MUSICAL UNDERTONES

ATaintedStarsNightmare

Chapter 23

It's So Hard to Say Good-bye to Yesterday

- Boyz II Men

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good time that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad

I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I don't know where this road is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memory
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

"We have good and bad news for both girls."

REGULAR PoV

"What's the news?" Jay decided he would have to lead this situation since no one else seemed like they could. He could tell that everyone's heart had broken when the doctor said she had bad news. She seemed honestly upset admitting it, but it was her duty to let them know.

"One of the girls was pregnant?" She looked around for confirmation. When some of the kids nodded, she continued. "We saved her, but we lost the baby. I'm so sorry. We tried our best, but it was too late." She waited while the news sunk in. "The other girl, it was too late when she got here to save her. I'm very sorry for your lost." She saw how hard that impacted everyone there and wished she could of done more. "We're going to need to let her guardians or parents know, a representative from the hospital will be here soon to get all the information. Once again, I'm very sorry."

Emma's PoV

It was like I couldn't wake up from this nightmare, no matter how many times I tried. Even though it had only been a few days since the news, I still couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Her funeral was going to be today and Mia's baby's later. All this pain in such a short amount of time, I could barely make it out of bed. I heard they had a memorial at school for her after they had been informed. I didn't care, they didn't know her like I did. I never got to tell her how I truly felt or even how much she meant to me. Now I would never get that chance, never even get a chance to tell her goodbye. I wanted to feel angry, but the pain cut too deep for me to be anything but numb right now. It was crazy how fast things could change. I knew I had to get up and get dressed, I had to be strong even if I knew I wasn't. I started to get up and head towards the bathroom maybe that would help a tiny bit for today.

Once I was out and dry, I saw Jay must have been in the room. He had left a note and a dress for me to wear. He didn't know what to do with himself either. He had been with her longer than I had and I knew it must be killing him but I didn't know how to help when I felt the same way he did. We both gave each other space but we probably needed each other more than we knew. I changed into what he left and went looking for him, he was all I had left now and I didn't want to be without him.

LATER

We had finally made it to the cemetery, the long line of cars behind us. I looked around, seeing everyone who had come and seeing how it affected all of us. I could hear everyone's sniffles and cries, but it didn't lessen how I felt. I felt like I had cried all I had, nothing was left, but I was wrong. Jay was holding my hand tightly, I couldn't help but hope this was a dream.

Somehow the sun thought it was a good day for it to shine, couldn't it see how miserable everyone was? I felt like I was watching this rather than experiencing. How could this happen? That was the only thing I kept thinking, and amazingly more tears came. I knew when the minister had finished only because Jay had lightly dragged me towards the grave where Mia's baby girl was. I wanted to stay but I knew I couldn't do that, I cared about Mia too, it just wasn't on the same level.

When we walked there, I could see Mia's family there. They looked shocked and had to wheel Mia towards the tiny grave. Because it was so soon she hadn't had time to heal and had begged to be allowed to come to the funeral of her friend and baby. Lucas stood in the back, ashamed to show his face, but heart broken nonetheless. Mia just seemed to tune out the world, staring with a look of complete and utter loss on her face. JT stood beside her, holding her hand but she didn't seem to notice him.

We all just wanted this day to be over, it would have been better if it never happened.

LATER

Once we got back to the house, I couldn't hold back and I had to visit Alex's private room. Even though she had one, she usually spent her time with us. When I walked in, the smell of her hit me. It might have been creepy but I loved the way she smelled, cuddling up with her and getting a whiff was always a plus. I could see her bed messy from earlier and her clothes flung around. I stumbled in and sat down onto the bed, caught up in remembering her. I heard a noise and looked up and saw Jay. He didn't look angry, just quite the opposite, he looked sort of relieved that he wasn't the first one here. I motioned him to join and moved over a little bit.

"Hey." It just hung in the air while he walked over to me. "I had a feeling that I should visit here but I was sort of scared to."

I leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around me, it was more comforting then anything else had been lately.

