Chapter 1: For Her
"The greatest thing that can happen in your life is to love and be loved in return."
Santana woke up to the sound of her phone going off. It was making her hangover feel a lot worse than it already was and she was beginning to wonder why the hell she chose the sound of a siren for her ring tone. She was also on the verge of throwing her phone out of her open window that was, by the way, letting the storm raging outside enter the dark room.
"Ugh. . ." Talk about a bad morning. Santana dragged herself out of bed, stumbling a few times, to shut the window ungracefully.
The effort of trying to walk properly to her window drained her so much that she only had the energy to throw herself back on her bed. On top of all the misfortunes she had that morning, the worst part of it was the fact that her phone was still ringing. Finally deciding that her head hurts too much to ignore it, she grabbed it from her bedside table and looked at the name of the person with a death wish.
Quinn Fabray.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't hunt you down and kill you." Santana said as soon as she accepted the call, her voice dripping with venom.
"Because I'm the one who dragged your drunken ass out of the bar and forced you to clean yourself up to prevent the scent of alcohol from stinking your bed which I know you don't like. You're welcome." Quinn said bluntly. Seriously, Quinn may be off the Cheerios, but she couldn't get her head cheerleader side out of her system.
Santana sighed. Bits and pieces of last night were coming back to her and she did catch a flash of Quinn's face somewhere along the slide show. Santana and Quinn weren't exactly the best of friends but both knew that they could rely on each other when they have no were to turn to – no matter how much of a bitch Santana may be or how bossy Quinn can be.
But that didn't mean that they couldn't hate each others guts.
"Do you even remember what happened to you last night?"
"Not much and you calling isn't helping." There was a pause and for a few seconds of hesitation, Santana mumbled a quick "thank you for last night." Quinn laughed obviously amused at the way Santana seemed to hate having to thank her.
"I'm guessing, you're having a really bad headache. Are you going to make an effort to go to school?" Santana knew that she had missed half of her classes already and that she had no more classes besides Spanish and Math. She also knew that both classes had a certain Brittany Pierce in them.
"I can't even look at my clock properly. So, no, Fabray. I'm not going to school today." It was an excuse, though she was pretty sure that Quinn knew why. This conversation was burning every brain cell she had that wasn't contaminated with alcohol and it was making her headache worse. Quinn could sense the irritation coming from Santana since it was evident with the hushed string of curses she was hearing from the other line. She had to stop herself from laughing.
"I'm coming over later as soon as classes end. Don't argue." Santana was about to show her just how colorful her vocabulary was. "Do you want me to bring Britt?" Quinn added just for fun.
"NO!" God, even her own voice was torturing her. But she knew that the sight of Brittany would only torture her more and on levels even she couldn't handle. Funny how someone like her could be reduced to this because of a girl and her best friend at that.
"Okay okay, jeez, relax. I'll see you later, bye." Santana made no effort to reply and quickly set the phone back down, determined to fall back asleep.
Almost as soon as Santana closed her eyes, she found it impossible to sleep since she kept seeing Brittany's face and every time it flashed across her mind, pain would shoot through her heart and she just can't handle both the pain in her heart and in her head. Giving up on the idea of sleeping, Santana crawled out of bed, tied her hair to a high ponytail in an effort to look presentable, and went to the kitchen in her white shirt and block boxers to make herself a cup of coffee.
The storm was still raging outside and as she sat on her couch (it was hers since she hardly saw her parents sitting on it) looking outside, she couldn't help thinking how she would feel a lot better if Brittany was there. She would make her coffee exactly the way she liked it and comb her hair with her fingers to soothe the headache. She would say nothing for hours until she knew that Santana felt better. And then Brittany would kiss her the minute she flashed her a pain-free smile.
But she wasn't there. She was with Artie. Lucky bastard.
'You're still dating Sam?'
As much as she wanted to blame it all on Artie, she knew that this happened because she rejected her first. The confusion and the hint of hurt in her voice when she asked about Sam was something she couldn't forget. It was proof that she hurt Brittany again. Santana laughed bitterly. It seemed all she does nowadays is hurt the one person that mattered to her the most.
"Nice practice, man."
Football practice had just finished and everyone was congratulating each other for a good practice. Even Beiste was happy – and that was saying something. Sam was in the process of removing his clothes o he could shower the sweat off when he heard his phone ring. It was Santana.
"Hey, babe."
"Sam. We need to break up." Sam froze and wasn't sure if he heard it right.
"…what?"
"We. Need. To. Break. Up." Sam had been expecting this sooner or later. While it was true that he didn't get the point of the performance of Landslide right away, it became clear to him when Santana bawled her eyes out when he asked about her and Brittany. But she wouldn't tell him anything and he ended up trying to comfort her instead of having sex. He had left when she finally cried herself to sleep.
"Sam?" He was pulled out his thoughts by Santana's stern voice. Sam sighed.
"Is this about Brittany?" Santana's breath hitched in her throat and Sam heard the sharp intake of air.
"No." But both of them knew it was a lie. Santana hated the fact that her voice was cracking.
"You love her." Sam stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He was alone in the locker room now and as much as he wanted to go take a shower, he knew Santana needed this – even if she will never admit it.
"And you love Quinn." Santana countered, unsure where this conversation was going.
"Yes. Yes, I do. At least I'm man enough to admit it. Question is, can you?" Thank goodness, he was alone.
"I'm not a man, Trouty, if you haven't noticed."
"I know you're not. And you don't have to be a man. You just have to be the girl who's so in love with her best friend, so much that she's ready to admit to herself and to the world that she is."
By now, Santana was at a loss for words. She knew Sam was right. Her racing heart told her that much.
"What if… What if I can't do it?" Sam's eyes softened as he heard the vulnerability of Santana's voice.
