A/N: Okay, would've updated sooner, but my mom decided she wanted to go on an 'adventure'. We ended up in the car for five hours straight and went to Mackinac Bridge. Just look it up on Google Images and you'll know what's so great about it, even though we go there once a week pretty much. So... compared to the rest of my stories, I have a lot of reviews. 47 is the most I've ever had... EVER. That's great... keep 'em coming!

Gideon followed Hotch to the living room with a worried plastered on his face. The worry virus was going back and forth between the two. First, it was Gideon that was worried, then Hotch, then Gideon again. He didn't understand why it was going on like that.

"So you're just going to let him do that to himself?" Gideon asked as he sat on the couch.

"No. He'll come around. He'll start realizing he's pushing us away, then he'll open up more and we'll be able to get him to do as we say, then we can help him through this. It'll all work out Jason, you just have to give it time." Hotch said softly.

"What if he tries something?"

"If he was going to try something, he would've done it already." Hotch answered.

"I still don't like this."

"Me either."

Reid didn't dare go to sleep. He didn't want the memories in his dreams of either shooting an unsub, or being tortured by one... or even the good memories when his mom wasn't ill. He remembered long ago, when he was around four years old. He and his dad were playing at the park in the neighborhood. His dad was playing with him on the slide, then remembered all the horrible things his dad did to him after he was older. He wiped at the tears angrily, and wished for just one moment of his life to be happy, and sincere happiness. Not just the masks that covered all the sadness and darkness of the world, and the thoughts drifted toward the wondering if he'd be able to make it to the next month, next week, or even tomorrow, and he hated feeling that way. He hated the fact that he couldn't get others, specifically Hotch and Gideon, to understand how hard it was to conquer your demons on such a short level of self confidence. It was dreadful to realize your problems were terrible, and nearly impossible to stop without that confidence you don't have. With that thought, he realized that his family were being pushed, pulled, and torn at by his mistakes, and he didn't want them to have to suffer for his wants... he knew at that point he needed to stop. But how he was going to do that, he didn't know.

Meanwhile, Gideon and Hotch sat in defeating silence as their thoughts came to one conclusion. Were they strong enough to help him? They knew they could help, but only one could help so much, and that wasn't enough to fix one person. They were tired, and not just the tiring from not being able to sleep. Tired from the emotions, and the weakness they felt, and mostly for the pity they'd always be putting on the kid's shoulders. Maybe it wasn't good to treat him as if he was suicidal, despite him being that exactly on. It was all so confusing to them, and they couldn't profile themselves for the answers that weren't there. The answer was inside Reid, and it wasn't a question that could be answered. If he wanted to get better was all that mattered. No matter the answer, it would be an unsure one, and there'd still be that slight weight pulling down the other option also, they just needed as many people to support to way the better down.

It took them a minute to realize Reid was there with them, his head down and long, thick hair covering his face from the obvious tears that had been silently cascading down his face previously. They sat and tried to look without pity or emotion. They wouldn't be able to all break down crying and handle all of the emotion all at once. They waited, expectantly, for Reid to do something. After what seemed for minutes, he sat down next to Gideon on the far end of the couch. Finally, he looked up and met their eyes sincerely showing he was meaning everything they saw, and what they saw were eyes of determination. Still, they waited for him to speak.

"I know I have been a pain in the ass, and half of what I was doing was just to rebel against you two..." He paused, noticing his gaze was slipping as the words were getting tangled and caught in his throat. "And I know this is making everything harder on everybody." The tears were now close to exploding out of his eyes. "And I know this has all been just a big bunch of crap..." The tears were now on his cheeks, and a few stray ones from before were dripping onto his lap as he fought to keep his eyes up. "... but I'm going to start pulling my own weight. I don't want to lose you... either of you... do you forgive me?" Reid couldn't hold out any longer. He dropped his gaze to the twisting hands in his lap, hoping more than anything that they would forgive him. He feared the answer would be no as the silence drew to a more tense position, and Reid now found himself the center of attention in the seemingly big circle of nothingness except the two there, and there wasn't a way out. He'd opened his mouth, and he'd get an answer, so now the hope was all he could rely on for the two people he considered fathers more than his own biological father, to forgive him. After what seemed, in Reid's mind, a very long eternity, Gideon spoke up.

