The past always comes back to haunt you…
Okay, I LEGIT LOVE you guys! :) I love your reviews! I especially love the long ones! They make my day :D
And don't worry, there will be some lemony goodness but in later chapters ;)
Lovely'Henae I am not sure if I will have Julia in this story. And thank you for that freaking long Review. That made my day! :)
Also, do you guys think I should involve Julia and KC? I have an idea on what KC's part would be but I want to see what you guys think.
Clare is VERY OOC in this chapter. And this is the longest chapter I have ever written ! :) I hope you guys like it.
Clare's POV
I woke up to see the side where Eli normally is, was empty. I pinned my eyebrows together, wondering where he could be. I just figured he would be in the bathroom, and I shrugged it off. My phone started vibrating and I noticed it was a reminder for an event.
My 17th birthday…
I felt my heart pounding a little faster and tears starting to prickle at my eyes. I quickly blinked them away and I got up and put my hair in a ponytail before walking in to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed once my gaze reached my wrist. I slowly moved my hand to my wrist and removed my wrist band, covering my cuts. I placed the wrist band on the counter and then lifted my hands to slowly run my fingers over the cuts. I slowly traced the lines and stopped once I reached the one letter carved in my arm. It was the letter D, for Darcy. I carved it the day I found out I would never see her again. Normally it would have faded but each year I trace it over.
I sighed and picked up my wrist band, placing it on my wrist before making my way downstairs. I walked downstairs into the living room and no one was in there. I walked into the kitchen and no one was there. I was really confused. I walked back upstairs, checking everyone's rooms and noticed that they weren't in there.
Great, I've been ditched… again. I thought to myself. I sighed and walked back downstairs. Once I stepped off the bottom step, someone wrapped their hands around my eyes. I jumped a little and lifted my hand, trying to find the persons face.
"It's me" it was Eli. I sighed and dropped my hands to my side.
"Okay, so why can't I see anything?" I asked.
"I have a surprise for you"
"Well what is it?"
"Patience is a virtue" he whispered. I mentally rolled my eyes, and he turned me around before removing his hands. I opened my eyes to see him smirking. He then held up a blindfold.
"Okay, I'm a little scared" I joked.
He rolled his eyes before saying, "Just put this on"
I rolled my eyes and nodded before he took it and put it on me. He turned me around again and wrapped one arm around my waist and grabbed my hand with his free one.
"Come on" he then started leading me somewhere.
I was trying to imagine the house in my mind so I could figure out where he was taking me. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that we had stopped. He took the blindfold off and I slowly opened my eyes.
I saw Adam, Fiona, Alli and Drew standing there with smile on their faces. We were outside and there were balloons on the trees and a banner that read 'Happy Birthday'. I couldn't breathe. I just stood there frozen in shock. It wasn't good shock, it was the kind of shock where you want to run as far away as you can but your body didn't agree with you.
"Happy birthday Clare" Everyone said. I looked at them in disbelief.
"What's so happy about it?" I asked them while glaring at them. They came up to me.
"Clare, we figured you deserve some fun so we-
"Decided to celebrate the worst day of my life?" I cut Alli off.
"No, Clare, we're not celebrating that, we're celebrating you"
"NO! just shut up! You know I hate this day! So why would you want to celebrate it!" I was yelling at her and I was up in her face. Tears were at the rims of my eyes.
"Clare" Fiona whispered while resting a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off and backed away.
"Clare, we were just trying to make you feel better" Drew said.
"By making me remember everything that happened on this day!" I yelled at him.
"Clare calm down" Adam said while putting his hands on my shoulders.
"No! Don't tell me to calm down! You of all people should understand Adam! You knew her! How could you do this to me?"
Adam just stood there and bowed his head.
"Clare who are you talking about?" Eli whispered. I couldn't tell him, it would bring back to many memories.
"I can't do this" I ran back into the house with tears running down my face. I ran upstairs and ran into the bathroom before locking it. I leaned against the door, crying and sobbing. I finally remembered something that could make this pain go away; it always did. I ran over to the drawer and opened it. I moved some stuff around and found the latch. I lifted it up and it revealed the blood stained blade.
