Disclaimer: All characters belong to the brilliant mind of SM. I only play with the characters and create new avenues for them to express themselves.
A/N: This is not edited so please do not chop my head off for grammatical mistakes. I do apologize to many faithful readers for this being so long since I posted and hope that I have done this story some justice. There will be only one more chapter to answer all the remaining questions that I am sure will arise! After all that, please enjoy and I do utterly love the reviews.
Chapter 1
Bella sped away in a mess of emotions. She pushed her car past legal limits just to add as much distance as possible between the man she once loved; still did, in fact. She felt her tear ducts swell again as she swayed with the winding roads of Forks. Absentmindedly, Bella's thoughts remained on the fiasco as Saturn Lights Steak Bistro.
"Damn you, Jasper Whitlock!" she screamed out loud, hitting the steering wheel. Bella's crying came uncontrollably, so she slowed down, finally recognizing her surroundings. Pulling her rickety old ford on to the shoulder, the blur of a car ride she'd just experienced brought her to the one place that she wanted and didn't want to be at the same time. In her rush for space, Bella hadn't realized that she had driven straight to the first place she and Jasper had ever made out, confessed feelings for each other that were supposed to be restricted since her first lover was Jasper's younger brother, and the place that they both vowed would be just their own little haven together since the feelings started.
The cliffs…
Across the street, high above the ocean, this beautiful landscape looked magical with the ocean's life rising and falling with the waves, while the moon, full and bright, hung like a precious round jewel above. Tiny sparkles scattered across the sky's backdrop, adding to the inspiring ambiance. Bella crossed the deserted street and stared at the canvas. Besides the waves, the beach looked untouched, peaceful and serene. Flooded with emotions, Bella reminisced about the times she shared with Jasper here. Leaving her car abandoned behind her, she made her way to the cliffs. There was a secret spot just for her and Jasper. It was a place Jasper showed to her, out of view of nosy passersby, and with Jasper's impeccable and advanced senses, no one was able to just surprise them. Some never even knew they were there.
Bella slowly and carefully made her way to "their spot". Just beyond the flat, cleared landing of the cliffs behind the trees, in the forest there was a grand old oak tree. Nothing about this tree seemed out of the ordinary, outside the carvings in its surface facing the ocean. Bella walked up to this spot and ran her fingers across the carvings; she could feel her eyes watering again. The carvings looked like some young teenagers chiseled memories that only they could understand.
The letters "BJ" largest, stood out but the unique object is the random letters that formed a heart shaped pattern around the large letters. Bella ran her fingers along the indentions. She studied each letter while she recalled the day Jasper carved it with his pinkie nail.
~*o*~*o*~
"Bella I want to show you something."
Jasper grabbed her hand from where they were sitting on the edge of the cliff, covered by thick gray clouds, to help her up. He lead her past the huge untainted oak tree, to a hidden area behind the clear, flat rocks to an edge surrounded by moss and a view of the expanse of the ocean. A tiny sail boat could be seen in the distance; it looked as if it could be a play boat for a child's bath-time. It was a beautiful sunny day. As Jasper walked more into the sunlight he started to sparkle like the most beautiful of colorless diamonds.
Bella, distracted by the beautiful landscape as well as the magnificent creature before her, glanced between the two. Unable to hide his feelings much longer, Jasper blurted out…
"I don't really know how to say this Bella, but I think I am falling in love with you!"
Bella's breathe caught in her throat as her mind processed what her ears had just heard. Jasper continued, assessing Bella's reaction as he spoke.
"I thought I was happy before but since you have been in our family, I can't keep my thoughts off you. That is painfully hard because I am trying more often now to keep these thoughts hidden from Edward and Alice. It's getting much harder to just be your friend."
Jasper's thick Southern accent created goose bumps to rise on Bella's skin. Sexy golden orbs creating electricity and contrast connected to Bella's chocolate brown abyss. The small grin forming in the corner of Bella's pink lips gave Jasper encouragement to proceed.
Both Jasper and Bella took a deep breathe. "I spend so much time thinking of you and how to pry you from Edward's smothering grasp that I can't and don't even want to control my thoughts around him anymore. He doesn't appreciate you, not as you are. He almost treats like a helpless little pet that he has to constantly protect."
