Chapter 6: Minor Setbacks
When Intelligence arrived in the kitchen, Coffee was already there. That was normal; she usually woke up first to make coffee for everyone. What alarmed him was the tears streaming down her cheeks and the frantic look on her face.
"Why are there clouds?" he asked her, touching her shoulder. "Where did the storm come from?"
"The water boiler won't work!" she said desperately, and sobbed. "She's going to be so angry!"
He stared and turned to the Aperture Science Instant Water Boiler and Insulation Maker. It was switched on, but the coils weren't heating up.
"No lightning," he said, and started to pry the sides off the water boiler. "I'll make it warm. One hundred degrees centigrade, seventy-four thousand two hundred forty-nine joules, fourteen thousand eight hundred watts." The side clattered off and he stared into the inner working of the machine, trying to find what was wrong.
Coffee watched him for a moment, then went outside to wait, sniffling and wiping the tears from her eyes.
A floor below her, Chell stepped out of her room just as Wheatley was walking past. He nearly walked into her, stopped himself, and grinned. "Oh, hello!" he said brightly. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm alright," she said, and walked with him to the elevator. "How about you?"
"Excellent!" he replied as the doors closed and they rose to the top level. "Wonder what's for breakfast today? I'm starved."
They stepped out of the elevator and crossed the break room into the hallway, where Chell saw the dark-haired Coffee Core sitting in the hallway with her face buried in her hands. "Oh!" she said softly, and hurried down the hallway to find out what was wrong. "Coffee? Are you okay?"
Coffee sniffled and nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and looking pretty much not okay.
Wheatley knelt on the floor and put a hand on the newest core's shoulder. "What's the matter, mate?" he asked. "Anything we can do?"
"I br-broke it," Coffee whimpered. "The water boiler. It's not working and now I can't make coffee and She's going to be so angry at me..."
"Ah." He sucked a breath in through his teeth. "Yeah, that might be a bit of a problem. You probably want to go into hiding, that might be best. Does anyone know how to fix it?"
"Intelligence is trying," Coffee said, and swallowed. "He would be able to, if anyone would."
"Sounds about right," Wheatley agreed. "You'd better find a place to hide. Ooh, there's a place down below where a bunch of those crap turrets hide out to avoid redemption. I know where it is, I'll take you."
"I'll try to keep GLaDOS at bay," said Chell. "If you see Morality on the way down, or back, send her as well. We'll probably need her help."
"Got it," he agreed, getting back to his feet. "Come on, mate, I'll help you up. We'd better hurry; she'll be here any minute."
Coffee climbed to her feet and followed him into the break room elevator. That wasn't the most efficient way down to the areas below the residential quarters, but it was the safest, considering the other elevator went directly through the mainframe chamber where GLaDOS would have woken up by ow and would be getting into the elevator to come upstairs.
Chell stepped into the break room as well, preparing to be a distraction as soon as GLaDOS came in sight.
Just a moment after the break room elevator descended, the lobby door opened. GLaDOS came stalking down the hallway, looking sleepy and sullen. Chell watched through the camera feed on the screen until the AI was nearly at the kitchen, and then stepped out and looked down both sides of the hallway.
"Good morning," she said with a cool politeness that belied her nerves. It could have been her practice at hiding her feelings, or it could have been the lack of coffee, but GLaDOS didn't catch it.
"Not until I've had my coffee, it isn't," GLaDOS muttered darkly. "Breakfast had better be soon."
Chell had to remind herself to breathe as she walked down to the dining room, followed by GLaDOS. Act natural, she thought, and nearly started laughing. She only had to keep the AI distracted until Wheatley could get back upstairs. That wasn't so hard.
To her relief, he arrived a few minutes later, looking slightly out-of-breath. "Sorry I'm late," he said, sitting next to her.
"You usually are," GLaDOS said drily.
Intelligence came in with breakfast and began to serve them. His hair was sticking up slightly and his normally unshakable look had been replaced by one of mild alarm.
