Badass Farmers

Part 2; Pimp my Combine Harvester

Six weeks later…

The Mayor was snivelling on the ground, clutching hold of Cecil's trackies with desperate fingers. "Please!" he said, tears running down his cheeks. "Just give me till next week. I'll pay up, honest!"

Cecil kicked him in the ribs, sending him sprawling. He adjusted his trackies. "You're soiling my threads, dickweed," he said. "You get me the money for my fuzzy juice by Tuesday, or I'll mash your potatoes and feed 'em to my puppy." A huge rotwhiler, Mr Fluffy, snarled by Cecil's side, teeth chiselled to a point by a pencil sharpener, flecked with bits of meat, his steroid-built muscles popping with veins.

"O-of course Cecil," stuttered the Mayor.

Cecil smirked. "And hey- there's someone I want you to see. Oi biatch, get over here!"

Maria clambered out of the bean field giggling, helping a man to his feet and readjusting her candy g-string. She wore nothing more but this, a candy bikini, and pink party bunny ears. Wobbling along on studded stilettos, she glistened with baby oil and body glitter. Approaching Cecil with a coy smile, she flicked her dark hair over one shoulder.

"Hey ma little whore. How's business?" Cecil said.

Maria smiled brilliantly. "Great! I've banged five men already tonight.

"It's cuz you is such a little fox!"

She sidled up to him, running her hands down his muscular abs. "So I was thinking," she said, as her hands delved into the last frontier of Cecil's y-fronts, "could I maybe get a raise?"

Cecil moaned, and grudged, "an extra 50p per client."

Maria skipped around him, kissing him exuberantly on the lips. "Yippee! Now I can buy that Japanese table lamp Daddy won't get for me."

"…Maria?" The Mayor looked at his chaste daughter in shock.

"Oh, hi Daddy," Maria said nonchalantly, taking a pocket mirror out and examining her hair.

"But… why would you do this sweetie?"

Maria didn't even look at him; instead, popped out her red hot lipstick and applied the fourteenth layer of the night. "Well Daddy, ever since you got into debt with Cecil," she rubbed his buttocks up and down," I haven't been able to get all the things I want. And you've always said I should get a better job. And I'm really enjoying the work. Cecil runs a great dental plan, you know."

Cecil slapped her on the rump. "Thanks toots. Now get back to the shagging." Giggling, Maria wobbled off down the sidewalk. Saibara threw pennies at her and threw her into the back of his tractor. The Mayor broke down weeping while Cecil had a wank.

"Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!" Disco music blared down the street as Jamie skidded to a halt in Cecil's pimped up combine harvester, complete with alloy wheels, disco lights and a mirror ball rotating from the rearview mirror. Super sub woofers blasted out Jamie's dulcet tones, as he scratched out some flavours on the inbuilt DJ desk. "Fuck me! Fuck me!" he screamed, as the bass boomed through the village, vibrating Cecil like an electric willy wangling machine.

"Ohhhhhh yeahhhhh," he said, before leaping into the combine harvester next to Jamie, who was shrieking into the mic. He turned and gave Cecil the eye.

"Hey, babycakes."

"Hey Sugarpie." Cecil looked over at Jamie's gimp suit and dog collar with appreciation.

"Hi Cecil!" called Nina, sitting in the back of the harvester with her pink hair and her pouty lips. Gina was with her, dressed in a sexy nurse uniform that started in her nipples and ended at her navel. Mr Fluffy jumped in with them and licked Nina's bare jiggling breasts. Nina got horny and started making out with Gina on the straw bails. Saliva dribbled down Cecil's chin, and Jamie hit him.

"Hey biatch what was that for?"

"Nothing," said Jamie petulantly, arms foiled and pouting.

"Jealous?"

"Of course not," Jamie hmphed, before he quickly changed the conversation; "How's business?" he asked.

"Yeah man good. Jus' been shaking the fucking pennies from the mayor's pockets. He's a stingy bastardo."

Jamie fluttered his eyelashes. "And am I going to get my 50% soon?"

"Of course baby. As soon as my underpants get back from the laundrette."

Jamie smiled deviantly. "So how about we head back and do the sideways monster mash?"

"Alright but this time I get to tie you with the pink fluffy handcuffs."

TO BE CONTINUED…