Disclaimer: Not mine. Would I kick AJ and Paget out of the picture if it were mine? *grumbles*
A/N: Hello! It's been quite a while since I wrote any Em/JJ stories (it's been quite a while since I wrote anything, period). I hope I didn't mess up with the characters and all.
This is a sorta kinda sequel for my old story 'Can't Go Back Now' but I think you don't have to read that one first to understand this one. I still don't know if I am going to be able to continue this story, so I put it on my oneshots folder.
This work is unbeta'd. My beta is currently swamped with her finals and my other story so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.
I'm going to shut up now.
...
The clock struck seven. Jennifer Jareau had been pacing nervously in her living room for a good half an hour now. She kept on throwing anxious glances at the door, chewing her lower lip as she did so.
Millions of thought raced through her mind, tumbling one after another. She reprimanded herself for thinking too many absurdities but it was like her mind had a will of its own and the thoughts poured out anyway. This is ridiculous, she thought, what was I thinking? What if I mess up? What if this doesn't work? What if I can't...
The soft buzz of the doorbell interrupted her musing. JJ stopped on her tracks, gazing at the door helplessly – suddenly wishing that she could turn back time so she would still have time to herself. She waited a second for the beating of her heart to return to normal before walking to the door. The blonde unlocked the door and swung it open without looking at the peephole first. She knew who was coming – the person she had been waiting for was very punctual like clockwork.
JJ's breath caught at the sight of the person at the door. Emily Prentiss looked stunning in her casual attire – a black turtleneck and a pair of tight-fitting jeans, with matching boots. JJ smiled shyly when Emily greeted her with a broad smile and offered her a bouquet of white orchids. The media liaison was touched with the choice of flowers Emily brought her. She knew how meticulous Emily was and she also knew that Emily knew what the flowers meant.
"Eh... hi," JJ greeted groggily as she accepted the flowers, "come on in." The blonde stepped aside to make a way for Emily. "Thanks for the flower," she said as the older woman walked past her. The blonde shuddered when she felt Emily's upper arm brushed her shoulder, leaving the part tingling with warm, unfamiliar – but not unpleasant – sensation.
Emily Prentiss stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. She looked at JJ appreciatively, thinking about how beautiful the younger woman was. She thought that JJ acted a bit odd but she put the idea aside, thinking that it might be out of nervousness. It was going to be the first time they went out together as more than just friend – she wasn't sure if she should call it their first date – so it was normal for JJ to feel uncomfortable.
The two women stood across of each other, smiling shyly at each other, neither was sure where to start.
Emily, being Emily, broke the silence first. "Where's Henry?" she asked about JJ's little boy. She had been hoping to meet the baby before they went for dinner, but Henry was nowhere to be seen.
"He's at Will's," JJ replied, visibly grateful that Emily spoke first. She then realized that they were still standing. "Oh my, how rude of me! Sit down, Emily," JJ exclaimed. "I... I'll just go put these in a vase and grab my purse. I won't be long," she rambled.
The profiler sat down and smiled at the other woman. "Hey, JJ," she called out softly. JJ looked at her. "It's just me," Emily said, "relax."
The words worked like magic. JJ felt lighter instantly. She managed to return Emily's smile before running to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. She then went to her room to get her purse, stopping in front of the mirror on the way out. Satisfied with what she saw, she gave her reflection a nod of approval then headed out.
"Did I mention that you look impeccable tonight?" Emily asked idly as they walked to the door.
JJ turned her head at Emily. A blush crept to her cheeks. "Thank you," she said. "You are beautiful yourself, Emily Prentiss."
Emily grinned. "Come on, then. We're going to be late," she changed topic.
"Where are we going?" JJ asked as she remembered that Emily didn't mention anything about where they are heading.
Shrugging, Emily replied lightly, "Oh, just some place." She winked at her companion. "You're going to like it."
...
Emily was right. JJ liked the place. A lot. It was a cozy little Italian restaurant. The building was made of stone with high ceiling and a real fireplace. JJ beamed when the maitre'd led them to their table at the far corner of the room, right by the fireplace. There were several other tables occupied but the tables around them were empty.
