Kate couldn't believe it. After finally closing the case and planning to go home and take a relaxing bath, she was pounding on Rick's door to his loft.

She wasn't even sure how she got here. She remembered giving the cab driver her address and then when she finally got to her apartment building, all she did was look up through the window. She apologized to the cab driver before rattling off Rick's address.

The whole case she wondered what exactly was going on between them, and he wasn't even around. That was part of the problem; she wasn't sure as to why he wasn't around.

"Beckett?" he asked. From the tone of his voice she could tell that he was very surprised as to her sudden appearance at his of at, oh God, at 1AM. That would explain his messed up hair, but gosh did he look cute and ador- wait she was here for a reason, no matter the time.

"I know how late it is," she said as she moved past his frozen frame in the door. Heading towards his study, she smiled and asked over her shoulder, "You coming?"

The pair wordlessly made their way into his study. On the way there Rick couldn't help but wonder about all the reasons she was here right now at 1 AM. Was she hurt? Did she need a sounding board about their latest case? Was she in need of advice?

He motioned for her to sit down on the leather couch right next to his vast bookshelf. She had expected him to follow suit and sit beside her, but he continued to the window with arms crossed and gazed out.

"So what's up?" He asked cautiously.

"We had a case," she said softly.

"I know," he replied.

"You didn't shadow me for it."

He was caught of guard, she could tell from the slight reflections he could see of him in the window.

"And you weren't busy were you?"

Deciding to be honest he answered, "Not in the slightest."

"It may seem weird that I am here, especially so late at night. I guess the reason is that I just want to know what's going on."

The silence between them was filled with unspoken words and confessions. He had taken his mother's advice as well as part of Alexis' and this is what happened. He was in his office with Kate when their relationship was up in the air.

"Both of them underestimated you," he softly said.

Not knowing what he was talking about she said, "I'm not quite sure I'm following you Rick."

"I guess I put too much faith in you not noticing that I wasn't around. It might be because you're a detective though."

"If you tell anyone this Rick, I will most certainly deny it and then proceed to make sure they don't find your body, but I noticed because I'm your best friend."

"I know I just figured I had more time."

Why was he answering so cryptically? She had come here to figure out what was going on, but all he was doing was causing her to have more questions. She desperately wanted the answers but he had been guarded lately. She was deliberating the best way to approach this when he interrupted her thoughts.

"It was selfish of me to not shadow you on cases for my own piece of mind, to abandon you –"

"Aren't you being a little bit overdramatic?"

"Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?" he chuckled.

"If I have learned anything by being your friend Rick it's that sometimes things don't have to be so complicated."

"Carpe diem," he whispered.

"Exactly," she said before getting up to explore the room.

She remembered the very first time that she was exposed to Castle's study. To say it was gorgeous to her was an understatement. She never knew she could find such a simple room to be so appealing, but strangely it was. The walls radiated Rick's personality effortlessly.

"It's my favorite room too," he said quietly beside her.

She raised her head a little bit to meet his gaze before asking, "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Don't I always?" he retorted.

She didn't want to keep pushing so she sighed softly. He quickly picked up on her disappointment from that one sound.

"Your eyes," he said before retreating to his desk, where she was sure he felt most comfortable.

"What do you mean?"

"The first time I met you, your eyes were very descriptive. They're your best feature hands down."

"Rick the first time you met me I'm sure that you weren't looking at my eyes," she said dryly.

"But you see Detective, that wasn't the first time I met you," he said offhandedly.

Oh gosh. Did he remember? How can he be so flippant while saying that?

"W-what?"

"You don't need to play coy Kate. The first time I met you wasn't at my book party, it was at a book signing."

"You remember?" she asked amazed as she made her way over towards his desk.

"I may have a lot of characteristics assigned to my name, but forgetful is not one Kate," he gently said while indicating for her to perch herself on his desk.

She immediately obliged. He had been leaning back in his chair but sat up as she took her place leaning against his workspace, his sanctuary.

"Will you tell me?" she asked shyly.

He nodded his head, knowing that if she asked anything from him he would do it in a heartbeat.

"Paula had kept pestering me about going to more parties hosted by other celebrities. I constantly told her that there wasn't enough time, but she was always persistent. I explained what must have been one hundred times that book signings were important to me. The fans were important to me.

Against her wishes I kept setting up more book signings at various bookstores. Barnes and Nobles as well as the occasional Borders. Sometimes even privately owned ones. I enjoyed book signings far more than those parties with unreal people that didn't really care about me.

Book signings were the only place that people really came for me. It was nice to finally hear some positive feedback after all those years of trying to make it as an author. Looking back now it was probably my best time as a published author, because then it wasn't about the fame and the publicity that Paula stresses about. It was about people reading a book and escaping. It was about me going to a signing and talking to people that actually read the book and had an opinion."

She watched as he considered if he should continue. She wordlessly reached over to his nearby hand and squeezed it gently, giving him the strength to continue his recollection.