Jasper stopped as he recognized the confused, almost painful expression creeping on to Bella's face. He could feel how his words had just broken her spirit.
"Bella believe me when I tell you this but nothing would make me happier in this world than you being with me!" Bella finally breaking the visual contact they were holding. Turning her back to him to face the beautiful ocean and setting sun, her thoughts and emotions ran in several directions. Feeling every different emotion pass through her individually, Jasper's knees went weak.
"I'm not going to stand here and waste your time telling you how much Edward doesn't deserve you but what I can say is that my feelings for you are genuine and I can prove it to you." Taking a few steps closer to Bella and the edge of the green cliff, he continued.
"Remember during the James and Victoria incident, when Alice and I took you back to Arizona. Remember Alice's comment telling me that it would be ok to be near you, that I could really control my thirst for your blood and not hurt you…."
Jasper and Bella stared off into space to collect their memories. "Well it wasn't your blood that I was craving entirely. I wanted to touch your soft skin, to rub my hands through your beautiful hair and relieve you of all the burdens you were carrying. I wanted to make it better for you."
Noticing how close he was to her now she turned around and was surprised to notice that he was less than arm's reach away. "I could feel your every emotion. It was tearing me up inside." Jasper now able to see the emotion on her face as he also felt it.
Bella's thoughts roamed to how she was starting to feel being near Jasper as well, as he displayed his feelings. She had noticed how some nights he was the leading man in her dreams, and really thankful that her thoughts and dreams were restricted from Edward's prying views. She felt many of the same things that Jasper was expressing to her now, but thinking that he would never want a helpless, little rag toy like Edward treated her, she squashed those thoughts in the past. Jasper needed a strong, pretty little pixie like the one he had. But now he was expressing to her that he indeed wanted her.
Alice!
Her mood went from immensely happy to thoroughly dazed and confused. Jasper felt it before Bella could even put her thoughts into words and quickly answered the question that was lingering intensely between them.
Jasper turned away from Bella's glare, afraid that if he looked into her chocolate, innocent eyes, he would loose the nerve to continue revealing to her his true dilemma and feelings. He ran his fingers so gently across some beautiful white wild flowers growing from the roots of the oak tree.
"Alice and I have been apart as a couple for several months. She told me that she didn't love me like that anymore but she never wanted to hurt me!" Bella's breathe caught in her throat and she was speechless.
"Jasper that can't be…I mean you guys still look intimate and happy…" her thoughts trailed off.
"Yeah…unfortunately it's all a front! She didn't want me to feel uncomfortable around the family. When she told me all of her feelings, that she felt like I was her life mate in the beginning but now I am smothering her. That she can't seem to get past visions of her and another vampire. So she no longer wanted to lead me on…I told her that I would leave and she begged me not to go! Both she and Carlisle said that I was a part of this family regardless and it is something that we will get through together. I don't how much of that I believe but I can feel that they were both being genuine when it came up. I'm still having mixed feelings about leaving."
If it were possible for vampires to cry that would have definitely been a weak moment. Jasper felt as confusion ran through Bella. He took a breathe out of habit, not really needing to outside of human effect, glancing over his shoulder.
"Oh yeah and because her new beau isn't quite ready for their chance meeting just yet, Alice thought it would be better for me if we kept up the façade. I've really just been existing for the last couple of weeks until the day that you came here, to the cliffs, the day you were upset with Edward." Jasper finally turned around to see two beautiful chocolate windows peering at him, rimmed with tears. He was by Bella's side before she had the chance to blink….
Bella stuck in her stance, like the statue in the middle of Forks Community Square, was in utter disbelief. Now realizing that somewhere between Jasper spilling out his feelings for her, to his dilemma with Alice, and his shying away from her, she had stopped breathing. Lightheadedness bringing her back to reality that she, unlike the beautiful undead god standing before her, did need to breathe.
"Bella are you okay? You're turning blue." A deep breathe, heaving chest, and the color crept back into her cheeks and lips. "Yeah, I…I'm okay. Ple…Please continue." Bella, through gasping breathes, stared in Jasper's direction.
