AN- Okay, two very important points: 1) Yes, this is Funk. See, originally, Funk went before Theatricality in the series but the show writers switched that for some reason. So, I'm writing in the original intended order. Quick shout out to Squid7000, I felt so bad after I read your review because you'd been guessing the upcoming episodes and then you were finally legit right and I hope you forgive me!

Also: I think I freaked some people out when I said I was 'taking a break' when I posted my oneshot yesterday. I just meant a day! I really want to post the last chapter on Tuesday when the finale premieres.

Enough rambling! Enjoy!

Jesse transferred back to Carmel High.

And Blaine really wants to punch him because the look on Rachel's face is killing him and she's his best friend and fuck you St. James because no one liked you. At all.

Oh, and by the way, your version of 'Another One Bites the Dust' sucks.

(yes. Blaine went there).

They go back to the glee room and Blaine keeps his arm around Rachel the whole time. When they walk inside, they see Carmel's little present.

Their glee room: covered in toilet paper.

How freaking mature.

They spend their practice time cleaning.

And then they find out that Coach Sylvester gave Vocal Adrenaline keys and is planning on taking over the choir room after her Nationals win.

Mr. Schue gains massive amounts of respect by smashing her trophy.

"You're actually going to Nationals with her?" Blaine murmurs to Kurt.

Kurt shrugs. "If I don't, she might kill me."

And Blaine thinks yeah, she most likely would.

Today, Mr. Schue wants them to talk about regrets.

"Giving my heart to Jesse, just to have him crush it like the stage floor in a performance of stomp," Rachel seethes.

"Thinking 'trust me' was a sensible birth option," Quinn sighs.

"Coming out to my parents," Blaine says quietly

But not quietly enough.

The room falls silent and Blaine is aware of everyone staring at him. His head pops up.

"Did I say that out loud?"

More awkward silence follows and Blaine wants the floor to just swallow him up already.

"Look," Santana says suddenly breaking the silence, "We can either all sit here and pretend to be surprised that Anderson is queer or we can plan some revenge."

And Mr. Schue sort of comes back to himself and takes control of the club and Blaine shoots Santana a thankful smile.

Because, yeah she was offensive as hell but he knows she meant well.

He catches her after glee.

"Santana," And she looks at him, one eyebrow arched, daring him to say something. "Thank you."

She rolls her eyes and glances around. Seeing their alone, she actually gives him a warm smile.

"You're welcome hobbit."

"How was it at home?" Kurt asks at lunch.

Blaine shrugs as he takes a bite of his sandwich.

"Awkward as hell. Dad still isn't talking to me and mom can't look at me without getting upset. Mikey was cool about it," And here Blaine smirks, "He's pretty cool when he tries to be."

Kurt squeezes his shoulder. "You can come over after school today."

"Thanks."

Finn and Puck slip into the seats across from them. Finn looks a little uncomfortable but he smiles at Blaine all the same.

"Hey dude," Finn pauses. "How's…being gay?"

"Really?" Kurt deadpans.

Blaine laughs. The first laugh he's managed in the last two days. Kurt smiles and it seems to break the ice because even Puck smirks.

"I knew it. You never tapped Santana- there was no way you were straight."

"Did-did she know?" Finn asks, surprised.

"She suspected," Blaine says. "But there was never confirmation."

"Alright dude," Puck looks him straight in the eye, "If anyone says shit against you, let me know. I'll pound them."

Blaine holds his hand up and they bump fists. "Thanks, dude."

Then Puck surprises everyone by turning to Kurt.

"You too, dude. I'm the only one allowed to toss you in the dumpster, okay?"

Kurt blinks at him but nods all the same. "'Thank you, Puckerman."

"And we won't say anything," Finn promises. "To the guys, I mean."

Blaine nods. He's not sure how he feels about other people that aren't his friends knowing that he's gay. He glances at Kurt who smiles understandingly at him.

"Thanks, Finn."

Puck and Finn leave to go plan out their ultimate revenge on Vocal Adrenaline and Blaine slumps into his seat.

