Thanks to Maiden of Books and InsaneOrange for being awesome betas! :D
Harry was on the couch, under a Relaxation Charm. Healer Warren was pacing behind the couch. "Feeling better now?" he asked absently.
"Mhm," Harry murmured sluggishly. This was similar to being hypnotized. He wasn't quite aware of what was happening. It was an almost dreamlike state.
"Tell me what's bothering you."
Harry sighed languidly, shrugging. "Everything," he said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.
"Tell me three things bothering you."
"Okay… I'm always tired. My headache won't go away. I don't want to lose my mind again. That's three."
Joseph nodded to himself. "Good. Now tell me three things that you are happy about," he said.
Harry smiled vaguely. "I was at Rose's second birthday party. I get to see all my friends again. Teddy's all grown up…"
"Why aren't you eating?"
Harry shook his head slowly. "I don't know. I'm not hungry," he said.
"And why aren't you sleeping?"
Harry shook his head again. "I don't want to sleep."
"Because of your nightmares?" Joseph asked.
"What if I don't wake up?" Harry wondered. "There's so much I need to do before I die."
"Do you still think about dying?"
Harry opened his eyes a crack, staring up at the ceiling. "Of course."
"Let me rephrase. Do you still think about dying after you're done with everything you need to do?" Joseph asked carefully.
"Of course," Harry repeated.
"Why? Why can't you just live after you're done with your responsibilities?"
Harry blinked, his eyes becoming heavy again. "Why?" he murmured.
"Yes. Why do you want to die?"
"I don't want to die."
Joseph paused, turning to Harry. "You don't want to die?" he asked in slight confusion.
"Who will look after Teddy?" Harry asked sadly. Joseph sighed in frustration. There he goes again, putting himself after everything else. "I'll die after everyone's happy," Harry mumbled.
"Draco's unhappy," the Healer said absently.
Harry sat up quickly, agitated. Joseph perked in interest, walking around the sofa and sitting beside his patient. Harry shook his head continually, as if denying his thoughts. "He's not. He has his mother now," Harry said.
"He loves you, Harry. He needs you too."
"He can't have me," Harry muttered, clenching his hands into fists.
"You will give yourself to everyone but him? That's not fair," Joseph argued.
"He doesn't need me. He is just Malfoy. I don't care," Harry said, trying to be nonchalant, but coming off as tense.
Joseph decided to try a different approach. "Okay. You don't care. Now, I want you to think back to six years ago. You are in Hogwarts. You see Draco in the Great Hall, eating at the table. What do you do?"
Harry's eyes flicked under his lids as he saw the scene in his mind's eye. "If he doesn't look at me, then I won't look at him. If he looks at me, then I feel… angry and confused. He's just so mean to Hermione and Ron. And I know he's up to no good. He's always hiding something. I have to stop him before he does anything…"
"Okay," Joseph murmured. "Think back to three months ago. You are in Hogwarts. You see Draco in the Great Hall, eating at the table. What do you do?"
Harry's hardened expression softened instantly. He blushed, dropping his chin to his chest as he fumbled with his fingers. "Oh… If… if he doesn't look at me, then I'll look at him," he said, smiling bashfully. "If he looks at me… I'll feel so happy. He's so nice to me. He loves me. He'll do anything and everything for me. I'll do anything and everything for him. I would want to kiss him…"
Joseph rolled his eyes at Harry's hopeless adoration. "You are in Hogwarts right now. You see Draco in the Great Hall, eating at the table. What do you do?" he asked.
Harry's smile dropped off to uncertainty. He lifted his head up, frowning as he looked at Draco.
The pale Slytherin was sitting between his lackeys, eating silently. Harry's friends surrounded him, laughing and chattering away. Draco was cutting his food into elegant pieces with his cutlery. Harry watched from afar, enthralled. His dinner lay forgotten. He studied the quiet Slytherin, wondering what Draco was thinking about. Then Draco looked up at him. Harry blinked, a slow scowl forming. He expected a similar scowl to show up on Draco's face. Instead Draco looked down at his plate again, seeming hurt. Harry's scowl smoothed into puzzlement. Draco looked up at him again. Harry frowned, less viciously but still a frown. Draco flicked his eyes at the table, pushing his plate away and appearing nauseous. Harry blinked in confusion. Draco met his gaze. They stared at each other blankly. Harry searched the pale boy for an expression. He couldn't find one. He raised his hand half-heartedly, waving.
Draco blushed. He waved back nervously. Harry dropped his hand down, stunned. He attempted a smile, a rather miserable one at that. Draco looked relieved as he smiled back, a fresh pink hue on his cheeks. He got up from his seat and moved away from his friends, making his way to Harry. All conversation stopped as he approached. Harry stared up at him once he had stopped behind the bench. He bent down and kissed Harry adoringly.
