Yes, I do not own or write for Victorious but if I did... *drools*
My locker door rattles as I slam it shut, the scissors almost falling off. I haven't slept since Cat. Every time I close my eyes, everything flashes back and I feel everything all at once: the guilt, the pleasure, the anger, the pain... Beck, Cat, Tori... They won't leave me alone. I spent the rest of the weekend in bed, tossing and turning, and staring at the ceiling trying to clear my mind.
I feel a hand grip on my shoulder from behind. I brace myself and turn my head sideways, already knowing the touch. Now it starts.
"About Beck..." she speaks softly, calmly.
I turn, summoning up the Jade that was. I look at her, disgusted, a hand on my hip. "What about him?"
Vega stiffens, her soft expression disappearing. "Do you know where he is?" Whatever she was going to say, it's all gone now, her tone dripping of venom.
"Why so edgy? Did I do something to you?" I peer at her. She's looking down, sending daggers to the floor. I just stare at her, the silence between us drowning in the buzz of the other students distant conversations, of lockers slamming. She's back, cold, hard as stone as ever.
She looks up, glaring at me. The people are thinning around us and my stomach's sinking. "Do you seriously want to do this in the morning?" she hisses under her breath.
My teeth remain gritted, my jaw numbing, "Do what? I'm just concerned for a friend." I grin mockingly. I need to keep going whatever it takes.
I see her hands, clenching and unclenching. I find myself bracing myself once more, touching the gauze on my neck to keep myself from crumbling, from running—whatever it takes.
"Tori, the first period is almost..." My eyes shoot above her shoulder. "Jade," Cat's eyes grow wider, and the glow in her face suddenly dies. Now, she's gone.
Suddenly, it's just us three in the emptied hallway. My stomach sinks deeper and I can't look up anymore. I can't look at Cat. I'm drowning again just when I broke surface, breathing. I can see myself again, weak, cracking.
I can't deal with all this, not at the same time. I look up, catching a glimpse of Cat's anxiety, seizing Vega's wrist, dragging her away before anyone could react. I'll fix it, me; just wait. Everything will be fine, I just have to... everything will be fine.
I force her roughly into the janitor's closet, burning her wrist with my hand. I lock the door behind me, the orange stain at my feet. Why is it still there?
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I growl out as soon as the door clicked. And she's looking at me, and I can't read her again. There's nothing there I can recognize. Everything will be fine.
"Wrong? What did I do?" she fixes her eyes on mine, piercing through me.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how much I want to kill you right now?" I scream, my brain throbbing, overflowing with anger. She doesn't react like she's waiting for something. I get that she wants to pretend that nothing happened but to actually deny it? I storm right up in front of her, tearing the gauze off my neck, smearing the concealer and make up off my wrists, off my shoulders, off my face. "Are you seriously telling me that you don't remember ever doing this to me?" I lift my blouse, showing her the marks on my stomach, my voice suddenly quivering.
"Nothing's wrong with me," she murmurs, voice heavy. Then I feel her cold fingertips tracing the bruises she made and my breath hitches. "Nothing's wrong with me," she repeats, studying her work on my skin, "None of you knew me before any of this." She... she's right; I don't know anything, not even Andre. I feel my knees shaking and my skin begging for her touch, almost leaning in to it, sending shivers at the back of my neck. For a moment, my thoughts went blank and all I saw was her, all I felt was her and I—
"Stop touching me!" I push her and her back hits flush against the cold concrete wall in desperate need for composure. "You make me sick," and warped and twisted and incoherent and weak. I hold myself as if that will mask the feeling that she left on my skin. As if I could ever forget.
"I told you, I tried to be nice," she paces slowly, almost stalking, towards me like nothing happened, reaching for the mark on my neck where, just a few days ago, her teeth sunk so deep I thought I'd bleed. I feel like I jumped into a pit to be torn into pieces, lifeless. But I keep myself from stepping back, challenging her with a cold stare.
"It was a cruel joke, huh," and she's grinning but there's nothing in her eyes. I should've known better.
"What did you think it was?" I feel her warmth radiating, her breath playing at the surface of my pulse, her hands gathering the hem of my shirt in her fists, a smile playing on her lips.
I start laughing for no reason, my heart sinking and betraying me. Maybe I was wishing for a real reason, something beyond the surface, beyond what I see and maybe there is but then, all this is just stupid. She's telling me that I tortured myself for nothing, nothing. I lost myself and did that to Cat, to Beck for fucking nothing. I feel her hands creep under my blouse.
No, it wasn't just for nothing.
"Jade? Did you hear me?"
"Yeah, I did," I didn't. I look beside me...Beck. I look down at my hands...an orange and its peeled skin. I squint, and I see fire. My lips are tingling and I don't dare run my tongue through them, I won't be able to sit beside Beck, I already can't bear looking at him. He'll see.
"Tell me..." his puts his hands gently on mine but I pull back, shrinking. His hand suddenly freezes, slowly drawing back and I regret it instantly.
Imma turrrtle and I move slow, inching, centimetre-ing(?) and it's what I do but I hates it so much... but what do you want to do? Attach a jet engine on mah back? That'll be cooool...
A.N.: Aaaand this is even shorter... ugh. I'm really having a hard time expressing what's happening into words and I'm hating myself for this but hopefully I didn't fall short on the confrontation though I think nothing was even made clear... oh well...
This'll probably the only update this weekend... I got tons of stuff to do and I'm losing blood from not sleeping, and I've also lost my muse...
So please review... yeah I'm a review whore but can you blame me?
I'm sorry... oh, and please don't slaughter me (hmmm... maybe I'll keep this tradition... what do you think?). I'll try my best to write better and faster, I swear.