Ever since that night i started treating lulu like my mother instead of my lover i still had deep feelings for her but i knew she didn't want to ever be with me again leon and lulu had build a good relationship i didn't like the idea of her telling leon she loved him but then i wondered if she only loved leon because he was so much like me leon was very much like me our only differences was he was older and i was younger we looked the

same acted the same dressed the same but it still bothered me seeing her with him i kept my distance from joe most of the time romeo wasn't as close to me as we was before he kept a good distance from me i couldn't understand why sweet little amy was the only one who i took pity on she was the black sheep in the family it wasn't much of a family to me but they had still paid some attention to me but poor amy was like if

has not existed i began to spend quite alot of time with amy taking her shopping movies she even went with me to work sometimes me and amy had shared a very special brother sister bond after i moved in to my new room amy began helping me move all of my stuff in she loved calypso she spent most of her time with me in my room she began reading my old car manual that delmon had got for me awhile back she started asking questions about cars which i found unusual for a little girl to be so interested in cars but i didn't care i

enjoyed amy's company alot she knew how much i loved her older sister lulu she began asking me questions about our relationship why did we spilt up if i still loved her if she still loved me i didn't quite know how to answer the little girl she was very bright for her age little amy at only eight years old was so curious about my life and my love for lulu i have not told her everything that happen in my life i didn't want her to know the horrors that i suffered in life we had only spoken of how many families i had how they treated me what it

was like growing up in an orphanage i didn't want to tell little amy this but she was so curious and had no friends to talk with she had once told me i was more of a brother then her own i felt like i was important to a very special little girl amy had often talked about her mother and father not treating her like a part of this family i tried to comfort her the best way i could she hated it there as much as i did lulu and myself was the only two people that had paid attention to little amy i had promised her one day when i get married and

move out i would take her with me and raise her as my daughter little amy had prayed every night for that day to come as soon as possible amy had made me realized what it would be like to have a family how it would feel to be protective of a young one ever since then i had often wondered what it was like to have a real family i couldn't ask leon because it was almost as if he didn't have one naya only had her mother lulu

was just like me i would cry at night wondering why i couldn't have a family why no one loved me why my mother had abandoned me what was i to do with my life where would i be what would i do who would i meet painful memories haunted me i began to have mental break downs more and more often i started taking drugs smoking pot drinking lulu had been very upset with me every night i would come home drunk as a skunk beating on her to let my out my anger as to why she left me i began to hate leon feeling he took her from me i have spoke those very words to him i told him me and lulu was together at one point we began to

fist fight alot mostly out of my jealously towards him one night was a party going on at one of lulu's friends house everyone was going i did not want to go i hated people couldn't stand the site of them i had more then twenty girlfriends if i had met a girl there all i would do is use her for sex girls were too scared to love me the way lulu did i did not want to love anyone anymore leon had forced me to go with him and lulu i didn't

feel like getting dressed for some stupid party but leon ordered he was going through my closet to see what i would wear i couldn't care less i just wanted to get this done and over with leon had thought we should dress almost the same he picked out long baggy dark blue jeans with one chain came across my hip to my knee a long black t-shirt under a black hooded sweatshirt along with black and white high tops my

suggested i wear my hair down parted on one side with a base ball hate slightly tilted along with my hood on as he called it this style was emo slash gangster i thought i looked like a black man leon had on black baggy pants with a white tank top and black and white shoes his hair was down like mine along with the same hate i had on as we were smoking our cigarettes waiting for lulu we made small talk lulu had finally come dressed in a mini black tight skirt a light pink sweater vest followed by a white shirt with a collar with black stilettos

her hair was down wavy full of volume her makeup was not too light not too heavy she was truly a very pretty preppy girl i took one look at her then looked away i didn't want to see something beautiful was once mine that had been taken from me she quickly rushed to leon for a kiss leon had run his hand through her body after seeing that i rushed into the car waiting for them we drove in silents we pulled up to the party as we walked in the house was shaking from the loud music that had been played everyone had their eyes on

