AN: Gut gemacht means "well done" in German. Patrick Cassidy, an American composer, has a setting of Dante's La Vita Nuova sonnet which is not only beautiful, but fits in well (in my opinion) with the scene here. Add 'youtube' to have a listen if interested. This chapter was admittedly experimental in style, using only dialog and no narration…I hope it works, but tell me if it doesn't!
.com/watch?v=KN5AG14x8mQ
NEUNUNDZWANZIG
Errinerung
"Io sono in pace."
~Dante
"Hermann Wolfgang, look at yourself. What's gotten into you? What are you doing, throwing your things around the room like that?"
"It's a cave, not a room, and I'm looking for something, anything that's got alcohol in it."
"I thought I taught you better than to drown your problems in liquor. And you won't find any of that in a suitcase full of medical supplies to begin with."
"Actually, you'd be surprised what I find in here."
"You stole the supplies from my hospital, didn't you?"
"Of course I stole them. Don't give me grief about it; without that stuff, Kopa wouldn't be alive…you know that."
"I'm not going to argue with you there; even I helped myself to the things in that supply closet from time to time. Like those special lemon honey cough drops they ordered in; the first day they showed up, five packets went home in my pockets. But seriously, I've never seen you like this before, not even on your worst days at work. Pull yourself together."
"That's because you only ever saw me at work, not anywhere else. When things went wrong, I didn't let on while I was on the job; I always did my venting after I clocked out, over a tall glass of Warsteiner at the beer garden three blocks away…and I never left anyone without their mother, either."
"You know you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, we are at fault, and—
"…And sometimes, we are the victims of unfortunate circumstance beyond our control, I know. You only told me that a few hundred times; I think I can remember."
"You do remember some things incredibly well, I'll admit that. I remember giving you a written exam your second year, and not only did you finish in record time; you also flipped the page over and wrote out the entire C sharp minor chord progression in the time that remained. You should know—I never had the heart to tell you before—there was a mistake in there."
"A mistake? Where? I got a 100 on that exam."
"Not in the exam; it was in your music, on the back. You augmented a note somewhere along the way, and wound up spelling the chord incorrectly."
"That couldn't have happened. I don't mess that kind of thing up."
"Oh, so that fifth sharp appeared out of thin air, then? You forget, I spent three years in conservatory before entering medical school. Nothing gets by me."
"Fine, so I made a mistake. Why won't you just go away and leave me in peace? I've orphaned a kid, killed his mother; aren't there better people out there in the world more deserving of your time than I am? People who haven't ripped someone else's life to shreds?"
"You're the one who's imagining me here, not the other way around. If you want to get rid of me, all you've got to do is think me away, and I'll leave."
"Fine, I will."
…
"You're still here, aren't you?"
"Afraid so."
"What the hell do you want? Why do you keep bothering me?"
"Is that any way to speak to an old friend?"
"Depends on the friend. If it's Markos, then yes."
"And me?"
"No…not to you. Sorry."
"No offense taken. I just want to know—
"Why do I have to answer questions? Can't you just let me rot in peace here?"
"Because I didn't train you up to be a person who lets himself rot, in peace or otherwise, for no good reason. Since you're asking, though, what I want is for you to get out of this state you're in and take a long, hard look at the facts."
"Oh, so it's facts you want? OK then, here's a real nice one for you to contemplate: I just put a thirty-aught-six between a cub's mother's eyes! What…you're grinning, now? I see nothing amusing about this. Shall I just go ahead and shoot myself now so you and all your friends can have a laugh over that as well?"
"That's what I never got about you, Hermann Wolfgang. Someone who does so many great things and possesses so much talent, and still, you're always looking at the world as a glass half empty."
"I don't look at it as half full or half empty. I just see a glass with less liquid in it than there should be, and wonder who the hell's been drinking my beer. And why do you always call me by my first and middle names? Not even my parents do that any more."