Jasper focused again on the woman he wanted to claim as his own, backing away, giving her space to continue to catch her breathe. Never straying too far from her, in case she fainted, Jasper confessed deep feelings that he himself had long been trying to smother, and with the sudden lust filled change in Bella's emotions, he was questioning if Bella too was trying to do the same.
"Bella, when Edward left and you thought that the whole family had deserted you…" Jasper trailed off still not sure if he should continue. Jasper's words grabbed Bella's attention while memories of nightmares gone past played in her head and bile threatened to bubble over in the back of her throat; pain resurging from a past desire to be sheathed by Edward's marble body.
"I stayed behind for a while to make sure that you and Charlie really were safe from Victoria and Laurent returning. Tactical reconnaissance, so to speak."
Jasper looking everywhere but Bella, embarrassed by his confession; his internal combat making him dazed and lightheaded from Bella's rapid, unstable emotions forcing him to take a seat on the large boulder growing from the ground.
"Edward didn't know and it took some helluva persuading Alice to go ahead with the others. Carlisle's opinion that we all shouldn't just leave you unprotected helped my case immensely, while I nominated myself to stay since I had more experience in combat in case anything did happen."
Bella switched her weight from her left foot to her right and her hands were now busying themselves with a string on her sweater. Jasper walked closer to Bella and grabbed her hands. "I was there Bella, through every nightmare and every cold sweat! I wanted so badly to rescue you from Edward's memory."
Jasper's voice elevated beyond simple conversation and it was obvious that he was reliving the moments right then and there; his eyes suddenly black, cold, and lifeless. Unsure if the anger that was pumping raw and rampant in his veins was being transferred from Bella or his own cry out for her.
An infinitesimal speck of life dawning in his demeanor. "Bella I watched and listened to you cry out every night for a selfish bastard that was too ignorant to see how incredible you are. Your emotions crippling me, sometimes so much so, that all I could do is hide in your closet and endure your pain."
Bella's weight shifted back from her right foot to her left. "As a matter of fact, there are little marks on the left side of your closet, near the baseboards. The number of times I counted that Edward would plague your thoughts, mumbling his name before screaming yourself awake; the number of times Charlie would make warm chocolate milk for you, hoping it would soothe you enough to allow you some sleep. And there's a little journal that I was keeping…its inside that weak floor board in your room. "
Jasper dropped Bella's hands, only to grab her shoulders to look deeply into her eyes. Needing, begging for Bella to know that he had been there always and always would be.
"You deserve so much better than Edward. Allow me to show you what being with a vampire is really supposed to be like." It was half question; half challenge.
Heat covered Bella's face as she blushed…a little embarrassed to know that he knew her darkest moment so intimately, pained that he endured that unpleasant journey with her, but also overjoyed that Jasper was kind enough not to just desert her like Edward and he was now flirting with her.
Bella's knees had gotten weak and given way under her before she knew it, but Jasper was already there to catch her before she hit the ground. She fell into his arms and he eased her to a large piece of the cliff protruding from the ground.
Bella stared at the ground for a few moments then looked into Jasper's eyes before speaking…
"Jasper, I don't know what to say…I never knew you had feelings this way. I thought she was your soul mate or your mate in death or…or…whatever you call it…"
Bella's stuttering made Jasper chuckle. "No my dear sweet Isabella." His words dripping with Southern sex appeal.
"Alice is someone I care about but never did I feel she was the ONE that my living dead soul could not be without!" Chemistry again growing between them once the two locked eyes.
"After our breakup, she thought it would help me to feel like part of the family still, so I went with the charade that we were what we surely are not." With Jasper holding Bella in his arms, her shiver reminded him that his ice cold body was probably to blame. He helped her to her feet and steadied her by her elbow to ensure she wouldn't be able to injure herself, at least not while he was so close.
Bella's thoughts roamed and Jasper could feel her uneasiness. Bella, leaning against the big oak tree, stared off into the ocean and setting sun lost in thought.
