Chapter 1 – Awakening

"Wake up! Wake up, Bella." Charlie mumbled while he shook my arm.

I had been screaming again. I wondered how long until my body gave up and stopped trying to convince myself that I could find him. I knew deep down that I couldn't, but my mind wandered when I was sleeping. Sleep came easily to me, but mostly I fought it off. For Charlie's sake. Not mine. I wasn't important.

Looking at Charlie now was a slap in the face. A well-deserved one too. He was tired. Worn out from all this to and fro through the nights. I knew he was trying to fight sleep most nights too, just so he could wake me when things got too tough in my dreams. Charlie couldn't keep this up. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't let him.

"Bella?" He looked at me worriedly. "You okay? I mean, really, really okay?"

I sighed and smiled timidly at him.

"Yeah, just some bad dreams, Dad."

I am a liar. My dreams are vivid and never-changing. I am always searching for him, always searching in my mind. He is nowhere. He took everything.

Charlie left my room, looking seriously worse for wear. I had to do something about this. I needed to do something, if only acting, for Charlie. How can I be so selfish? How? Charlie never asked much of me but lately he was always staring at me. Worry in his eyes. He suggested everything to me. Ice-cream, chocolate, a holiday, new books, clothes, shopping, some time off school… And I had gotten most of it without even answering him. I felt so bad for Charlie. But nothing could plug up this hole in my chest. Well, almost nothing.

It was six in the morning so I got up, showered and decided to make breakfast for Charlie. Thinking about the hole in my chest immediately took away my appetite. I put on some coffee and eggs for him, while he watched from his seat at the table.

"You don't have to, Bella. You always cook for me. It's high time you went out for a meal, with friends. Where have all your friends been, kiddo?" Charlie seemed to get panicked as he kept rambling on. I decided to just shrug it off. He walked up to me and grabbed my shoulders and shook me. I just looked at the ground, shuffling my feet. He didn't shake me hard, just a motivational gesture, but there was nothing I gained from it. I left to get ready for school.

The phone rang downstairs. "Swan Residence? Yeah, hey Billy, how are you? I'd love to but… I know she has been like this for some time. It's not… I know. Yeah, you're right, Bill…. I just don't like leaving her. She screams all night. It's disturbing… Oh, okay, if you're sure? He would? Well, that's great Billy, we can do it over here then." The phone was hung up. I heard Charlie complain about my disposition before, but never to say I disturbed him. His voice rang in my head. It's disturbing.

I'm disturbing?

Charlie came up the stairs hesitantly. Something was up.

"Bella, um, you know Billy and I have our annual barbeque…" He trailed off.

Putting two and two together, I finally got four. I nodded before he could continue. "Charlie, do you need me to cook for you and your old buddies?" He tutted at me before smiling and continuing with his earlier attempt at explaining it to me.

"…well, we wanted to have it at Billy's. But, I'd prefer to do it here. I hope you don't mind me having the guys over; I don't want to keep you up all night. It's just, normally…well, normally we'd have it at Billy's. And the good news is…Jacob is going to come over with Billy. To keep you company. You haven't seen him in a while, I know you need some teenage interaction, Bella." Charlie smiled knowingly at me. But he didn't know anything. I would have to pretend to be happy and enthusiastic around Jacob. Billy and Harry didn't take much notice of me. But Jacob. Jacob was so outgoing and happy all the time; he wouldn't want me to be downing his mood. Charlie was still looking at me hopefully, as if I was the parent and he needed the permission.

I smiled and told him it was a good idea. I told him I would need someone to talk to other than him and the other old goons, which earned me a grin from Charlie. It was nice to see him smile. I didn't want to brush off on him. I was miserable enough for the both of us.

School at Forks High was the same as always. Drizzly weather meant everyone was stuffed into the cafeteria together at lunch, which was not uncommon here. Forks was a dull place. I had to share my usual table in the corner alone with what felt like half the student body. We were all crammed in together, condensation running down the windows. There were shouts and cries, gossips and secrets told from one table to the next. I suddenly wanted to be a part of it all. I wished I could be that normal girl. Like Angela or Jessica or Lauren. Not worrying about mystical creatures that left me to feel like a psycho. I wanted to be in the thick of things, well, not totally in the middle, but somewhere on the outskirts. Not far away in the beyond like I was now. I was absolutely and definitely the least interesting person in the whole school. Nobody looked at me anymore, everyone averted their eyes from the broken girl.

That's what I am after all. The broken girl. I have no concept of social interaction. I have no friends. Renée's words rung out to me. "Have you tried, Bella? Don't you want to try anymore?" She had been frustrated with my lack of communication. All she wanted me to do was speak with my old friends.

At that moment, I knew I had to do something. For my parents. For… for me. I knew I needed it. I knew my mind craved to listen to the goings-on in a teenage group for once. A normal group. My cheeks burned with the thoughts of going over there. I could see them all. Angela and Ben both heads stuck over a book, Jessica and Lauren gossiping profusely no doubt, and Mike and Tyler probably having a discussion about sports. I knew I could handle this. Surely none of them would bring...him... up.

So I stood up awkwardly. Nobody turned around. Well, that was expected. I hadn't been heard from in so long that people just assumed I wasn't going to interact with them anyway. I looked at my feet as I sauntered over towards the table.

My breath caught in my throat. I pulled out a chair and plopped down.

Every mouth at the table dropped.

"So…you're back?"