That went surprisingly well.

Everyone is still in a funk the next day, even after Finn and Puck get revenge.

They're all lamenting on how miserable they all are.

"I'm so depressed that I've worn the same outfit twice this week," Kurt mutters.

"I'm so depressed I didn't even notice," Blaine says.

This all leads to talk of doing a Funk number and Mercedes jumps at the chance to shine. Blaine doesn't even comment but when their eyes meet briefly, he smiles encouragingly at her.

He's surprised when she forces out a small smile back; he thought they were cool.

Kurt has Cheerios practice after school so Blaine ends up at Rachel's house.

Where, honestly, he should have gone ages ago but with all his own crap, he really didn't want to deal with other drama.

(yes, he's a terrible friend.)

She's got all her blinds closed and he's pretty sure she's probably wearing black but she's under the covers when he walks into her bedroom so he can't be sure.

"Rachel, he isn't worth this," Blaine tells her as he sits on the edge of the bed and pulls at the covers.

"My hearts has shattered. Into a million little pieces. I thought he loved me, Blaine. We were going to be on Broadway together and we were going to be famous and then have kids who would be famous and everyone would want to be me!"

He rubs her back. "Rach, you are going to be famous, okay? You're going to be plastered all over Broadway and everyone is going to be so jealous of you. Especially Jesse because he'll be stuck here in Lima working as a-a-a gym coach or something equally demeaning."

She pokes her head out from under the covers. "Will he be ugly?"

"Oh my god, so ugly. Like, no girl will ever touch him. Ever."

"And," She sniffles and throws back the covers completely, "will he die alone?"

"He sure will," Blaine assures.

He grabs a wad of tissues from the box on the side of the bed and hands them to her.

"Thank you, Blaine," She blows her nose, "I'm very lucky to have you. Especially because of all the drama you've been going through."

Blaine shakes his head. "Don't even worry about it," he assures her.

"I-I still love him, Blaine," she admits in a whisper.

He wants to tell her she shouldn't. That he's a terrible guy and he doesn't deserve any of this. But she's Rachel and drama is her life and he knows she wouldn't listen.

He just smiles sadly. "I know."

The next day, Finn, Puck and Mercedes show them some funk.

And it's like ten million times better and less awkward than when Quinn did it with her backup pregnant singers.

Blaine glances at Kurt, who's looking absolutely amazing in his Cheerios uniform, and notices he's looking at Finn. In that way.

And it is so not what Blaine needs right now. The reminder that Kurt is head-over-heels for someone else who is not only totally straight but also one of Blaine's best friends.

He leans over to get his attention. "How goes practice for Nationals?"

Kurt frowns. "It's not. Coach kind of bailed on us and she won't get out of bed."

"Why?"

"No one knows. Just that she's like almost clinically depressed. And it sucks for everyone. See Brit?" And Blaine looks over and sees her uniform is backwards, "They're all going that crazy without her."

"You're not," Blaine points out.

"Because I have glee," and he bumps their shoulders together. "And you."

Blaine really can't help but smile after that.

He doesn't smile for long after.

He goes home. And when he spies his parents' cars in the driveway, sort of wants to just go back to school.

He takes a deep breath. Goes inside. His dad is in the living room, watching football. Michael is sitting in there with him. His little brother, bored beyond all measure, glances over in the doorway and spots him.

"Hey, Blaine!"

William tenses. Blaine walks in and ruffles his brother's hair.

"Hey, dork. What's up?"

"Nothing. Dad and I are watching the game, obviously. Care to join?"

"Sure."

But when Blaine falls into the chair next to the couch, his father suddenly stands, hands off the remote and leaves the room.

All without saying a word. Blaine swallows his disappointment.

"Dude," Michael says softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"Don't worry little bro," Blaine grins. "Not your fault. I'll be up in my room if you need me okay?"

He goes to leave the living room and nearly walks into his mother. They both freeze, and he notices that her eyes go just a little cold.

He pushes past her; if anyone has the right to be upset or angry, it's him.

