I went to a dance tonight, so I didn't really want to post a chapter, and cause I'm in a good mood and this is supposed to be depressing I don't think it's a good idea, but….I love you guys so much that I just had to post one :D You guys are lucky I love you so much ;) Enjoy! :D
Chapter 10: I don't care anymore
I'm sick of this shit, I'm sick of all of it; I just couldn't handle it all anymore, so I told Adam, I told him everything. I mean I didn't really say it in the nicest manner, but he didn't deserve me being nice to me! He broke my fucking heart! And he didn't even know? God he can be so fucking slow sometimes! He's been trying to call me ever since I stormed out of rehearsal 3 days ago, he's texted me, called me, he's even tried to come here a few times, but I won't answer the door. I mean I feel really bad about ignoring him, but he kind of, deserves it right?
But then again, he didn't know what he was doing, so I shouldn't really blame him, should I? I sigh deeply; see what he does to my mind? Another major reason why I'm ignoring him, I just don't need any more drama, and it will be all awkward between us because now he knows, he knows everything. The only reason that he's probably trying to contact me is because he feels bad for me, well guess what Adam, I don't need your pity! You can just go fuck yourself for all I care, if you really cared about my feelings you would've spoken up sooner! 'Tommy he didn't know, it may be hard to believe, but c'mon you know how slow Adam is, and he cares for you so much, Tommy you mean so much to him, you really need to talk to him."
Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't need this right now! I mean how could Adam not have known, it was so obvious! "Tommy seriously, you know how slow he is.' Seriously he's not that slow, 'how do you know, maybe he is! Or maybe it was the fact that he fucking thought you were straight.' Okay, okay the voice has a point, but why after a told him I loved him, he did that? 'Well maybe it's because he must've freaked out because as long as he's known you you've been 'straight' maybe he just got confused and he wasn't willing to admit to himself it was real, so he decided to do what was comfortable and think oh he's just confused, he's straight, ever think of that Tommy.'
Okay fine you have a point, well a good point actually but… 'No buts Tommy, you know I'm right!' I sighed, okay, okay you're right, but I'm still mad at him. I mean after all that's happened how could I not be mad at him? He messes with my brain, he breaks my heart, he just plain irritates me, but yet I still love him? I am so fucked up…
I sigh again, okay now should I talk to Adam or not? I mean I don't want to see him or talk to him, but I can't keep doing this t him, I poured my heart out but then ran away? I'm such a pussy. I just need to man up and talk to him, and maybe we can hopefully figure everything out…? I get up off my couch and pace back and forth, ok so do I call him, or do I not call him? If I call him then what do I say? Should I have him come over here, or should we just talk over the phone? I sigh again, goddammit why can't I fucking figure this out!
I look at my phone ok maybe I should just call him or maybe text him…? I can text him something like 'We need to talk' or something like that, yeah that will work! Hopefully…I put in Adam's number then type out the text 'Adam, we need to talk' Send. Okay, he hasn't responded yet, what do I do now? 'Wait.' Yes that's a good idea I'll sit down and I'll wait for him to respond and hopefully then we can just figure everything out and we can just go back to normal….hopefully.
I wait 5 minutes still no reply, I wonder what he's doing, maybe his phone is off, maybe he's just ignoring my text…? Would he do that…? No he wouldn't do that, he's the phone whose been trying to get ahold of me for the past three days! 10 minutes past still no reply, what the hell is going on? Maybe his phone is off; wouldn't he reply by now if it was on? Maybe he's just busy; I mean he could be doing practically anything, and I don't control my life, I mean he doesn't HAVE to reply within one minute, but it's been 10, why isn't he replying? Okay you seriously need to chill out Tommy….
20 minutes still no reply, what's going on, I mean seriously, just fucking reply Adam! 25 minutes, no reply, c'mon just text me already! 30 minutes, no reply, why won't you fucking text me back Adam! Okay Tommy, you have to stop freaking out, he's probably still busy. 40 minutes later, no reply. 45 minutes later, no reply. 50 minutes later, no reply. 55 minutes later, no reply, 1 hour later, no reply. God, what time is it. I look at my phone 2:00 in the morning, oh no wonder he's not replying, he's probably sleeping. I lie on my couch and close my eyes calm yourself Tommy, he'll text you back eventually.
Soon enough I fall asleep and I don't know all long I was sleeping for, but I was awoken by a loud knock on my door, who the fuck could that be? Who comes to my apartment this late at night? I hesitantly got up hoping that there wasn't a serial killer behind my door, I look over at my clock it's 3:30 in the morning, seriously who the fuck is here? I walk over to my door and hesitantly open it, and guess he's standing there in my door way looking down at me, eyeliner running down his face and looking like shit, Adam.
There ya go Chapter 10! :D I'm really having lots of fun writing this story and I'm getting so much support and positive feedback from it. I also love reviews, I read every single one of them, they never fail to make me smile, I really love all the support and positive stuff, and it's what keeps me writing :) You guys don't know how much I love you for reading my story, I really thought it sucked but once I found out people were reading it and liked it. It kept me posting. Thank you guys so much, I loves you :) I hope you liked chapter ten :D
~Sarah~ :)