"Jasper…did you know that you are the only person I ever come to the cliffs with? It's the only place I get to be myself without Edward hovering. Everyone is afraid I'm going to trip over air, fall off, and kill myself!" She laughed at the idea even though she knew her clumsiness was beyond repairable. As quickly as it came, her smile went away when she realized just how probable the act could be. Jasper, feeling the pang of her emotions change from calm to ruffled, sent some calming serum to brush away whatever bad thoughts that she had just encountered.
"Well Ms. Isabella Swan, this will now be our spot together. No one ever comes here but me. And I would love to share my super safe hideout with you!" He laughed when he realized how corny and "Inspector Gadget-ish" he sounded. Bella laughed too, but stopped short when she noticed that he was etching something into the big oak tree.
~*o*~*o*~
Bella was snatched back to reality by the chime of her cell phone, text message. She fumbled through her pocket until she fished out the sleek, technology advanced device. Flipping it open, the text message indicator warned Bella that it was from Jessica.
Hw did evrythng go Saturn Lights? R u nd Jas an item yet? Call me wit all tha details!LOL :P
A different beep indicating missed calls chimed and Bella decided not to respond to the message just yet. She scanned through her call log noticing the 12 times Jasper had apparently called, while she was lost in reverie. Oddly, Bella also noticed a missed call from Carlisle and Alice. Not wanting to speak to Jasper at all at the moment and curious but very apprehensive about what Alice had to say, her fingers thoughtlessly tapped Carlisle's missed call and she placed the phone to her ear.
Bella had made her way from "their sacred spot". Two rings and Carlisle answered. "Bella, are you ok? Alice mentioned a scene in town and I was concerned about you. Where are you?" Carlisle was someone Bella could trust. He had told her on several occasions that she was just as much a part of their family now as any of the vampires. Regardless if she and Edward were no longer together, he would continue to look after her as his daughter and Esme and the rest of the Cullen clan agreed.
Edward was surprised when he had called to check in and Bella answered the phone. Long story short, he returned to live with his family within the week and vowed to never leave again. But when he returned, the relationship for Bella just was not the same. A little bitter and still shaken up by it, Bella vowed to never let Edward that close to her again. He begged and pleaded but she had made up her mind and now all that was left of the strong bond they once had was a meager friendship, to say the least.
Not to say that Edward hadn't tried but to Bella, leaving her deserted in the middle of the woods, while a psychotic, red-haired maniac is still on the loose trying to kill her and lying to her to push her away displayed every bit of the 3-strikes-your-out rule. It was beyond what she thought Edward was capable of. Never in a million years would she have believed that Edward could be so selfish. And for that reason she was hurt beyond repair.
That was until she and Jasper had gotten closer. One evening while she was trying to escape Edward and his showering of gifts to apologize, she ended up at the cliffs.
"Uh yeah Carlisle, I'm ok." She tried her best to sound as convincing as possible. "I just needed some time to myself."
"Bella, you know that we are here for you for whatever that you need." Carlisle's sincerity made Bella feel a little better.
"Thanks. I think I'm going to head to Charlie's. I really need some time to think about things." She could no longer hide the sadness that she was feeling any longer so she tried to end the call as quickly as possible.
It didn't take being an empath to recognize that Bella was hurting, but Carlisle also saw that since Bella was still human, not being around Jasper or Edward was really a good idea. "Bella, take whatever time you need. We are here when you need us."
"Thanks Carlisle." Just before Bella was able to hang up, Carlisle added "I think all 3 of them are really sorry Bella; Jasper most of all." In the blink of an eye, the phone clicked signaling the other party had disconnected the call.
~*o*~*o*~
Trying to decide if she should reignite the passion she once feigned for with Edward or let things stay like they are, Bella strolled along the beach splashing in the waves. Never noticing before how beautiful the cliffs looked from below, decided to venture up and check the view from the top.
Singing to her self as Bella made her way up, the view took her breathe away when she looked out at the vast expanse of ocean. As she stood staring and contemplating her dilemma, this particular song was stuck playing in her thoughts. Natasha Bedingfield crooned the lyrics that further complicated Bella's dilemma. Soulmate…
Incompatible, it don't matter though
Cause someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find
She knew that she loved Edward and that should be all that was really important, right?
Even though they have been an imperfect match for each other from the beginning. A strong, bloodsucking killing machine and a measly little human girl that can't survive walking out her front door without the worst always happening.
