A/N: You think you guessed it? Think ur exact? Let's see if ur right.
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Reid was angry... past angry. Who was Hotch to come butting into his personal life. Spencer had to repeatedly insist he was alright. He needed the relief... desperately needed. He walked to his bathroom once more to his source of relief.
Hotch watched the continued abnormal behavior from the young doctor at work. He counted how many times Reid buried his arms when someone got close... he lost count by lunch. He decided he was going to demand Reid to show him. He was scared of the outcome of drugs... he didn't want to, but he had to know. It was gnawing at his stomach everytime he'd hide his arms.
Lunch, Reid wasn't happy to see Hotch walking to him. He quickly crossed his arms tightly around his body. "Reid... my office. Now!" Hotch said with a stern voice. Reid hesitantly followed Hotch. Once he was in the office, Hotch closed the door behind him. One thing that he rarely did when he was going to say something serious, he'd shut the blinds, also... which he did. Reid wanted to just leave... to go home... to his relief source that was in his bathroom. He didn't even sit at his desk. "Reid... I want to see your arms. You always bury them when someone talks to you." Reid ignored his demand. "Now, Reid!" Hotch noticed he wasn't going to without a fight. Hotch immediately took Reid's arms. He fought trying to keep his arms close. "Stop fighting me..." Reid finally gave up. Hotch pulled his sleeves up.
"Hotch... I..."
Hotch had his eyes closed... trying to get the image out of his head. "You... I didn't expect this of you... I don't know what to say about this... I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." Reid had already pulled his sleeves down. "I didn't expect you to be a... cutter. I need to see your arms again. I want to make sure they aren't infected." Reid nodded with tears on his face.
"I didn't want you to know... It's just... my mom. She's reacting badly to her new meds. What about my job?" Reid asked as Hotch inspected his arms.
"I have to take you off the team as long as it takes you to stop this. I'm sorry I have to do that to you. I want you to go to therapy and support groups... I don't... I didn't expect this... I was expecting... drugs." Reid wiped his tears.
"I will... and... I am so sorry for not telling you."
''It's alright..." Hotch gave him a hug. Reid let the tears stream down his face. "I'm going to help you."
Reid went home. He had the urge to cut again, but tried to fight it. It was almost as bad as cravings for Dilaudid were. He lasted three hours, but relapsed. He hurried to his bathroom. Once he was done, he looked in the mirror. It was like a ghost. He hadn't slept in days... all he looked like was death. He saw a dead body soon to become, and decided it wasn't soon enough. He grabbed a paper.
'I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. It's only a matter of time before I become my mother, and I don't want that. I'm not strong enough. I think this is the best for me. Please try to forget me, don't remember the bad things about me.
I love all of you'
Spencer Reid
The tears dripped onto the paper as he wrote. He knew there wasn't a better way to end his life other than the reason he wanted to. He took the very sharp razor and put it to his wrists. With one quick slice, he slowly fell to the bed and his vision slowly faded. Sweet pain... sweet death. He heard a door open. Hotch. He didn't take time to take it all in. He quickly dialed 9-11 and wrapped the sheets around his wrists. He didn't notice his own tears falling onto the boys face. He was barely conscious.
"Hotch... please... don't. Leave." Were all the words he could mumble out. The paramedics arrived quickly. three minutes. Reid made it alive. Hotch knew he'd have to take a lot of time to recover. He rode with him in the ambulance. He was conscious again.
"Hey..." Reid looked away.
"Why... why didn't you leave? I didn't want this." He drifted away again. Unconscious. Sweet utter darkness. He let the darkness take him. It seemed as if only a few seconds later, his eyes were open to a bright room. Hospital. Hotch was there, too. "Why didn't you leave. I wanted you to..."
"Because I promised I'd help you... and I will keep that promise. The doctors think that you should be admitted to a mental institution for a while. Along with therapy. I won't allow you to come back to work until I'm sure you're no longer a danger to yourself. Am I clear?'' Reid nodded. It hurt his throat to talk.
"But in the end... it doesn't even matter..." His last words before he drifted into a fitful sleep.
"You also have to fall to lose it all... I won't let you do that.''
I tried so hard and got so far But in the end it doesn't even matter I had to fall to lose it all But in the end it doesn't even matter
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A/N: hahahaha! did I trick u into thinking drugs. anyway... song: in the end by: linkin park duhhhhhhhh!!!! who doesn't know that song?!!!!!!! anyway.... success? fail? let me know! have a monkey! (*_*)