They left Marian with the Dalish. Anders didn't feel good about it, but ultimately they all agreed that Marian as she was would be a liability in combat – she couldn't fight, and she would distract them all with their concern for her safety.
It felt as though the center had fallen out of their world to have to think of Marian Hawke as a liability. It cast a pall on their trip back to Kirkwall and the alienage, where Marethari said the ritual would have a better chance of helping Feynriel.
Each friend fretted in his or her own way.
"Did I ever tell you about the man I met with two penises?" Isabela offered at one point. Everyone knew Isabela's preferred methods of handling worry, but there was no liquor to be had.
Aveline and Fenris replied in unison, "Don't." The two warriors had opted for a brood-off. Anders' money was on Fenris, but Anders was certain Aveline could win by simply pounding him over the head with her shield.
"Oh, but I want to hear it," Merrill piped up. "I've never seen that. Was he human? Does that happen often with human men? How did he—?"
"Merrill, please," Aveline sighed. "Save it for later."
Varric had trotted a bit faster to run at Merrill's side. "It's okay, Daisy, they're just worried. We all are."
"I know," Merrill said. "But all this quiet running and grim faces and no talking just leaves me alone with me, and me – I don't like what I'm thinking. I'd rather hear about the man with two penises."
"No!" snapped Aveline.
Varric put a hand on Merrill's arm to slow her down enough to let them drop to the back of the group. Easier with his shorter legs anyway. "Tell you what, Daisy, I'll tell you a different story. I have a good one about the Paragon and the nug wrangler."
Anders turned his attention inward. All he had to do was put one foot in front of the other, keep breathing, and not think about Marian and the livid scar on her forehead. Maybe there was a time that he had thought the Chantry symbol lovely, poetic even, but that had been before he had known the Tranquil.
He knew he wasn't the only one in their group who cared for Marian – loved her even – but he felt that his bond to her was greatest. She kept him centered, no matter what Justice might believe. He had thought they might have something….
With a growl of disgust at himself he scrubbed his hand over his eyes and dropped back to listen to Varric recounting Paragon Bemot's adventures with a nug stampede through the middle of Orzammar's Assembly chambers.
• • •
Watching the city elves acknowledge Marethari's arrival was a spectacle Anders thought he might never forget. The woman moved among them and the usually cynical elves bowed, knelt, or inclined their heads in recognition of a power and wisdom that their people had not fully relinquished. Some of them would tell their children of the day a Dalish Keeper stood under the vhendadahl in Kirkwall.
None of them knew that greater significance of that day. When elves and humans came together to save the world from a threat few could comprehend.
Feynriel's mother, Arianni, showed them into her house, dark and hopeless as other alienage homes. As dirty as Merrill's despite the battle both women fought against the creeping dirt and the mold that thrived in the city's damp.
The others deferred to Anders and Merrill in this without Hawke to lead them. Arianni was dismayed that Hawke herself had not come to help Feynriel, but Marethari soothed her.
"Hawke is too ill to come, but she trusts these men and women with her life," Marethari told her. "You can do no less."
Taking Anders and Merrill aside, "to prepare," she had told Arianni, she issued her warning.
"Feynriel cannot become an abomination. The destruction that a somniari possessed by a demon would cause is unimaginable. If you cannot save him from the demons, you must kill him yourself."
Her expression grew troubled, knowing her words would not sit well given their context. "A death in the Fade will make him Tranquil."
Anders opened his mouth to protest, but he held up a silencing hand. "I know. I know what you are doing for your friend, but you must understand that this is not the Chantry's thoughtless fear. Feynriel is at risk right now. If he falls, the demon inside him will spread terror and destruction throughout Thedas and its first act will be to kill you and all your companions here. There will be no one left to care for your friend, Hawke."
She held his eyes and then Merrill's. "If you cannot save him, save the innocents the demon will harm."
Merrill fidgeted with her tabard before nodding. "I understand, Keeper."
Anders scowled. "As a last resort. But I will do everything I can to never reach that point."
