Word Count: 1553/2443

Summary: Something weird is happening to Dave Karofsky. The guys on the Football Team think he has an alien in him like from the movies. Most of the girls from Nude Erections think he has a weird Tumor. Brittany thinks he's pregnant. Only one of them is right. Guess?

Warning: MPreg Warning

Author's note: if you want to order Pizza from the pizza hut in Lima, That would be the number I put in this fic. You are welcome.

Things will get worse for Dave from here on out.

Chapter One

"Adolf Hitler ruled Germany with an iron fist. He was charismatic and an evil little troll. He brought Germany scapegoats for their issues and the people in power soaked up the propaganda like a sponge," said Mrs. Humperdink, who liked to bring in the weird fetishes and freaky sex fact things world leaders were thought to have. It was her way to keeping the students from going to sleep in class in an unneeded way. "Little did those Germans know was that he enjoyed his niece peeing on his face and only had one testicle." Sadly enough it was these weird facts the students remembered most than the really important thing they did need to know.

Dave yawns. It wasn't like history was boring. In fact it was his favorite class. Mrs. Humperdink was this short 4'3" hobbit with curly hair and glasses as big as her head. She would come into class wearing these polka-dotted dresses in all colors and cowboy boots. She was always laughing and was a pretty fun teacher, not the best but a fun one.

"Hey man, not sleeping again," Azimio asks, punching his friend on the shoulder.

"Nah slept pretty well last night," Dave says, "probably that stomach flu going around making me tired." He watches Azimio wince.

"Huh," Azimio said, "wait. My sister had it and she ended up getting diarrhea."

"Yeah, So," said Dave staring at his friend confused.

"Just to let you know. If you shit your pants I am not driving to pick you up a new pair of underwear," was Azimio's reply.

"Yeah, I don't think I am going to have that problem." Dave felt his cheeks redden.

"Oh, Okay. I am just saying."

Dave licked his lips and got up slowly. The past three days have been weird. If he got up too fast he would get dizzy and nauseas and would need to sit back down again for a few seconds. Dave didn't know if he really had the stomach flu going around or if it had anything to do with that weird night two weeks ago and he didn't really want to find out.

Dave yawned again.

"Mr. Karofsky, are you feeling alright," Mrs. Humperdink said eying him. He knew it was from some soft spot she had for him because he reminded her of her late husband who died 5 years ago.

"Yeah," he said smiling at her, "I'm fine."

He watched the woman look him up and down. "No you are not. Now go down to the Nurse's office. We don't need you to be falling asleep in class. Now Skedaddle." She said, eying him fondly. He smirked back at her before following her orders. There were reasons like this she was his favorite teacher. Before turning around and saying, "Mr. Pederfew, I suggest you stop trying to use that mirror to look down Ms. Pierce skirt if you want to pass class." We walked by the greasy pervert. No one knew who was worse him or that Jason Ed something guy, the one who followed Crazy Berry around with a camera. But one thing was certain the guy smelled gross.

Before heading to the nurse's station, he decided to make himself a pit stop at the bathroom. He stepped up to the urinal and saw that this pee was a little pink. He paled. He was bleeding blood.

So, Dave was in a predicament. He didn't know what was going on with his body. He knew that there was good chance he was dying. His next stop had to be to the nurse's office to get someone to drive him to the hospital where he found a nurse. He quickly noted that Puck was taking his usual math time naptime. Did that guy ever go to anything outside of Glee club and football?

"Uh, Miss, Look I need someone to drive me to the hospital. I think something may be wrong with me." The woman who he thought was the nurse was blonde and had a glazed look in her eyes like as if she was on drugs or something. She smiled at something behind him because her eyes seemed to not be able to actually focus on anything.

"Ms. Nurse," the glazed eyed woman said, "my name is Miss Nurse, I think. What do you think it is?"

"You think," Dave said looking unsure of this woman. He wondered if she really did have any credentials to be a nurse. He kind of hoped it was a joke and she wasn't really a nurse, "um, your name is Ms. Nurse?"

