A/N: HOLY WHOA RESPONSE WHAT? Man, the response to this story overnight was like the best I've ever gotten in the first day of a story! And for a ridiculously short nonsense setup chapter too! xDD So here's the first REAL chapter for all you guys. :D Most chapters will be more like this; interludes (mini chapters) will be more like the prelude. More about them next chapter when I post one xDD
For the record this doesn't really follow directly from last chapter. Oh, and their human versions are inspired by forte-girl7 on devaintART in case you didn't guess.
Anyways, enjoy!

Chapter One: Coffee BREAK!

"Hey!"

GLaDOS opened one eye halfway, looking around her chamber for the source of the disturbance.

"Hey, lady!"

Slightly annoyed, she opened her eyes all the way and looked up. Or, rather, down, to where that moron was standing in the doorway, grinning like the idiot he was.

"Oh, it's you," she said, now very irritated. "What do you want?"

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get coffee," he called, still beaming.

"I-" she began, and realized what he'd just said. "What?"

"Well, everyone's going to get coffee," he explained. "Thought you might like to come."

She frowned, trying to think of something to say that would make him leave. "I have to catch up with the other AIs," she told him.

"But it's morning!" he protested, leaning forward and standing on his toes to look up at her better. "You need coffee in the morning!"

"No-o-o," she said, turning away from him.

"But you even sound tired! You need coffee!" he insisted. "Anyways, everyone else is going!"

"I do not want coffee!" she shouted. "Go away, moron!"

He scowled, folding his arms. "You're just grumpy 'cause you haven't had any coffee, he accused. As an afterthought, he added, "And I'm not a moron."

She growled in frustration, fairly certain that if she heard him say coffee one more time, she was going to have to murder him. With a sigh, she flipped the harness upright. "Okay, fine. I'll do it," she told him. "I'll go and get a stupid cup of coffee, as long as you shut up!"

She stepped out and turned to see him looking absolutely delighted. "Excellent!" he exclaimed. "Come on, everyone's waiting for us!"

Reluctantly, she followed him into the lift which would take them to the lobby. It seemed like everyone really was waiting for them; not only were all the cores there, but those two testing robots, a storage cube, and a companion cube as well. That, at least, was somewhat reassuring. If everyone else really was going, she could be fairly confident that it hadn't been the moron's idea.

"Ooh, are you coming too?" asked Curiosity eagerly as GLaDOS stepped out of the elevator.

"Apparently, yes," GLaDOS replied coldly. She dreaded the thought of Curiosity having caffeine. The golden-eyed core was already hyperactive.

"Is that everyone?" Morality asked. She was standing on the table, scanning the room to make sure she knew exactly who was coming.

Anger growled in the back of his throat. "Why are we still waiting?" he muttered. "Let's go."

"Alright, we'll leave," Morality said. GLaDOS rolled her eyes. She would put herself in charge, perfect little angel that she was.

"It's time for an adventure!" shouted Rick, putting on his hat and pushing dramatically through the door as he led the group to wherever they were going.

This, GLaDOS thought, was going to be interesting.

A bell jangled cheerfully above the door as they entered the coffee shop. It was crowded in the cafe, and the addition of their large group didn't do anything to help that.

GLaDOS was now in a very bad mood. She hadn't even eaten yet, and for some reason she'd allowed herself to be dragged miles away from her poor facility to a cafe with a bunch of people she didn't like, or even downright hated, depending on which in particular was in question. And the moron, who she detested to such a degree that he was on a list all of his own. Probably the one way in which he was special: she especially loathed him.

"All in the name of science," she muttered under her breath as she sat down at an empty table. Morality sat on one side of her, keeping a firm grip on Anger's hand as he sat across the table. As luck would have it, the moron sat on her other side. Because that, of course, was just what she needed.

"I'd like a cup of tea," he said to the waitress as she came over. "Black tea, whichever kind you've got, I don't mind really."

GLaDOS stared at the menu written on the wall behind the counter of pastries. The smell of coffee was overpowering, but to her surprise, she found it wasn't unpleasant. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad.

"I want a mocha," she announced. "With...hmm...caramel."

The waitress scribbled it down on her notepad and left to take other orders. A few minutes later, she was back, carrying a tray of steaming drinks. GLaDOS accepted the mug warily and breathed in the steam. As much as she was determined not to enjoy this, it did smell good.

