"Alfred . . . "

"Toris you really gotta stop muttering my name in your sleep."

"Ah . . !"

"And making suggestive noises," I mumbled as I blushed a little. I woke up in the pitch dark at night because of the freezing cold and noticed we'd freeze to death here if I didn't take us home. I tried waking up Toris once,but he didn't budge, so I decided to carry him home. Besides, he keeps my back warm. Too warm, but warm none the less. He's very cute when he sleeps. His face is very pudgy looking and fun to poke. He keeps muttering my name time to time and then 'ahh!' exclemation like he's hurting, but in a perverted good way, its making me blush a little. Of embarresement really.

"Hope you don't have a wet dream back there," I muttered. Cause if he does i'll have to drop him and roll around the nearest mud puddle I can possibly find. No offense Toris, but its just shy me.

"-sigh- That frenchie was no help again. I swear he just voices out everything I know. I don't need someone else telling me what's wrong, I need a guiding voice," I talk to myself. I must sound pretty weird. Wonder how people can put up with me. Lot sof people tell me I'm great and fun, but not until they see me depressed or angry or jealous. I swear I'm very territorial. About my things, myself, even my friends. Why is that, I don't know. You'd think a friend of mine would blush with pleasure if they knew I wanted their attention all to myself and loved them so much. Then again I'm very possesive. I must sound like a real jerk sometimes. I can't help it if I like you so much though! It just means you have a soft spot in me is all!

"Hey Toris, please wake up, I need soeone to talk to. If I keep this up, i'll have another whole conversation with myself. Its weirding me out and embarresing. I'm doing it right now! Won't you wake up for your good pal Alfred? C'mon. Wake uppp!" I whine. Nothing. Toris is fast asleep.

"-sigh- Dude, I hope you still don't feel weird around me cause you know I know you like me now. I mean, I don't think I feel weird myself. Do I? Nope. I just feel like I should be nicer to you, but I won't be cause I don't want you thinking I'm giving you my pity or special treatment and I won't reject you! My mind is wide open! Hah hah hah! Now if I have lots of admirers then that's a problem. I hope not. I mean, why the hell do you like me anyway? Is it my great amazing charm? My sexy attitude? My awesome body? My glasses? My-?"

"Your very nice and I like how you describe and talk about things. I enjoy and like how you talk and act and I like how you worry and how you describe things and its very funny to see you angry or worried," laughed Toris as he rubbed his eyes, waking up. I felt my face go red.

"Oh god did you hear he?" I asked nervously.

"Did you hear me?" He smiled.

"Yes."

"Well then that's your answer."

"B-but, aren't there people better than me? More mature and taller and-?"

"Yeah, but your just right for me," he said. I found myself blushing like mad.

"T-that's the nicest thing anyone's ever told me," I said.

"That's the nicest thing only I can tell you from my point of view," he said. Man, Toris really knows how to get to me.

"You are so cute sometimes, you know that?" I say nervously laughing.

"Yeah," he said. Oops, I think I stepped in a landmine. By complementing him, I remind both of us on how I know he likes me even though he knows I like Arthur the douchebad.

"S-so, did you know you talk in your sleep?" I asked him changing the subject.

"Do I? I know Edward and Ivan told me once." He said. Oh, the estonian fellow. I haven't seen him much.

"Really, what they say?" I ask nervously.

"Well Ivan was pretty angry and didn't say anything. Edward said he preferred not telling me because Ivan would kill him. Taat kin dof scared me, you know?" He laughed. I meekly smiled.

"Yeah, pretty scary." That damn Ivan, now I'll never know!

"So, what are we doing when we get home?"He asked. Yeah, Toris referes to my home as his too. Since he lives with me now, I think its kind of nice he thinks of my place is that.

"I was thinking a bit of snaking before going to bed. Maybe some hot chocolate and cookies," I say.

"Sure, I can start baking as soon as we get there, and you can start the fire."

"Yeah. Er, are you sleeping in my room again or in the guest room?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Oh, sure! The warmer the better!" We both laugh. Oh, I hope I'm not misleading him. That be terrible.

"Hey, you mind me putting you down now?"

"Oh, sorry." As he slides down from my back, he suddenly holds my left arm with both of his.

"Er, are you that cold? You can have my coat if you want. I don't mind."