"See, there you go again! You just can't stand to let people give you compliments, that's what I think. I'm not sure why, but you shy away from things like that almost instinctively, as if there were some horrible stigma attached to somebody telling you 'well done' or 'good job'."
"I'm just following your advice. I can't stand people obsessed with their own egos; you said it yourself: 'Don't let praise go to your head'."
"Yes, I said that, and that's exactly what I meant by it, nothing more and nothing less. I told you to not let commendations and praise cloud your judgment, not for you to never accept them in the first place. Frankly, I don't think you see the difference between the two, and that's where you've always had your weaknesses: you're book smart…book smart, but not nearly as people smart."
"Fine, then tell me, what would you be doing in my place? Dancing around the savannah all happy-go-lucky? Ignoring the fact that you'd shot an innocent kid's mother while everyone else patted you on the back?"
"No. I'd be using the brains you were born with, and being reasonable about the matter. Of each thing I did, I would endeavor to figure out what is it in and of itself, what is its most basic nature and what purpose does it serve? Rationality, simplicity, humility, in that order, are far superior to knee-jerk reaction. 'Vide cor tuum, e d'esto core ardendo, cor tuum'…you remember those words, yes?"
"Of course I remember; that's Dante, one of the sonnets from "La Vita Nuova". 'Io sono in pace, cor meum, Io sono in pace'. 'My heart is at peace'."
"You remember your classics well. And, as usual, your Italian leaves quite a bit to be desired."
"I'm a doctor, not a linguist."
"And yet, doctor or linguist, the question remains, can you take those words to heart as opposed to simply reciting them? They're meaningless unless acted upon."
"I forgot just how much you like philosophizing…"
"Just look inside yourself for a moment, Hermann Wolfgang. Don't lose sight of who you are; remember what you've done and who you have become. You are my student, my colleague, the only one I would trust as a friend as well as an associate. Never forget that."
"Wait, where are you going? That's it? 'Look inside yourself', that's the best you can offer?"
"Who are you talking to, Hermann?"
"Simba? When did you—
"I've been outside, listening to this little conversation of yours. Everyone's been worried sick about you; we all know you like to pace and ponder, but this is extreme even in your case."
"Extreme? I think I'm more than entitled to be upset right now."
"Very well, understood. Where's the other person you were speaking with? I don't see anyone else in here."
"The other person? He…left."
"So then it's just you here?"
"That's what it looks like to me."
"Is your leg sound enough to walk? You didn't bang it against anything tonight, did you?"
"It hasn't fallen off yet, so yes, I suppose I can walk as long as I've got my cane with me."
"Good, then why don't you come with me for a moment? There's something I'd like you to see."
Ten minutes later
"How far down does this cliff go?"
"Far enough down. ,I wouldn't go any close to the rim than you already are, if I were you.
"It's huge; it has to be fifty meters deep or more! So, what's the big announcement? Is this a punishment? Are you going to punt me over the edge? I can't say as I blame you if you are."
"Punishment? Two prides and my own son saved from certain death, and you think you should be punished? You can't beat yourself up for taking that shot, Hermann. There's not a man on this Earth who wouldn't have done the exact same thing in that situation; we all know that. If you had left her alive—
"And therefore, I should just ignore the repercussions of what I did, of how I quite literally blew that cub's family apart? I don't want a ticker tape parade or a grand banquet, I just want to make things right again…and I can't."
"I know. I know the feeling."
"Do you now?"
"Yes, more than you would think. Does any of what you're looking at happen to seem familiar at all? Shine your light down at that spot there, and tell me what you see."
"Not much. I just see a dead tree in a canyon."
"Describe it to me, in detail. Use that head of yours and give me a full analysis; tell me everything you see and what you think it all means."
"If you insist. The tree appears to have been dead for some time; I don't see any leaves or bark residue on the ground, although to be honest, it's rather hard to tell in this low light. That, and somewhere along the line, it was struck from above or from the side, or both, by a fast-moving mass of at least a hundred kilograms."
