I live my life in darkness,
sans ownership.
Dave skipped first period the next day, it's definitely not the first time but it's the only time he'd told the truth about where he'd been to both his teachers and his best friend. When he told Az why he wasn't in class the other boy almost died laughing, Dave knew he would. He was kind of amused that, in this case, a lie would have been more believable than the truth.
ooooo
Thankfully he'd woken up that morning before the alarm went off; he hated the noisy thing blasting him out of sleep. If he'd had any dreams he sure as hell couldn't remember them now, another small favor he was grateful for. While he was in the shower he'd thought about The Plan. Maybe he and Kurt needed some help here - this was some heavy shit for a couple of high school juniors to deal with by themselves. He knew he wouldn't be in trouble for blowing off first period; it was fucking gym class, the jocks didn't have to do shit in there if they didn't want to. Yup, this was the right thing to do, he was sure of it.
Less than half an hour later he was sitting in the parking lot of St. Charles Borromeo's. Dave hadn't been here in, damn, how long? Over a year, he knew, it's probably more like two. His dad had always taken him on Christmas and Easter but he'd stopped making him go even those two days when Dave had referred to the parish as St. Chasbro's in front of a visiting Monsignor.
He glanced at his watch; ten minutes until Mass started, the doors were probably open by now. He walked in and headed for the little chapel off to the side of the sanctuary. He knew Kurt wasn't really down with Jesus so he went straight to the blue candles underneath a statue of the Blessed Virgin. If he ever told Kurt about this later maybe he'd be okay if he mentioned he'd only asked Jesus' mom; he probably had a soft spot for moms since his was dead. He fished two bucks out of his wallet to stick in the little lock box on the wall then lit one of the candles for himself and one for Kurt. Dave felt kind of awkward about explaining The Plan to the Virgin Mary; she probably didn't want to hear the gory details, better to just go traditional. He crossed himself nervously and looked up at her.
Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve,
To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn then, most gracious advocate thine eyes of mercy toward us,
And after this, our exile…..
Shit! The next part mentioned Jesus. He'd skip it for Kurt's sake.
Oh clement, oh loving, oh sweet Virgin Mary,
And damn it to hell, there was more God stuff in this part. Dave heard the Mass starting, he needed to wind this up.
Just pray for me and Kurt, okay? Amen.
Dave sighed, that was a pretty weak ending for a prayer. Well, fuck it - he was sure she got the point. He crossed himself with holy water as he walked out the door. He did fell a lot better, he decided - he should probably do this more often. He still had some time before he had second period English so he drove through McDonald's for a Coke then parked and took out his coloring book. When he'd gotten this for Christmas three years ago from Gram he'd thought it was the lamest thing ever. What fucking kid wants a goddamn anatomy coloring book for Christmas? He mentally promised Gram he'd light a candle next time for her and opened it up.
The first time he'd ever killed a deer his dad had shown him how to carefully gut the animal then hang it and clean it but he'd only butchered deer once when they'd gone hunting with his uncle last year. He studied the pictures in the anatomy book closely, working out how to apply what he knew to a human carcass. By the time he finished his Coke it was almost nine. He was ready to go.
Since it was Friday he assumed Finn would skip school and stay at the hospital with Kurt so Dave was surprised to see him lurking around his locker when he got there.
"Hey Hudson, how's your bro doing?" Dave tried a friendly tone, Finn looked better than he had the night before but even 'better' still meant he looked like shit warmed over.
"He's alright, still got the stomach flu that's going around."
Dave thought Finn was probably going for a penetrating stare but it came of as more like 'escaped from the psych ward.'
"Hope he starts feeling better," Dave lowered his voice, "Why are you here? Why didn't you stay at the hospital with Kurt?"
Finn replied with his voice equally low, "He's not at the hospital; he was released early this morning. He told me I had to leave, I was "hovering" and making him uncomfortable." Finn was holding his books so he used his right hand to make air quotes first on one side of the invisible word, then on the other.
Dave just shook his head; how could someone this fucking stupid even manage to keep alive? Finn was good-hearted and cared about Kurt, though so he touched the other boy lightly on the back of his hand and said, "Tell him I'm pulling for him, alright?"
"Tell him yourself, he wants you to come see him after school."
"Alright."
Dave wasn't that surprised but he was a little worried about what Burt Hummel would have to say when he showed up on his door step. Apparently he wasn't giving Finn enough credit, he jumped in right away, "Burt was kind of P.O.'d but Kurt told him if he didn't say yes he'd sneak out and come to school to see you."
