I'm so proud of myself for keeping up with updates :) Just wanted to point that out :D Enjoy! :D

Chapter 9: I can't take this anymore

I'm getting ready to leave for stupid fucking rehearsal, I don't want to go, but like I've said before, I'll do anything for Adam, no matter how much it hurts me, and if he wants me there I'll be there. I don't want to see him, I really don't, but I can't hurt him either. I'm not going to let my damn feelings get in the way of my career either, just because he hurt me doesn't mean I'm going to quit, I just have to pretend like everything's normal, that I'm not upset, that what he said didn't hurt me, but I doubt it will be that easy.

I sigh softly to myself as I apply my eyeliner and fix my hair, after I'm done I check in the mirror again to make sure I look presentable. I walk into my room and put on my grey hoddie and converse. Then I grab my car eyes and bass, and leave my apartment. I get into my car and drive to rehearsal. Once I get there I go and plug in my bass and play a few random chords. The rest of the band start pouring in after a while and we talk for a bit, tell each other what we've been doing since the last time we were together, I try not to talk that much, I'm not in the mood for talking.

Adam gets there about 15 minutes later, and he gives us the songs that we'll be playing, and we played through them to make sure we had the notes and melody down. I was mostly zoning out the whole time, I didn't want to be there, and it was really hard to pretend that I did.

"Okay," said Adam, "why don't we talk 10, then come back and play through the songs again." I set down my bass and stood there for a while, everyone else was off talking to each other or something like that, but I wasn't in the mood for socializing. I finally decided to just go get a drink of water, because people were starting to stare at me. Well I was in the middle of drinking my water Adam came up behind me and scared the shit out of me.

"Don't do that!" I coughed, "you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," He said softly, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine." I said flatly.

"Tommy is everything alright," He asked concerned, "you haven't said a word during rehearsal, you're usually so talkative."

"I'm fine." I say in monotone.

"You're lying." He spoke in that worried tone I hate.

"No, I'm not." I say flatly.

"Yes you are," He says, "why are you lying to me?"

"I'm fine!" I say louder, "just keep your nose out of my damn business!"

"Tommy what the fuck is your problem?" He asks, "Why are you acting like this?" I stare at him for the longest time; does he really want to know why I'm acting like this? Does he really want to know what's been going on inside in my mind for two fucking weeks? What I've been holding back? He's still looking at me, waiting for my answer, he has his arms crossed, he won't leave until he gets his answer.

"I-I just haven't been….feeling well lately." I say.

"Why?" He asks.

"I don't know." I say.

"Yes you do." He says.

"God, why do you keep doing that?" I say loudly.

"Doing what?" He asks.

"Putting your nose in my business!" I say even louder, "can't you tell I don't want to talk about it, god why can't you just leave me alone!"

"Tommy," He says, "I don't care how many times you tell me to leave, how many times you tell me to stop trying to find out what's wrong, I'm not going to stop, I care about you, no matter what happens Tommy, I'm not leaving, you're my best friend, and I won't stop until I know what's bothering you and the problem is fixed."

I stare into his eyes, so…he doesn't know he's the problem, he doesn't know how much he hurt me, god is he blind or something! How can he not know! Is he really that damn slow!

"It's you." I whisper.

"What?" He says.

"It's you!" I yell.

"What did I do?" He questions.

"Everything!" I yell, "First of all you had to fucking kiss me at the AMAs, and it fucking made me get these feelings that I didn't want to feel! And then you go and say that we should start kissing and flirting on stage, but you know just for the fans! That didn't fucking help at all! Then you go and be all cute and funny and charming and just fucking make me fall for you even more! Then when I was fucking ready to admit that shit about falling for you was real, it was too fucking late!" He was staring me I couldn't read his expression, I just couldn't hold back anymore, so I hope he's listening!

"And then you go and get a boyfriend which just makes everything else worse! Then I fucking try to call you and sort everything out, but that doesn't help at all, all it did was cause more stupid fucking problems! Then we went out and you get fucking wasted and you started making out with me! Then I brought you home, and then no matter how much I told you that you didn't want to, you have me a blow job! But you still fuckin blamed me for it! Hello, I'm the one who told you to stop!

"Then that one night when I was finally ready to tell you, you told me that you loved me when you didn't!" I was crying now, "and then you, well you know what happened after that, then when you told me all that shit about being confused and I was straight, and I didn't mean it when I said I loved you, it just made me want to punch you in the fucking face Adam! You have no idea how that felt! I'm not fucking confused; I know exactly what's going on! I got this huge crush on my gay boss, and it fucked everything up, do you think I wanted things to end up this way!"

"But even after you did all that shit, I still fucking love you! I don't know why, and I guess I never will, but I'm tired of fucking lying, pretending, and faking! I don't want to do that anymore! So listen to this Adam and listen good! I love you! I've always loved you, and I hate seeing you with other people, and when you told me that when you said you loved me you didn't mean it, it fucking broke my heart, and I did nothing but get drunk, and stare at my celling for the two weeks you ignored me! I didn't even want to come to rehearsal today, but I came for you! I'd do anything for you, no matter how much you hurt me, and I hate myself so fucking much for that!"

He was staring at me, eyes wide, I could see the shock and guilt on his face, but there was a lot more shock.

"T-Tommy I..-"

"Don't even." I said as I stormed out of the building just not giving a fuck anymore.

Well there ya go Chapter 9! :D And um I would just like a moment to apologize to my friends, I'm really sorry I wouldn't tell you guys what was wrong. I've just been so emotional lately, I didn't mean to hurt any of you, I just really didn't want to talk about it. I love you guys 3 Anyways I hope you liked the chapter if you did, review, if you didn't, review :D And thank you to everyone who's reading my story, you don't know how much it means to me, and thank you for the reviews, it means a lot to me :) This story is really fun to write, and maybe I'll think of makin it have a happy ending ;) Hee Hee :D

~Sarah