"I just can't believe she's gone, it doesn't even feel like it. It feels like maybe she's on a trip and just taking awhile to get back. I don't even have the energy to try and talk to Mia; I know she must be feeling the same probably even worse. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to even start to move on." He nodded and agreed with everything I had said. I knew I could tell him everything and not be judged.

We started to gently lean back onto her bed, the side still covered with clothes she had picked out of her closet. We turned and faced each other while holding hands, looking straight at each other's eyes.

"I'm glad I have you, I don't know what I would do if I lost you, I cant deal with the thought of feeling this all over again but without someone to help me." Jay had closed his eyes when he first started talking, I could feel the emotion coming off of him and I knew he meant the truth. I don't know what possessed me to press play on her still paused IPod, but one of her favourite songs started playing lightly in the room.

I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

Its times like these you learn to live again
its times like these you give and give again
its times like these you learn to love again
its times like these time and time again

I couldn't help but remember hearing this play as we laid together once. It seemed fitting, like a little message from her. I didn't know what to think but it didn't seem like I needed to think anymore. Jay knew how to make me feel better.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead which turned into a soft kiss on the lips. I kissed him back with all I had in me, and poured in my love for Alex. The kiss was bittersweet because it was only us two. It was going to be hard and the pain would always be there, a little ghost to remind us.

His kiss started to get urgent and harder, he stopped and took a breath. He looked somewhat needy for the salvation only I could give him, the love I held for him. We knew Alex would want us to take care of each other, so we didn't hold back as we made love with a piece of us missing.

SWITCH

Craig's POV

Lucas had come stumbling in, so drunk he smelled of it. He let the bottle that was in his hands drop to the floor, breaking into millions of pieces and slumped onto the floor.

"It's my entire fault, all of it." I could barely understand him because his words were so slurred but I soon understood. The strong smell of the alcohol he was drinking hit me and almost made me stop. He sat, a broken mass, on the floor and I didn't know how to make it okay anymore. How could you fix someone who thought they lost everything, felt they lost everything? I didn't know where to begin to pick up the pieces.

"You know that's not true Lucas. Rick was just…he was insane. You can't let yourself feel blame for this, you tried to fix everything. You knew what you wanted in life and you were trying to achieve that kind of peace. None of this is your fault and I'm not going to have you blaming yourself."

I cautiously patted his back, for fear of his reaction. His just nodded his head, eyes completely focused on something on the floor it seemed. I sat on the floor beside him, but his attention was focused somewhere else and he didn't even notice me. It seemed we both had things to focus on.

After realizing all I had done and all that I ever would be, I was going to try and change. I did not want to end up like my father, I was going to try and turn over a new leaf. I couldn't say I would be like this in the future but for right now, I would try and correct my mistakes. I couldn't take back what I had done to Manny or Ellie. I wish I could change the past but I accepted that it was apart of me and I couldn't change that. I had a feeling I should try and apologize but I knew it wouldn't matter to them. The pain that I had caused couldn't be erased with simple words.

I looked over at Lucas and was wondering what was on his mind. I could see the tears running down his face and before I knew it, the thought of kissing the tear away popped into my head but thankfully I stopped it.

SWITCH

Mia's PoV

After we had buried my child, I returned to the hospital. It still shocked me to think she wasn't here anymore. It killed me to find out after, that it had been a girl. I couldn't stop the tears from coming again at the thought; it killed me inside to know I had lost two people in my life. I had seen Lucas at the funeral and been told he had been at the hospital, but I didn't want to talk to him anytime soon. JT had barely left my side during my stay at the hospital. No one was willing to go to school, it just seemed too much. And dealing with the false sentiments there would be the top of the cake. My wound still hadn't healed up all the way, and was annoying the piss out of me but it was the least of my worries. I wish constantly that she had been in front of me instead of behind me or someone could have saved her. Losing both seemed too much at once and I pressed down for morphine, for forgetting and sleeping rather then pain. In my fogged state of mind, I heard the door to my room open and saw Marco and Jimmy walk in.

