Author's Note= Wooo Next chapter! And guess what? After Hack My Heart is complete, I'll probably start another MXM fic called "Smile In Your Sleep". The title IS a song, the info for it is posted in my profile, and the song is "Smile In Your Sleep" by Silverstein if you perhaps want to learn about the nature of the fic.
And this is the first chapter from Matt's POV in a while, and I'm not sure how soon another one will be here… BEWARE we've got some serious Lemons, and a rather emo Matt.
Song for this Chapter= Fireflies (Light Messengers) by Saosin.
Matt's POV
Why doesn't he get it? I can't do it! Is that all he wants from me?
I did nothing after I left the room. I just left and went to a place I often went these days, my old apartment, which is where I always find my spot in the closet to sit, where I am now. No good ever comes when I sit here. I just stay. I wish I could stay forever in the safety of my dark abyss. The only downfall is that the memories return; but that's okay, the dark reminds me of when I was numb, when nothing mattered.
I leaned my head back against the wall, sighing. I wondered how long it would be before they found me. Hell, if they even looked for me. I really hoped Mello looked, even if he only wanted a physical relationship, I hope he looked.
I closed my eyes, and laid my head on my knees. I rocked back and forth, beginning to shake as sobs racked through my body. I let out a cry of frustration and no tears came out. This was my definition of crying; still I shouldn't be crying right now.
I jumped as the door opened and revealed Mello. There was something hidden in his eyes as he entered the closet and shut the door, the darkness returning.
"M-Mello?" I was confused. My feelings doubled as I heard shuffling.
I let out a half strangled cry as my shirt was yanked over my head, along with my pants and boxers being pulled off. Before I knew it my hands were also cuffed. Using the very same equipment I used on him earlier, Mello pushed the dildo in dry. I groaned.
"Matt," he whispered pushing his bare body against mine, "now we're reversing roles. I'm the dominate one that wants to be dominated, and you're the submissive who wants to dominate. Understood?"
I nodded, too surprised to do anything else. He thrust the dildo in and out roughly, it was causing me to get hard fast.
"Did… I do it this hard?" I asked, letting out a groan and bucking my hips up as he hit my prostate dead on.
He reached over and picked something up. It was the damn cock ring, and he put it on my shaft.
"You're not gonna get release until you beg to be buried in my ass, got it?" I nodded again.
How could someone so demanding and dominant be dominated? But damn it, he got me good. I hissed out as the pressure built. I just wanted to release so badly. I whined, wishing him to take off the damned ring.
"Just think about it," Mello purred into my ear. "You'd enjoy my tight heat."
I shuddered, my thoughts fueled by the blonds' words. I imagined it, but I'd only ever topped once before.
"Y-yeah," I really couldn't take much more, damn my weak resolve. "I want to be inside."
The thrusting stopped; I almost let out a whine, but held it back. It was when Mello's ass brushed against my dick that I actually did release said whine.
The dildo was removed and I felt empty. I no longer wanted to top.
"W-wait!" I cried; my request pointedly ignored by Mello.
His hand grabbed my shaft, positioning it.
"You already asked, but now you'll have to beg for me to take the ring off." Evil, that's what he was.
He quickly impaled himself. I gasped, he was so damned tight. Evil I tell you!
"Like that?" I only moaned out his name in response.
I wasn't supposed to be enjoying this, but he was so warm. I wanted to stay buried there forever, but he lifted up. I held my breath as he slammed back down and released a moan. I suddenly felt the need to touch him. Touch his hair, touch his body. I tried to break the handcuffs, but it didn't work.
"Nnn… I-I want to touch…" I moaned out, that being my most coherent statement at the moment.
He complied with my request, and removed the cuffs. As soon as that was done, he impaled himself again.
"N-shit." My hands went to his hips; one went lower to grope his ass. I was sly and removed the ring around my length.
"T-that's cheating!" Mello gasped between pants.
I repositioned myself, getting leverage. I thrust my hips up and impaled him. Fuck, I couldn't get enough of him.
One hand stayed on his hip to steady him and the other reached to his head, and turned his face towards me. I kissed him, continuing to thrust into his warm cavity. As he deepened the kiss, I reached around his waist to pump his own length.
I needed more. I thrust my hips faster and tilted to the left a little; recalling from the dildo experience where his prostate was. He hissed out. Still I needed more contact, I was driven by primal need.
"A-ah, Matt! You d-don't have to go s-so fast!" Mello cried out.
I simply bit him on the back of the neck. I was close; I slowed my thrusts, but made them harder and deeper.
"Oh, shit!" Mello was nearly screaming.
He liked it… my confidence grew with this.
"If you're gonna scream, scream out 'Mail'." I whispered.
He nodded faintly. I continued to pound him, suddenly his walls clenched around my shaft.
"Damn it, Mail!" Mello screamed.
His walls constricting around me mixed with the blond angel's scream of my real name pushed me into nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Most people think orgasm is an incredible high and while it is for most people, I'm not most people. To me, it's just as good. It's nothing; it's forgetting.
Mello sighed, and slumped on me. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"Mm…" I mumbled, watching the way his blue eyes sparkled in the light-
Wait, I don't remember light.
I sat bolt upright, clutching Mello to my chest possessively.
"Oh? Looks like Matt can fuck pretty well." Mello froze. "Bullet will be happy."
"Paul?" Mello shouted.
Anger was quickly building in the blond; even I could tell that it was.
…
Wait, Bullet? I tensed up and shrunk back into my mental shell.
~Time skip~
I was tense the entire way to the Bl00derz base. I clung to Mello and noticed that he was tense as well. We had redressed; me by myself and him in front of Paul. I'd refused to let anyone but Mello see my scars, so Paul settled.
"I've never noticed these before…" I was snapped out of my own world by Mello's words, which were followed by his finger tracing a scar on my face.
There were a lot of them, all very small and very pale. Another reason I didn't like going outside, if I got tanned (or flushed in this case) they stood out.
"You got them before Whammy's?"
"Yeah…" I nodded.
"I used to live with a priest." Why was he sharing this with me? "I don't expect you to share right now, but some day you will." Mello was firm. I watched him.
"Yeah, my mom was real young, like 14. That's what Father Peter said; he said that she asked him to look after me. He did and he taught me a lot. He said that 'homosexuality is a sin punishable by god'. However, now that I look back, he didn't believe it. Father Peter was gay, and the guy who… took his life loved him. There were signs; a bitter smile here, or an off tone there." He shook his head, "then one day I walked in the chapel, and he was just laying there." His face went blank, I understood how he felt.
"There in his own blood, a crucifix in h-his eye. Then he beckoned me towards him. H-he whispered…" He leaned in close to my ear, "'forget what I said. Homosexuality is not a sin; rejecting love is. No go, go and get over it.'"
I said nothing. I mean, damn, what was I supposed to say?
"I-it's okay." He whispered, I wasn't sure who he was comforting, me or himself.
"Hush Mello," I cradled him to my chest, trying to comfort him. "I-I know I'm no good at comforting… I'm j-just too awkward, but I'm gonna try." With that he cried silently. I could feel his tears staining my shirt.
I'm sorry, Mello. I won't be able to tell you. I won't allow myself to remember. I'm sorry; it's harder than just sex and spilling your guts. You'll have to try harder if you want to hack my heart.