"Where's the Coffee Core?" demanded GLaDOS. "Where is my coffee?"
Intelligence blinked at her and shrugged. "Who can say? Gone. What do I know? I know recipes." He started reciting the recipe for the pancakes he'd made for breakfast.
That wasn't good enough for GLaDOS. She got to her feet and grabbed his tie as if to strangle him with it. "I—want—my-coffee," she growled.
Intelligence tilted his head, slipping his hand between his neck and his tie to prevent her from choking him if she tried. "Add two cups water, cold," he said.
GLaDOS glowered at him, then released his tie. "I'm going to find that airhead," she snarled, and spun to march towards the door, hands clenched into fists and shoulders raised in silent fury. Chell stared after her, then turned to Intelligence, rubbing his throat thoughtfully, and then to Wheatley, who looked terrified.
"Is she going to be safe?" Chell asked.
"For a while," Wheatley said. "But we'd better get this mess fixed quickly, or there's going to be trouble."
"I'm going after her," said Morality, and jumped up to run out of the dining room.
"No, you aren't!" Anger shouted, and kicked over his chair to chase her.
Wheatley buried his face in his hands. "Bloody hell. This is all my fault. I was the one who convinced her to try coffee in the first place. Goes to show what I'm good for."
"That doesn't matter now," Chell said. "We have to make sure She doesn't kill Coffee, because in this mood, she might."
Morality caught up to GLaDOS as she was storming past the elevator down from the break room. Anger was right on her heels as usual, seething about having to run all over the place. She ignored him and focused on the AI. "GLaDOS," she said quietly, falling into step behind her. "Don't you think it's a little harsh to hunt her down for one offense?"
GLaDOS glared at her. "No, I think you should go away and let me murder her. But, of course, you can't let it go that easily. No, you're too insistent for that. You irritating, insufferable excuse for a core."
Morality closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to keep her composure. She didn't appreciate being called irritating or insufferable, but that, she supposed, was what you got for trying to hold onto any values of right or wrong in this facility, where it was apparently alright to let people die "in the name of science" just because you felt like it, or to turn people into vegetables in any sense of the word, or to run everyone through pointless exercises just to see what they would do.
Well, she had better keep trying, at any rate. If she could at least calm GLaDOS down a little bit, she could gain the others some time to fix the machine before things really got out of hand.
Wheatley stepped into the kitchen to see that Intelligence had the water boiler halfway dismantled and was examining the pieces left, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Hello!" he said nervously. "Just, ah, wanted to tell you that you should probably hurry. Just a bit. GLaDOS is in an awfully nasty temper, and it's only getting worse."
He and Chell had been watching the security feed on the screen in the break room to see what was going on. GLaDOS had already searched the whole of the living quarters and, last he'd seen, was marching back towards the mainframe chamber to go down to the storage areas. If she kept going this way, she was sure to find Coffee, as well as the defects who were hiding down there, out of sight of the security cameras.
"Remove and let cool for thirty minutes," Intelligence said, sounding tense. "Add three cups water. Stir well. Beat well. Cook for forty-five minutes or until lightly browned. Let cool. Let cool."
Wheatley shook his head. "You're crazy, mate," he said, and returned to the break room.
"How's it coming?" Chell asked. Her eyes were fixed on the screen; he glanced at it and saw that GLaDOS was in the first storage area, tearing viciously through each storeroom. If she kept this up, it wouldn't be long.
"He-ello," said a turret, peeking out from behind a wall. He must be in there to make sure no one unauthorized messed with or took anything from the room. Now he looked curious, wondering why they were down there. "Can I help you?" he asked politely.
"No," GLaDOS snapped. She grabbed the turret by the shoulders, lifted him off the ground, and threw him angrily into a couple of boxes.
"Whyyy?" cried the turret as GLaDOS stormed deeper into the storage room. "I did everything you asked..."
"That's horrible!" Morality said, her voice rising about an octave as she grew more alarmed. "Are you okay?" she asked the turret.
