From a Certain Point of View
Han sat at the engineering console, his third cup of kaffe sitting chilled and neglected on the holochess table behind him. Orren had left hours ago and Leia was still sleeping in his cabin. Han's eyelids dragged over his eyes, scratchy and burning. Dozens of codes flitted through his head as his fingers darted about against the panel in front of him. For the first time in his life, he wished he owned a droid.
"How's it going?"
It was Leia's voice, and the stressful weight of codes and deadlines fell off of him at the sound of it. He turned to look at her, his lips automatically curling up into a smile. He splayed his cramped fingers out against his knees and soaked in the sight of her.
She wore an old shirt of his and a pair of cutoff, elastic band pants that Han hadn't seen (or fit into) in well over a decade. Her hair, barely reaching her shoulders now, was pulled out of her face with a clip that Han used to keep the cabinet door closed in his 'fresher. Her face was puffy from sleep and pregnancy, but her eyes looked bright and rested.
"It's goin'," Han answered as he patted his knee in invitation for her to join him.
Leia waddled toward him and sat crossways in his lap. Immediately his hands began studying her body like the dials and knobs of the engineering console. He began with massaging the tight muscles in her thighs, then applying gentle pressure on the soreness in her lower back, finally finishing with his thumbs pressing circles into the knots on her neck until he she was moaning and purring like he only wished his beloved ship would do.
Leia rolled her head from side to side and groaned and then arching her back, she said, "I'm hungry."
Han chuckled and then patted her hip in encouragement for her to get up as he said, "Yes, ma'am."
Leia followed him to the galley and watched him prepare lunch, eating her way through his preparations, much like she had back on Coruscant. When they finally sat at the holochess table to eat together, he asked, "Hey, where's Artoo?"
"Oh," she replied as if just remembering something, "I loaned him to Dr. Vail when the last transport left. He wanted to use him for some genetic research he was doing. He was supposed to return him on this last hitch."
"Figures, the one time I could really use 'im, the little runt goes AWOL."
"I'm sure the entire missing transport was just a devious ploy to…"
Han knew what kind of flippant remark Leia was going to say and in the same instant knew what stopped her from saying it.
"Orren came by," Han said after an awkward silence.
"What for?"
"To check on you."
"Oh."
"He said you're excused from any further meetings and stuff."
"Good. That takes care of that, then."
"I told him that the Falcon had been sabotaged."
"What?"
"He said he, Seth and Roman got together and decided that you were in danger and that I should fly you out of here immediately." Han watched her for a moment, he could see the muscles that he had just loosened tightening back up. "I don't know. I didn't feel like lying to a Jedi so I told him we were grounded."
"What did he say?"
"He wished me luck."
Leia looked down at her plate, but didn't respond. He had expected her, or wanted her, to be happy with his decision to trust the people she trusted, but this reaction was anything but happiness. If anything, she appeared angry and hurt, leaving Han dumbfounded and confused as he wondered if he had made the right decision. These turbulent mood changes had become a norm around the ship as of late, however, and thanks to Han's diligent research on 'babies and stuff', he realized that it was all part of the 'miracle of birth' package. Han hadn't realized that the biggest miracle would be if he survived this whole thing, but he was the kind of guy who could adjust himself accordingly.
"Hey, you alright?" He finally asked, tilting his head to catch her gaze.
"I'm fine," she replied with her stock answer for everything.
To Han, 'I'm fine' meant a lot of things, but never that she was fine. He reached his hand out and massaged her shoulder while he offered her his best 'it's going to be okay' smile. She returned his smile with a weak rendition of her own and they finished the rest of their lunch together in silence.
It was two days later when Orren returned. The three of them gathered in the main lounge of the Falcon, Orren at the holochess table, Leia seated in the engineering console chair with it swiveled around to face Orren while Han stood next to her. The Falcon's gangway was raised.
"We tried to use the interstellar communications system to find out about that missing transport," Orren whispered as if the Falcon's hull was made of flimsiplast paper.
Han and Leia glanced at each other.
Orren continued, "The thing was busted…beyond repair."
"Who knows about it?" Leia asked calmly.
"Roman, Seth and I and now you two," Orren stated, nodding his head solemnly at Han and Leia.
"What do you want us to do about it?" Han asked.
"Nothing. Mainly we wanted to check on you, let you know that we still support your leaving as soon as possible."
"And?" Leia pressed and Han understood why. There was more than Orren wanted, even Han could tell that.
"And, we've come to a decision regarding the Academy that we wanted to run by you."