us i heard someone mumbling something but didn't care i went straight to where the drinks were i stood alone suddenly a black guy had walked up to me "nice hate man" he said i looked away "thanks" i said in reply "what you are you drinking?" he asked "whiskey and red bull try it" i gave him my drink to try he quickly spit it out "whoa that's strong shit man!" he yelled i had no reply "what's your name?" he asked i did not

want to give him my real name because i was ashamed of who i was "leon" i said he put out his hand for a shake "i'm devon come hang out with me and my friends" he said i followed him to where he had been staying his friends were trying to talk to me asking questions but i kept to myself "look at that guy with that girl they make an odd couple" he said pointing at leon and lulu who had been making out in the corner "that's my sister and my friend" i said "that's your sister? she's beautiful" he said with surprised i nodded and walked away from irritation seeing leon's hands all over my girl i drank shot after shot after shot after

shot shot's shot's shot's shot's shot's i decided to get so drunk that night from anger shot after shot i threw the shot glass in the wall it busting no one had paid attention i seen devon walking up to me "yo leon i gotta girl that wants to meet you" he said i grabbed his arm and walked him to where everyone was dancing "do you know how to dance" i asked he nodded "teach me afew steps " i demanded devon started showing me poping and locking it i picked up his moves quickly he was surprised on how quick i learn we began to have a

battle everyone looking at us as we tore up that dance room "yo! emo got moves!' devon shouted lulu and leon started as their jaw's at the floor "where did he learn to dance like that?" lulu asked leon shook his head "i don't know but i can tell he's dead drunk other wise he wouldn't dance" leon said after me and devon finished dancing he then thought me a hand shake i found funny i thought i wondered why devon had

started talking to me in the first place we were total opposites devon came from bling big baggy clothes and fried chicken i came from skinny jeans band tees high tops and piercings but somehow we had a good time for a little i drank more and more and more i suddenly had the urge to vomit i did a little in front of everyone leon and lulu caught me doing so they both rushed to me leon had placed my arm around his walking me to the bathroom as lulu followed he took off my jacket and my hate i began to vomit leon's hands around my

stomach holding me so i won't fall i had to vomit more but nothing would come up leon had hit my stomach from behind hard i had vomit come up as i waddled a little to gain my balance lulu gasped with worry "are you alright now?" leon asked "no i want to go home" i barely spoke leon's arm around my waist holding me so i won't fall my arm around his shoulder to gain balance he walked me slowly to the car my head leaned

back i found it hard to breathe we went home leon made sure i was okay before he went home "leon why don't you stay here with us" lulu said leon shook his head and kissed lulu good night he would call in the morning to check on me "i love you lulu" leon said " i love you too leon" lulu replied i felt my heart break in a thousand pieces lulu had quickly helped me up the stairs to her room undressed me for a hot bath she began

pooring warm water on my head my head leaned back against the tub to relax the wet hair in my face didn't bother me lulu brushed the wet hair from my face i felt relaxed she promised she would be right back to get a pair of sweat pants t-shirt underthings and a pair of socks for me she locked the door behind her so no one would bother me after she came in she slowly helped me rise from the tub dried me off with a warm bath towel put my clothes on and blow dried my hair she found it frustrating my hair was always in my face "sleep

with me tonight so i make sure your okay" she said i nodded she helped me in bed she began to undress in her bra and panties only my eyes tried to widen but i was too exhausted lulu had explained to get up early for her modeling shoot in the morning she got in bed with me she was on one side i on the other i crawled up to her wrapping my arms around her my head against her breast her hand petting me kissing my head i

found that very position so soothing so peaceful i also found that when i cuddle up to her like this i did not need medicine to sleep it was if lulu had something special to put my mind at peace we soon heard a loud bang on the door "where is he!" joe had yelled i rose in fear my arms grasped lulu so tight i began to breathe heavy i come up to lulu so close as if she was the only thing that would save my life from him "i don't

know joe your drunk and i'm not decent now go away joe" lulu shouted he banged on the door again only this time louder i began to moan in fear "are you fucking him!" he shouted lulu sighed with irritation 'i'm on my period joe i am not in the mood for your shit now go away before i bleed on you" she shouted louder joe had finally left i slowly began to position myself as i was before with lulu she had began to pet me again "don't worry baby it's okay" she said in a soft tone i wanted to speak but i couldn't i had to ask this question