GLaDOS ignored her and kicked more boxes out of the way. It did nothing to help her headache or her temper; in fact, it made her foot hurt as well, which was worse.
"GLaDOS!" Morality was saying, outraged. "Will you please listen to reason?"
"No!" she snapped, glaring at Morality. "I have a headache, I am in a terrible mood, and I want my coffee!"
With that, she stormed past the cores and into the corridor again, to search the next room for the missing Coffee Core.
Chell stared at the screen in disbelief as GLaDOS threw the turret into the crates. "She's gone insane," she said softly. "She has completely lost her mind."
Wheatley said nothing, but he looked more than a little alarmed. After a moment, he shook his head and said flatly, "It's hopeless. She's gone on a rampage. We'll never stop her now."
She jumped up and hurried into the kitchen. "Hurry!" she said, pleading with Intelligence, who was staring intently into the workings of the instant water boiler.
"Bake at three hundred fifty degrees for an hour!" he said desperately. "One cup sugar! Heat on low, stirring constantly!"
Something occurred to her, and she turned to look around the kitchen. The pristine white-and-silver over gleamed on the corner, topped with a glass stove.
"Intelligence," she said, exasperated, "there's a stove in here!"
He looked up, staring at her in bewilderment. "Of course."
"Why on Earth don't you boil the water on the stove like any normal person?" she shouted.
His eyes widened. "Boil twelve cups water," he said, nodding.
"Try more like two cups," Chell sighed. "We just need enough for GLaDOS to get her caffeine kick, and then we can worry about making more."
Intelligence jumped up and scrambled to get a pot and put the water on. Chell ran back to the break room. "Wheatley! I need you to go get Coffee right away!"
He nodded and sprinted towards the lobby, where the elevator would go all the way down to the bottom of the facility and farther.
"Intelligence!" Chell called, looking into the kitchen. "How fast can you have a cup of coffee made?"
"The Aperture Science Speedy Coffee Injector can prepare your coffee in less than thirty seconds!" he shouted, running his fingers through his wild hair.
"Okay, I'll guess about five minutes to boil the water. That should be enough time for them to get back," she said, and ran to the lobby to wait for the elevator.
It didn't take five minutes, but it was awfully close. "She was going down to Storage Area 2," Wheatley said as he stumbled into her. "That's what took so long, sorry."
"Get to the kitchen," she said to Coffee. "Intelligence is boiling the water."
"Oooh, did he fix it?"
"No—he's boiling it the normal way—just go, I'm getting GLaDOS-" She stepped into the elevator and sent it down to Storage Area 2.
"GLaDOS!" she shouted as she stepped out to see the AI farther down the hallway. "We have your coffee!"
GLaDOS turned to see her, looking suspicious. "Do you really."
"Yes—come on, or it'll get cold!"
The AI narrowed her eyes but came back down the hallway to the elevator. They ascended to the top level and she led the way to the kitchen, storming in only to have the coffee cup thrust into her hands by the harried and frightened Coffee Core. She drank half of it at once and paused, eyes closed, face tense. A long moment passed before she let out her breath and opened her eyes, no longer looking quite so angry.
"I expect nothing of this sort to happen ever again," she said in a dangerous sort of voice, smiling with a chilly sort of sweetness.
The whole room relaxed at once, relieved that it had worked. GLaDOS drank the rest of her coffee and rubbed her eyes, slowly going back to her normal self, who might be dangerous, deadly, irritable, and sarcastic, but usually wouldn't rip anyone's head off just for asking if she needed help. Or throw them into walls, anyways.
"Well," GLaDOS said a moment later, and turned to Chell. "I suppose you'd better get to testing, hm?"
Chell sighed and rolled her eyes, but there was amusement on her face. "Alright," she agreed. "After I've had breakfast. I'm not testing before I eat again."
A/N: Long chapter is long! XDD Hope you enjoyed this non-fluffy silliness about coffee. I like Morality in this chapter a lot. And Intelligence! He gets screen time! :D Anyways, hopefully it was good and whatnot. More silliness in the interlude I'll post a little later. :)