Adam's POV
Clare was right. I did know Darcy, I knew what she acted like, I knew what her laugh sounded like, I knew how much of a kind person she was and how good and close she was with Clare. I instantly felt like an ass. I should have stopped this.
"Okay, can someone please tell me what just happened" Eli asked looking at all of us.
We all glanced at each other and they gave me the 'you need to tell him' look.
I sighed and began explaining. "You know that Clare's sister died, right?" he nodded. "Yeah well did she tell you the day?" he shook his head no.
"Well, it happened 3 years ago. Exactly 3 years ago. This would be the anniversary" Eli's eyes popped out of his head and his mouth dropped.
"She… died on Clare's- birthday?" he choked out. We all sighed and nodded.
"What?- why?- how?" he asked.
"Wrong place, wrong time I guess" I shrugged. "She flipped at me the most because I was there when she found out. I was the one who was comforting her while her mom drowned herself in alcohol."
"You dumbass, why didn't you stop me from doing this?" he slapped my arm. I was about to answer but I was interrupted by Fiona.
"Guy's" Fiona was staring at the house with fear written all over her face. "remember what happened last year?" she asked.
"Yeah, Clare shut us out and…" I stopped myself and looked at the house. I gulped before running inside. Everyone followed and we ran upstairs.
"What's going on?" Eli asked.
"Last year on her birthday she told us she wanted to be alone, next thing I know is I'm getting a call from the hospital telling me my best friend almost died"
"Your saying Clare tried to kill herself?" We all nodded. "okay I need to go talk to her"
"No, I think I should" I told him.
"No" he put his hand on my chest to stop me. "I should. I'm the one who planned this anyway" I nodded and backed up while he walked in the room.
Clare's POV
I picked up the little blade and closed the drawer. I looked at myself in the mirror and took my hair out of the ponytail. I stared at myself up and down. I turned around and turned the water on in the tub. I let the water run and fill the tub while I peeled my clothes off, along with my wrist band. Once the water was filled, almost right up to the rim, I shut the water off and stepped in. Once I was fully in, the water was right to the top. I grabbed the blade and lifted my wrist. I traced the previous scars with my fingertips and watched the water droplets run over the bumps. I sighed and whipped me face with the back of my hand. I sniffled and placed the blade under the previous scars.
"One for the mom who says she loves me" I said as I ran the blade across my wrist. I sighed and smiled a little as the blood started trickling out.
"Another for my sister who deserves to be alive" I slide the blade across my wrist again and smiled a little bit more, as more blood came out and ran down my arm.
"And another for my so called friends, who say their trying to help" I slid the blade across my wrist, again, but this time, way harder. I needed to feel relief, and I did. I smiled watching as the water was turning pink from the blood.
I sighed and dropped the blade on the floor. I hissed as I placed my arm in the water, but soon I felt relief. The water was turning a darker shade of pink the longer my arm was in the water. I closed my eyes and lay in the water. I opened my eyes and started staring at the celling, ignoring the pain in my eyes when the water came in contact with them.
Eli's POV
I walked into the room, looking for her so I could apologize. I didn't see her but I heard the water running in the bathroom. I went to the door and knocked.
"Clare?" no answer.
"Clare, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-
I stopped talking when I felt something soak through my socks. I glanced down and saw water coming from under the door crack. I suddenly felt really scared. I didn't bother in saying anything else, I just barged in. And I couldn't believe what I was looking at…
There was water everywhere and Clare was laying in the tub, naked, under the water, which looked pink. I ignored the fact that she was naked and I stood there in shock once my gaze reached her wrist. I now understood why the water was pink. I quickly came back into reality and kneeled beside the tub. I reached in and put my hand under her head before pulling her up. She gasped as she came out of the water and gripped onto me before removing her hair from her face. I grabbed a towel from behind the door before pulling her up and wrapping it around her. I picked her up bridal style and ran out into the room. I laid her on the bed and I noticed how pale she was. I glanced over to her wrist and it was bleeding, bad. I didn't know what to grab so I just ripped my shirt and wrapped it around her wrist to try and stop the bleeding.
