A/N: Okay, I know the last couple chapters have been all just different version of repeat, but now that Hotch will be back -yes, he's not gone... still one of the main characters- there'll be arguing... and I'm not going to say more, because it'll just give it away. Okay, simple question, have you ever been reading and wondered what the voice inside your head sounds like? I think mine sounds like microsoft sam. lolz. Anyway... yeah.
Reid laid on his bed the rest of the afternoon. He was still thinking about his mom, and worried more than ever. He dug through everything he knew, which was a lot, to figure out what he could do. Soon, he was at a dead end, and faced the fact that he couldn't do anything. He was left to wait and see, and yet, that information seemed too vague of information. He needed answers that weren't real.
Gideon sat silently thinking about what he was going to do. Reid just seemed to be getting worse, and there didn't seem to be any answers for him. He now knew what it was like to worry about somebody and not be able to do anything. He'd just have to hope for Hotch to be able to get him to come to terms with it all. And minutes later, Hotch walked in, and Gideon couldn't help but thank god silently.
"How is he?" Hotch asked worriedly.
"He's... not alright." Hotch sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "He's really worried about his mom." Hotch nodded.
"I know..." Gideon waited a few moments. "He started when I left."
"Jason..."
"I shouldn't have left. I could've prevented this."
"Jason... it's not your fault..." Hotch started.
"You're saying I couldn't have stopped it? You're saying this has nothing to do with when I left?"
Reid stayed silent as he stood outside his room in the hall hidden from the two men and listened. He'd heard every word Gideon said, and couldn't help but feel guilty for all the distress he was causing, and how he was hurting the people he loved most. The tears on his face were quickly wiped away angrily. He was angry at himself and at the people who decided to stay close to him. He felt they needed to be away from him to stay away from the terrible things he burdened them all with. He stopped himself determinedly from sobbing to listen more.
"I'm saying you couldn't have known this was going to happen." Hotch said quietly.
"I don't know how we're going to help him. I think me being here is making it worse. I had him talking to me, but... he's getting pretty bad. I don't know if I'll be able to help him."
"It takes time."
"I know. But I'm not really sure he'll get better before he gets worse." Hotch nodded.
"Where is he?"
"He's in his room. Been there most of the day... he's alright. I've been checking on him." Hotch let out a breath of relief.
"Well, I'm going to go talk to him."
Reid hurried back into his room and sat on the bed. Soon after, Hotch knocked and walked in.
"You alright?" Reid shrugged without looking up. "You sleeping alright." Reid nodded. "Eating?" Reid nodded.
"It's my fault..."
"What is?" Hotch asked curiously.
"I heard you two talking." Reid said sadly.
"And what does that mean?" Hotch asked.
"It means I need to get away from everybody. I only cause pain. You don't have to worry about me anymore." Reid said while wiping the stray tears off his face.
"We're not leaving, Spencer. You know that."
"You won't willingly." Reid looked up. "I need to be away from people."
"Not going to happen, whether you except it or not. We're not going to leave you alone until this is all over."
"It's never going to be over." He looked back down.
"Come on. Let's go get something to eat." Hotch said softly.
"I'm not hungry."
"And I didn't ask you." Hotch paused for a second. "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't care."
"Okay then. Get ready." Reid got up slowly. The last thing he did before he left his room was grab something from under his bed. He hurriedly lifted his shirt off himself. He didn't want to get caught with them on his arms, knowing Gideon would check. He figured anywhere else would work, as long as he stayed away from the veins. He cut enough to barely bleed, and somehow, it was enough. He quickly put the razor back. He couldn't believe he forgot he kept one there. Not wanting to worry Hotch and Gideon, he hurriedly put his shirt back on and left the room. They gave him weak smiles, and Reid returned them.
Reid ate barely enough to reassure Hotch he was eating, though it still wasn't enough to be healthy. Reid still didn't look either of them in the eyes.
"Are you done, Spencer?" Gideon asked. Reid nodded, suddenly feeling anxious. He just needed to get away from people.
"Are you sure. You haven't eaten much." Hotch interrupted.
"I'm sure. Why do you think I'm not eating much? This is how much I usually eat." Reid said finally looking up. "I know you guys are worried about me, but I'm an adult and can take care of myself. I don't need people making choices for me."
"We're not making choices for you. We're just helping you to be sure you're making the right decisions." Gideon said.
"And what if I'm sure my decisions are right, but you don't like them, huh? Does that mean you'll just back off and let me follow through with them, or will you try to control me?"
"Of course not, I won't let you hurt yourself."
"I'm tired of this... guys, let's go outside." Hotch interrupted their argument.
"More people making decisions for me and controlling me. Just like I said." Reid said as he glared at Gideon. He followed them outside after Hotch paid the bill.
