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"I have... bipolar disorder." Hotch wasn't shocked.
"Well, I kind of figured you had some kind of depression disorder. You also have a decision to make soon."
"I don't want to be admitted, but I do want to be better." Hotch nodded.
"Well, how are you going to do that?" Hotch asked.
Reid shrugged. "I don't know. If I don't get help, I know... I'll..." He didn't need to say more for Hotch to understand.
"I'll make a deal with you. You'll stay on the team, but I'll keep an eye on you. No leaving my sight, okay. I'll always be here for you whenever need be." Reid nodded. "Do we have a deal?"
"I guess."
Hotch paused for a moment. "I want you to see a therapist and see about getting a prescription for you know what."
"Does the team know?" Hotch shook his head. "Can we keep it that way?"
"They'll find out sooner or later."
"Later is better. When do I get to leave?"
"In a few hours. We just need to wait for the doctor to give you a prescription for anti-biotics." Reid nodded once.
Reid tried to move his arms, but he accidently brushed them against the bed, making him wince with fresh pain covering the dull.
"Ouch!"
"Are you alright? You have to be more careful."
"That fucking hurt." He was still wincing at the pain. "I so dumb. What was I thinking?"
"You weren't." Hotch answered aimlessly.
"My point. I wasn't thinking at all. I just... did it." Hotch nodded.
"I don't know why I started doing it. I just..." He paused for a few moments. "Sometimes, I wish I was dead. For no particular reason. I'm just crying for no reason at all. I don't get it. I blame my Dad a lot. I blame him for..." Reid stopped.
"What is it?" Reid shook his head.
"Nothing. Just for leaving us." Reid answered. He immediately took his eyes off Hotch and rested them on every spot of the room.
"Reid... what did he do?" Reid forced himself to look Hotch in the eye and blinked back the tears that were building up.
"Nothing! Why do you think something happened?"
"If you don't want to tell me, it's fine. You can tell me when you're ready." Hotch sighed.
"I'll tell you he did something that makes me want to shove him in a blender and watch him fall apart." Reid smiled evilly in a jokingly way.
"Well, don't make me worry more."
"I'm going to go to sleep. I'm tired." Reid yawned.
"Okay, I'll be right here. I'll wake you up when it's time to go."
It didn't take him long to fall into a restless sleep. He dreamt of something he wished to never live again.
In his dream:
His dad, William Reid, bolted up the stairs.
"Spencer! What did I tell you? I said no more listening to that damn so called music." Spencer quickly shut it off. William took him by the arms and dragged him into the living room and through the front door. They lived in a very public neighborhood, mostly his highschool classmates were there. His dad pulled his pants and his underwear down and started brutilly beating his backside. The rest laughed. After minutes and minutes of merciless beating, they got bored and left. His dad didn't stop though. He kept going after minutes. In the end of all the torture, his whole backside was a nasty red and black bruise.
His father dragged him into the bathroom and did something even worse. He molested him for minutes more of torture. His dad was indeed merciless. Then, he didn't even bother to pull Spencer's pants back on, he was once again dragged to the living room where he watched his mom and father fight. She was trying to protect Spencer, but with her Schizophrenia, she was helpless. He watched helplessly at his father beathing his mother until she was, too, bruised.
"Stop! Stop!" Hotch stood near Spencer and gently rubbed his back. "Dad! Stop!" Hotch wasn't going to take it anymore. He shook Spencer until he woke.
"What did he do to you?" Hotch demanded. He knew very well it must've been bad.
"I don't want to talk about it." Reid turned to face the opposite wall, but Hotch turned him back.
"Reid. You need to tell me now." He nodded reluctantly.
"Okay..." He went through the whole story, and Hotch listened in shock and pity. By the time the story was over, Reid was in tears and Hotch was holding him in his arms telling him it was okay.
"It's okay. He won't hurt you again. I won't let him do that again." Reid pushed himself away.
"Please don't tell anyone else." Reid pleaded.
"I won't. I promise, everything's going to be alright." Reid put his head back on Hotch's shoulder and sobbed again. He soon fell asleep, but this time, into a deep one.
Once Reid woke, once again, it was time to go. They silently checked out of the hospital and drove away to their destination of Reid's apartment.
"So, genius, what's your next move?" Reid thought for a moment.
"I don't know. I'm afraid of what I might do... what I might do to myself." He didn't dare meet his superior's eyes. "I don't want to be weak either."
Hotch turned his head once they came to a red light, then grabbed Reid's chin forcing him to look him in the eye.
"Reid, listen to me. You're not weak. You'll never be weak for needing help. Do you understand?" Reid nodded.
"I understand, but I don't want to have to have a babysitter. It makes me feel like I'm helpless." Reid said. "I don't like feeling that way."
"Everybody needs help every now and then. You know that. It doesn't make anybody a better person for not needing help. It's not possible." Hotch reasoned. "I'll stay with you for a while, then we'll see if you can be by yourself. Deal?"
"Deal."
"One more thing..." Reid turned his head, once again. "You're going to be alright, I know it." Reid turned back and smiled. He, for once, felt happy.
They went to Reid's apartment and settled down. Hotch forced Reid to sit and wait in the kitchen for a few minutes.
"Just stay here for a few minutes." Hotch said.
"Why?" Reid asked.
"Doesn't matter. Just stay." Reid sighed and sat down. Hotch walked to Reid's room. He grabbed the sheets off the bed and walked to the bathroom and filled the tub with bleach. He quickly set the sheets in and closed the door. He also grabbed the razor and threw it away and hurried back to Spencer. As he rounded the corner to the hall, he bumped into Reid. He had tears on his face. Hotch knelt down and hugged him again.
"Hotch... did I really do that. Did I actually do that to myself?"
"Yeah, but that was before. It's alright now. I won't let you do that again."
"Why didn't you stop me? You knew what I was doing to myself." Reid sobbed.
"I tried. I was too late, but I got to you in time, barely, but just in time."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
A/N: Wow, major writers block. Bad, no worst, disease a writer could get. Along with whumpage. Oh well, I guess I have a lot of illnesses. Someone guessed one of the two. Congrats to: ulubelu ! Although, he doesn't like to play with dolls. Maybe u should write a fic about that, I'd surely read it. You get a cookie: (: :) (#)