"That you want me as much as I want you."
My fingers brush over her hand and she flinches, stealing a glance at me and then looks away, licking between her lips.
"That you're just scared to admit it," I continue, watching the way her eyes flicker even in the dim light of her room."That you know just how I feel for you," I lean closer, almost feeling her breath on my skin. "That we can't keep pretending," I touch her face, tucking away strands of her hair and she looks up, eyes telling me to stop. "That you aren't the person you were," I breathe out, touching her bottom lip as her teeth sink down on it. "That just maybe you made me fall in love with you," I smile because just maybe I really have. "That you're scared and that I'm right." And that you've fallen too.
Silence sweeps the space between us breaking only at the sound of my lips meeting hers softly.
My lips linger on hers as I hesitantly pull away—I'd rather touch her than breathe—even if every bit of me screams for more, blood streaming to my fingertips like daggers under my skin. For once, my eyes leave her as I sharply gasp for air—I still have to because I'm still human—because a part of me is still scared of bearing myself again. But I have to even if at the end she shatters me, tears me apart like she said she could. There's always a price to be paid.
"Say something," I whisper, trying to meet her averting eyes. I know this is not the time to speak but I can't go on without a real reaction from her, one with resolve, one I can understand even if it seems too much to ask from just saying the words I said.
She finally looks up, "I don't really want to…not right now." Not right now.
I close my eyes. I don't know if this will work but in the end I'll keep on living, right? This will not kill me. No.
Blood rushes through my every vein like it has done a thousand times before, every time she touches me. But this time, it feels like my veins will explode with her filling every space—overflowing. This is her. This is her that has been hiding beneath her layers of masks. This is her lips moving against mine, pulling me in, arms circling around my neck with touches so soft that for once I feel like floating.
Her tongue sweeps between my lips and I lean closer desperately wanting more. Her lips travel down my neck, down where she bit me and I shudder. I don't know what this is, what's going to happen next but I take it all with open arms.
Her delicate fingers open my shirt slowly and I can hear myself breath heavier as I watch the way they move, picking at the buttons, brushing my bare skin. The cloth slides over my shoulder, her fingers leading the way down my arm. For a split second I thought she'd hold my hand, slip between my fingers that ache for her filling the spaces—the spaces that make me hollow—but she moves away, taking my face with both hands and kissing me. Her lips burn against my skin—like they're telling me this is bad… that I shouldn't. It doesn't matter though. It doesn't matter. I lean into her, taking all that should be mine… that will be mine as my hands creep under her shirt, over her back.
In the daze of her touches, our clothes fall forgotten on the floor. And I fall on the bed, covered in Victoria Vega, in her warmth, her lips trailing down my chest, our bodies melding together in a mess of tangled limbs. My hands roam her back, her thighs, the back of her neck, her sides and in my mind there is no more perfect picture than this; perfectly imperfect. My heart still thuds erratically against my chest, saying a million things all at the same time.
Stop.
Run.
Perfect.
More.
Last.
Mine.
Tori.
She's stroking me between my thighs and I pant not even caring if I'm breathing in any air, watching her with clouded eyes as she does it. My muscles are rippling, her breath hot on my cooling skin and my hips buck—an impulsive plea for more. She slides a finger slowly, and an unfamiliar sound erupts from my throat mixed with fragments of her name. She smiles and moves down to kiss me once more, teeth nipping at my lips. Please make this last forever. She adds another digit, my breathing turning ragged. And my nails found their way, digging at Tori's back, trying to keep her close—the cold is engulfing me, making me think of things that hurt me like a prelude to what might come. She whispers inaudible nothings against my hair. Please… My fingers slide off her back, clutching the sheets under me as I climax, chest heaving, devoid of air and of any thought but the girl in front of me, inside of me.
She kisses my forehead as pleasure washes over me, slowly becoming aware of everything around me, the sheets of paper crumpled at our feet, a pen digging at my back and her smile as she watches me quietly, fingers running through my hair. I close my eyes and catch the mess of her hair, and suddenly everything's super real and detached at the same time
"Say something," I whisper again.
"Please, Jade, this is enough..."
"What do you mean by enough?" My throat is growing thick.
"No more of this," she kisses me and something breaks in me. "I tried."
::
My mind won't let me forget, mocking me as it replays over and over again everything that I've done with Tori. I wince, lips still trembling, as I muffle sobs with my fingers clutching at the mess of my hair. I wipe another tear, pulling my legs to my chest, sheets gathering at my feet as I drag them on the bed, my back flat on the wall of my room.
God, I love her… why her, why now? I want to laugh at the pain, at how ridiculous I look right now but I can't anymore. I don't know if I am even capable of feeling anything else but pain and anger. I've given everything that I can. It's my fault that I'm like this now—a vulnerable hollow shell of the person I used to be. I knew all along but I wouldn't accept it. I kept telling myself what I wanted to believe in.
"Jade." I hear from the door, a soft knock following. I burrow my face in my knees, hand tugging harder on my hair. "Jade," the voice calls louder, banging at the door. My head shoots up, throwing the first thing my hand finds and my phone shatters as it hits the hard wood of the door, landing in pieces on the floor. "Jade, I have the key."
"Leave me the fuck alone, Beck!" My voice screeches, raking at my throat.
My door slams shut, the other side of my bed sinking.
"I haven't seen you for three days," he starts, unmoving.
I don't look up. I don't need Beck. I don't need anybody but—
"What's wrong?"
And I look up, staring at him, empty of any emotion, "Nothing."
"Jade, how long have you been—" he moves closer, almost leaping to my side. My little puppy.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me," I can feel my face twisting into a smile that I don't understand.
His eyes widen, flickering at every part of me visible in the stream of light from the crack of my door, grabbing my shoulders and tearing my hand from my hair. "What happened?"
"Many things," I turn my head watching him, voices dripping with cheer.
"Tell me what happened." His hands move slowly up to my cheeks and I lean into them, closing my eyes. I want her, Beck.
"Shh," I whisper. I want her so don't talk right now. Be her for me, Beck. Give her to me. I pull his lips to mine and it's almost as if I can taste oranges. He ate oranges.
A.N.: I'm sorry if I kept anyone waiting. I just got out from a major writer's block and I already feel rusty (and lazy… super turtle mode!). Luckily, My Chemical Romance overdose was all I needed, lol (and it's also the reason if this takes a darker turn… *hint* *hint*)
I think it'll stretch into two more chapters at most and I'm gonna start on the next chapter right away.
And for that, I think I deserve much beating (but still no slaughtering—no, I will not get rid of this obnoxious thing that I write).