Romeo and Juliet: Facebook News Feed Edition
By: Weird Shmeird

Genre: Humour/Parody
Summary: Inspired by 'Harry Potter Facebook News Feed Edition' by BurstandBloom91, and I highly suggest you read it for an awesome laugh. And also inspired by my English class. Also, I posted this up on my facebook for laughs, and everyone seemed to like it, so on here it goes!
Warnings: LOTS OF SWEARING.
Disclaimer: calm urself

Act 1 Scene 1

Sampson is chilling in a Public Place with Gregory. ;] (from mobile)

Gregory likes this

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Gregory: Doesn't those Montagues just piss you off

Sampson: Yeah, it makes me so pissed, I just want to push all their ladies into the wall ;]

Gregory: WTF bro, we're quarrelling with their husbands, why the hell are you being such a douche?

Sampson: I don't give a damn, I'm ALMIGHTY! Fine, I'll just cut off their head. Better?

Gregory: Whoa, dude! THEIR HEADS? YOU FUCKING CRAZY?

Sampson: I'll take their virginities ;]

Gregory: You're sick. :[

Sampson: No, I'm a piece of pretty flesh, if you know what I mean ;]

Gregory: Dude, you've got some serious issues. Go see a psychiatrist.

Sampson likes Making inappropriate sex jokes and treating women like shit.

Abram with my bffl Balthasar in a Public Place buying some tarts. (from mobile)

Sampson wrote on Gregory's wall: Take out your sword! The Montagues are here! Woot, party time!

Gregory, Tybalt and 3 others like this

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Gregory: Awesome! I've got your back, man! Let's go kick some Montague ass!

Sampson: But we got to do this shizz legally.

Gregory: LOL, You teh evil mastah! I'll send them a frown :D

Sampson: (Y) I'll bite my thumb xD I'm so totez rebel B]

Gregory gave Abram and Balthasar a frown.

Sampson gave Abram and Balthasar a bitten thumb.

Abram wrote on Sampson's wall: Did you send me a bitten thumb…sir?

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Sampson: I sent someone a bitten thumb ;) Sir.

Abram: YOU LITTLE SHIT, sir, IT'S IN MY FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS. ADMIT IT! YOU SENT ME A BITTEN THUMB!

Sampson: Yo, Greg, are the popo on our side if I say yes?

Gregory: You asshole! HELL NO.

Sampson: Nope, I didn't send you a bitten thumb, sir. :P

Gregory: Yeah, you wanna fight, sir?

Abram: FUCK YOU, sir. But I don't want to fight you little conniving bastards, sir!

Sampson: Well, if you wanna have a go, I'll be here ;) Sir.

Abram: ONE DAY, I'LL DESTROY YOU NINCOMPOOPS! Sir, but I don't want to fight.

Sampson: You bitches are GOING DOWN! Sir.

Sampson, Gregory, and Abram joined the group Being unnecessarily polite to get the law on their side while trying to provoke their enemies.

Abram left the group Being unnecessarily polite to get the law on their side while trying to provoke their enemies.

Sampson and Gregory likes this

Abram created the private group Montagues being unnecessarily polite to get the law on their side while trying to provoke their enemies.

Balthasar likes this.

Benvolio saw some fools *cough Abram, Balthasar, Sampson, Gregory cough* fighting in the middle of a Public Placeand wants them to make love not war.

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Tybalt: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ORDERING MY FUCKING SERVANTS AROUND! LOOK AT ME!

Benvolio: Take a chill pill, bro. Peace out, dude.

Tybalt: I HATE FUCKING PEACE!11one! I HATE MONTAGUES! I HATE PONIES! I KICK PUPPIES! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOOOUUU!111!1!one!

Benvolio, Tybalt, Abram, Balthasar, Sampson, and Gregory are now playing Mafia Wars.

24098others like this

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Officer: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Wait, I mean…WTF GUYS! STOP! STUPID ASSHOLE MONTAGUES AND CAPULETS!

Capulet wrote on Lady Capulet's wall: Bring my sword, woman!

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Lady Capulet: Sure thing, hon.

Lady Capulet gave Capulet a crutch.

Lady Montague likes this

Montague wrote on Lady Montague's wall: Must kill Capulet!

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Lady Montague: CALMZ DONW PL0X! Lolz u r nt gona kill any1 on meh watch, you sillybilly!

