Two hours later, I was nowhere near close to sleep. I'm a constant insomniac and the excitement or fear or whatever it was exactly I was feeling at the moment was adding to the problem. I decided to head down to the common room. I was sure there had to be a book or something to wear me out, and hopefully the fire was still going. I quietly made my way down the stairs, trying not to wake anyone. Luckily for me, the fire was going and lying on the couch in front of the fire was a book I was dying to get my hands on. I picked up the copy of Hogwarts, A History and settled down on the couch. After what seemed like hours, I was startled by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. I looked up to find Remus walking absentmindedly down the stairs, muttering to himself. He hadn't noticed me, although I wish he had. I'm awful when it comes to making my presence known. The other person either continues to ignore me or is scared senseless. I opted for plan C: continue reading and pretend that I hadn't noticed Remus either.
He made his way over to the fire and sat on another chair, still looking at the floor and muttering away about something. I couldn't exactly hear what he was saying, but it clearly had him perplexed. His face looked weary and old, much older than he actually was. He kept wringing his hands together nervously. Another trait we had in common. I used to get in trouble for it when I was a young girl in the orphanage. It apparently wasn't "proper conduct for a lady to fidget about." I was so focused on watching him and not making a sound that I began to tune out other things around me, including the fire. It cracked once uncommonly loud and I drew in a quick breath, startled. Remus, hearing both the loud crack and the sound of another breathing, let out a short scream as he stood up and drew his wand, pointing it at the intruder… which was me.
After a moment, a look of recognition passed over his features and he lowered the wand. I just looked at him, startled as ever. Clearly he wasn't expecting company, and neither was I. He sat back down, letting out a breath he had unknowingly been holding.
"You scared me half to death, Lauren. I didn't think anyone else would be awake. What are you doing down here?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm not a very good sleeper, so I came down to find something to read." I pointed to the book lying on my lap. He came over and sat next to me on the couch, lifting the cover to see the title of the book.
"Ah, I was wondering where my copy of that went. I must have left it here when we left after our seventh year. Do you like it?"
I nodded enthusiastically. "I've read about the book so many times, but I've never actually gotten to read it because technically it doesn't really exist where I'm from. It's just as good as I thought it would be. I can see why Hermione loves it." This last statement brought forth a look of confusion over his face. "Oh, that's right, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Hermione is going to be a friend of Harry's." I smiled at the thought, but then I remembered that was the other life. Would they even meet now? "Well, at least, she was going to be. Things might be different now. I hope not, she's an amazing witch. I would hate to think that I'm the reason they're not friends." I was more speaking to myself than Remus. I looked at him and he looked even more confused than before.
"Sorry, I get carried away. I forget sometimes that you are the previous generation and you have no idea who I'm talking about half the time." He nodded, now understanding that I was referring to a person they hadn't even met yet.
"It's alright. It must be hard. I know if I found myself in your position, I would probably do the same thing." He smiled at me, and I returned it. Then we fell into a semi-awkward silence. My mind was racing, trying desperately to find something intelligent or witty to say. Thankfully, Remus spoke first.
"Are you enjoying yourself here?" I thought the question was a bit corny, but he looked sincere. And besides, I hadn't been able to come up with anything better.
"Yes. I love everything about this world. The magic, the places, the people. It's all so wonderful. I almost wouldn't care if I never went home." That last part slipped out before I could think. But now that I had said it, I had to wonder if I really would.
"You mean you wouldn't miss your family or friends or your home?"
I laughed bitterly. "Not exactly. I don't really have any of those things where I'm from. I grew up in an orphanage and I was always the odd one out. I never really fit in anywhere and people usually never took the time to notice that I was around. That was fine with me, though. People are… complicated, and I don't exactly have the best interpersonal skills in the world."
He looked at me sympathetically. Great. That wasn't what I wanted to happen. "Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I'm not suicidal or anything. I just don't really have anything waiting for me back in St. Louis. I'm a college graduate with no job, living alone. Not really something I'd want to return to, you know?"
"Yeah, I get what you mean. That's kind of what it felt like for me to come to Hogwarts. I had spent so much time at home alone, worrying about my condition and feeling rejected. When Dumbledore came to tell me I could attend, I thought I had just won the lottery. After that first year, I didn't even want to go home. I knew Hogwarts would forever be my home." He smiled and glanced around the room nostalgically.
"I just wish I could be more help while I'm here. I know I've saved them for the time being, but what else can I do? I hate feeling useless."
"Lauren, you are definitely not useless. You uncovered a plot that saved the lives of my, for lack of a better term, family. I can't think of a more important act."
"I know, I just wish I could do something more. I don't know anything else about this time period and I can't even do magic. I'm just sitting here, racking my brain trying to figure out how I can help."
"Well, that's what you have us for." He gestured to himself and then to the staircase that led to where the others were asleep. "We can teach you basically everything you need to know. We're all particularly intelligent people… well, excluding Sirius." He chuckled a bit, causing me to smile. "Besides, don't you remember what I said earlier today when we were coming up the path to Hogwarts. You wouldn't have been able to enter this place if you didn't have some magic in you. All we need to do is teach you how to use it. Here, let me show you." He reached in his pocket and took out his wand. He held it out, clearly meaning for me to take it.
I took it carefully in my hand, waiting for that feeling of warmth and magic. Unfortunately, it never came. Remus must have seen the disappointment in my eyes, because he began to chuckle softly. I just looked up at him curiously.
"Don't worry if you don't feel anything. That's actually normal. That wand is mine. It "chose me," as Ollivander would say. You should still be able to use it, but it just won't work as well for you. We should try something fairly simple just for starters. Do you know the lighting spell?"
"You mean lumos?"
"Yes, exactly. Now hold out the wand and say 'Lumos.' A light should shine from the tip of the wand."
I nervously held out the wand and muttered a weak "Lumos." Nothing happened. I looked at him in disappointment. He just smiled.
"Well, of course you're not going to cast a decent lumos if you say it like that. You have to mean it. Concentrate inside of yourself. Feel for your magical core and let it flow from you to the wand. Try again."
I closed my eyes and tried to focus. I focused on the light and pictured it flowing through my arm and into the wand. "Lumos." I opened my eyes to find a faint light coming out of the end of the wand. I had done it! I was a witch! I felt the smile spread across my face and I said "Nox" with a bit more enthusiasm and the light went out. I looked over at Remus, who had a pleased look on his face. In my excitement I practically launched myself at him and brought him in for a hug.
"I did it! I did it! I'm a witch, Remus! A real witch!" He laughed a bit and patted me on the back.
"Congratulations, Lauren. You have successfully cast your first spell."
Unfortunately after he said this, the room got really quiet. Like, awkwardly quiet. I suddenly realized that I had not let Remus go. Hell, I was basically sitting in his lap. He must have notices how awkward it was as well because he went sort of rigid. I took this as a sign to make a hasty retreat. I practically leapt off him and took a few steps back.
"Well, it's pretty late. I'd better get some sleep, or something." I quickly grabbed Hogwarts, A History, which had fallen to the floor, and made my way up the stairs. I tried not to look back, even though I could feel his eyes practically burning a hole in the back of my head as I left. Now I had no hope of falling asleep. And if I was so lucky, I knew my dreams would definitely focus around a certain werewolf.