"I love you, Harry," he murmured.
Harry's heart fluttered unusually quickly as he leaned into the kiss.
The Great Hall shook as the windows shattered and the tables splintered. Chaos reigned around them. Voldemort and his Dark army broke through the heavy doors. Harry leapt off of his seat and pushed Draco behind him, raising his wand. The Dark Lord cast a wordless spell, green light sparking. Harry's wand shot out a red flare. The effect was jarring as the two spells hit. Harry felt his strength faltering as his arm shook from pain.
Another hand joined his, holding him steady. He looked up at Draco. He had a comforting arm looped around Harry's waist and slender fingers wrapped around Harry's hand, the one that was holding the wand. Elder Wand. The red flare burst through, forcing Voldemort back. The Dark army fell away, dropping like stones. Voldemort disintegrated into dust.
"I'll keep you safe…" Draco whispered.
"Oh," Harry breathed, letting his outstretched arm fall to his side. He blinked and found himself sitting in Healer Warren's office.
"Do you understand?" Joseph asked. "You need him. He keeps you sane. You can change."
"I– I can't," Harry said brokenly. "I'm supposed to hate him. Don't you see?"
"No, you don't see," Joseph argued. "There are no rules. You can do anything you want. You're Harry Potter, for Merlin's sake!"
Harry looked stricken. "Wh– what?" he stammered.
"You are the Harry Potter. If you can't be with an ex-Death Eater, then who can?" Joseph asked. "He is the only person outside of this hospital who cares for you as much as we do. He's put up with you for months. He fell in love with you even if you couldn't hold a proper conversation. What are you afraid of?"
Harry pressed his palms against his head. His head was pounding. He was tired and hungry. And he couldn't understand a word Joseph was telling him. "He deserves better," he whispered desperately. "I can't– I can't love him. Not like this. I can't be what he wants. He– he needs to move on."
"Are you going to move on, Harry?"
Harry shook his head fervently. "But he can."
"He can't."
"He needs to. I'm not strong enough. I can't do anything and everything for him. He's giving me too much. I don't deserve him."
Joseph pulled Harry's hands away. "Listen to me," he said firmly. Harry was trembling as tears cascaded down his cheeks. "He's giving you so much because you've already given enough. You've given enough for five lifetimes. He wants you to know what it's like being us. What it is like to be on the receiving end of it all."
Harry shook his head again, trying to wrench his hands out of the Healer's grasp. "I'll go out of my mind again. I can't go out of my mind. There's too much to do."
"You can be rational and still love him, Harry. Of course you can. Imagine what it felt like in the Great Hall. That's you being sane. That's you being rational. And that's you loving him. You can be all of them. You don't have to fight anymore. Stop fighting."
Harry slumped, falling into Joseph's arms. The Healer caught him, hugging him warmly. Harry breathed freely for the first time in years. His head was clear. His heart stopped aching. His thoughts stopped in their tracks. Stop fighting. This is the wrong fight. He let his sobs leave him unchecked. He wasn't going to fight it. He was sick and tired of being two people. He curled into Joseph and cried his worries away.
Draco pulled the door open, wiping his hands on his pants. He stopped short when he recognized Harry. "Oh…" he murmured uncomfortably. "Mother didn't tell me you were coming. She's in the–"
"I love you."
Draco looked up at Harry again, his previous sentence long forgotten. "Wh– what?" he stammered.
"I love you," Harry said firmly.
"You…" Draco murmured, searching Harry's expression.
"Yes. I love you," Harry repeated. Draco stared. Harry let out an exasperated breath of air. "Are you even listening to me?" he asked. "I said I love you. The least you could do is hit me or hex me or kill me."
The door slammed shut in Harry's face. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. That was definitely worse that being hit or hexed or killed. He didn't think anything would be worse than those three.
The door swung open again, revealing a gaping Draco. "You're still here…"
Harry frowned in confusion. "Where else would I go?" he murmured helplessly.
Draco snapped his fist forward, hitting Harry's cheek. Both men hissed with pain, Draco shaking his hand and Harry falling over while clutching his face. "Fuck you," Draco muttered, walking back into the house and closing the door forcefully.
Harry groaned, half in agony and half in dismay. Getting hit was most definitely worse than having the door slam shut in his face.