Soon the two agents were busy with the menu. Emily, who obviously was a frequent customer of the restaurant, voluntarily pointed out several of her favorite dishes. It didn't go unnoticed by JJ that some of the food Emily mentioned was JJ's favorite as well. JJ finally settled with pizzelle fritte for appetizer and spaghetti puttanesca for main course. She frowned when at Emily's choice of meal.
"You only have soup for dinner?" JJ questioned after the waiter had left them.
The dark woman chuckled softly. "It has rice in it, Jayj," she explained. "I'm not going to starve myself," she added. She knew JJ was referring to their last case, when Emily was a mess as the profiler was trying to push JJ away. It felt like a lifetime away.
The blonde smiled as a response. She gazed the room. "How did you find this place?"
"Mother took me here with one of her fancy friends. Why? Do you like it?"
"Like it?" JJ raised her eyebrows. "I love it. This place is perfect, Em. Thank you," she said.
"Honey, you haven't even tried the food yet," Emily commented.
On hearing the term of endearment, JJ blushed. She was sure that her cheeks were as red as a ripe tomato. She ducked her head low, letting her long hair fell to the sides of her face like a curtain.
Emily mentally smacked herself for being so stupid. She shouldn't have used terms of endearments with JJ; she was perfectly aware that JJ was still uncomfortable of the idea of their being together. She should have known better. Yes, they were used to the pet names – but that was before everything was complicated. That was before Emily admitted her feelings for the blonde and before she knew her feelings were reciprocated.
"Sorry about that," Emily apologized.
JJ's head whipped upwards. "No, Emily. I don't mind, really," she explained. JJ took a deep breath. "It's just that... well, I guess I'm not used to you calling me that yet after we – you know? Well, it's silly. But really, I don't mind at all," she elucidated. She paused then added, "I think it's sweet."
Now it was Emily's turn to blush. She mumbled a thank you. Before they could say another thing, their food arrived. Emily watched as JJ took the first bite of her food and the dark-haired federal agent's face lightened up when JJ seemed to like what she ate.
They bantered easily during dinner. It was an enjoyable evening and JJ was a bit disappointed when it was getting late and they had to leave. The media liaison raised her eyebrows when Emily simply told the waiter to put the bill on her tabs. Somehow she had a feeling that the amazing meal she had just had earlier cost more that she, JJ, could afford. She started to feel uneasy. She glanced at the other woman but Emily kept a straight face.
It was cold outside, the wind was blowing and JJ's coat was too light to protect her from the strong breeze. As if reading her mind, Emily moved closer to JJ, providing warmth and comfort. JJ tilted her head to see the taller woman next to her; she was surprised to see that Emily was also looking at her. It was amazing how their minds connected to each other.
"So," Emily began as they approached the car, "I hope you enjoyed the food, Jennifer Jareau." The taller woman opened the door for her companion and waited till JJ properly sat down and buckled up.
"Yes, thank you, Miss Prentiss," JJ responded. "Any chance of returning here soon?" she asked innocently. JJ knew she was fishing and she hoped that Emily didn't notice.
Apparently, Emily didn't notice. She laughed heartily. "If you like it that much, I will cook it for you," she promised. She closed the door and went to the driver side of the car.
"I didn't know you cook Italian food!"
"I lived in Italy when I was a teenager; it's no big deal," Emily shrugged.
"Exactly in how many countries did you spend your childhood?" JJ was really interested now. Emily hardly ever mentioned about her childhood to the team and JJ was curious.
JJ saw Emily's dark orbs flashed with something – discomfort, JJ assumed – but it was gone in a blink. Emily mentioned several countries in the Middle East and Europe but the profiler didn't elaborate. Knowing that she had touched a quite sensitive subject, JJ backed down. She didn't want to ruin a perfect night with something that might have nothing to do with the present. She wouldn't lie by saying that she didn't think about it, though.
...
The ride home was unusually quiet. Emily tried to make a conversation but JJ's one-word answers didn't actually lead the conversation anywhere, so after a few futile attempts Emily decided that JJ wanted to be left to herself.
Emily was befuddled as to the reason why JJ's mood suddenly changed. She couldn't help but replaying all their earlier conversation in her head and tried to see if she missed something – she didn't find anything.
Glancing sideways at the now quiet Emily, JJ somehow felt guilty. She reached out and took Emily's hand in her own smaller one. She threw the older woman a – what she hoped to be – reassuring smile. It seemed to work as the blonde saw the crease on Emily's forehead softened.