"I'm listening," Leia replied.
"We think it was a mistake to try and hide the Academy, especially on a planet that is so ill-protected."
"Where have I heard that before?" Leia shot back.
Han could feel as well as see her bristling at Orren's words. It was a similar reaction to what he had witnessed a few days ago when he had first told Leia about Orren's visit. Again he felt that she was angry, yet he was still confused as to exactly why.
"We know that your reservations concerning the use of Yavin Four went unheard back on Corsucant. But we're listening now."
"Typical," Han mumbled as the situation became clearer to him.
Orren moved his glance to Han and then continued, "As soon as you can get your ship in the sky and send a subspace message, we would like for you to request a full evacuation of the Academy."
"That's fine, Orren, but it's a little late," Leia whispered.
"I'm hoping we can end the blame game here between us before we regroup on Coruscant."
"I bet you are, when it isn't your life or your child's life that is on the line because of other people's foolish choices."
"Alright, take it easy, Leia. There's nothing gonna come out of pointing fingers now," Han cautioned her.
Leia stood and looked from Orren to Han. "I'm not pointing fingers at anyone but myself. I knew better, but I let them talk me into coming here…and not only leaving the protection of the New Republic behind me…but leaving you. And don't think that your name didn't come up while these men counseled me on my decision. These same men that now want you to save them."
Han watched as Leia turned and left the room, leaving a stormy wake of tension behind her. At the sound of his cabin door closing, Han looked to Orren.
"We only spoke of you as a distraction to her Jedi training. It was nothing personal."
Han shook his comment off. "She'll be fine, this is all taking its toll on her, that's all. And you have my word that I'll get your message out as soon as I'm able."
"So, the repairs to the Falcon are progressing?" Orren asked as he stood.
"Yes."
"Thank you, again, Captain Solo," Orren replied as he held his hand out and shook Han's.
Han held Orren's hand in his firmly, the friendly shake completed but he did not let go. After a brief moment, Han said evenly, "She means everything to me, Orren. You can't get much more personal than that."
Han walked back and let himself into his cabin to find it drenched in darkness, his shadow silhouetted on the ground before him as the hallway light poured in from behind him.
He spoke to the lump of covers rising and falling softly on his bunk, "You wanna talk about it?"
"What's there to talk about?" The lump responded, her voice muffled from underneath the sheets.
Han stepped toward the bunk and then sat on the edge of it. "Leia, what's this all about? You've been wound up like a manka cat ever since I spoke to Orren."
She threw the covers off of her and looked at him, her face was flushed.
Han shook his head. "It doesn't make a difference that I told Orren about the Falcon, sweetheart. If they're the bad guys, then they already knew. If they're the good guys they needed to know. And I don't care what they might have said about me back on Coruscant. Hells, most of it was probably true."
"I just wanted them to know the irony of it."
Han laughed. "I'm sure they do, sweetheart."
Leia's mood did not lighten as she sighed and said, "But, really, I had no right to chastise Orren."
"We're all on edge, Leia. I'm sure Orren understands."
"It's not that. It's…I shouldn't have taken it out him. I know who I should be angry with."
Han watched her and waited.
"If his actions infuriate me so, it's only because they act as a mirror to my own. I left you." She blurted the last words out as one would a last minute confession. "Now you're here by my actions and I've put you in jeopardy, again. I have no one to be angry with but myself."
"We've talked about all this, Leia. Why are you dragging it all up now?"
"Maybe because I'm doing to you exactly what's-" She stopped, her words cutoff by some invisible obstacle. "I don't know, it's all..."
He watched her as her eyes seem to search for the words that had abandoned her.
"Goddess, what's wrong with me?" She asked to no one in particular as she slammed her hands down on either side of her. Shaking her head back and forth, she then brought her hands back up to cover her face with them.
Hormones, Han suspected, but said, "Nothing's wrong with you. And…I'm gonna get that code fixed, don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried about the damn code," she said as she lowered her hands away from her face, revealing her dampened cheeks.
"Then what is it?"
"Maybe it's this," she said and looked down at her stomach while she held her hands out in frustration.
"The baby?"
"The baby," she shot back at him as if he had finally struck at the heart of the matter. "Having a baby…and I mean, literally having a baby and then…being a mother. What do I know about any of it?"
Han watched her, stunned into silence by her outburst.
"I didn't ask for this. This is usually a decision that a woman gets to make, Han." She looked at him, her mouth clamped tightly shut on the onslaught of words that he could tell were waiting there.