"N-no! Its just, I miss your warmth," he mumbled as he turned shyly away from me. Oh why is this making me nervous?

"Oh, that's cool then," I laugh to reassure him I don;t feel weirded out. I don't I just feel nervous.

"Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Oh, I want chocolate!" I exclaim as I drop the firewood in front of the fireplace.

"Okay!" He said as he skipped inside the kitchen.

"God he looks so cute in that pink apron," I mumble to myself depressed as I start placing the wood in the fireplace. I wonder if Arthru would look that cute in an apron?

-mental image-

Oh Alfred look what I got! Isn't it cute? Its a maid's apron I got! I thought we'd do something special tonight. . . -cue Arthur blushing shyly-

For me? Why Arthur, I don't know what to say . . . -cue me twinkling in delight-

Well, I think I know. -Arthur would walk up to be and hold my face. It looks like he's about to kiss me when . .- SCREAM IN PAIN! ! ! ! -He pulls and scratches my face in anger as he curses at me- HOW DARE YOU FANTACIZE ABOUT ME YOU BLOODY PIG I'D NEVER DO SOMETHIGN AS SEXY FOR YOU WHY YOU- ! ! ! !

-end mental image-

"AGHHHH! ! !" I screamed as I held myself.

"What's wrong!" Screams Toris runing inside.

"Oh, I just scared myself, hah hah hah . . . ," damn I shoudl know better than to fantacise about Arthur.

"Oh, okay, well if you need anything i'll be in the-"

"Hug me. I'm scared," I squeaked lifting my arms at him like a small frightened child. He hugs me.

"Er, you can let go now," I mumble.

"Oh, sorry!" He laughs nervously and goes into the kitchen without looking back at me. Did I hear him inhale my scent for a sec there? I curiously inhale my hair.

"Woah I smell like lotion and marshmellows," I mumble surprised. Back to me arranging the wood, I should know better than anyone to ever get as close as even thinking of hugging Arthur. Arthur lets almost anyone else I know well hug and share secrets with him. He lets Matthew hug him, he tells Ivan and Kiku secrets, Ivan, the guy I'm guessing everyoen else think sas annoying like myself, he even hugs Francis! BUT I? NOOO! ! I think the most I've ever done is shake his hand. I don't think I've ever even sat nex to him at a meeting. Except for maybe two or three times. Guess I am the least trustworthy of my little circle of friends. I mean, if Matthew or Francis or even Kiku keep secrets but share it with everyone else, what's the chances of me knowing something about Arthur that only I know? That get sme really angry and depressed thinking that. I'm so left out. The worst part is I don't blame them. But Toris, always hearing me out, tells me I'm just letting them get to me in a subcoscious way. He says I should be more secretive and not tell them anythign new about me. Afterall, I am, he's noticed, the last one to be informed or told anything cause they always think I'll but in or not understand. That's not true. I want to help! But, I'm too straightforward with it. Am I considered that 'stupid' and 'not understanding'? Or do they dont understand me well enough? -Sigh- Well I can't argue with them, they are the only friends I have right now. People who don't like to open themselves up can't be choosers, right? They think I'm such a coward though. It takes lots of guts to hold in what I have. I run on emotions, despite my ability of high self-awareness. I'm pretty amazing at that!

"Hey, done there yet? You can start on the hot chocolate now, the cookies are almost ALFRED WHAT ARE YOU DOING? !"

"Huh?" I look at my hand, at my coat sleeve, and notice its on fire with the lighter I just lit on. I started screaming as I took my coat and shirts off, unecessarely all of them, and thorw them on the gorund and start stomping on them like crazy.

"-pant pant- There, I put it out!"

"Alfred what were you thinking? You could have burned yourself!" Exclaimed Toris as he placed his small warm hands on my shoulders. I shudder.

"I was thinking. Geez its cold, and those were my last clean shirts," I utter as I felt a breeze fly past us. Toris sighed and headed for upstairs.

"I'll go get you some of mine," he mumbled. As I blew on the fire to catch on with the wood in the fireplace, Toris threw me a long sleeve, white button shirt.

"Wear that, its the biggest thig I have," he said as he stood behind me.

"Aww you made me feel fat," I mumble as I put it on. I noticed I couldn't button up the shirt.

"Oh, I can't button it up. Well, I am a little too broad in the chest," I sigh defeated as I head for the kitchen. As I pour milk in a pot and take out some chocolate bars, Toris sits in a chair behind me in my small kitchen table.