All in the name of science, she reminded herself, and took a sip. Her brain processed it as she watched the moron pour copious amounts of sugar and cream into his tea. She took another sip and felt a jolt of energy run up her spine and into her head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa-a-a," she said, surprised. Her voice rose in pitch. "This is...this is great."

Everyone watched her in surprise and bewilderment as she drank another few mouthfuls of coffee and started to smile . Wheatley, sitting next to her, was actually a bit alarmed. That smile couldn't mean anything good.

"Maybe inviting her wasn't a good idea," he said quietly.

The eyes of every core turned suddenly to him. He looked around to see them all staring at him, most with expressions of fury and accusation.

"Ah, hello," he said nervously, stirring his tea with a spoon. "D'you want something?"

"This was your idea?" asked Morality in a long-suffering tone.

It occurred to him that very few of his ideas ever turned out well, and the others were probably very much aware of that. "Um," he said. "Yyyyes. But I didn't have the idea to have coffee though. Did I?"

With a snarl, Anger lunged. "Idiot!" he growled. "Stupid! You invited-?"

He made to strangle Wheatley, but Morality grabbed his arm. "Anger, don't-" she began, and stopped as GLaDOS set down her now empty cup of coffee. Wheatley looked at GLaDOS as well. She was grinning like a lunatic, and her eyes were about three times their normal size.

"Are you, ah, alright?" Wheatley asked tentatively.

"Alright?" she echoed. "I feel fantastic! I could take over the world!" Her voice was so high-pitched she almost sounded like Curiosity, and she didn't seem to be pausing between words. "Waitress!" she shouted. "More coffee!"

"Um," the waitress said, frozen. "What...kind?"

"Any kind!" GLaDOS replied, still with that manic smile. "In the name of science!"

"Maybe that isn't a good idea," Morality said cautiously.

"Science isn't about why," GLaDOS said. "It's about why not!" The last two words were practically shouted.

The confused waitress brought out another cup of coffee. GLaDOS drank half of it and set the cup down. "What-is-this?" she demanded, pointing at it. Her eyes, if it were possible, had gotten even bigger.

"It's a latte," the waitress said, looking a little alarmed.

"A-latte?" GLaDOS echoed. "It's-really-really-really-really-gooooood-what's-in-these-things? I-mean-I-know-it's-coffee-but-what-makes-it-so-explosive?" She threw her hands in the air to indicate the explosiveness of the coffee. "It's-amazing-it's-like-FIVE-MILLION-VOLTS-OF-ELECTRICITY!Compared-to-this-normal-life-is-like-ONEPOINTSIXVOLTS!" She sucked in a huge breath, having been talking too fast to breathe during that exchange.

"Look what you've done now," Morality said, exasperated.

Wheatley glanced at her. "How is this my fault?"

"You invited her!"

He was saved from having to answer that question by GLaDOS jumping to her feet. "?" she asked. "WellmaybeIshould!Whatdoyouthink?Ohwaititdoesn'tmatterbecauseI'lldoitanyways!" She laughed. Coming from GLaDOS, that would have been frightening in the best of cases; while she was like this, it was absolutely terrifying.

"Coffee decreases your life span by ten point six years, if you have it regularly," Fact announced. "Espresso increases your risk of cancer by twenty-three point six two percent."

"Espresso?" GLaDOS asked, her eyes almost glowing. "What'sthat? HeywaitressIwantanespresso!"

"No," Morality said, now becoming thoroughly alarmed. "Everyone, pay...ah, pay Intelligence. Intelligence, you need to pay for everyone's coffee. We're leaving. Now."

With a little hesitation, she handed Intelligence the money for her coffee and grabbed GLaDOS's arm. "Hey, wa-it," protested the AI. "I want more coffee!"

"Yes, because that sounds like a wonderful idea," Wheatley said nervously.

"Don't encourage her!" Morality cried.

"I'm not!" he protested. "It's like, ah, like reverse psychology, I think. Because, you know, all my ideas are terrible, so if I say something is a good idea, that would...make it a bad idea, right?"

Morality glared. "That may be the worst idea you've ever had. At any rate, it doesn't count if it wasn't your idea in the first place."