Marethari smiled. "From what I have seen of your friend Hawke, she would have said the same thing. Now you must choose who will go with you. I haven't the power to send everyone into the Beyond with you. I assume you and Merrill will go, choose two others, but remember, you will all be tempted by the demons who stalk Feynriel."
Given his druthers, Anders would have left Merrill behind. The girl had already shown herself all too willing to treat with demons. He couldn't see how that would help a boy under siege by demons.
Isabela shrugged when the two mages came to ask who else would come. "I never give into temptation."
"That's not much reassurance," said Anders, who had treated her far too often for temptation-caused ailments.
Aveline shook her head. "I can't imagine what aid I could offer in a realm of dreams and magic."
Fenris grimaced, disappointed by Aveline's response. "I have no desire to explore the Fade, but for Hawke I will go."
"Looks like I'll stay here with Aveline," Varric said. "But the next time you go traipsing on a magical journey through the Fade, I'm coming along."
"My word on it," Anders said wryly.
He indicated Fenris, Isabela, Merrill, and himself to Marethari. "We have our four."
• • •
The worst part about waking in the Fade for Anders was the sense of being nothing more than an observer behind his own eyes. The breath of the Fade had brought Justice to the fore and there was nothing he could do about it.
This was what it was like to be fully possessed all the time. It strengthened his determination to help Feynriel before they took their opportunity to help Hawke.
The others seemed oblivious to the way the false Templar Hall wavered around them. Justice, and thus Anders, could feel Feynriel's mind straining under the demons' assaults.
"We must hurry," Justice told them, pushing forward to lead the way.
"Um… Anders," Merrill ventured. "You're sloshing."
"I am Justice. Anders told you of me."
Merrill hurried to keep up with his longer strides."Well, yes," she said. "But you haven't been one for conversation. Is Anders still in there? Yoo hoo, Anders?"
Isabela laughed. "Forget that, Kitten. Justice. While you're feeling like talking, can we talk about that no-drinking thing you've put on Anders? He was much more fun in Denerim when he could drink."
Fenris and Justice said together, "No."
Isabela actually laughed. "Look! We got them to agree. Too bad it was on something that's no fun at all. Just think of what we could do…."
Fenris literally growled. "Focus! We are not here to play."
For a moment Justice and Fenris shared a look and a grudging nod of agreement before the spirit led them forward to an open courtyard where a demon awaited.
Once again in perfect accord, Fenris and Justice unleashed their attacks before the demon could speak a word.
Merrill complained, "We could have talked to him!" but the time for talk was over.
When the last shade had fluttered to nothingness and the sloth demon had been destroyed, Justice healed his companions and pointed up the stairs to either side of them. "I can feel the demons, pulling Feynriel between them. We must help him before he is torn to pieces."
"And then what?" This from Isabela."That helps him, but how does it help Hawke."
Justice walked away from her, ascending the stairs. "Then we ask him to do what is just and help us in turn."
Justice led them down a long hall, ignoring the doors that lined either side. Anders thought Hawke's curiosity would have driven her to look inside the closed doors, to see what Feynriel's dreaming mind conjured, but Justice had never been plagued by curiosity.
He flung the door open at the end of the hall and walked through the illusion the demon tried to spin.
"This is not Marethari," he thundered, startling the boy and earning a hard look from the false Keeper.
Internally Anders flinched and tried to tell Justice not to hurt the boy, to let him come to the understanding on his own, but it was too late. Feynriel looked at Marethari with dawning terror before he fled through the wall, leaving Justice and the others in the presence of an angry pride demon.
"Filthy little spirit," it spat at Justice. "With my power joined to his, Feynriel would have changed the world!"
"In your image," Justice countered. "Twisted, corrupted, filled with self-love and hate of all others."
"You think this slave would choose you over his freedom?"
Actually no, thought Anders. But maybe for Hawke.
"Cast your eyes elsewhere, demon," Fenris said, standing tall. "I won my freedom from the magisters long ago."