"I've learnt quite a bit about Wizarding laws since joining the department," Hermione said. "Some of the laws set into place for the house-elves, centaurs and werewolves are appalling. I've been doing my best to make amendments. One of them is regarding employment." Harry nodded for her to continue, trying to figure out where she was going with this. "As I was researching this, I learnt about the selection process that many of the employers use. The thing is, most of them do background checks on the candidates. Especially school and criminal records. The chances of getting the job if you're from Durmstrang is so low, most of them don't even bother trying. They won't get past first interview."
"I had no idea," Harry murmured.
"The first couple years were quite bad for them. Like, physical harm would be fair game if they were seen in public. You won't believe the number of arrests the Ministry made."
"And now?"
"Now it's more isolation than anything else. No one wants to be associated with the Slytherins or Death Eater families."
"So… What do we do?" Harry asked.
Hermione smiled, as though she were waiting for the question. "What we need are examples. A group of individuals who clearly goes against the grain. And you will advocate for them."
Harry's face fell. "Advocate for them? I can't even talk to the press properly," he said nervously.
"All we need to do is create enough interest so the Ministry takes notice. Especially the Minister."
"You want to find…"
"The perfect group of Slytherins," Hermione said, looking as though she wanted to cackle evilly.
"Suicide mission," Harry groaned.
Andromeda Tonks beamed at Harry as Teddy came bounding down the hall and flung himself at his godfather. "Come on in," she said.
Terence Higgs paused mid-laugh as he opened the door, the sound stuck in his throat.
"Hey, that's Harry Potter!" his daughter yelled as she ran into the foyer.
"Y– yeah. Go upstairs, honey…"
Blaise Zabini's brows shot up when he recognized the faces at his doorstep. "What the fu–"
Adrian Pucey gaped at Harry, blinking owlishly.
Malcolm Baddock fumbled with his newspaper as he pulled the door open wider to let Hermione in.
Theodore Nott eyed Harry and Hermione with a faint smile. "Long time," he murmured.
Astoria Greengrass smiled awkwardly, standing aside.
Ron stared at the list. "Really?" he asked sarcastically.
"Yeah," Hermione said, offended by his tone.
Harry looked over Ron's shoulder, reading.
Slytherin Potentials
Malcolm Baddock
Alphard Black
Phineas Black
Regulus Black
Terence Higgs
Astoria Greengrass
Theodore Nott
Adrian Pucey
Severus Snape
Andromeda Tonks
Cedrella Weasley
Blaise Zabini
"Grappling at straws, aren't we?" Ron asked. "You've got Gramma in there… And Phineas Black! Wait, what? Why the hell?"
"For your information," Hermione huffed, snatching the parchment from his hand, "Phineas was one of the more vocal activists for Muggle protection in the early 1900s."
"Oh, how wonderful," Ron cooed, clapping his hands together in mock enthusiasm. "Now we just need to dig him out of his grave!"
Harry smacked Ron over the head before Hermione could. "These people are our best shot at educating everyone. Understand?" he asked.
"Yeah, yeah," Ron grumbled. "Where's Malfoy in all this?"
Hermione glared at her husband while Harry's eyes clouded over. Ron held his hands up in surrender, walking away.
"What, exactly, do you need me to do?" Theo asked.
"When shit hits the fan…"
He laughed. "Hmm… You want me to get rained on by shit?" he asked.
Harry shrugged. "I can't promise you anything. But things can't get worse, can it?"
"Oh, it can get a hell of a lot worse than this, Potter," Blaise muttered.
"You know what I mean," Harry sighed in defeat.
"Besides, where were you? Stuff's been happening for years, you know?" Blaise informed, staring at Harry intently.
"Never mind that," Harry said quickly. "It's just that there's going to be a lot of publicity on this. And we want to make sure that you won't mind getting stuck in the middle."
Astoria shrugged. "I have nothing better to do anyway," she said.
"It might get worse before it gets better," Harry warned.
"It's going to get worse for you," Andromeda said worriedly. "Are you sure about this, Harry? I mean, this stuff will work itself out. It usually does."
"Yeah, but how long do we wait for it to work itself out?" he asked.
She sighed.
"Which is why we need to take the offensive," Harry explained.
"I suppose I shouldn't be too worried if Harry Potter is leading the crusade," Malcolm said with a wary smile.
"It's what I hear," Harry said sardonically.
"So… what, we just… get out there?" Adrian asked, not quite looking forward to it.
Harry smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry. I'll be setting the ground rules," he said.
Terence blinked at him uncertainly.
Healer Warren waited for Harry to be seated before asking, "Heard you've been busy. With what?"
Harry shrugged. "This and that. Didn't realize how bad things were out there," he said.
"And how have you been handling it?"
"As well as expected," Harry answered.
"What's wrong?" Joseph asked, sitting back.
Harry smiled wryly. "Am I that easy to read?" he asked.