When they reached JJ's building, Emily insisted that she would see JJ to the door. JJ laughed at the idea until she realized that Emily was serious.
She looked at the woman she cared about incredulously. "I will be fine, Emily," she tried to convinced Emily.
"I know," replied Emily, "but it will make me feel better if I see that you arrive safely at home. Humor me." The profiler was adamant.
And so JJ let her companion accompany her to the door. She shook her head when Emily stood behind her protectively while she opened her apartment door. To say the truth, JJ liked it – it had been quite a while since she felt well taken care of by anyone. Of course Will had been great to her, but he couldn't be compared to Emily.
"I'm home now," JJ pointed out.
"I can see that," countered Emily. "Well, goodnight then."
Emily was about to turn around when JJ called out her name. She waited. "Thank you for tonight, Emily. It's wonderful and I had fun," JJ thanked the other woman.
"I'm glad," Emily replied.
"And... Em?"
Emily stopped. She tilted her head, confused.
JJ lowered her head, avoiding Emily's intense gaze. Softly, almost whispering, she asked, "Did... didn't I get a kiss?"
The profiler was surprised by JJ's request. She took a step forward and very gently she circled JJ's waist with her strong arm, pulling the smaller woman closer. They were standing so close with each other that both of them could feel the warmth of each other's breathing.
Slowly, Emily dipped her head. It felt like forever before JJ could feel a pair of soft lips touched her own. JJ breathed in the sweet scent of Emily as they kissed. The scent was intoxicating, as intoxicating as the kiss was and JJ felt lightheaded. Every cell in her body screamed in protest when their lips parted.
JJ wanted more. And from the fire on Emily's eyes, she knew Emily wanted it too. But they weren't ready. She wasn't ready. So, reluctantly, JJ let go of her hold. "Goodnight, Emily," she whispered on the profiler's lips.
"You have a goodnight yourself, Jennifer," Emily whispered back. It was really difficult to leave her Jennifer, but Emily knew it was a wise thing to do. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
...
JJ couldn't sleep that night despite her exhaustion. She couldn't stop thinking about the evening she just spent with her co-worker. If JJ wanted to be honest, she would say that it was the best 'first date' she had ever experienced since she graduated from college. Emily was a perfect date and JJ was flattered that the older woman treated her like a princess.
The blonde glanced at the orchids on her bedside table. It was so sweet of Emily – and so subtle of her – to express her love to JJ with white orchids. She wasn't an expert in flowers, but she knew that one of the meanings of white orchids was delicate beauty, or purity. Is it how Emily sees me? she thought. JJ didn't even realize that she was smiling.
She rolled to the other side of the bed, facing away from the flowers. JJ let her mind wandered as she started to feel a little sleepy. As she drifted to the land of sleep, she remembered something. Her eyes fluttered open.
It was something that bothered her earlier that night, when they were at the restaurant. She had tried to push the matter aside; it had been easy to do with Emily by her side. But now the unpleasant thoughts came back to haunt her after she was left alone. JJ remembered the looks the other customers were throwing her and Emily. Some of them looked curious and that was all. But some other seemed to give them a disapproving look, and a few seemed to look at them with contempt and disgust. JJ didn't like to be stared at that way – it disturbed her.
JJ knew that she might be imagining it; there was no way in the world could those people know that Emily and JJ were a couple. Nevertheless, it made her think. What would people say about her if they found out that she was with Emily now? What would people think about her? And the team, even though Garcia had known about it – and she believed that Hotch had, too – what would they think? What if they thought less of her professionalism because she decided to be in a relationship with someone on the team? And what about her family? It hit her hard. JJ shivered at the thought of her family knowing about this.
She shook her head violently and buried her under the pillow. The blonde felt so alone and lost. She didn't want her family to know. She didn't want the rest of the team to know. And she didn't want other people to know. JJ was started to be unsure of herself, of her decision. Maybe this isn't right, she thought.
JJ didn't sleep a wink that night.
..
A/N: Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the ride.
A/N 2: White orchids meaning: purity, delicate beauty. And if someone gives you a white orchid, be flattered, people, because they wanted to say that they loved you and that they were thinking about you.