"Clare?" I asked. she looked up at me with tears.
"Why?" she asked. "Why did you try to save me?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Because, I don't deserve to be here!" she yelled.
"Clare, calm down and just talk to me" I grabbed her hand but she pulled away.
"Why? There's no point! It's not like you even care! No one cares! No one cares about me!" she yelled.
"Clare, I care!" I yelled back.
"No! no one cares. They can't!" she was now sobbing. She was shaking so I pulled her up and wrapped my arms around her. She pushed me away but I just wrapped my arms around her tighter. She kept pushing me away and I kept tightening my grip until she finally gave up and wrapped her arms around me.
"You just can't" she whispered before sobbing even more. I rubbed the back of her head, running my fingers through her wet hair. She gripped onto me and sobbed into my neck. I held her close until she calmed down. I kissed her forehead multiple times until she completely calmed down.
"Clare, are you okay?" I asked as I pulled her away slightly so I could look at her. She had black streaks on her face from her make-up and I whipped them away with my thumbs. She looked up at me and nodded slightly.
"Okay, just lay down for a bit okay?" I said and she nodded before lying down slowly. I got up and kissed her forehead.
"I'll be right back" I whispered before getting up to leave. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
"Make sure you do come back" she whispered. I bent back down and kissed her.
"I'm coming right back" she nodded and let go.
I walked over to the door and opened it before walking out. I turned around and everyone was standing there.
"What happened to your shirt?" Adam asked. "And why are you soaking wet?"
"I used it to stop the bleeding form her wrist." I whispered.
"What! Is she okay?" he yelled.
"Shh! And yes, I got in there just in time." He sighed in relief and nodded. "And my shirt is wet because she tried drowning herself." I whispered.
Everyone had shocked expressions on their faces.
"I need to see her!" Fiona said trying to walk into the room, but I stopped her.
"You can't. Not just yet. She's still a little shaky." Fiona sighed and nodded.
"Okay, can you guys just come back later? I need to talk to her" they all nodded and then went downstairs. I asked if Fiona would bring a glass of water and she said sure.
I opened the door and went back inside the room. Clare was laying there with her eyes closed and she was tossing and turning. She looked kind of… frightened? She was very pale. The closer I got to her I noticed she was bleeding more, even threw the part of the shirt that was wrapped around her wrist. Something was wrong… so I called everyone back in the room.
Clare's POV
*Flashback*
"Happy birthday!" Everyone shouted as we were all surrounded in front of the cake. I smiled and blew my candle out.
"Mom, where's Darcy?" I asked.
"Oh, honey, she got held up at work. She will be home shortly" she smiled and kissed my forehead.
I nodded and went back over to hang with my friends.
After about an hour, I went and asked my mom again where Darcy was. Normally Darcy would never miss my birthday.
"I don't know Clare, but I'm sure it will be soon" just as my mom finished that sentence the doorbell rang. My mom walked over and answered it to find a guy in a uniform.
"Hello Miss, is this the Edwards residence?" he asked. my mom nodded.
"Are you Darcy Edwards mother?" he asked.
"Uh, yes. Is there a problem officer?" She asked. he sighed and took off his hat.
"I'm so sorry, but, there has been an accident"
After that my mom went outside to talk to the officer. Once she came back in she was crying. She told everyone to go home, except Adam stayed. He was spending the night so he couldn't go home.
"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Uh, honey, come here" she pulled me to the couch and sat me on her lap.
"Darcy, (sob) Darcy, is uh, she's not… coming home" she started sobbing even more.
"What do you mean mom?" I asked starting to worry.
"Darcy, um, she went to… heaven" she was crying even more.
"Darcy's… dead?" I asked while tears started to run down my face. My mom slowly started to nod. We soon started sobbing in each other's arms. A while after, I was in Adam's arms. My mom started drinking to eez the pain.