"What tells you that?"
"Don't you see that crack in its trunk does. Trees don't grow like that normally, in an upside-down V shape. Something—something heavy—slammed into it and brought it down, which is probably what killed it and kept it from growing. I'm sorry…what does this have to do with anything? Why am I doing a necropsy on a tree?"
"Just work with me here; what else do you see? What about the cliff face, the part that's on the same side as we're standing?"
"Let me look…OK, I can make out several sets of vertical, thin markings on the rock face directly above and to the side of the tree. The presence of these markings would indicate that someone attempted to…oh God, this is…this isn't just any old canyon, is it?"
"No, I'm afraid it isn't. Keep going, what happened next?"
"An attempt was made to climb up the cliff face and out of the canyon, but it was not met with success. An unintentional and catastrophic…are you absolutely sure you want me to continue?"
"I'm sure. Go on."
"A catastrophic fall occurred, resulting in a blunt, from-above impact with the tree consistent with the crack in its trunk. The magnitude of the forces resulting from this impact was immense; in my own professional opinion, the victim was rendered instantly deceased upon contact."
"Was there any way this 'victim', as you call him, could have survived?"
"Do you really want the details? You don't have to hear this…"
"I don't, but you do—and don't parse words. Tell me, could he have survived?"
"No, there's absolutely no way he could have survived such an event. By the time he reached the bottom, he was traveling at a terrific rate, over thirty meters per second if I've estimated the depth of this canyon correctly. The only positive I can see is that there would have been no capacity for suffering on his part. Death was instantaneous and complete; it outpaced even the microseconds required for the pain receptors in his body to signal the brain."
"Meaning…"
"Meaning despite the circumstances, his death was of the painless variety."
"I take it you've figured out exactly what you're looking at?"
"This is where your father died, isn't it?"
"You're very perceptive, Hermann; you pieced that day together almost exactly as it happened. But there's something you don't know, something you wouldn't have been able to figure out without my telling you: I saw the entire thing happen, only a few steps away from where we're standing right now."
"And that's why you brought me here? To tell me this?"
"I brought you here to prove a point: sometimes, things go wrong despite our good intentions. I was completely powerless to save my father; there wasn't a thing I could have done to keep him from dying that day. Nor was there anything you could have done tonight to prevent events unfolding as they have. Don't make the same mistake I made…don't go blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault. You acted in accordance with what you saw and what you knew at the time, with our best interests at heart; that's all anyone could ever have asked of you."
"But what's going to happen to the cub? Any way you cut it, he's got nobody left now."
"Um, I think you meant to say, 'any way you slice it', not 'cut it'. But forget semantics; the only important thing, however you want to order the words, is that he's still got the rest of his family—the ten others whose lives you're personally responsible for saving—along with all of us and the two of you. I'm sure he'll be just fine, although I certainly wouldn't mind you or Markos giving him a quick look-over."
…
"What are you thinking? I know that look of yours by now."
"I'm thinking…ach, you're right—you were right all along, I just couldn't admit it. I know there's nothing I could have done, but still, it's not the kind of thing you can just shrug off; these kinds of matters take time to sort themselves out. I guess you know that as well as I do."
"Indeed. I have to ask you, was what you said about my father's death completely correct? You knew by then who the 'victim' was…is it really true that he wouldn't have been able to feel anything, or were you just trying to soften the blow?"
"No, I wouldn't do something like that. It's a mathematical certainty…there's no way he could have possibly felt a thing. I assure you, your father did not suffer; I'd stake my reputation on it."
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear someone say those words. What do you say, shall we head for home?"
"Yes, let's go home. Kopa must be wondering where the two of us are."
"Gut gemacht, Hermann Wolfgang…gut gemacht…"
"Hermann, who said that?"
"Oh, he he…nobody you know."