Dave's semi-shock at Finn's display of intelligence must have shown on his face because Finn gave him a nudge that was just a little too forceful.
"Hey! Don't look like that! I can read people pretty easy. It's like I'm noticeable about emotional stuff," Finn nodded sincerely, "it's kind of like a gift I have, dude."
Yeah, you're gifted alright, Hudson, you're better than the fucking Rainman. Dave decided not to say that out loud.
"So are you gonna tell me why Kurt wanted to see you last night, man?"
"You should ask Kurt." Dave really wanted to get their stories straight before he answered that.
"He told me to ask you!" He guessed Kurt did too, Dave was noticeable like that. He struggled to keep his eye-roll internal. Good-hearted, he's good hearted.
"Well you've got your answer then Hudson, its NOYFB."
Dave turned and took off toward his class. He wasn't fucking surprised at all when it took Hudson's dumb-ass a few seconds to figure out the acronym.
"Hey!"
But Dave was already half-way down the hall.
ooooo
When he got to Kurt's it was Mr. Hummel who answered the door. He looked sort of disappointed to see Dave there and he watched as the older man mentally resigned himself to his presence in his home.
"Come in Dave."
"Thanks Mr. Hummel, I'm sorry I couldn't be here under better circumstances."
It was what his dad always said when they had to go to a wake, but Dave thinks it fits this fucked up situation pretty damn well, too.
"Dave, before you see Kurt I just want to tell you, I know you've been trying to change, trying to be better, and I can respect that but…what you put my boy through…it's hard for me to forgive…" Burt cleared his throat a few times and then continued, "Finn told me that he umm…told you what I'd suspected yesterday…"
Shit! Dave knew where this was headed and he had to interrupt him there - there was no fucking way, not a chance in hell, that he'd let Kurt's dad apologize to him.
"Mr. Hummel, sir, with how I treated Kurt in the past I wasn't surprised to hear that. I know you must love him a lot. He's lucky to have a dad like you." He meant it sincerely and he tried to let it show, it must have made some impression because thank fucking God he dropped that subject.
"Kurt's on some pretty heavy pain medicine; he's kind of in and out, so maybe you shouldn't stay too long but ah… he's very determined to see you so…"
"Yes sir, I won't stay long," and Dave actually caught himself off guard when he said, "I just would really like to see him, you know, in person, to really see for myself that he's okay."
Burt could see the care etched in the boy's face and impulsively he put his hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"Thanks, son, let me show you where the basement is."
Dave's eyes went wide. Shit! Kurt must not be the only one around here on the heavy fucking meds.
Kurt was on the bed, lying on his stomach again with his laptop open in front of him. Dave knew he should have expected it but the sight still hurt and made him feel sick to his own stomach. Dave walked to the end of the bed and sat down next to him.
"Hey."
"Hey."
He moved his hand as close to Kurt's as he dared and waited.
"He called me today."
That really caught Dave off guard but he tried not to let his shock show.
"What'd he want?"
"Sorry. Sorry things got out of hand."
"Want to talk about…things?"
"Not yet."
"Whenever you're ready, I'll be there."
" 'kay."
Kurt reached toward Dave, he thought for a moment he would take his hand but he only brushed Dave's pinky finger lightly with the tip of his own then drew the hand back.
Dave felt his heart break, shatter to pieces and goddammit! It hurt so fucking bad he felt the pain in his entire body. He wanted to break down and cry, run away, grab Kurt and hold him and fucking hell, just… fucking Jesus make it go away!
He carefully kept his face blank and said nothing.
Kurt began to speak again, "I didn't talk to him, he left a message, he wants to see me, make sure I'm okay."
Goddamn son of a fucking bitch! Dave couldn't keep quiet now.
"I hate him, motherfucker. Born with a silver spoon, thinks he can have whatever he wants. Fuck him. He's not untouchable, Kurt, not by a long shot."
"I know."
There was the pinky again. This time Kurt stroked his little finger down and then back up. Great, fucking progress, this time he'd touched him twice. Yep, we are moving forward like a goddamned freight train here.
They sat in silence. Dave used his time wisely and thought about The Plan. He kept getting distracted by The Call.
The Plan. The Call. The Plan. The Call. The Call. The Plan. Damn! Maybe it's time for a new plan. Maybe I won't even have to hunt down the little piece of shit. Hell, he might come running. Right into my open fucking arms.
"Kurt, I want you to call him back tomorrow."