*End of Flashback*
I jumped up with sweat dripping all over my body and my breathing was heavy. I glanced down and noticed I was dressed in a… hospital gown? I noticed there was and IV in my hand and a machine next to me. I glanced around the room and everyone was there. Fiona and Alli were sitting next to me and Adam and Drew were standing up next to the bed. Eli was sitting in a chair next to the bed sleeping.
"Clare, calm down" Adam was rubbing my forehead and trying to make me lay down again.
"Where am I?"
"Your in the hospital" Adam said.
I looked around and I saw a white room. There were curtains and a monitor, which was beeping.
"H-how did I—
"We brought you here. Clare, you lost a lot of blood." Fiona said while sitting next to me. I looked down at my wrist and I noticed I had a white bandage on it.
"How long was I out?" I asked.
"Since yesterday." Fiona said.
I sighed and laid my head back down on the pillow while closing my eyes. It was only a few seconds before that horrible night came back into my mind. I quickly opened my eyes and looked around.
"Adam" was all I said. He came over and Fiona moved so he could sit next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and started sobbing.
"Did you have another dream?" He whispered in my ear. I sniffled and nodded.
"It's going to be okay." He was rubbing the back of my head.
"Is she awake?" I heard my so called mother say. Adam pulled away and nodded.
"We'll leave you guys alone." Adam got up and everyone left, well except for Eli since he was sleeping.
My mom came over and sat on the bed next to me. She grabbed my hand but I pulled away.
"Clare" she whispered. I didn't answer. "How are you feeling?" she asked. I looked at her and scoffed.
"Why do you even bother in asking? I already know you don't care"
"Clare, I do care"
"No you don't!" I was yelling at this point. "If you cared, you would pay attention to me, instead of those random guys you bring home every night!"
"Clare" she whispered.
"No! Don't talk to me! Just get out!" I yelled and pointed to the door.
She sighed and got up and left. I threw my head back onto the pillow and covered my face with my hands. It wasn't too long until I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up to see Eli sitting in the chair staring at me.
"How- how much of that did you hear?"
"All of it" he whispered.
"I'm sorry. She was just—I just can't take her crap anymore" he got up and sat on the bed.
"It's okay. It's not my business." He took my hand. "You really scared me you know"
"I'm sorry. It's just my birthday is, well…"
"It's okay. Adam told me" he placed his other hand on my leg.
"Everything?" I asked.
"No, he just told me what yesterday meant to you" I nodded and sighed. "Clare, why did you try to… kill yourself?" he whispered.
"Well, if I'm going to tell you that, I might as well tell you everything"
He tightened his grip on my hand and I started explaining what happened. I told him how the best day of my life ended out to be the worst. My eyes started watering half way through the story but I kept my ground. By the end I had a few tears escaping from my eyes.
"I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?" he asked. I glanced up at him.
"Sometimes hugs work" I know that was like the stupidest thing to say but I really needed a hug.
He got up and sat closer to me before pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and his wrapped around my shoulders. I held onto him with all the strength I had. I started crying into his shoulder and he just rubbed the back of my head.
"Shh, it's okay" he kept whispering in my ear.
"I'm sorry" I pulled away and whipped the tears away.
"Hey, you don't need to be sorry." He was holding my hand, the one without the IV, and his other hand was on my cheek, whipping away my tears. I didn't even realize that I was shaking until Eli placed his hands on each side of my face.
"Close your eyes, I want to try something" I nodded and closed my eyes. "Just relax, okay" he whispered and I nodded.
He slowly kissed my forehead, and then my cheeks, and then my eye lids, and my nose, and finally my lips. If he wanted me to relax and calm down, it worked. He rested his forehead against mine and I slowly opened my eyes to look into his.
"So your not mad at me?" I asked.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because I… did this" I pointed to my wrist. He sighed and took my hand in his.