"I don't know about Hotch, because he's had to deal with you longer than I have, but I do forgive you, and always will. No matter the circumstance. I would never, ever give up on you or forget. I will always be here to help you." Gideon said softly. More tears welled up in Reid's eyes, but more so full of happiness than the dark sadness that almost took his life.

"Despite what Gideon may be implying, I do forgive you same as Gideon. We're your family, and families never give up on one another. You have been a pain in the ass somewhat, but it could have been worse. I would deal with that the rest of my life rather than have you dead. You know that, and keep that in your mind next time you decide you want to give up..." Hotch started.

"I won't."

"Let's hope not." Gideon and Hotch said in unison.

"Are you ready to give it up?" Reid thought for a moment with his eyes back on his lap. He certainly did want to give up cutting, but he didn't want the object out of his possession. It was his comfort object, even when he was trying to quit. He'd be able to rock himself back and forth with it clutched in his hand and the need would go away, if only for a little while. It wasn't there just to hurt him, it had helped him and taught him a lot just by the sharpness of it. But he knew, if he wanted to stop, that would be the right way to go in the first step.

"Are you?" Gideon said again.

"Yes... but..." Reid put his head in his hands and breathed deeply. "It's hard."

"We're not saying it's not, and we know it'll be hard to every aspect of your recovery, but if you stop this now, you'll look back at this, and love that you quit." Hotch said as softly as he could. "Where is it?"

"Under my bed..." Reid said without lifting his head. Hotch stood up and put a hand on Reid's shoulder before heading to Reid's room. Gideon sat closer to him and hugged him slightly.

"I'm proud of you." Reid gave in to the sobs caught in his throat. Gideon took him into his arms and shushed him. Reid was confused by the emotions. He wasn't sure if he was sad that he'd be stopping, and that it'd be hard, or if he was happy that they forgave him, or if it was just the relief that he knew he wouldn't be able to take his own life. "You know that I am right?" Reid nodded. "And that I'm glad that you're coming to terms with this?" He nodded again. "And you know you're going to therapy too?" Reid looked up.

"Do I really have to go?" Reid asked.

"Do you need it?"

"Well... I'm not..."

"Do you?"

"Yes." Reid answered finally.

"You just answered your own question kiddo."

"When?" Reid asked.

"We'll schedule it tomorrow, but I'm not sure exactly when. It'll be alright Spencer. Nobody wants to do you any harm. Whatever we do, it's not for the worse. I hope you'll come to terms with that statement."

Hotch walked into the room after a few seconds. The look on his face was softer. He seemed proud too, but Reid didn't want to fall under the happiness just yet. It would only cause a problem if something bad happened, then the rebound of sadness would be worse then it would if he'd already been sad. So he decided to wait until he knew it was safe to be happy again, if it made sense.

"Are any of you hungry?" Hotch asked.

"Not really, but I'll try to eat." Reid said while looking back down.

"You're going to have to eat. Developing anorexia isn't the right way to go. It'll just cause more problems." Gideon said.

"I said I'll try. Isn't trying good enough?"

"Of course it is. We just don't want you to just try. We want you to try your hardest... at all of this." Hotch added.

"I'll try..." Reid said with uncertainty. Gideon put a supportive hand on his shoulder.

A/N: I feel this was short. But... oh well. Hmm, ironic that I relapsed right after I wrote this... maybe I should follow in Reid's steps. XD Anyway, another 'excuse' as to why I haven't updated at all... my comp got a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY bad virus on it, and it took days to fix because I had to do a full comp scan with kaspersky, which took six hours, and I had to sit there and click delete virus every five seconds, ugh... that and I had to do objects scan, which took two hours, and a quick scan that took a few minutes. All in all, it worked out and I deleted 52 different viruses... XD.