"Okay, I'll put in three chocolate bars," I say as I turn the stove on and crack the chocolate bars into lots of pieces.

"Yeah, you do that," mumbled Toris, his head resting on his crossed arms as he rested himself on the table, staring at me in a sleepy way almost. I like Toris. Arhtur would have probably called me suicidal if he had caught me like that, but Toris on the other hand just shows how relieved he is about me not getting hurt. He always looks at the positives, while Arthur can't help looking at the negatives. I do too though. I can't help not looking at the negatives. Because more negative things happen in our lives then positive.

"So Toris, you think lots of people are going to show up at my party two nights from now?" I ask as I take out a wooden spoon and start mixing it. Toris gets up.

"With my back-breaking cooking I hope so. Francis said he'd come over early in the morning to help cook too. Hey, I'm going to go get your clothes and see if I can still save it."

"Okay!" I exclaim as I start thinking about the kinds of foods I'd like the two of them to cook.

"I hope that Arthur doesn't come," mumbled Toris as soon as the door closed right behind himself. He has never met Arthur, believe it or not, so he didn't know much about him aside from what people would tell him. Toris picked up the burnt clothes, looking and pocking thru to see if he coudl still save it with his sewing skills. All of a sudden, a letter falls out from Alfred's brown coat.

"What's this?" He asked. He opened the white envelope and read in it. His eyes grew wide as he finished.

"Arthur? Wants to . . . ?"

"Hey Toris! Its done! C'mon so we can eat together!" Alfred yelled form the kitchen.

"I'm on it!" Exclaimed Toris as he slid the letter in his sleeve, not planning to tell Alfred about it.

"So I was thinking about baked goods, hot soups and hot drinks, chocolate, all that warm christmas food! I mean, Christmas is coming so why not get some warm food, right?" I ask as I shoved some cookies in my mouth.

"Yeah, that sound nice. How many people did you invite?"

"Well I just invited my closest friends/enemies. You know, keep your friends close, your enemies closer? !" I laugh.

"Yes. I know you probably had this going thru your head but, you think Arthur is coming?" Toris looked away from me as he held his mug. My smile went sensitive, like anything can make me frown now.

"Oh, well," I blush, "I hope he can. Francis said he was going to talk to him and stuff. He said someone is bound to know," I mumble. I feel my legs trembling. Am I ready to see Arthur? What am I going to tell him? Surely someone by now has informed him about me liking him. What if he wants nothing to do with me? He hasn't talked to me. He usually talks to me first. What am I going to do if-?

"Calm down Alfred," mumbled Toris as he placed a hand on mine. I felt my legs stop shaking, my thoughts cease. He leans over the table.

"You don't have to worry about him. You don't even know if he even thinks about you every second of his life like you do for him," mumbled Toris.

"B-but . . ," I felt my voice disappearing. My ability to talk went away. My body leaned forward over the table too. I could see it now: the two of us meeting halfway down the table, about to kiss. We both could see it in our eyes. Then, the sound of lightning sounded and flashed nearby. We both pulled away fast before we could meet each other half-way. The two of us sat nervously on each end of the table as more thunder followed by a downpour of rain hit everything outside.

"Alfred I-"

"No, I'm . . I'm sorry To-" I stopped talking, because I felt my eyes start watering. Why? Why did I suddenly start crying. I covered my face with one sleeve.

"I'm sorry Alfred! I . . . I-! !"

"I can't kiss you because if I ever want something like this, I don't want to be thinking of someone else while I kiss you," I mutter as I dry my face. I looked up beyond my blurry vision, past my glasses at Toris.

"I understand. Its just that, I really . . ."

"Want something, even if its to fool yourself on purpose. Yes, I feel that a lot too, with him," I utter, knowing its now a sensitive subject to bring up for the both of us. He slams his hand on the table.

"Why? WHY ALFRED? ! Why can't I . . . why can't I be in your thoughts as much as I have you in mine? Why can't I be Arthur's equal? ! Does he get first dibs in your mind because you met him first? Are you sayin gyou'd like me if you met me first? !" Yelled Toris in a stressed tone as he shook in his seat, covering his eyes now from me seeing him tear up.

"No, I think a lot about you too," I say smiling as I get up and slowly put my arms around his neck and shoulders.

