She went up to the school after breakfast. There was so much to do. And thank God for that. The morning raced past. She ate her lunch at her desk, four different books open and pen going in one hand, an apple in the other. The term was going to be short, but other than that, it was coming together nicely. At one point she thought she heard a horse approaching. She thought of Neil, wondered if he was in the cove, if he was just outside or down at the mission. But no one came in, so she shook off the half-hope, half-dread that engulfed her at the thought. She must have been imagining things. She hoped that particular habit would pass soon.

When it got too dark at her desk to see without candlelight, she packed up some reading for the evening and headed out.

There on the bottom step sat Neil MacNeil.

She stopped at the top.

He turned.

"I can't do this right now." She hugged the books to her chest.

He stood up. "Do what?"

"Talk to you."

"Christy, please. Come home."

"How can you... ask..." She grabbed at the railing for support, and was unable to keep looking at him. She just wanted to go to him, fall into his arms. She ached for his touch. "I can't see you. I'm not ready yet."

"We can work this out." He insisted.

"There's nothing to work out."

He climbed the stairs to her. "Please, look at me." He took hold of her arms.

She pulled away, but looked at him, and oh, how it hurt. "This is killing me. Can't you see this is killing me?"

"I'm sorry." He stepped back, "I'm sorry."

"We have to just pretend like it never happened."

"I can't." His voice broke.

Neither could she. She couldn't bare to look at him. As long as he was near there was no way she could pretend like it had never happened. "Please go. I need you to go."

He turned and walked away.

She stumbled back into the school, collapsed on the closest chair and cried, making sure to be silent. If he heard her and came back – she knew she lacked the strength to send him away again. She wanted to go after him, even then. Hearing Charlie ride away, she sighed, with relief and desolation. It was over.

"Miss Huddleston," Alice put her hand to Christy's shoulder. She was asleep at the breakfast table.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I..."

"Are getting much sleep?"

Christy nodded. "Maybe. I guess not enough."

"Is that it?"

"Probably."

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Well, that's a good sign." Alice dished up a big bowl of oatmeal and put it in front of Christy. "So, are you all ready for school?"

Christy nodded, "Yes, I'm really looking forward to it."

"Good."

Christy told her about her plans for the different grades, the books they'd be reading, the history she looked forward to teaching, and the work that would follow.

Alice watched her, happy but weary. It was almost like normal. Neil had left Cutter Gap. He'd left Alice a note and an address in case of emergency. She couldn't blame him, not really.

Christy was busy, or absent from the mission, for that whole first week that school was back. It wasn't until the weekend that Alice managed to catch her.

"How are you this morning?" Alice found her on the porch before breakfast.

"Oh, fine." Christy turned to her, "Actually, I was feeling a little under the weather. I think I just need to eat something."

Alice nodded. "I'll be right back – you'd rather be out here?"

Christy nodded, ignoring the look of concern on her friend's face. She was so sick of the looks of concern, the whole spectrum, from compassion to pity; it was all driving her up the wall. How was she supposed to act like normal when everyone treated her like she was ill?

Alice brought out some biscuits and jam.

"Oh, that is just what I feel like." Christy took one and ate with gusto. "I feel better already."

Alice nodded, "Christy," she took a deep breath.

Christy wished she wouldn't start. "Can't we just pretend like normal? I think I need that for a while."

Alice just looked at her. "Is it possible... Do you think that maybe it's possible that you're pregnant?"

"What? No." Christy shook her head without giving it a thought. Her friend was silent, waiting, watching. Christy considered it for a moment. It was possible, wasn't it? A moment later she was certain of it. She dropped her half-eaten biscuit. "I didn't even... I never even considered..."

"So it is possible?" Alice asked for a clear answer, gracious as ever.

"Oh, Miss Alice. What am I going to do?" She clapped her hand to her mouth, grabbing at the banister for support.

"Nothing, for now." Alice put her arm around Christy. "It can't be more than, what, 9 weeks?"

"What difference does that make?"

"Only that I don't think you should tell anyone yet. If anything were to happen -" she paused, letting her meaning sink in, "it would likely happen in the first three months."

"You mean – if I were to lose it."

Alice nodded.

"Oh, what am I going to do?"

"There is time to figure that out."

Christy sat down, unable to fathom this new reality. A baby? This could have been something to celebrate – it should have been... No. She would get nowhere with wishing things were different.

"I want you to know that I will be there all along the way. You will not be alone in this." Alice gripped her hand.

Christy looked up at the older woman, then down at her body, trying to believe what she knew must be true.

"You are coping with this better than I did."

Christy was blank, stunned. "What did you do?"

"I yelled more. And cried more."

"Oh, it'll come – the crying at least."

"You are an incredibly brave young woman." Alice shook her head. Her eyes were kind, reassuring.

"I can't fathom this. I don't know what to think, how to... Oh God, what am I going to do?" She balled her hands and pressed them to her eyes.