grin on his face.
"Huh? Oh, I was just helping her, y'know, 'cause she dropped her stuff..." Az said, more unsure of himself than Dave had ever recalled seeing him.
"Sure, gotcha."
"Hey, shut up, man," said Az with a huff, but Dave could see that he didn't really mean it. "I, uh, gotta go. See ya."
Az left the room quickly, leaving Dave shaking his had and chuckling softly to himself. Kurt joined Dave at his side, finally having all his things in order.
"Ready to go?"
"Sure thing, Fancy."
Santana approached Dave and Kurt, arms wrapped around each other as they started to leave the room.
"Hey Dave...could I talk to you for a second?" She bit her lip and looked uncharacteristically vulnerable.
"Uh, yea, sure. Um, Kurt, you wanna meet me at the truck?"
"Sure, baby. See you in a bit." Kurt kissed Dave on the cheek and left the room.
"You two are so cute together," she said, smiling.
"Uh, thanks," Dave replied, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. "So what'd you want to talk about?"
"I've been thinking about you, coming out and stuff. It was really brave. Stupid, but brave. I mean, yeah you've got Kurt, you seem happy most of the time, but you get hassled and bullied regularly."
"It's not that bad. You guys have been really supportive, and Finn and the guys help where they can."
"Yea, I guess that's true..." She seemed unsure, obviously contemplating this deeply. "But I mean, was it worth it?"
"Worth it?"
"Yea, I mean, it was worth all the trouble, coming out? The ding to your rep, the looks you've been getting, the shit people talk behind your back? Wouldn't it have been easier to just be straight?"
"Santana, it's not like I had a choice in being gay. It's just who I am. I mean, yeah, I had a choice in coming out. I could have waited, or I could have never come out, just pretended that I was straight, pretended that I liked girls, but what good would that do? I'd never really be happy and I'd always be angry at myself."
Santana looked away, scanning the room, looking for something to distract her from looking at Dave. "So then you felt like you had to come out? Here? In high school?"
"Well, I mean, I guess I could've waited until I was in college, or later even. Maybe I would've found people to be more supportive that way because I'd be older and they'd be older...but like...I felt like I had to, because," and now Dave was blushing again, "because of Kurt."
"You came out for Kurt? Seriously? I just kinda thought you came out, and since Kurt was the only other gay kid at school..." She trailed off.
"No...it was definitely for Kurt, but if it wasn't Kurt, it would have been someone, eventually. My point is, yeah, it sucks sometimes, but it feels better to be honest with myself."
"Yea, I guess I can understand that," said Santana, nodding. "So you love him then?"
The color drained from Dave's face and his body went stiff. He hadn't thought about it before, not really. I mean, he liked Kurt...really liked him. Kurt made him happier than he'd felt in years. But love? They were only in high school, they had only been going out for two weeks, he had only been secretly crushing on him since eighth grade, he'd only dreamed about him a couple times a week regularly for a few years...
Oh God.
"Um..." Dave was suddenly fairly sure that he did love Kurt, but he wasn't sure he was ready to admit it, at least not to Santana. "I dunno...love, that's a big deal, right? I don't know if I'd call it love, not yet at least..."
"Right..." Santana smirked. "Well, thanks Dave. I'll see you around, alright?"
"Sure, no problem."
Santana left the room, and after taking a deep breath and smiling to himself, so did Dave.
Outside, as Dave approached his car, he saw Kurt leaning against it patiently waiting for him, and his heart leapt into his throat. He smiled wider and walked straight up to Kurt and pulled him into his arms, kissing him on the mouth, pressing his tongue gently against his lips, begging them to part. Kurt was like a rag doll in Dave's arms at first, clearly surprised by his sudden display of passion, but he quickly came to his senses, opening his lips, his tongue playing with Dave's as it entered his mouth. He gripped the broad back to Dave's letterman as tightly as he could, trying his best to reach Dave through it. Dave slid his hand down Kurt's back slowly, resting just above his butt.
After some time, Dave slowly released Kurt, nibbling his lip a bit before letting go.
"Well," said Kurt. "What was that for?"
Smiling, Dave said, "Do I need a reason, Fancy?"
Kurt thought about this for a second. "I suppose not, no. In fact, if you feel like doing that again, I wouldn't question you one bit." He grinned slyly and winked at Dave. Dave didn't need to be told twice, and dove right in.
The next day, Dave found himself going out of his way at times in order to bump into Kurt, even occasionally arriving at class late as a result. He reflected that it was similar to the time before Kurt had transferred, except that whenever he came upon Kurt this time, rather than slamming him into lockers or throwing a Slushie in his face, he would blow him a kiss, or grasp his hand briefly in passing, or once he did press him up against the lockers, but gently and in order to press a soft kiss against his forehead. Kurt blushed, taken aback by Dave's passion, but nonetheless embracing it.
Dave had to endure the occasional glances and snickers of students during these moments of contact, but they rarely seemed malicious. It seemed that they viewed them no differently than were they a straight couple in the throws of young infatuation, and if there were any difference, it might be an additional curiosity due to their differentness, and that was understandable to Dave.
Throughout the day, Dave also spotted what he was sure was mild flirtation between Azimio and Mercedes. Both did their very best to be discreet about it, even attempting to not be noticed by each other. However, Dave was observant, and as Azimio's long-time friend and due to a growing friendship with Mercedes and the rest of New Directions, he felt like an involved party with a stake in their outcome. He watched closely whenever Az sent a glance her way and Mercedes, conscious of it, would brush her hair behind her ear or lick her lips. One time she dropped her pen while walking past Az in the hallway, knowing that he would stop and retrieve it for her. Dave smiled each time, filing the information away for later, should Az feel like talking to him about it.