"D-do you?"

"Yes. I think about how you can liek me and how helpful and thoughtful you are and how patinent you are with me and my idiocy and blanking out and how cute you look like when your wearing your apron and why you moan my nam ein your sleep. I think a lot about you Toris. More than any of my friends or enemies. More than Arthru. Because your here right now with me. We're here in each others presence, listening to each others words, breathing the same air form the same room. Feeling each other's same warmth," I mumble as I rub my left cheek on his soft brown hair. I could hear him stop crying. He slides his hands on my arms that still held him.

"I like you alot Alfred."

"I know."

"I mean a lot."

"I can see."

"I don't like Arthur, he only hurts you."

"Yes."

"He hurts us."

"Yes."

"I want to hurt you too, if I were to leave you."

"Don't say that. You'd take half of me with you. I love you Toris, I really do."

"But you love Arthur more. Do you love him because nobody else can love him for who he is?"

"I don't know. I hope not. That is terrible. If a person loved you for your body and abilities and not your true inner self. What if they got run over and they were disfigured, or they were turned to a talking apple?" I laughed quietly.

"Only you'd say that," mumbled Toris a little annoyed. "Alfred, are you . . . are you creeped out that I like you?" Asked Toris.

"No. In fact, it makes me more happy to be myself. I always thought I was a boring, typical personalitied-person. But hearing from you and Francis describe me, I soun dprety amazing to be anyone's friend!" I laughed. "C'omn, lets go to bed. We're gonne be busy tomorrow cooking an dpreparing things a day ahead. I don't want us preparing anything on the day of the party," I smile as I pat Toris's back. He gets up the chair and collects our plates and places it in the sink.

"Let me just wash these. You can go ahead," he smiled.

"I'll go burn out the wood then!" I exclaimed as I walked in the living room. As I got a bucket of sand and threw it on the firewood, I felt happy inside. Knowing there is someone out there that felt so comfortable around me and caring so much about me and telling me all these things in person made me happy and content with everythign in the world. I sighed as I headed upstairs.

The lights were out, the room dark as Toris walked inside my room, the door closing behind him as he crept along the squeaking wooden boards. we both flinch hearing the thunder strike nearby. I was already in bed, taking my glasses off. I remember how we're both afraid of thunder. Especially him though. He told me that this one time he was locked out of his house during a thunderstorm. That must have been real scary. As h eput another cover over the ones I already put on the bed, he slides in wearing nothing but short pants and a white plain shirt. I only wore the shirt he gave me and my usual black shorts. He slid too far though in the bed and had his back touch my bare chest that was exposed due to me unabel to button up the shirt.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He panicked as he went to the way edge of the bed.

"Its okay its okay! You feel pretty cold. Why don't you get closer in here? Your hands must be awfully cold," I laugh. He nervously laughed back. Even though my face was facing the window, and light form the storm could only shine on my face, I could still tell Toris's face burning red as he scooted closer to me. He is so cute sometimes. He scoots in very close, his chest is now touching mine.

"I'm . . . sorry," he mutters in a slow, tired way. Oh god, I can tell he's getting pretty turned on. Of course, I see nothing wrong with it. He does like me after all, and well, besides Arthur, I really like this kid too. If anyone were to ever get too friendly or close to him, I'd porbably sock them in the face. Plus, we almost kissed. If it weren't for my 'dignified' way of saying 'no', we would have. I have a sure feeling I would like him if Arthur hand't 'beaten' him first. At this thought of me being unfair, I slide my right hand over him and pull him closer.

"Your cold, right?" I ask. He meekly nods.

"Don't think nothing of this," I say in a poor attempt to let him know not to get his hopes up for anything.

"It won't stop me though," he mumbled, almost smiling as he snuggles his warm head on my neck and places his hands on the sides of my chest. I could only smile, his warmth feeling so good against mine.

Five hours in our sleep, I wake up hearing a large thunder strike nearby, the flash of the light forcing me to wake up. I hope it doesn't rain like this when the party happens. I glance below my chin to see Toris smiliing, holding as tightly as he could latched onto me. I can't help but smile back.

"Al . . . f . red," he uttered in a low voice.

"I wonder if I talk in my sleep about you and Arthur?" I ask myself aloud as if I expected to be answered. I pet his brown, short hair a little, stare into his face until I fall asleep again.

a/n: review! : )