While they were arguing, GLaDOS was chattering about taking over the world. That wouldn't have made a difference, except she was convincing the other cores. "What-do-you-think-Rick?" she asked, turning back to look at him. "Wouldn't-that-be-an-adventure?"

"You're damn right it would," he replied, looking almost as excited as she was about it.

"And once we take over the world, we can take over SPACE!" shouted Space.

GLaDOS looked ecstatic. "Ye-ea-ah!" she said. "We'll-take-over-space!"

"How are we gonna take over the world?" Curiosity asked, jumping up and down. "What are we gonna do with it? Can I go see it? There's so much!"

"Think-of-all-the-things-you-don't-know," GLaDOS told her. She turned to Anger, who was slouching along beside Morality. "Hey-what-about-you? Think-of-all-those-stupid-smelly-humans-don't-they-make-you-mad?"

"What are you doing?" Morality shrieked, losing her normally calm composure. "You're insane!"

Wheatley was more concerned with Anger, who seemed to agree with GLaDOS. With a ferocious growl, the red core leaped at the nearest passerby, teeth bared and eyes blazing. "Morality!" Wheatley shouted. "Get Anger!"

She turned and released GLaDOS to grab Anger and drag him off of the poor shaking passerby. "Calm down—calm down—just stay calm-" she said frantically, putting one hand on the side of Anger's face. "What are we going to do? I can't even calm down!"

That, of course, was the worst of it, wasn't it? If even Morality—quiet, serious Morality who never gave herself to emotion, who watched the world calmly with a slightly disapproving look, but nothing more—was panicking, then the situation must really be out of control.

"We've got to stop her," Wheatley said, his mind racing. "There's got to be some way to calm her down. Only, it might be like trying to calm down Curiosity, or—or Space for that matter—it could be nearly impossible, couldn't it? I suppose we can just wait for her to come off the caffeine rush, that would work. Ahh, no, but she might have enslaved half the world's population by then! What are we going to do?"

"Come on, we'd better keep up," Morality said grimly, jogging ahead to catch up to GLaDOS and the other cores. Anger was seething, but he couldn't seem to figure out what to be angry about; he was just glaring at the world in general and snarling in the back of his throat. Morality kept her fingers firmly around his wrist, making sure he stayed under control.

And suddenly, Wheatley had an idea.

"Morality!" he said. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "When you pulled GLaDOS out of the coffee shop—did you have her arm, or her hand?"

"Her arm," said Morality, bewildered. "Why?"

"Because she's got armor on her arms!" he said, leaning forward, convinced that this idea would work. Probably. "Look, I dunno about calming her down, the way you can Anger, but what if you grabbed her hand, told her to stop and think about it? It didn't work when you grabbed her before, but the armor on her arm..."

Morality slowed to a walk just behind the other cores, with a thoughtful look on her face. "It might work," she said after a moment. "I don't think it would calm her down, but it might keep her from trying to do anything...unpleasant."

"Worth a try?" he asked hopefully.

She hesitated, then nodded and released Anger to get closer to GLaDOS. "Do you really think you ought to take over the world?" she asked seriously, placing her hand on the AI's upper arm, where the armor wasn't in the way.

GLaDOS considered this, and her eyes narrowed. "No-o-o," she decided, and turned to glare at Wheatley. "Was that your idea? What a terrible plan. Why would I want to do that?"

Morality's shoulders slumped with relief and she fell back to keep Anger in line again. "Nice work," she said quietly. "That was some quick thinking."

"Well," he said, trying to sound modest while he was bursting with pride. "I do occasionally have good ideas. Sometimes. Once in a while."

When they returned to the facility, GLaDOS was still bursting with energy, to such a degree that the lights were actually brighter than usual. "I-need-everyone-in-the-laboratories-right-away!" she said loudly, grinning at them all. "I-have-a-lot-of-ideas-for-new-test-elements-and-inventions-and-I'll-need-everyone's-help-making-and-testing-them-let's-get-to-work!"

Reluctantly, Wheatley followed the other cores down to the laboratories, when they were immediately put to work running errands for GLaDOS.

"Well," he sighed to himself as he "It could be worse. This should wear off soon, at any rate." He paused, considering that, and added, "I hope."