He calls Kurt when he gets to his room, fills the night with mindless conversation. It's all he needs.

(except his parents' love. He needs that too. But…he just might never get it).

Jesse St. James eggs Rachel.

When she walks in, covered in tears and yolk and shame, Blaine wants to kill. Specifically kill St. James because no one messes with Rachel and gets away with it.

Everyone is upset. The boys are beyond pissed and Puck leads the charge for revenge. Blaine almost laughs because Kurt looks so out of place with the rest of the guys because he's so not the violent type.

"Rachel is one of us," he explains, "We're the only ones who get to humiliate her."

And that warms Blaine's heart; because he knows Rachel is not Kurt's favorite person but it times like this, they really show that, as a club, as friends, they actually really care for each other.

Mr. Schue calls St. James.

It's time for a showdown.

That night, Blaine watches the Cheerios go to Nationals.

(because, something happened and suddenly Coach Sylvester was back and badder than ever)

He's at Rachel's house and he cheers really loud whenever Kurt comes on screen and he can't look away when he begins to dance and twirl and just look so goddamn sexy in that uniform.

Then. Then. He sings.

In French.

For fifteen minutes straight.

And it's beautiful. And it's captivating in an entirely different way that the dancing was because this is Kurt. Laying himself all the way out there and performing in front of millions of viewers and Blaine has never been more proud of this boy.

"You really like him, don't you?" Rachel asks quietly.

Blaine jumps, having basically forgotten she was there. He grins guilty.

"Am I that obvious?"

"A little. It's sweet," Rachel says smiling. "You guys would be-"

"Don't. Because if you say it, I'd think it and I know it will never happen and I don't want to deal with that this week."

"Blaine, you never-"

"Stop," he warns. "Please."

She bites her lip but nods. Lays her head on his shoulder as they continue to watch. He leans his head against hers.

His parents are still up when he gets home. They're sitting in the living room, watching something trivial and educational on TV as he walks by.

"I'm home," he calls.

No answer.

"I'm also an hour over my curfew."

Still nothing.

And Blaine is sick of it. He's sick of the silence and the looks and the nothing and before he can stop himself, he storms into the living room and stands in front of the TV.

"I'm gay, okay. That's it. I didn't murder anybody, I didn't rob a bank, and I didn't bring shame to the family name. So could you please stop acting like I did this unforgivable thing and stop treating me like a pariah? I'm still your son," and Blaine looks right at them as he says it, "I'm still me."

"You were supposed to bring home a nice girl," Vanessa says quietly. "Get married and start a family."

"I can still do that," Blaine whispers, his voice breaking slightly. "Please, just…stop."

She shakes her head. Blaine's eyes move to his father; pleading with him, please, dad, please say something. Anything.

He opens his mouth; the looks in his eyes, Blaine's heart almost stops, he's going to say something.

"Don't be late again, son."

Disappointment courses through him.

"Yes, sir," he says quietly.

They one up Vocal Adrenaline when they perform a Funk number.

Blaine waits patiently backstage with the rest of New Directions as Kurt opens the number.

And, holy fuck, that is not Kurt singing.

There is no way. In hell. That Kurt, defying gravity high F Kurt, is singing that low.

It is sexy as all get.

But Blaine drives it out of his mind as they take the stage and he dances with Rachel, so proud of her for finally getting over this St. James mess and sticking it to him in the best way possible.

And when they finish their number, they all practically flip off Vocal Adrenaline as they strut offstage.

"Where's the tape recorder?" Blaine asks walking up to Kurt.

"What?"

"The tape recorder. Because that was not you singing."

Kurt laughs at him. "Yes it was."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was."

"No, it wasn't."

Kurt rolls his eyes and then sings the first line of the song again. In that voice. And Blaine blinks because holy shit it is Kurt.

"Why didn't you tell me you could sing like that?"

Kurt shrugs, obviously pleased that Blaine's impressed. "You never asked."

"What else haven't you told me?"

The taller boy smirks and leans in. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

And Blaine stares after him as he walks away.

Yes, actually, yes he would.

AN- You so would, Blaine.