Chapter 4: Mistakes

I woke up the next morning to someone shaking my arm; I had finally been able to fall asleep after Adam and I-yeah…. Anyway I only got in like two hours of sleep until I was woken up. I turned a little and moaned softly, please just let me sleep….

"Tommy…" his voice was soft at first, but then grew louder, "Tommy!" I opened my eyes and he was staring at me, he looked confused. I looked at myself, oh shit I'm still naked. I felt my cheeks heat up, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! "Tommy, what happened last night?" I just stared at him, looking like an idiot, oh god this was a huge mistake, I shouldn't have let him blow me, I shouldn't have even let him kiss me! But I got carried away….I'm just a selfish asshole, I made him cheat on his boyfriend! 'You tried to stop him' my mind tells me. "Tommy?"

"I-I um…." What was I supposed to say?

"Tommy," he grabbed my shoulders, "what the fuck happened last night?" I let out a shaky breath, "Just…." He sighed "please tell me we didn't..."

"No," I paused, "well, not exactly."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I um…" I said, "well when we were at the club, you uh got really drunk, then you started to make-out with me, and uh then we came back her and uh…"

"And what Tommy?" He asked me, the look in his eyes told me everything, he was shocked, confused, and, and angry…? Why would he-oh I'm guessing he's mad at me.

"You um-we um…" I paused, "once we got back here you were um sort of all over me, and then we were on my bed, and um, you wanted to have sex, but I uh kept telling you that you didn't want to because you were drunk, and then uh you ended up um blowing me, and uh, then you went to sleep." I looked at his reaction, he was holding his head in his hands saying something like like 'oh my god, oh my god'

"Adam, I-I'm so sorry." I put my hand on his.

"Please, don't touch me," He whispered, I took my hand away, "why didn't you stop me?"

"I-I don't….know." I whispered.

"You don't know! Tommy you made me cheat on my fucking boyfriend, and you don't even have a fucking good reason why!" He yelled.

"Adam," I said softly, "what was I supposed to do?"

"Um I don't know maybe tell me to stop and bring me home!" He yelled, "God Tommy, by the things that I remember from last night you acted like you were in love with me or something!" My heart sank; I was now holding back tears. "I mean who are you anyway, I would've thought you would've stopped me, you're straight Tommy, and I remember you being sober!" A tear slid down my cheek, Adam didn't see it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He looked at me, he looked pissed beyond belief.

"I-"He said, "I don't even know what to say to you anymore." He got up from the bed, grabbed his shirt, and headed towards the door.

"Adam," He stopped, "wait." He turned around to face me, he still looked extremely pissed.

"What?" He asked anger in his voice. Just say it Tommy, say it, 'Adam, I love you.' SAY IT!

"Adam I-." My voice breaks.

"What, Tommy?" He still sounded angry.

"I um-"I take a breath, "I really am sorry Adam I wish I could turn back the clock, but I can't, people make mistakes Adam, and I've made a hell of a lot lately, but there's nothing I can do about it, I wish I could just change everything and be perfect, but I can't, and hate me if you want Adam, I just don't care anymore."

He took a deep breath, he didn't look as mad anymore; he walked a few steps closer.

"Tommy," He said, "I know you're sorry, but what happened it just, it was a mistake, I didn't want it to happen, because of it I cheated on my boyfriend, and you know how I feel about cheaters, and just knowing that you were completely sober and still did it, it makes me sick Tommy, I really thought you were better than that." My tears were almost impossible to hold back, each word he spoke was like a stab in the heart.

I think about telling him that I told him to stop, that I told him that he didn't want it, I thought about telling him that even when he was about to-yeah I still told him to stop, but it doesn't even matter. He wouldn't care, I still should've done more, I just don't want to fucking fight anymore. I sighed softly to myself and hid my face in my hand so I could let my tears escape. I knew I should've just stopped being friends with him, I knew I should've just stayed where I was and not called him.

It was all a mistake, just one giant mistake, I shouldn't have fallen for my best friend, who also happens to be my boss, I fucked everything up, and there's nothing I can do about it. I couldn't tell if he was still in the room or not, and there was no way in hell I was looking up to check. More tears escaped my eyes, but I still tried to hold my sobs back.

"I am so fucking sorry." I whispered softly.

"I know you are Tommy," so he's still here, "it's just I just can't be around you right now." I heard my door shut and I looked up threw my tears, Adam left. I curled up in a ball on my bed and started to sob uncontrollably. I got up from my bed put on my boxers and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, and I just wanted to fucking punch myself in the face. I threw some water on my face and looked at myself again.

"I love you Adam," I whispered to myself, "I really fucking do."

I'm sorry, but I probably won't have the next chapter up until Easter, I have a lot going on and yeah….I might have it up earlier, but I'm never sure. I hope you liked the chapter :)

~Sarah