While Dave was observing his friends and crossing paths with Kurt, he himself was being observed. Santana lurked whenever she spotted Dave, trying to appear busy and disinterested, and thankful that he appeared to have other things on his mind. She wanted to talk to him again, but she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. Had she said it all? Had she said all she was capable of saying? She decided that no, she hadn't, and that she just needed the nerve, and words, and she would confront him again.
New Directions had been rehearsing after school each day since they decided on their lineup for Regionals. This replaced football practice, since it was the off-season, and though they still had a game on Friday, it wasn't nearly as important as Regionals, and Coach Beiste understood that. After rehearsal one evening, Santana approached Dave once again. Kurt gave him a questioning look, but Dave shrugged at him, and Kurt reluctantly left them alone again.
"Hey Dave. Nice work out there. You're really embracing your role in the performance."
"Oh, yeah. It's, uh, interesting, that's for sure." Dave chuckled to himself. After he had gotten over his hurt feelings and paranoia that the song was about him specifically, he accepted that it was about the type of person that he had been, rather than who he was now, and that it was almost cathartic to sing about it.
Santana stood in front of Dave, looking like she might have lost the nerve to do whatever it was that she determinately strode over to him to do, and looking like she wanted to make a quick escape.
"Um, you were really good at there too. I know I'm new to this and I'm not real familiar with our competition, but I feel like we're a shoe-in to-"
"I think I might be gay," Santana blurted out, interrupting Dave.
"Oh," said Dave, momentarily at a loss for words. After a moment of silence, he continued. "So, is that why you were asking me about coming out and stuff the other day?"
"Yeah... I've been trying to figure out what to do, and I was thinking of like talking to someone about it, but I didn't know who. I mean, there was Ms. Holiday. She started teaching sex ed... but then you came out, and that kinda changed things. It wasn't like when Kurt came out. That didn't surprise anyone. He was kinda... obvious. But you, you're like a normal, average dude. So I waited to see what would happen to you."
"Ah," said Dave, still wrapping his head around her revelation. "So... are you like, coming out now?"
"...No...not yet, not quite," she said, "but I thought it would be okay to tell you."
"Ah, okay. Well promise I won't tell anyone. Not even Kurt."
"Thanks," she said, relieved.
"So, can I ask, how did you figure this out? Is there someone?"
"Well... you really promise you won't tell anyone?"
"Promise."
"Okay. So Brittany and I have been-"
"Brittany? She's gay?" said Dave a bit loudly, but in the thankfully empty auditorium. Still, Santana shot him a look, and his expression was immediately apologetic.
"I think so, maybe. I mean, we've made out a few times. We've kept it mostly secret, though, and I haven't even told her. As far as she knows, we're making out 'cause it's fun, and not because I want to be with her. I mean, hell, until recently I believed that was all it was too."
Dave nodded. "Well, I think you should talk to her. If you tell her how you feel, and she agrees, maybe you could come out together, and it wouldn't be so hard."
Santana pondered this for a bit. "You're probably right. Still, what if she says no? What if she rejects me?"
Dave thought about Kurt and how supportive he had been of him after they had settled their differences, how he had never pushed him to come out, how he had known that Kurt would wait for him. He didn't have this uncertainty when he had to make his decision.
"You won't know unless you ask her. And I mean, if you've already been making out, the worst that she could say is no. She probably isn't going to hate on you or anything. Besides, Brit doesn't seem like the type anyway. You'll still be able to be friends."
"But I don't want to be just friends with her. I want to be with her," Santana said, desperation in her voice.
"Well, you can't be with her unless you make a move."
Santana still looked conflicted, but eventually determination spread across her face.
"Thanks, Dave. If nothing else, I've got you to talk to about this. I'm still not sure I'm ready to talk to Brittany. I think I still need some time."
"Yeah. Well like I said last time, the decision of if and when to come out is always yours, but eventually you need to make a decision."
She nodded and then, to Dave's surprise, she hugged him. It was brief, and he hadn't even had the chance to come to his sense and hug back before she pulled away, but afterward he saw the glimmer of a different Santana than he remembered.
"Thanks again," she said, and with a smile she left the auditorium.
Dave rejoined Kurt outside.
"So what did she want with you?" He looked slightly annoyed, perhaps even a bit jealous. Dave thought this was adorable.
"Sorry. I can't tell you. She told me something and I promised not to tell anyone else."
"Not even me? This is me, David, your boyfriend. And I'm good at keeping secrets, if you recall."
"Sorry. I'm sure when she wants other people to know, she'll tell them herself. Or maybe she'll grant me permission to tell you eventually."
"Well, I just don't know what to say. You're off consorting with a woman and I'm supposed to just accept that you have secrets with her? I know Santana's reputation around this school."
"Awe, are you jealous? Fancy, you know I care about you. And besides, she doesn't have the right equipment anyway."
Kurt blushed, but did not look otherwise amused.
Dave turned serious. "Kurt, honest, I would tell you if I could, but I promised. Just know that there is nothing going on. I'm with you. I care about you. I lo-I like you. There's nothing to be worried about."
If Kurt caught Dave's near slip, he didn't let on. He smiled, reassured, and Dave gave him a small but tender kiss.