"do you really love him' i demanded "yes but you know why" she said in reply nothing came from me it was what i had always thought she only loved him because he reminded her of me that told me she still loved me the same way i loved her we soon fell asleep in the middle of the night i have awaken jerking myself up holding my head screaming and crying hysterically lulu had rushed for my medicine shoved them in my mouth

i began kicking and screaming far worse then i ever have lulu quickly grasped my head had placed me on her chest rubbing my head trying to keep my calm after afew long moments i had finally relaxed lulu began to cry wondering what was wrong with me i have had yet another mental breakdown the next morning i went to work on a bad hangover later that day i came home from work i walked in the house to find joe beating on

lulu my eyes full with rage i charged towards joe tackling him to the ground my i buried my fist in his face hit after hit after hit his fist aimed for my face knocking me down i quickly rose to charge again our fight was brutal our blood was on each other it wasn't long before romeo had grabbed joe from me chester soon came after and grasped my hair kicked the back of my knee knocking me down to my knees he placed cuffs around my wrists romeo had placed joe in cuffs holding him back my our eyes fixed on each other my teeth grind with

anger chester had aimed a gun at my head "make one more move and i'll shoot" chester said i had calmed my anger i breathe with rage chester had hit me in the head with the gun i had become unconscious five hours later i found myself in lulu's arms i got up to look at her "are you okay" i asked she nodded i rose from the bed "i can't stay here anymore i'm sorry you have leon he is your love now you or this family don't need me anymore" i said as i walked out to pack my things lulu tried to stop me but i couldn't bare anymore of this pain and suffering she began to cry and beg for me not to leave i took one last look at her and walked out the door i had enough money to get an airplane ticket i have decided to go back home i told myself i would find a job a place to live before i left i told leon where i was going i thanked him for everything and i would

soon write to him he beg for me not to leave but i looked away he drove me to the airport i said my goodbyes got on my way to Lyon France when i got there i stayed at a hotel until i found a place of my own i began searching afew weeks later i found an apartment and a job at a local diner i started to think maybe now things would finally fall in place for me i found my mother's grave brought flowers and began to cry for two hours things seem to be going good it wasn't long before i started missing her everything around me reminded me of her lulu had never left my thoughts if she ever asked me how many times have she crossed my mind i would say only once because she never left my thoughts everything i did she was right there in my

head i couldn't sleep at night thinking nothing but of her one night i came home burst out with tears three months away from her was unbearable i cried everyday for her my heart had finally told me i do truly love and need her the more i broke away from her the more i fell in love with her i decided to go back to her that night i arrived back in america i had called leon he was extremely excited to found me being back he hugged me so tight so long i felt he would kill me of hugging me so tight we drove to lulu's house leon had afew things to take care of and he would soon call on me i walked to the stairs and knocked on the door amy had

opened the door i dropped my bags and picked her up hugging her amy's face had brighten with laughter screaming he's back! lulu had soon running from the living room to see me her eyes filled with tears a smile on her face i rushed to her placing my arms around her kissing her over and over and over her arms around my neck "i missed you too much i'm so happy your home" she cried we kissed again "your killing me you took my heart from me i can't live without you lulu" i said as we kissed again that day i spent with lulu romeo and

little amy i have discovered lulu was no longer with leon because he had attacked her from being too drunk i was too happy to be with lulu to even think of killing leon more weeks passed lulu had still did not wanting to be with me after what i had been through there was no way i was ever going to leave lulu again no matter what she did