Is it possible Mr. Lovable is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise
Bella thought about her history with Edward. As shaky as it sometimes was, he did protect her, as best he could with her constantly aggravating the situation. Since they first met, they had been inseparable. But it felt more like he was obligated to save her. Never wanting to push past simple, he always had to be in control. Never allowing him self to feel, or her to feel either for that matter, the intense, intimate power that vampires have.
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line.
Bella closed her eyes, took a deep breathe and allowed the words to saturate her thoughts, along with the salty breeze swirling around her from the ocean; she continued singing out loud.
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love without being told
Somebody to tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Jasper perched high in the big oak tree, hidden by the thick brush, sat watching Bella quizzically. Unsure if he should reveal his presence, quietly climbed down closer to the ground to get a better view. Bella looked deep in thought and Jasper didn't want to scare her. Not to mention she was awfully close to the edge.
Jasper had been sitting, shielded in the tree for a couple of days. Lost in his own thought about whether he should stay with the Cullen's or leave since Alice dropped this bomb on him; trying to decide whether he should be sad, disappointed or happy. He hadn't seen or noticed Bella walking along the beach. He was so deep in thought that he hadn't recognized the outside world until Bella's emotions came into close proximity. With impeccable senses, he should have been alarmed immediately from the off key singing but none of that distracted him.
Bella was sheathed in negativity…sadness, confusion, and loneliness. Still singing in a hushed tone, she turned to walk back to her truck to head no where in particular. Not paying much attention, as usual, Bella tripped on a tree root peeking from the ground and fell flat on her stomach, cutting her elbow and scraping both her knees; both of her feet dangling over the edge. Within seconds, before Bella could process the severity of this encounter, Jasper was there. Picking her up as if she were as light as a feather, Jasper began scolding her before she realized it was Jasper who had just appeared out of thin air to save her.
"Bella what are you doing? You could have killed yourself! Are you intentionally trying to die or does fate just have some big grudge against you?" Still shaken by the almost tragic accident, and confused about where Jasper came from, Bella hugged Jasper's neck from her newborn baby position in his arms.
"Jasper, thank God. But how did you know…I mean, where did you come from?" Out of breathe but relieve that this journey to the cliffs and the beach was not her last, she stopped talking and took a much needed deep breathe to collect her thoughts.
"Jasper, that vampire speed surely does come in handy. Where did you come from?" Getting down from Jasper's arms, Bella continued, still a little breathy. "I was actually getting ready to leave from here, safely. And then the stupid tree root had to go and ruin it." She kicked the same root that had just tripped her up, stubbing her toe and immediately grabbing it to massage.
Jasper instinctually grabbed Bella's arm, seeing another "almost tragic accident" about to play out. "Please Bella, let's get you far away from this cliff and anything else that you can kill yourself with." He smiled and helped Bella to her truck parked along the beach.
Still curious, Bella blurted out, "Jasper where did you come from? Did Edward or Alice have you follow me?" looking into his eyes. Bella had been so consumed with her near death experience that this was the first time that she actually looked at Jasper. His eyes were darkening. She wasn't scared but she did recall the memories for Edward's departure in the first place, why she was at the cliffs thinking that Edward was being a selfish bastard and why he and the other Cullen's left her deserted in Forks to begin with.
Jasper…Jasper's thirst…Jasper's inability to control that thirst….
A low growl slipped from somewhere deep within Jasper and he focused in on Bella. "Jasper, are you okay? Jasper, When was the last time you've fed?" Never really realizing how close to danger she ever was, Bella recognized the far off, blank stare in Jasper's eyes.
Jasper, uncontrollably baring his fangs, unable to control the anger now coursing through him, systematically pinned Bella between his stone, hard chest and her old, beaten up truck.
"What did you just say to me?" Just the mere mention of the self-absorbed little pouncing pixie, and now Jasper's internal furnace was similar to a boiling volcano, ready to erupt.
PS...dont forget to review! oh by the way...there is one (buddy) story that I plan to be working on in the near future with Chewie4370. Please go and check out her profile for some great slash and an all around good read.
And I can promise that it will not take as long to get that story posted!