I'm sorry if I'm so late... really late. But summer's finally here for me so hopefully updates will be up faster.
I can't believe this is happening.
I feel the air rushing, tearing against my skin, cutting. I know they're watching, relishing the look on my face. My heart crashes against my chest a thousand times at each step I take. The same halls I go through everyday seem smaller, closing up on me as I rush through them, hands desperately covering myself.
It's almost exactly like...except, this time, the bruises are real, this time, I won't get caught.
I claw my way into an empty bathroom, almost stumbling up to the mirrors. My knuckles turn white, fingers clasped on the sink. I hold myself up, steadying my breath.
That girl, she's gonna pay. Once is already unforgivable but to do it again... I'm gonna destroy her.
I look up, straining to view myself through blurry eyes. My teeth clench tighter.
When have I started to tear up?
I rub furiously at my eyes, allowing them to sting, allowing black to further stain my skin. I breathe again, feeling my legs steady with each gasp of air I take. I can still barely see anything but I know I look like a mess—wet hair sticking to my face, reddened eyes, smeared eyeliner on my cheeks, and dark marks littering every inch of my neck.
These, Tori made.
I trace each one with closed eyes, blood pulsing at every touch.
This one on my pulse... her last mark before she left just last night, still fresh and throbbing. And this near the back of my ear...that time when she pulled me into Beck's car.
A smile creeps its way on my lips and I welcome it. Beck doesn't deserve this feeling I offer each stain on my body but I welcome it like the taste I've grown defiantly addicted to—the slight tang of each kiss; the taste of orange.
"Jade, are you okay?" I hear a shaky voice from behind me and the doors swinging close. I feel like I'm in a vacuum, air sucked out of my chest, cracking in the pressure. My mind races. Whattodowhattodowhattodo. Fuck. I stay frozen, staring at the reflection behind me. I see a blot of red like blood on the mirror, shifting. This just turned into something harder to deal with.
Get out! But not even a sound leaves my mouth, my heart still caught in my throat. I don't want to do this, I just want to crawl up under my bed. But I have to do this or everything crashes,
I hear hesitant steps come closer, my sight clearing up.
Oh, no. No. No, this can't be happening. Not again. Why does it have to be her that catches me in situations like this? Who knows how much damage I can do to her now. Please don't come any closer.
She's looking at me, eyes flicking to my neck. My hands cover exposed skin desperately, my eyes shutting tight, shutting her out. She comes closer, the warmth of her approaching hand radiating on my skin.
The irony of it all...to have a secret destroyed the same way it was created: water on my face, makeup running on my skin, running for cover —a sick joke the world has been playing on me.
"What—where did those come from? Did a—"
"No."
It would've been easier to take advantage of her...'loopy-ness' but I just can't bring myself to it. I know she'll take it, pretend that what I tell her is the truth.
"Then—"
I spin around, glaring hard into her eyes, "They're nothing, okay? Nothing." I refuse to fuck her up more than she already is.
"Uh." Her hand falls behind her neck, eyes averting mine. "Are you going to be fine?"
"Cat."
"Yes?" Her head shoots up instantly, almost too eagerly.
"I'm sorry."
"F-for what?"
"That you have to be sucked in all this..."
"It's okay," a smile turns up in her lips and my stomach twists into knots.
This is the worst kind of guilt. I'm making everything worse for her—having her bottle up everything and hide all the monsters from herself like every bad memory she let slip between bursts of meaningless chatter to mask them all with things nobody notices or even cares to understand.
"I don't have to know why or what if you don't want me to. As long as you're okay, and everybody's okay, I'll be fine," she picks up in the silence.
"Cat, you're—" I sigh, "Okay. I'll be okay."
"Where have you been?" Beck plops down next to me, eyebrows dipping, lips slightly pursing.
"Been out destroying someone's life," I tell him, which is what I have been really up to.
"Whose?"
"You don't want to know the details,"
Cat peeks at him from beside me, "Jade's been really...scary."
"I would be surprised if she wasn't." Tori comes up behind me with her tray.
"Surprised at what?" Robbie appears next to her.
I turn, facing him, "Are you gonna eat that?"
"I just got here."
"Oh," I tip his tray, letting the sandwich fall flat on the floor. "Are you still gonna eat that?"
"Why does she keep doing this to me!" he bends down, complaining to his puppet, while picking up the mess off the floor.
I turn back, picking at the food on my plate.
"Jade," Beck warns.
"I told you she's been scary," Cat says, huffing like a little kid.
My lips beg for even a small smile no one would notice.
"You gotta feel sorry for the dude," Andre nudges Beck, while adding ketchup on his hotdog, "—always been the target of lady hormones."
Tori just shrugs, taking a seat next to Cat and looking at me. I smirk. She arches an eyebrow. Cat looks at me then to her and starts bubbling out random stuff while smiling at me. My heart thuds and I stick my fork into a piece of bread.
Almost your ordinary day.
"He loves you too much," Tori says, standing up from the bed, the soft moonlight coming in from the window glowing on her bare skin.
"Oh, and we're talking now?" I grab her wrists, lying on my stomach near the edge of the mattress.
"Nope," she says simply, trying to pull her wrist free.
My fingers dig into her skin, "Cat saw them."
"Saw what?" Tori asks. Now she's worried.
"Saw these." I point to the marks on my neck.
"She never told me."
"We're fine now." No more asking questions—a silent agreement with Cat. But then, that still doesn't mean 'fine'.
"I'll talk to her." She pulls again.
"She doesn't know anything else." I keep hold of her, sliding off a bit toward the edge.
"Can you let go?"
"No." My hand grips even tighter while I push myself slightly up with my other hand. "Let me touch you."
She pauses, almost horrified.
"You're pushing it," she says.
"Pushing what?" I pull her to me.
Take them one by one and let the blood spill out...
"This." She finally looks into my eyes. "I may hate you but I don't like hurting Beck or anybody else."
"Oh, really Vega?" I scoff. "And, yet, here you are half naked in my room. I thought you've thrown away all guilt."
She doesn't answer.
"Or am I worth feeling the guilt over?" I continue, tugging her down so that half her body rests beneath me on the bed,
"I should be asking you the same question," she purses, her wrist still caught in my grasp.
"Oh come on, I throw everything away when we're like... this." I slowly plant my lips on hers, the gentleness even shocking me.
Like this . . . I give up everything for these short moments, for the taste of her.
A.N.: I have a surprise for you guys next chapter and it's a bitch to write...
Anyway, I just want to thank ShinyThingsGirl (1704215) for beta-ing and telling me off about my "inside-the-head-writing" or something I like to call "loopy-ness"
Anyway, I'm working on one-shots.. so please check them out when I get to post them (self-advertising much?).
Tell me what you think. All reviews are loved and welcomed.
Please don't slaughter me (it's tradition) if I took too long... the turtle is here.
PS: I don't like Robbie so...