"By then I already had Alexis, but Meredith was long gone. I was struggling personally so when I went to book signings I tried to escape and find a shred of happiness from each person, and hopefully return it to them.

I've always been know to look towards the future, which is probably why whenever I am signing someone's book I'm looking through the line to see who I will soon encounter. I scanned through the decently sized line, scoping out personalities and moods. I didn't see you then, so when you finally made it to the signing table I was surprised to see you. I looked up from the previous customer as they walked away and there were you.

Your eyes drew me in almost instantly. I could tell from your stance that you weren't quite sure if it was your turn and your eyes that kept darting around proved it too. You seemed different than the other fans. You had an air of sadness around you that I couldn't quite place – but I knew was there.

I don't even remember asking your name to be honest. So I'm not sure if I did or not but I do remember you simply saying Kate Beckett and handing the book over to me. I spent a reasonable amount of time on other's books, but I took my time with yours. When I was done with the signing I asked Paula if she knew who you were. After that at every book signing I looked for you. You can imagine how surprised I was when I found you at a book launch looking to ask me about a murder that I was a suspect in," he ended lightly.

He finally raised his eyes to meet hers, having played with her long delicate fingers throughout his recollection. He smiled slightly at the wonderment in them

"I can't believe you remembered me," she said incredulously.

He shrugged his shoulders, brushing it off as nothing.

"Why didn't you ever tell me before?

"I don't really know. I always tried to push you to tell me though, maybe your account name for my fan websites," he added.

"Do you remember what you wrote?" she asked.

He nodded.

"KB – there are experiences in our lives that destroy us or make us. They are apart of our lives and should not be forgotten, but they should not prevent us from truly living life. Your sorrow will point you in the right direction and lead you to a full life you think is impossible. Keep fighting the battle. You won't lose. – Rick"

He watched her silently while the wheels in her head turned.

After all of their years knowing each other, he had never told her that story. When she first met him she considered telling him about it, but put it off. Eventually it made its way to the back of her mind, but always present. After a long day she would pull out that book and re-read the inscription.

"You helped me through a rough time in my life," she said.

"Kate you helped yourself. What I wrote was just an added detail."

She shook her head. "It was more than that though. I was depressed and wasn't sure what to do, who I could turn to. My dad turned to alcohol and by then I felt so alone." She felt a reassuring squeeze from Rick. "I came across your book and I found my solace. When I came to your signing all I really expected was for you to simply sign your name and be done with it, but I was wrong. What you wrote inspired me to become who I am today."

"Thanks," he said gratefully.

"I should be thanking you. Without you who knows where I would be, you motivated me."

"I'm glad. Otherwise there would be a lot of other families that would never get the peace of mind that you provide. You might not have that yet, but you will."

"I'm not going to give up."

"I'm not going to let you," he said seriously.

She gently disentangled her fingers from his, immediately missing the warmth he provided and the soothing circles he rubbed against the back of her hand. Walking over towards the bookcase she scanned his collections and his photographs.

Resting her eyes of a picture of the two of them taken by Alexis in the park she began, "I don't understand what you're going through. I keep trying to but I can't. I feel helpless in this because I feel like I should be able to help."

"Please don't. It's me. It's my problem," he stressed.

"Is it though?" she challenged.

"I'm not sure I know what you're implying KB," he said with furrowed brows.

Did she really want to do this? Risk everything they had together – as partners and best friends – to see where this went? Her mind was screaming no. She shouldn't make such a big leap while her eyes were closed and she didn't know which way was up and which way was down. She should wait for the reassurance that he wanted this too. The thing was though, she was almost positive she already had it, and for quite some time too.

"I can't help but feel as if this has to do with me," she admitted.

She observed his facial expression, watching as his eyebrows shot up in surprise and astonishment.

"Kate – "

"You don't need to sugarcoat things here Rick," she said feebly.

"I know that."

"So tell me the truth."

He breathed in; desperately hoping some confidence would come to him. If he continued feeling like this for her, he would go mad. If he continued this way and didn't know how she felt it would be even worse.

He knew that she wouldn't take the leap first. It wasn't her style and most certainly wasn't in her nature. Contrary to popular belief, particularly the media, he didn't jump into things without knowing their repercussions. But he couldn't continue on like this, constantly wondering and doubting the strength of connection and how far deep it ran.

"I want more out of this relationship," he said candidly.

A/N - Wow. Honestly this story keeps surprising me and I'm the one writing it... normal? Perhaps not, but I'm loving it and hope you are too. Sorry for the lack of updates! It's been a while fanfic readers. I've updated all of my stories that are in-progress right not for those of you who are currently reading my other work and for those of you who are interested. If you would like please review and let me know what you think. I'm not really sure where the next chapter is going to be truthful. Will Kate want to be friends? Will Kate admit she wants the same thing as Rick? Will they be interrupted? I have no clue and I am assuming you guys don't either - but if you have an opinion let me know.

xxx castleelovee :)