"Reid, you need to realize right now we're trying to help you. Gideon didn't have to come. He could've just left you there, but he didn't. He cares about you, and so do I, so whatever we do, we're doing it to help you."
"Heard that before." Reid said.
"Come on, let's just go. The sooner we get you home, the sooner you can get some rest, then hopefully you won't be in such a bad mood." Hotch said while sharing a glance with Gideon.
When they got back to the apartment, Reid went straight to his room. Gideon looked at Hotch and shook his head.
"See what I mean?" He asked. Hotch nodded. "Well, since he's probably going to go to bed soon, I should go check his room. It's part of his new routine. Along with me checking him for any sign of mutilation. Gideon headed for Reid's room. Hotch just wondered what good they were doing.
Gideon knocked on the door before walking in. Reid was sitting on the bed staring blankly. "Spencer, I need to check your room." Reid shrugged.
Gideon looked first in the drawers, and was relieved there was nothing there, then proceeded to under the bed, and yet again, relieved. Lastly, he checked the half-empty, as Reid saw it, closet. He was happy to not find anything, but he was dreading to check Reid for cuts. Last time he did that, he revealed many cuts all parallel to each other. Gideon sat next to Reid on the bed.
"I'm going to have to check you for..." Reid nodded and pulled his sleeves up revealing the scars, healing wounds, and stitches on his wrists.
Gideon looked at him suspiciously. "Look at me." Reid did. "If I asked you if you had any more new cuts on you, would you lie?" Reid shook his head. "Do you?" Reid shook his head again. Reid looked Gideon straight in the eye. Gideon fell under his trick and believed him. "Okay, well, goodnight." He patted Reid's shoulder before leaving.
"Well?" Hotch asked.
"He's good."
"You check his whole body?"
"No." Gideon stated. "I asked him. He looked me straight in the eye when he said it." Hotch shook his head.
"He's good at lying." Hotch waited a minute knowing Gideon wouldn't do it. "If you're not going to do it, I will." Gideon sat down on the couch and watched as Hotch walked down the hallway to Reid's room.
Hotch walked in without knocking. Reid looked up at him. "Yeah Hotch?"
"I don't believe you. You can get your way around things with Gideon, but not with me." Hotch stated.
"What are you talking about?"
"He checked only your arms..." Reid shook his head.
"No. I'm not going to let you do that to me. Please leave so I can get some sleep."
"Don't fool yourself Reid. I know you haven't been sleeping. You don't ever. I'm not going to fall into denial with Gideon. Now, we can do this the easy way and get it done, or I can do it myself, but there's no getting out of it."
"Leave me alone, please." Reid said not too nicely. "I just need to be away from people right now."
"Sorry, Reid, but you're not getting out of it." Reid sat back and glared at Hotch. "This is your last chance, or I'll do it myself."
"Stay away from me." Reid ordered.
"Gideon..." Hotch called. Soon, Gideon was in the room with a worried look on his face. "He's decided he can't do it on his own. Mind helping me?" Gideon nodded.
"Spencer, last chance." Gideon said. Reid just glared at them both.
Gideon sighed as he walked over to Reid. Reid shifted further away from them.
"Get away from me!" Reid yelled. Gideon tried for Reid's arms, but he pulled them away and started trying to hit them both, but Gideon was able to grab his arms firmly. Hotch started to unbutton Reid's shirt, but he kept moving around so much that Hotch wasn't able to do anything. Gideon place Reid's arms firmly against the bed so that he wasn't able to move much. Hotch finally got all the buttons undone and revealed some shallow cuts on his side. Hotch looked at Gideon who closed his eyes, trying not to let the tears escape his eyes. Hotch then moved to Reid's pants and pulled them down. Thankfully for Reid, Hotch allowed him to keep some dignity by leaving his boxers on. There weren't any cuts on his legs. Hotch helped Reid put his clothes back on. Reid rubbed his arms and glared at Gideon.
"I wouldn't have had to do that if you would've just cooperated." Hotch was still looking at Reid.
"I'm not going to start being nice about any of this until you finally realize that all that we're doing is try to help you. Now, where is it?"
"None of your business."
"Spencer, do you want to get better?" Gideon asked, sitting down next to him.
"No."
"Well we do, because we care about you. You do know that right?"
"Leave me alone." Hotch looked at Gideon, silently telling him to leave him alone.
They both left the room. "What was that about. So we're just going to let him do this to himself?"
Hotch shook his head. "Just give him time. He'll come around." Gideon looked at him shocked.
Reid sat on his bed with the tears cascading down his cheeks. He didn't want to stop, he realized. He'd given up. He didn't want to try anymore, because trying seemed too hard.
A/N: Well, I gave you guys a longer chapter as a thank you for all the wonderful reviews. This is by far my most successful story yet. And I have to again thank all my readers who've been so patient with my terribly messed up routine of updating. Luvs for you all!