I didn't go to sleep straight away; my mind seemed to want to focus on them. I slurred a 'hello' and watched while they sat around on my left side. They didn't talk much, just lay down and held my hand. It was one of the random times JT wasn't with me, but I would never be left alone, not that I wanted to be. It seemed better to have people to focus on rather then being alone and being able to focus on my pain. I wanted to forget it all and never have to worry about it. They talked about stuff that wasn't important, knowing I was "fogged out of my brain" as they had always called it. It was getting to the point where closing my eyes felt so good and I could barely keep them open anymore; I was hoping I wasn't drooling.

When I finally managed to open my eyes and keep them open, I noticed I wasn't by myself but it wasn't Jimmy and Marco keeping me company.

"Hey Mia, you're finally up." Lucas's gruff voice greeted me, and I was surprised.

"Hey Lucas." I didn't know how this conversation would go; they didn't make handbooks on how to deal with stuff like this.

"Feeling any better since….since it happened?" His eyes sadden at the thought and my heart went out to him. I knew he had been trying to make things right again before all of these happened. And I knew deep down in me that none of it was his fault.

I gave a little cough. "Uhm, I guess. Still seems like a bad dream."

He nodded his head, agreeing with me. Our conversation slowed down and it was quiet for a few minutes, but it wasn't awkward. We sat there in silence for I don't know how long, but it seemed comfortable. A piece of us was now gone forever and there was no changing that. At times in the day I would try to see maybe if this was for the best but it didn't change how bad it hurt.

It seemed he just didn't want to be alone either and didn't mind the silence in the room, but listening to the noises of the hospital. This wouldn't make or break anything between, just make the connection between us cut deeper.

SWITCH

JT's POV

I was walking towards Mia's room, my thoughts stuck on how to fix this situation. I looked into her room and saw someone else in there with her. I knew it couldn't be Jimmy or Marco because they had called me when they left together. I started walking slower to catch their face and I saw it was Lucas. I honestly didn't know what to think. I knew she would always end up being connected to him, even if she lost the baby. It pained me to think that. I knew she would have been a good mom, but sometimes things don't work out. I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts. Neither of them had seen me yet and I was debating on whether or not to let them know I was here. I decided to wait outside in the atrium and be alone with my thoughts. I knew I cared a lot about her but this was a certain peace only he could give her.

But only time would tell if they would even notice this.

SWITCH

Manny's POV

Me and Darcy decided to be the first ones to brave school for a few days. Most of the students who didn't know her didn't even seem to care that someone was taken too soon. I couldn't believe how much it hurt me to think that, but I could see where her loss affected us all. There was not a single upperclassman that was not affected. She had been a little spark of light, but no one knew how to react to her being gone. All through the day they would come up and tell us how much they missed her and how sorry they were. Some even told us how much she meant to them through the little kind things she did for them.

We both took a detour around to her locker and saw the Hurst gang putting flowers there, though Amy was missing. We looked at each other, somewhat taken back.

They looked tired and stressed, all with dark circles under their eyes. It seemed like they hadn't slept in awhile, the guilt seemed to weigh them down. It was finally Ellie who looked up at us. She looked as though she didn't know what to say.

"We didn't know it would turn out like this." Her words hung in the air as she looked ashamed, her eyes focused on the ground. "There is nothing to gloat about; we never wanted this to happen. There's a difference in disliking somebody and wishing them dead." She looked down and we saw some tears hit the floor, but we didn't know how to comfort her or any of them.

We didn't know how to react, and the silence was slowly becoming heavier and heavier. A teacher started walking towards us, making movements to get us out of the hallway. We nodded and took a different way to our class room. Me and Darcy didn't say much to each other and took our separate ways when it was time. I felt bad for them because it seemed to be sincere.

SWITCH
With Amy

She walked over slowly to the newly dug grave. The tombstone was new and bold, making the fact that it was new all too real for her. The closer she got to it, the more the pain struck deeper. She didn't know how these could happen, especially to someone who didn't deserve it.

She knew the past between them wasn't squeaky clean but that didn't mean she didn't care about her. She felt horrible for the way she had acted towards her. But she had been jealous that she had been dropped at the drop of a hat for Emma. She would never be able to see her face, hear her voice, or even get to hear her laugh.

She laid the tiny box she had brought with her in front of the gravestone. She sat down on the side of the newly dug mound of dirt, reaching out her hand and lightly touching it.