"Look, I'm not going to lie, what you did scared the shit out of me, but I'm not mad. I'm just glad your okay" I smiled and hugged him.
"But…" I sighed. Of course there's a 'but'. "You have to promise me that you won't try that again. If you feel the need to… cut, just come talk to me okay?" I looked into his eyes and I saw that he actually cared about me.
"Okay, I promise" he smiled faintly and kissed me. It was soft and slow; just what I needed.
I smiled and moved over so there was more room on the bed. He lay next to me and I rested my head in between his neck and shoulder. His arm was wrapped around me and mine was around his torso. We just laid there for a little while before Adam and everyone walked in. They all smiled at how Eli and I were positioned and I tried to hide the blush that was appearing on my face.
"So you guys are finally together?" Fiona asked.
"Actually we have been together since the day before yesterday" Eli explained.
"BOOYAH" Adam said. I laughed and looked at Eli.
"Told you" he just rolled his eyes. Soon a nurse came in carrying a tray.
"Here, you should eat something" she smiled as she laid the tray on the little table. I just looked at it. It looked like someone had already eaten it and then threw it up. I smiled at her and then she left. I didn't even move. I just laid there.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Alli asked.
"Seriously? That looks like someone already ate it and then threw it back up. I am not eating that"
"Clare you have to eat" Adam said.
"I will if you will" I smirked. He glanced at the food and then back at me before scrunching his face and shaking his head.
"That's what I thought"
"Same old Clare" Drew said with a snicker. "So how are you feeling?" he asked.
Well I'm lying in a hospital bed because I almost killed myself; how the fuck do you think I feel?
"Fine" I stated.
After that the room fell silent. I needed to apologize to everyone, so I broke the silence.
"I'm sorry guys. I just couldn't handle reliving that day, and I guess it sort of got to my head" I didn't even glance at anyone.
"It's okay Clare." Adam said after a few seconds of silence. "Just, try to control yourself next time. You know you can talk to me, or anybody. We're all here for you"
I smiled and said, "I know that now" I sat up and everyone came closer before we had a big group hug. It was really nice, well until I started to suffocate.
"Okay, can't breathe" everyone backed up. We all laughed slightly.
"So uh, I guess were done with our little vacation" I laughed slightly. Everyone gave me the 'duh' look. I slid down my bed and covered my face with the blankets. Everyone laughed slightly and I pulled the covers down.
"Well the doctors said if your stable tomorrow, you can go home" Adam said. The smile I had on my face soon faded.
"What home?" I whispered.
"Clare, your welcome to stay at my place, I have lots of room" Fiona said. I smiled at her and said, "Thanks Fi"
"No problem. We just need to go to your house and grab your things." I nodded and smiled.
"Yeah, let's just hope my mom doesn't have 'company'." I used air quotes around company with my fingers. Everyone laughed slightly.
After that we just talked about anything other than why I was in the hospital. We would tell jokes and laugh about what happened while we were at the cabin.
Visiting hours were soon over so everyone got ready to leave, except for Adam. I asked the nurse if he could stay because he's my best friend. She said that only family could stay, and I told her he was family. She agreed and he stayed. Alli, Drew and Fiona gave me hugs before leaving and Eli kissed me goodbye.
"I'll come back tomorrow, okay?" I smiled and nodded.
After everyone left, Adam and I started talking about Darcy. Since he was like the only one who actually knew her, we decided to bring up some good memories and such. We both cried while talking about her. Even though it was happy memories, it still hurt to talk about her, but it helped.
Before we knew it, it was late so we decided to go to sleep. Adam climbed next to me on the bed and we cuddled. Not in the romantic way but in the brother and sister way. He was always here to comfort me.
"Adam?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry I freaked out at you"
"Clare, it's okay. I know you didn't mean it." I smiled.
"Goodnight Adam"
"Night Clare" after that, it didn't take long for us to fall asleep, even in this very uncomfortable bed.
Sooo? Did you like it? love it? hate it? tell me please! This is the longest chapter I have ever written. Over 4,500 words! :)
Review please! :)