Chapter 5: Forgive Me

It's been 3 days since Adam and I had that fight, he still won't talk to me, I don't blame him. I was a selfish asshole who only cared about himself, I took advantage of him, and I'll always regret it. But I was also mad at him, I mean I tried to stop him, but he still blamed me for everything, I was his best friend, I made a mistake, I wish he would just forgive me. Then again I really don't deserve to be forgiven I mean, it's not like he knew that would happen if he got drunk, he doesn't even know I'm in love with him.

I sighed loudly to myself, why must I be a fucking idiot all the time? I should've really listened to that voice in the back of my head, I should have stopped it before it got out of hand, but no I just had to be selfish, look where that got me! I lost my best friend! I'll never forget the words he said to me, never. It hurt like hell to see him so angry, to see him so hurt, and to know that I caused all of it, it makes me hate myself. I probably should hate myself, I deserve it, I took advantage of my best friend when he was fucking drunk, I need to be fucking punched in the face!

I sighed again and walked over to my mirror, I looked horrible. My make-up was all over my face, my hair looked like I had just been in a tornado, and my eyes were bright red from crying do much. I slapped myself across the face.

"You need to get ahold of yourself, Tommy." I whispered to myself. I walked back out to my living room and lie on the couch. I let my tears once again soak my cheeks, why was I such a horrible person? Why do I always make so many mistakes? Why when I try to make everything better I just end up making everything worse? I curl up into a ball and start to sob, I'm so tired of this happening, I'm so tired of fighting, I'm so tired of lying, I'm so tired of pretending, I can't do this anymore. No matter what I do it still gets worse, I can't do anything right, ever.

My crying seems to calm down a little bit, and then I'm lying there again, in the same spot, thinking the same thing. There's one thing I want, but I can't have it. There's one thing I want to do, but I can't do it. There's one thing I want to say, but I can't say it. I sigh once again, and shift my position on the couch, I grab my phone, I need something or somewhere to vent. I pulled up twitter, hay what was I supposed to do. I wrote 'I just want to be dead, nothing matters anymore.' Hmm should I post it? Ah fuck it, I will, after all nothing matters anymore, right?

I clicked 'Tweet' and within a few seconds there were hundreds of tweets from glamberts asking me 'What's wrong and 'Oh myfreakingod Tommy what happened' and 'Nooooo Tommy you can't die, we love you!' At least the Glamberts still liked me….

After a few minutes of reading their tweets, I decided I wouldn't post anymore tweets, who the hell cares anyway, right? I set my phone down and curled up in a ball again, and cried a little more. A half an hour later a heard a soft knock on my door, who the hell is that? It's like 3 in the fucking morning. I got up from my couch, unlocked my door, and slowly pulled it open.

Standing in front of me was a teary eyed Adam, his hair was a mess, and he looked like a complete and utter wreck. His face was covered in worry, and once he saw me relief washed over his face, but he still looked so worried. I'm sure I looked extremely confused, he's supposed to be pissed at me, but here he is at my door at 3 in the fucking morning. After a moment he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me into a warm hug.

"C-can I come in?" He asked. We pulled away and a nodded 'yes' slowly. I moved to let him in and closed the door behind us. He sat down on my couch and I sat next to him. After a moment he grabbed my hand, and looked me in the eyes.

"I am so fucking sorry, Tommy." He whispered. I gave him a confused look, so he kept talking, "it's all my fault, I over reacted about the whole thing, we're best friends I shouldn't have let it get between us. Even though I was drunk I still remember you telling me to stop, but I wouldn't, I'm so sorry I said all those things to you, and I'm so sorry I made you want to die, I care so much about you, I couldn't live without you, I'm so sorry I hurt you so badly, Can you ever forgive me?" I was so stunned.

"Adam," I whispered, "I should be the one apologizing to you, it was my fault, I should've just brought you home but I didn't I got carried away, I let my-" I stopped I almost said I let my feelings get in the way. He gave me a confused look.

"You let your what, Tommy?" He asked curious to know what I was going to say.

"Never mind." I whispered.

"Tell me, please." He pleaded

"I just uh, I let what I was going to tell you mess with my brain." I whispered.

"Oh yeah, by the way, what were you going to tell me?" He asked. My heart pounded in my chest, my cheeks heated up, should I tell him?

"I-I um was going to umm tell you um…" I whispered my hands started shaking, my heart was about to explode, my cheeks were bright red.

"What were you going to tell me?" he asked.

"I-I can't tell you." I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked softly, and started massaging circles in my hand.

"I-I'm afraid of what you'll think." I whispered.

"There's nothing you can say that will make me think any less of you, I love you Tommy, you can tell me anything you know that."

"IloveyouAdam." I said softly in a mushed up sentence, I could barely understand myself.

"What was that?" he asked, "I couldn't understand you."

Took one deep breathe you can do this Tommy, you can do this, I looked into his eyes. "I love you Adam." I whispered.

"I love you to Tommy, you know that, now what did you want to tell me." I shook my head a little he gave me a confused look.

"Adam, I really love you." I whispered, my cheeks grew warmer, he stooped massaging circles in my hand, I swear he even stopped breathing.

"Oh." He said softly. I wanted to just run away, god I knew this would happen.

"I'm sorry Adam, just forget what I said." I whispered and tried to get up but he pulled me back down.

"No," he whispered, "you can't just tell me you love me then run away." He sighed softly and looked me in the eyes. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you," He paused, "felt this way…"

"Um I dunno since for like a year or so." I whispered.

"God I'm an idiot," he whispered, "I should've seen it, I must have hurt you so badly, god I'm so sorry."

"Don't be Adam," I whispered, "you didn't know, I just I didn't want to ruin our friendship." He sighed again and looked me in the eyes. He cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch. He leaned closer in and his lips slowly but softly touched mine. He softly slowly pulled away and looked right into my eyes.

"I love you too, Tommy."

Well there you guys go Chapter 5 :D I wrote this Chapter in like an hour, it kind of wrote itself. I'll probably have the next one up by tomorrow, if not I'll defiantly have it up by Monday, I hope ya'll liked it ;)

Happy Easter! :D

~Sarah 3