"But you fear them still," the demon almost purred. "They have left their marks on your body and your mind. With my aid, you could be free forever. You could have power enough to chain any who would chain you."
Justice could feel the pull of the demon's power, wrapping Fenris, swaddling him in false promises. "If you help it," he warned, "you will be its slave of your own choosing." With some prodding from Anders, the spirit added, "And you will betray Hawke, who needs you more than anyone has ever needed you before."
Fueled by Anders' desperate fear for Hawke, Justice cut through the web of lies the demon was spinning around Fenris. The power to break such a powerful allure staggered the human body Justice wore, but it was enough.
Fenris bared his teeth in a feral snarl and launched himself at the demon in a blur of steel and lyrium fire.
Merrill moved to put her back against Justice's letting him lean against her while they fended off the ghostly elves and spirits that the pride demon summoned, while Fenris and Isabela engaged them directly.
Anders felt as though the Maker had to be smiling on them when they emerged from the fight cut up, but still united in their goal to rescue Feynriel and find help for Hawke.
He also wished the Maker would smile just a little bit more and let him be more than a passenger behind his eyes. He would never agree to come into the Fade again. Never unless Hawke needed him again, he admitted to himself.
Fool.
There were rage demons waiting for them in the courtyard. Of course there were, because slaying a sloth demon, a pride demon, and their various hangers on wasn't enough to get through the thick not-really-skulls of rage demons to dissuade them from attacking where they were outclassed.
Justice shared with him that rage demons were the butt of many jokes among spirits that actually had sense of humor. Not that Justice had one, but he could observe.
Not for the first time Anders wondered how he had thought this joining was a good idea.
Because, Justice silently reminded him, you care what happens to other mages.
Oh yes. That.
They left the courtyard as empty of demons as Feynriel had undoubtedly first dreamed it, climbing the stairs to a door that fairly vibrated with malignant power. It was a wonder the others couldn't feel it, but Isabela blithely reached out to open it before Justice caught her wrist.
"There is another demon behind this door. You saw the lies and promises the other tried with Fenris. Be on your guard."
He released Isabela's hand and let her push open the door, showing a scene that pierced Anders' heart – a boy and his father. Of course Feynriel wanted his father, wanted to be loved and accepted. Of course….
This time Justice let Anders give him the words to draw Feynriel's attention to the lie spun around him.
"Your father has never acknowledged you as his son. Do not trust him."
The child Feynriel furrowed his brow and tilted his head up at the illusion of his father. "Why are you lying to me?"
The demon tried to regain control of the situation with another lie, one Feynriel saw through without Justice's help. "Don't listen, Son. She's always been ashamed of you. She wanted you gone so she could go back to the Dalish. I'm the one who loves you."
Feynriel shook his head and Justice could feel him start to shake off the lies and illusion with it. "But… why can't I remember you?"
"This is a trick, Feynriel. He wants something from you."
Feynriel's expression cleared as he saw through to the truth. "Why…? That's right! I spent my whole childhood waiting for you."
"Your mother never allowed—"
"My mother loves me! She showed me the letters she wrote you. You never wrote back."
The desire demon's illusion crumbled, sending Feynriel retreating to some other part of his dream where he felt safer.
"You!" She glared at Justice. "You turned him against me! You are nothing here, just a cringing thing."
She reached out to Isabela. "Take away my pets and I will take away yours. What say you, pirate queen? The open water beckons. A two-mast brigandine, square-main topsail… A hundred well-built lads to answer your every whim."
A hundred? Isn't that excessive even for Isabela? Anders' thought was utterly inappropriate to the severity of the situation, but if he had been the one controlling his body, he still would have laughed.
What wasn't at all funny was the realization that Isabela was going to say yes. What was still less funny, moving into the realm of anti-funny, was the next realization when Justice tried to cut through the demon's fascination on Isabela and found that he had used too much of his power with the pride demon.
The effort of simply trying to break the spell made Justice's legs give out under him, only Merrill's grip on his collar keeping him from falling entirely.