"I knew things weren't good between us, but at one time we were inseparable. I guess I'll catch you up on the things you've missed since…that day. And the reason I was a complete bitch to you when you never deserved it. I owe you much more than that, but it's the least I can do at the moment."

She lost track of time as she started telling every thought on her mind to Alex's tombstone. She knew it wouldn't change anything but it felt good to have those things off her chest finally. She lost track of time as she kept talking and the sun was setting lower in the sky when she finally stopped. She wiped the tears from her eyes and got up and started to leave.

"I'm sorry Alex, for everything."

SWITCH

With Lucas

I woke up on Craig's floor, tasting the alcohol I had chugged last night. I looked around and didn't see him anywhere. I picked myself up, trying to not gag at the taste in my mouth. I could feel my stomach twisting and turning at being up after a night like that. It had been awhile since I had been that drunk and my body was definitely not feeling it.

I started stumbling to his kitchen, smelling breakfast being cooked. My stomach growled but I didn't know if I could even eat at this point. After the trouble of climbing down his damn stairs I finally hit the kitchen and saw Craig eating at the table, looking distracted. He looked up when he heard me stumble towards him.

"There's some food still warm on the stove." He pointed behind him and kept eating.

"Thanks, but I don't even know if I can eat right now."

I walked over to the chair across from him and sat down. I looked over at the stove and the food looked delicious but made my stomach churned at the thought. I looked over and caught Craig looking at me funny then he quickly looked away as if caught. I didn't know what had happened last night so maybe I had done something to offend him. I couldn't place his body language so I guess I would just ignore it and forgot it.

I started to make myself a plate of food for whenever I would feel better. I noticed when Craig started playing with food absent-mindedly, but I decided not to say anything.

SWITCH

With Jay

Me and Emma laid together for almost an hour on Alex's bed after we had made love. She always told me how safe she felt when she was in my arms and I always felt better when she was with me. I could tell she was sleeping because the way she was breathing. I breathed in her scent and felt even more relaxed. We hadn't talked much since the shooting and I knew we needed to.

We had lost our third person, a little piece of ourselves. That's something that most people don't have to deal with so soon. I had known Alex for so long this didn't seem real. I didn't know it was affecting Emma but I knew it was hurting me. I needed Emma but how much could she give me? I pulled her slightly closer and she just cuddled in closer.

I started getting hit with memories of Alex. I had spent a good chunk of my life with her and these last few days without just seemed like a horrible nightmare I couldn't wake up from. How would the rest of my life be without her? I had Emma though and I did care very much for her, which was without a doubt. I knew she cared a lot for me too and we would always have each other. I couldn't even describe how I felt, it just seemed pointless. I had lost someone so special to me and they would never come back. I would never get a chance to see her walking down the street with a smile on her face.

I decided the best thing to do was get some sleep.

LATER

With Emma

After the nap with Jay I decided I had to leave by myself for a bit. I decided a trip to the beach was the best thing. I started the semi-long drive with my stereo cranked; the bass making the windows shake. I took a breath and tried to relax, it seemed like I couldn't really get my head on straight without Alex around. I knew eventually things would be okay but never perfect again.

As soon as the beach house started to come into view, I let a sigh I didn't even know I had been holding in. I took my bag out of the trunk and climbed up the stairs and flung it on the bed. I quickly changed into my bathing suit and decided to lay on the deck and forget my problems for a little bit. I debated on leaving my phone in the house or bring it with me. Jay knew where I was, even though he had been so hesitant to let me be by myself though he knew I needed it. He just wanted me to call him every once in a while.

I pulled out the bottle of vodka I had brought with me and mixed with some Sunny D. I was gonna have some Emma therapy time, and took a big gulp as I walked onto our deck.

SWITCH

With Jay

I watched as Emma left for the beach and started walking inside. I decided to take off on my own too, just to get away for some time. I didn't know where to go, but for some reason I wanted to go where me and Alex used to be alone. It was a little bit out of the way but it didn't seem to matter anymore. As the lines seemed to blur together I wondered how the future would be.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well this is the end of Musical Undertones. I've got an idea in mind for a second story and I would love your take on that. Thank you very much.

-atsn