"You can. You're Lopez, aren't you? The bitch. The one who knocked a guy to next week because he tripped on Brittany and didn't apologize for it."
"This is different." No shit, Sam thought.
"Maybe. But you were a bitch who fought for her reputation and her best friend's. Why not be the bitch that's fighting for something or someone that's actually worth something so much more than a good image?" There was a pause. Sam knew Santana was scared. But really, she can't live the rest of her life hiding behind the mask that McKinley knew.
"…oh my God." And just like that, Santana hung up on him. Sam sighed. Time to hit the showers.
They were 11. Still young and innocent, Brittany and Santana walked the halls of their school hand in hand.
"San?"
"Hmmm?"
"You're my bestfriend, right?" Santana looked at her, a small smile playing on her lips. She knew that Brittany was confused a lot and maybe this was one of those times.
"Yes, Britt." Some of the confusion lifted from her face.
"Forever and ever?" Santana came to a halt and tugged Brittany a little closer to her. She was mean to everyone else in the school, especially those bullies who called Brittany stupid. She rarely smiled her true smile and when she did, she made sure that she was doing it only for one person. Staring directly at blue eyes, Santana squeezed Brittany's hand.
"Forever and ever." Brittany smiled. Her Santana was smiling and she wasn't that stupid to know that San had meant what she said.
Santana bit her lip. She looked incredibly adorable and Brittany knew that something was on her mind. It was her turn to squeeze the brunette's hand.
"You… You won't leave me, right?" she asked, timidly. She wasn't used to these kinds of conversation so Santana was a bit embarrassed. However, she instantly felt perfect when Brittany smiled at her brightly.
"I love you, San! And daddy said that when you love someone, you don't leave them because if you do, they wouldn't be able to see the sun. And I don't want you in the dark! It's dark and scary there and there are frog monsters."
Santana had no idea what frog monsters were, but she was perfectly happy that Brittany was her bestfriend. Years later, at 17, she would realize that it was the first time she felt loved and love.
"Oh, S." Brown, downcast, and tear-filled eyes focused back to reality when she realized that she wasn't alone anymore. Quinn had let herself in the house and there she was looking at her with such sympathy that Santana felt like bawling. And she hated it.
"What the hell. Who said you can come in on your own?" Santana tried her best to glare at her but she was sure she looked even more pitiful since the next thing she knew, she was in a warm embrace.
"Bitch. Let it out." Quinn knew her friend enough to understand that she was trying to run back in her shell where no one can hurt her. But, she also knew that Santana needed this, now more than ever. Sure enough, she was shaking and hot tears soaked her shirt. Quinn combed her fingers through the brunette's hair as she let her breakdown.
It took a while, a little over half an hour maybe, before the sobs that racked Santana's body subsided.
"Are you okay?" asked Quinn, genuinely concerned. She was gripping Santana's shoulders, trying to find a sign of the old Santana in her eyes. It scared her. Santana was always so strong and when they were still close, she was always the one who defended her and Brittany. Especially Brittany.
"What am I doing?" whispered Santana. "I should just forget her."
At this, Quinn snapped to attention and then she was on her feet, looking at Santana as if she was vomit. Santana stared at her. She felt empty and drained, and really, she was downright exhausted. She couldn't careless how Quinn looks at her. She doesn't understand.
"Who are you?" Confusion clouded Santana's glassy eyes. Why the fuck did Quinn sound like she was going to cry?
"Who are you?" she asked, harshly.
Santana glared at her tone. She was Santana Lopez. No one used that tone at her.
"What's your problem?" Santana said, her voice dangerously low.
"You're a loser." In a flash, Santana was on her feet, looking like she wanted to murder her. But Quinn stood her ground. "You're not Santana Lopez."
"What. Did. You. Say?" Santana said, through gritted teeth.
"The Santana I know would never say something about forgetting Brittany. The Santana I know doesn't give up so easily. The Santana I know isn't a piece of shit." Quinn knew she may be pushing it too far. But she couldn't stop now. She had to know if Santana can pick herself up. Otherwise, she can't help her. After all, who would want to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves?
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THEN? MURDER THE GODDAMN CRIPPLE?"
"AT LEAST, FIGHT FOR HER!"
"SHE DOESN'T WANT ME! She doesn't love me…" Santana collapsed back to the couch and put her face in her hands. Quinn's eyes softened.
"She does, Santana. And I know you know that."
"She chose Artie, Quinn. Artie. Not Santana. Artie, the lucky bastard." Quinn dropped to her knees upon hearing the utter heartbreak in Santana's voice.
"Brittany's waiting for you, San. Maybe she wants you to show her that you can love her the way Artie does and more. Maybe she wants to know if you can hold her hand while walking through the hallways. Maybe she wants to know if you can handle a slushy for being in love with her. Maybe, Santana, maybe she wants know if she matters more to you than your reputation."
"You're saying the same things Sam said." Santana said, managing to force a smirk. "I broke up with him before you came barging in my house."
"Oh."
"You know, he told me he loves you." Quinn blushed and then sighed.
"This isn't about me." Santana looked past her and stared at the pouring rain. She felt Quinn sit beside her and the silence reigned in.
"Can I do this?" Santana asked, feeling the way she did when she was 11.
"You're a badass, right? And as far as I know, you don't back down without a fight."
Badass, huh? Santana sighed in defeat and suddenly dreading the thought of tomorrow.
"For Brittany? Damn right, I am."
A/N: Hello guys. I'm sorry I took so long to post this. Again, feedback is very much appreciated and it would really motivate me to update sooner. I Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it may seem like another introduction. But really, it has already started. All mistakes are mine and corrections are welcomed.
Until the next chapter!
Brittana forever,
theangel1710 :)