He shook his head, not sure what she wanted to hear from him and suddenly feeling a little bit foolish. Han had just taken for granted that Leia had wanted to become a mother some day and that this turn of events had just sped up the process.
Leia sighed and continued, her words delivered slowly now. "What if this isn't what I want…for my life?" She pressed her fingers against her chest helplessly as she asked the question and then allowed her hand to rest there afterwards as if in protection of her heart beating beneath it.
Han didn't reply, but took her hand gently off her chest and kissed her knuckles as her fingers curled around his.
"And what about you," she asked, her voice croaking out the words. "Is this what you want, really?"
Han hesitated and then said, "I think it's foolish to ask those sorts of questions and to worry about things that you can't change."
"Is that your answer?" She asked, incredulously.
"I want you, that'll always be my answer."
Leia said nothing, but turned her head and looked away from him.
Han realized he was failing miserably on finding the right words to say and he knew that he wouldn't get anywhere with the Princess of Alderaan if he only continued with declarations of love. He stared at her for a moment and then said, "And for someone who speaks of destiny so much, you sure like to spit in its face whenever it suits you."
Leia spun her head back to face him. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that this…," Han said as he placed his hand on her stomach, "is our destiny. No matter what we ever thought about being parents, the timing, the situation, this is it. I never gave much thought about being a father, Leia, I think you know that. But it's all I can think about now and I've never wanted anything more in my entire life."
Leia dropped her head down and shook it slowly. "You must think I'm callous for saying those things, much less thinking them."
"I don't, sweetheart. You have every right to be a little angry about this and…" He hesitated and then smiled and said, "I'll be the first to admit that you getting this bantha cub out there is more than a little scary, even for me."
"Hmph," Leia grunted as she fought a smile that turned into a smirk in the process and then said, "It certainly won't be as fun as getting her in there, I can tell you that."
Han squeezed her hand tightly and laughed, pulling her to him in the process. He released a heavy sigh when he felt her relax against him and chuckle, too. "I personally think that we're going to make excellent parents," Han whispered confidently.
"I think…that you'll make a wonderful father."
"Well, I certainly have a field guide on what not to do."
She pulled away from him and replied with all seriousness, "Let's skip the part where we compare notes on the galaxy's worst fathers."
Han chuckled. "Okay, that's a deal."
Leia laughed and then heaved a heavy breath, as if releasing a weight from inside of her. "Gods, Han, I've made so many mistakes."
"And, what? You think you got the corner on that market?"
She smiled weakly.
Han brushed the hair away from her face and said, "I think I know what your problem is."
"I can't wait to hear this," she replied, rolling her eyes in the process.
"You love me," Han stated smartly, his words intentionally knocking her off balance and his eyes daring her to argue.
She hesitated a moment and then replied teasingly, "Yes, that's definitely my problem." And then she looked away from him and said, "And here you claim that you can't read my mind."
Han smiled, slipped his shoes off and crawled into the bunk under the covers next to her. "Oh, I'm fully attuned to you now," he teased as he ran his hand up her thigh.
"Han," she giggled, "you really should be working on that code."
He replied, his lips pressed up against her neck, "That's not what you're thinking about and you know it, Princess."
"I would hardly call that using the Force, Han," Leia breathed out as he relieved her of her clothing.
Afterward, they held each other in a long silence, Leia's head resting against his chest and his chin pressed against her forehead. Han squeezed her, wanting to make sure she was awake as he said, "Leia?"
"Uh-hum?"
"I think you're already a wonderful mother."
She picked her head up off of his chest and wrapped her hand around his neck, pulling his face to hers. "Thank you," she said, right before she drew him into a kiss.
When she pulled away from him, he placed his hand against her cheek and held her eyes for a moment before he asked, "Do you ever think about getting married?"
Leia drew back and looked at him from underneath her eyelashes, "Is that an offer?"
Han remained calm, even though his heart had frolicked into a gallop, suddenly unsure of why the hells he had asked that. "I was always of the opinion that a piece of legal jargon doesn't tie anyone to anybody any more than their word does."
Leia propped herself up on her elbow and asked, "Are you still of that opinion?"
"Yes, I guess, but…I know that on Alderaan matrimony was sacred."
"There is no Alderaan anymore," Leia stated bluntly, all humor slipping from her tone as she turned and looked down at the quilted blanket between them.
"Leia, do you want to get married? Is that something that's important to you?"
She looked back up at him for a long moment and then replied, "I'll let you know when you ask me."