"Yes," she said dreamily, "now what is the problem?"

"Now dear, I am a professional and I can help with you anything," Ms. Nurse said, trying to sound professional but it didn't help that she was slurring her word and words seemed to become longer coming from her mouth, "beside nothing looks wrong with you."

"Look," he whispered quietly to the woman, "It is kind of an issue when I am peeing blood from my, well, down there if you know what I mean."

"Well, dear," Ms. Nurse smiled at him fondly, "such a thing is normal with a young woman such as yourself. I remember my first period, fondly, I was twelve-"

"I'm a guy," Dave said, quickly interrupting the crazy woman. He stared at her crazy. He didn't even look like a girl. He heard a giggle near by and groaned. It was Puckerman and the fucker was laughing at Dave's predicament. This was another one of those shouldn't have gotten up days.

"Aren't you Rachel Berry," asked Ms. Nurse.

"Noooo," said Dave, staring at her, "I'm David Karofsky."

"You are," spoke the shocked nurse, before she reached down and grabbed between his legs, "oh you are. Well, dear, you really need to get that checked out." Dave yanked her hand away now very pissed off. He didn't come to the nurse's office to get groped by some freak and possible druggie.

He turned to look at a now horrified Puck before turning to the nurse.

"What the hell are you on?"

"Oh, these little pills that I found in my desk," she smiled at him blissfully. Dave paled as she kept talking, they hired her he though, and "I don't know what they are though. Now I could drive you to the hos-"

"I'll take him," spoke up Puckerman, finally coming to Dave's rescue.

"That would be lovely, Ms. Pierce," Said Ms. Nurse.

Puck stared at her for a second before turning to Dave, "c'mon dude." Dave stared at him before following him.

"What the hell was that?"

"She's weird like that," said Puck shrugging.

"That's not normal," said Dave.

"Ms. Nurse is a handful at time," said puck, "Sometimes she is like that and other times she can be fun. Yesterday decided she didn't like wearing clothes and walked around the nurse's office naked." Puck sighed with fondness.

"So why are you not driving yourself," asked Puck.

"I had a freak out behind the wheel," said Dave, "I haven't been driving since."

They drove in silence. Where Dave got the Answer, "Look I am busy with patience. I can't see you."

"Look, Dr. Chin was it I need your help. I could be dying here," Dave told the woman who seemed not to give a shit.

"I can't help you," she said, glaring at him.

"Look, Lady –"

"Are you Pregnant?"

"No."

"Well, I am an Obstetrician," She said, "You are wasting my time if you are not pushing out a baby from your vagina and since you don't have a vagina you are simply wasting my time. Understand?"

"Yeah," he said, licking his lips and thinking that this woman was a fucking cow. At the woman walks away he noticed another Doctor walking by.

"Hey, Doc," Puck said grinning, "can you help my friend, here?"

The Asian doctor looked Dave up and down before asking, "Is he pregnant?"

"No," Dave answered, looking confused and annoyed. Puck walks a bit away to give him privacy with the doctor in the hall.

"Well, I can't-"

As the doctor was walking away, Dave Physically stopped him from going further; "look I'm peeing blood from my dick that is not natural. I need your help?"

The man sighed, "Alright, Let me look at your folder in your hand." Dave and puck watches the man look it over before he turns to Dave and says, "Does it hurt when you pee?" Dave blushed a little and did a quick nod. "It is most likely a Urinary tract infection. Drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. Pee every time you need to go and stay away from caffeine for a week. If it doesn't clear up call Dr. Lopez at 419- 228-2265, Okay?"

"Thanks," Dave said, rolling his eyes.

"I need to keep people happy because you might knock some girl up and..."

"That isn't going to happen," Dave said, snorting, "anytime soon," 'Or ever,' he thought as he watched the doctor walk away. "Well that was a waste of my time."

"That was a waste," said Puck, "want to go to Burger King?"

"Yeah I can eat," said Dave, "I'll buy."

"Thanks man," said Puck.

"Thanks for driving me to this," said Dave."

"No prob."