Isabela shrugged and said "I like big boats. I cannot lie," before drawing her blades.
"Don't kill her," Anders said, realizing he had control while Justice drew raw power from the Fade around him. "We might need her."
"Don't kill her?" Fenris rasped in disbelief as Isabela disappeared and reappeared behind him to sink her daggers in his back.
"Don't kill her!" Merrill echoed in a desperate shriek before she cast a spell that made the ground catch Isabela in an unyielding grasp that gave Fenris time to sweep his sword through the desire demon.
Anders fumbled a flask from his belt and drank the bitter blue lyrium potion down, restoring mana, but also restoring Justice, who pushed him back to the passenger role before rising up in a tower of wrath, raining fire down into the room, sending molten rocks crashing the desire demon into the floor, and making the very fabric of the Fade ripple with the magic he sent crashing into their enemies.
Isabela, trapped in a stone grip with only her head and shoulders free, had been cursing their names, their parentage, Merrill's blind willingness to follow a bunch of stupid men, Anders' masturbatory habits, and Fenris' undoubtedly small penis, fell silent when the desire demon was destroyed.
"Er…" she looked down at the stone that held her. "If I say I didn't mean it, will you let me loose?"
For once Merrill and Fenris both looked to Justice, who said, "Release her. The spell is gone."
Merrill banished the spell and Isabela looked abashed while she twisted one toe on the ground. "I'm sure you're not small, Fenris. And Anders probably doesn't wank in front of little old ladies."
Anders wanted to say just the once, but it was an accident, but Justice was back in control of the body and wasn't about to allow that kind of frivolity.
Fenris slung his sword back over his shoulder and grunted. "I won't be issuing you an invitation to see," he told her before turning his back on all of them.
Justice leaned heavily on Anders' staff, still weakened by the amount of energy he had exerted to try to protect Fenris and Isabela from the demons' lures. He used it to brace himself as he walked back to the courtyard where nothing more menacing than Feynriel himself waited.
"I thought that in my dreams it would be Hawke who rescued me," Feynriel said to the companions as they descended the stairs. "But it seems I owe you all my life.
"The Fade feels different now. I see the stitches, the seams holding it together. I feel I could wake at any moment. I see now why the Chantry fears us. I've heard tales of magisters who stalked the dreams of their enemies and used their own dreams to destroy them."
He squared his shoulders and looked like a man for the first time, not a boy. "I must master it, I must find someone to study under. The Dalish do not have what I need. Perhaps Tevinter. If these powers can be trained it would be there."
Behind them, Isabela put a restraining hand on Fenris' arm at the mention of Tevinter.
Feynriel looked ready to go, and at Anders' panicked rattling inside the cage of his skull, Justice ceded control of the body to him again.
"Wait. Before you end this dream, we need your help." He put a hand out to touch Feynriel's arm and felt, through Justice, the sheer power the young mage held. "You said you thought it would be Hawke who helped you, and she would have, but she can't help anyone right now. This is your chance to help her."
Feynriel looked down at the hand on his arm, letting Anders know that just as he could sense Feynriel's power, Feynriel could feel Anders' dual occupancy.
"What do you need from me?" he asked cautiously.
"We need you to move this dream to another part of the Fade. There are spirits there. Not like the demons who invaded your dream. I… we think that one of them might provide help for Hawke."
"We do?" Merrill asked.
"That's news to me," Isabela added and Anders cursed them for their obstructionism.
Fenris added to the mess. "When did you decide this, mage?"
"When we got here, okay?" Anders said. "It was Justice. And what I know about one of the Hero of Ferelden's companions. I just want to go where the spirits of virtues sometimes gather. The worst thing any of you have to worry about is a sprit of Truth taking an interest in you."
Isabela actually paled under her tan, but the objections stopped.
"Please, Feynriel," Anders said, looking back into the man's eyes. "For Hawke. For what she has done for you, and for what we did for you in her name."
Feynriel looked from one companion to another, searching their expressions before he nodded. "For Hawke."
That seemed to be the theme of the day.