9. Sparkle (Glitter)
"Don't," Robin says softly, as she feels his mouth press into the underside of her breast.
"Don't what?" He asks.
She tries to push him away. "Jesus, dude. Put it away. My face is sore. Damn stubble rash."
He laughs. "I'll stay away from your face."
"My wrists are sore!"
"Well," he says, rearing up on his forearms, "if you will always insist on being on top!"
She grins, exhausted; boneless. But she can feel him stir against her inner thigh and she wonders if he can coax another round out of her.
"I swear, if you are fantasising about me and Jessica right now, I'll-"
He snorts, wriggling down her body. "Please! You think I'm that limited?" Robin waits for the punch line and can't help but giggle when he mumbles, "Lily's in there too now. You guys work surprisingly well together."
Robin swats him on the top of the head, but he begins to blow raspberries into her pubic bone and she'd swear he's humming "Two beavers are better than one" but in a few seconds she doesn't care because his lips move lower and his tongue flicks out in a way that makes her spine arch off the bed.
"Jeez!" She bites off a gasp. She'll never admit it but she loves how enthusiastic he is about her chequered past.
"You know," he says, pulling away even as the pads of her fingers press into the back of his skull, willing him back down. "You did good today. Making up with Jessica, and Lily… forgiveness is a wonderful thing."
"Whatever," Robin grumbles, a little embarrassed.
"Now, if you'll just forgive Katie for giving me the Space Teens DVD in the first place…" He grins wickedly and his head bobs back down again.
"Yeah, that's the stuff," Robin sighs. Then her eyes fly open. "Wait – Katie what?"
10. Wang (Blitzgiving)
It's probably not a good thing to be quite so into some guy just because of his cock, right?
But Robin reviews her scoresheet as she waits in an unfamiliar bar for a man she's never met – although she's already seen intimate parts of him. Hmm, let's see – there was Max, and he certainly had nothing to write home about in the genitalia department. There have been a few more guys since him, and none of them have got further than the blue line due to the fact that she's been able to use Barney as a crutch for the last few months.
And yeah, then there's Barney.
Barney, the horn dog, who's apparently been hooking up with the girl who cuts his hair and never told any of them about it. That burns her a little. Not that she cares, because he was being super-annoying the whole of American Thanksgiving, but she'd have thought he's at least have had the guts to be honest about any bimbo he's been sleeping with. It's a mistake to get too comfortable with Barney Stinson, she tells herself, or to lower your guard for too long.
But it's okay because she's now got Wang Guy (and she's really got to stop calling him that and start calling him Josh). And Wang Guy- Josh seems funny and smart and definitely has the equipment to give her what she needs.
Robin does a double-take when Josh enters the bar and she gets to her feet. He's tall – and she likes her men tall tall – well muscled, nice to look at but not so pretty as she'll feel outclassed. He's blonde, which disturbs her for reasons she can't name and when he opens his mouth he's got this seductive southern drawl.
Yep, she'd definitely hit that. She has a drink with him, their fingers touch when he passes her glass, and she waits for the tingle. She waits for that frisson that tells her he's a guy she wants to spend more than one night with.
And she waits.
Damn it, she thinks, where's the tingle? She needs the tingle. Just a little one.
Later, in bed, the sex is okay. The sex is perfectly serviceable. She even texts Lily later and tells her so.
"That bad, huh?" Lily texts back. Then a moment later, she gets another message. "Marshall says let him down easy."
Robin tuts as she dresses, but slips quietly out of his apartment before he gets out of the shower.
11. Manatee (The Mermaid Theory)
"Why doesn't Marshall find me attractive?" Robin huffs, staring into the bottom of her empty glass of wine.
"Do you want to bone Marshall?" Barney shoots back at her, grinning. "Wow. This is huge!"
"Idiot," Robin shakes her head. She's irritable tonight. Another show with Becky to look forward to and that's not exactly doing her mood any good. "No, of course not. It's just not exactly flattering my ego that he's always stressing how unattractive I am! Jeez!"
"Well it would be a lot worse if he kept drooling over you. He's your best friend's husband. C'mon!" Barney laughs, picking at the bowl of peanuts on the table between them. "Sex with friends never works out, you know that."
She scowls at her empty glass, willing Wendy to come over to their table and get her a refill. "Yeah right. Look at us. I think I'm drunk." Drunk two nights in a row? That's not good.
"Don't you have to work?" He asks her, and she's not sure through her alcohol-sodden senses, but there's a strange tone to his voice.
"Yeah, and guess who's the mermaid there?" Becky, of course. Becky with her mermaid hair and her mermaid smile. "I just never thought I'd be the dowdy one on that show."
Barney lets out a bark of laughter. "Seriously? Stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself. If you hate it there, you should do something about it. Get another job! I can help."
"But you got me this job," Robin whines. "What kind of empowered, independent woman am I if I keep relying on men to help me? And anyway, shouldn't you be trying to take advantage of my vulnerable state right now?" And why isn't he? They haven't had sex in a few weeks. Is she repulsive to him too now?
Barney's mouth opens and closes a few times and then he carefully places his tumbler down on the table, gets to his feet and says in a low, guarded tone, "Piece of advice, babe. There's a guy at the end of the bar who's been eyeing you for the last hour. If you wanna screw some dude over, why don't you go do it to him?"
And with that, he walks out, leaving Robin glaring into her wine glass, her cheeks aflame. When Wendy finally makes it over to the booth, Robin orders water.
12. Pretty sure we're okay (False Positive)
It's dark outside MacLaren's. The sky is inky blue, decorated with smudges of reflected light from the full moon.
"Do you think we're growing up?" Robin asks Barney, taking a cigarette from him.
"What?" He says with a harsh laugh. "Because you didn't want to be a coin flip bimbo?"
"I did actually. Want to be a coin flip bimbo."
He looks taken aback at that but doesn't say anything, merely taking drag on his smoke and holding the air in his lungs for a moment before expelling it.
"What, so it's not okay to want the easy life for a change?" She says, exasperated. "Why should I be the only one who struggles when other girls just get it handed to them on a platter."
He smirks, which annoys her even more. They haven't really talked. Not since that night she got drunk at MacLaren's.
"In case you haven't noticed, my life has kind of sucked this year," she mumbles. It's December – a time for reflection and all that crap.
"In case you haven't noticed, you just took the first step to your dream job. You think I didn't start at the bottom at Altrucell? You just have to show them what you can do. Don't tell them, show them."
She does a double-take. "Wow, that's actually pretty good advice, Barney."
He shrugs, looking down at his shoes, and it makes her feel like she should say something to him, maybe hold out the olive branch. But she never was good at pretty speeches. Not like him.
She drops her cigarette to the floor and it sizzles on the sidewalk, then she snatches his out of his hand. He manages a "Hey-" before she palms his face and kisses him. It's a swift kiss, but it's deep and certain.
"Thank you," she says.
He raises a questioning eyebrow. "For what?"
"Everything."
And then he leans in and she feels his hand move to her breast and his thumb brush hard across her nipple and before she knows it, she's tingling from her scalp to her toes.