"When you have worked with a patient for this long, it's quite easy to read them," Joseph informed.
Harry shook his head. "It's nothing. Draco and I… had a fight. That's all," he said.
"Don't want to talk about it?" the Healer inquired.
"Nothing to talk about. He punched me," Harry said vacantly.
Joseph arched his brow. "Why?" he asked.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Because… I told him I loved him," he said.
"He hit you because you love him. Strange."
"Everything's strange with him. Besides, I deserved it. I can't expect him to forgive me just like that, right?"
"Just give it time," Joseph agreed.
"Which is why I'm keeping my mind off of it with other stuff."
"So… what's happening with Malfoy?" Ron asked his wife cautiously.
"Lover's spat," she answered in airy nonchalance.
Ron gagged, shuddering. "Okay. Can you put it in terms that won't make me hurl?" he asked.
Hermione smiled. "I'll try," she murmured. "Harry was mean to him so now he's mad at Harry. Lover's spat."
"Harry's pretty down about it, huh?" Ron asked. It was quite hard to miss the moping and longing stares out the window. "He's acting like bloody Juliet."
"Oh, let him have his fun," Hermione said, waving her hand to dismiss Ron.
"Fun? That's his idea of fun? He's seriously messed up…"
Harry found himself surrounded by golden reeds that were waving in the breeze. The sun was setting behind the knoll. He looked up at the orange skies. Where was he? A throbbing pain in his wrist caused him to look down at it. Blood ran down his fingers, dripping onto the gold. A slender cut on his wrist was bubbling with red. He looked at his other hand. A dagger hung limp. He dropped it in horror, falling to his knees. He frantically tried to stop the blood from pouring out. "No, no, no," he murmured in panic, searching for his wand. He didn't have it on him. The pain increased tenfold, causing him to cry out. He clutched his wrist in his hand, tears falling. Too soon. He had too much to do. Not yet. His breath came in spurts as his heart faltered. The sun disappeared, casting long shadows around him. His clothes were stained with blood and tears. "Please, please," he sobbed, not knowing who he should beg so he could live a few minutes longer. There was too much to do.
He jerked awake and fell out of bed, scratching at his wrist. It took him many minutes to realize that it had been a dream. He slowed his heaving sobs, clutching his hands to his chest. He needed to stay sane and stay alive. He gulped down his terror, pressing his fists to his mouth to stifle any sounds that escaped him. He breathed in deeply, shaking as he did it. He wiped away his tears. He struggled back onto his bed, staving off his nausea. Stay sane. Stay alive. Just for a little while longer. He nodded to himself, resolute. He laid his head against the pillows. Everyone gets nightmares. He'll get through his. He pulled the covers over himself and fell into his nightmares again.
The Ministry Spring Gala was one of the most publicized events of the year, promising to be teeming with celebrities and rich wizarding families. The people had eyes for one wizard in particular, of course.
"You'll do fine," Andromeda said, straightening Harry's tie.
"I've never been this nervous before!" Harry exclaimed. "Not even with Voldemort. This is absurd…"
"Don't worry, Uncle Harry," Teddy said gravely. "We all get nervous sometimes. I'll stick with you."
Harry laughed, bending down and hugging Teddy. "Well, I sure am glad for you," he whispered. He looked up at Astoria. "Ready?" he asked. She looked mildly nauseous as she tugged at her gown and nodded. Harry stood up and clutched Teddy's hand. He held his arm out for Astoria. They hooked elbows. Andromeda held Teddy's free hand. They apparated to the gala.
The arrival of Harry Potter led to organized chaos along the entrance of the banquet hall. Bulbs flickered as photos were captured on either side of the party. "Mr. Potter!" reporters shouted, vying for Harry's attention. To their immense surprise, Harry paused for them.
"Is it true that you will be given a position in the Auror team?"
Harry laughed. "I hope not," he said, shaking his head. "I might be a little rusty."
"Then what plans?"
Harry flicked his eyes at Andromeda, smiling. "Professional Quidditch?" he murmured, winking for the camera.
The reporters were more than happy at having talked to the Harry Potter about anything. "Who have you brought with you?"
Harry had been waiting for the question. "This is my godson, Ted," he said. Teddy waved happily, enjoying the attention. "And his grandmother, Andromeda," Harry gestured to the statuesque woman in red. She looked every inch a regal member of the Black legacy. She smiled warmly, nodding. "And my… date," Harry said, for the lack of a better word, grinning, "Astoria Greengrass." With that, he urged his guests along, walking past the security and into the elaborate hall.
"Smooth," Astoria murmured, smirking.
"Now you're famous," Harry responded, chuckling.