Capulet and Montague joined the group I hate annoying wives who restrain me from killing my enemy.

Montague wrote on I hate annoying wives who restrain me from killing my enemy's wall: Anyone up for a round of 'Beating up my wife?'

Prince

thinks that his citizens are a bunch of lily livered livers. IF YOU GUYS DON'T STOP FIGHTING, I SWEAR, I'M GONNA ASK THE PRINCE TO PLACE A DEATH PENALTY! Oh wait, I am the Prince. So, THE NEXT PERSON WHO DISTURBS OUR FUCKING PEACE, I'LL PERSONALLY SLICE AND DICE YOU AND FEED YOU TO MY HORSE, AND THEN FORCE HIS SHIT INTO YOUR PARENTS FUCKING MOUTHS. GOT IT? Also, I just want to announce that I'll be holding some counselling session on how to deal with you anger. So, Montague and Capulet, you better fucking attend. I'm tired of this BULLSHIT. (from mobile)

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Montague: You're such a BUZZKILL!

Capulet: You're such a BUZZKILL!

Montague: Maybe we're not so different afterall…

Abram, Sampson and Gregory joined the group Minor characters who'll never appear in the play again

Balthasar likes this

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Balthasar: HAHAHA YOU GUYS SUCK!

Montague wrote on Benvolio's wall: Who started this?

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Benvolio: Two Capulets were going to choose-off w/ my bros, so I had to put the kibosh on, or they would've finished each other off, man. Then that dude, Tybalt showed up on the scene and everything went wacko. Do you dig what I'm sayin' duuuude?

Lady Montague: Where's Romeo?

Benvolio: What a drag, mon. I saw him fapping in the sunshine, man, faaar-out

Montague: He was locking himself up in his bedroom and being emo. Next thing we know, he'll be drinking poison to end his life. PSSSHH. OH SHIT, what if he actually did that? I haven't seen him all day!

Benvolio: Duuude, do you even know whyy?

Montague: WTF is with you and 'duuude'? He won't talk to his ol' pops T_T

Benvolio: I'm the goodwill lovin' truckin' machine. Did you even check his FB prof?

Montague: I tried to talk to him on MSN, and I inbox'd him, but he isn't replying… T_T

Benvolio: You're such a draaaggg, man. Whatevs, scamper off, I'mma go FB him. Peace out!

Benvolio wrote on Romeo's wall: Duuude! My brother!

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Romeo: 'Sup. Friggg, it's so early…

Benvolio: It's nine…the servants rise and shine 6. Don't complain, man.

Romeo: Buuuuut it's been so loooooonng! Whoa! Were you FB'ing my dad?

Benvolio: Sure, bro. BTW, dude, you can tell me anything!

Romeo: ...

Benvolio: OMG, YOU'RE IN LURRRVVV!

Benvolio created the group Romeo's secret love life and invited 2 of his friends to join.

Mercutio and Lady Montague likes this.

Lady Montague wrote on Romeo's secret love life's wall: OOOOOO! WHOOO? Telz yo momma! Meh ickle Romi-kinz in lurrvvv!

Benvolio blocked Lady Montague from the group.

Benvolio wrote on Romeo's secret love life's wall: Duuude, your mom's a draaag! BTW, who's your lurver?

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Romeo: Love's going blind…he can't see the passion in my heart…HOLY SHIT. I just realised there was a fight here, ROFL. NVM don't tell me what happened. Ohhh brawling love, loving hate, heavy lightness, serious vanity! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, I'm fucking hilarious.

Benvolio: Dude, that's soo lameee, totez not cool, bro!

Romeo: You never understand me ;-;…Farewelll

Benvolio: No way, man, I'm sticking with you! Hang loose, mon!

Romeo: Fine…I do love a woman, she's so super-mega-awesome-foxy-hot. There's nothing that can compare to her. Except Diane, 'cos she totez not a slut :P she's the Lily to my James.

Benvolio: LOLOL, she said she won't love you?

Romeo: Yeah, she's too wise and it makes me weep and fap in a lonely corner. She swore she won't love me…THAT BITCH.

Benvolio: Forget about her, man!

Romeo: HOW?

Benvolio: Duude, you need to get LAID! Spread some more love around, and there'll be less war :P

Romeo: That's not gonna work, I love her too much…she's waaay too hot.

Benvolio: Wanna bet?