Disclaimer: I own nothing Criminal Minds related.

Title: Kid

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Slash, mentions of Carl, lacking of fluff.

There were times when, as he looked at Spencer Reid, Derek lost all hope.

Spencer was everything. Everything that Derek could never be.

Spencer was brilliant, words didn't even begin to skim the surface of the other's level of intelligence. He was brave, kind, entirely selfless – perfection wrapped up into a sweater vest clad, lanky, socially awkward kid.

And he was a kid – a kid in a manner that Derek couldn't even begin to explain.

It wasn't just the way that Reid spun around in his chair over and over until Derek was dizzy just from watching him. It wasn't just Reid's big doe eyes. It wasn't just the ridiculous amounts of sugar the other digested. It wasn't something tangible, something that Derek could put his finger on. It was just something wholly Spencer.

Maybe it was the way that Reid could have had the life he did and still manage to be genuinely happy, with minimal amount of resentment? Maybe it was the way that Reid was so eager to give everyone around him the benefit of the doubt, so willing to believe that everyone was good?

Maybe it was the way that Reid could still truly smile despite all the horrible things forever stamped into his eidetic memory.

"You okay, Morgan?" Reid asked softly, tilting his head to observe the male seated next to him.

Derek glanced over towards the younger male and flashed him a smile. "Perfect," he replied easily though Reid's brow was still wrinkled ever so slightly, as if he didn't quite believe him. Determined to not make Reid worry, Derek added, "I was just thinking… If Darth Vadar was really all that and a bag of chips with the Force, why couldn't he sense that Leia was his kid too? I mean, he knew with Luke."

And it seemed like just the right thing to say because Reid gave him a momentarily baffled look, as if to say, Really? How could you not know that? before launching into the explanation, "Actually, Vadar's abilities with the Force really had nothing to do with him knowing Luke was his son. It was—"

And Derek knew that that topic would keep Reid busy for the rest of the car ride.

Maybe it was Spencer's wonder of the world that made him such a kid.

But as Spencer sat there, animatedly explaining all the known abilities that the Force provided to Jedi and Sith alike, hand gestures that would generally accompany said moves and all, Derek couldn't help but smile and think about just how beautiful Spencer was. About how he wished that this moment would last forever because there was nothing in the world that Derek wanted more than to just be with Spencer until the world ended.

To be with his Pretty Boy.

Boy. Kid, his mind echoed, and not for the first time, Derek winced, feeling sick to his stomach.

And as Spencer continued to talk, Derek couldn't help but mentally count the age difference between the two of them and he didn't like that number, not in the least. It made him feel dirty to even consider Reid as anything more than a platonic friend. It made him feel like he would corrupt Spencer, take away the childhood innocence that Derek loved so much.

It made him feel like Carl.

It made him remember things that Derek direly wished he could forget.

This will feel good Derek, I promise.

Derek's hands clenched the steering wheel tighter.

Trust me Derek. It'll be okay.

Derek swallowed and chanced a glance towards Spencer.

He knew that Spencer felt the same as he did. He would have been a piss poor profiler if he had somehow managed to miss that much. He knew that right at that moment, he could reach over and take a hold of Spencer's hand and the younger male would offer absolutely no protest. He knew that if anything, Reid would be happy.

Slowly Derek rested his hand on the center console, only inches away from where Reid's hand rested.

He could make Reid happy. He wanted to make Reid happy. More than anything. And if he was what made Reid happy, why shouldn't he?

And Derek knew that if he told Spencer that he could trust him, Spencer would, without question, without even the faintest hint of hesitance.

Because that was just how Reid was.

He wouldn't need to repeat Carl's words to gain control. Reid would give it freely. Blindly.

He wouldn't need to offer assurances. Reid wouldn't care.

The lewd things that Derek wanted from the male next to him… it was revolting. Vile. Derek was almost tempted to ask Reid for as many synonyms for disgusting as he could think of so that Derek knew just how nauseating what he was considering really was.

That he'd even consider doing something like that, that he'd ever consider acting upon his urges? He really was no better than Carl. Was this really what Carl had done? Turned him into a clone of himself to continue the cycle of abuse?

Hadn't he sworn to himself after Hankel that he would never allow something to happen to Reid ever again? That he would protect with no regard for the who or what or even why? And here Reid was… needing protection from Derek. Needing someone to save him from Derek and what Derek would do.

He would corrupt Reid.

It didn't matter if Reid wanted it; Reid was too innocent to actually know what he was getting himself into. Too innocent to understand.

Just like he had been.

Reid was a child. Children needed adults to tell them no.

As Derek felt fingers lightly ghost against his hand, he was jerked from his thoughts, gaze immediately leaving the road in favor to look at where his hand rested on the center console. Reid's hand was dangerously close. Too close to be a mistake, even if Reid was now looking out the window and acting as though he had done absolutely nothing.

Slowly, Derek pulled his hand back, returning it to the steering wheel, and for a moment he thought he saw pain flash across the younger male's face as he watched the action in the reflection of the glass. For a moment, Derek wanted to apologize, wanted to tell Spencer just how much he loved the younger male, but he couldn't. He had to protect Spencer. He didn't want to be Carl.

And so he couldn't take Spencer's hand.

Letting the moment pass entirely, Derek turned his attention back to the road.