Chapter 2 – Alive, Again

Lunch went well with the guys. After their initial shock of course, it had been tempting to leave that table from the moment I had sat down. They settled quickly with my unwillingness to talk too loud or even join in their more personal debates. I couldn't bear it in case they reminded me of him. If they got too comfortable they might slip. I had to keep them with me on the edge of no return.

Angela had been the most welcoming. She had smiled at me warmly and squeezed my hand under the table, whispering over to me that she had missed me. Angela was so sweet. She was the nicest person I had met here at Forks High. How had I gone so long without seeing her?

I needed some alone time with her, without Lauren and Jessica's discriminating eyes. They were not top happy about my immediate acceptance into the group. No doubt they had gotten used to not having me around quickly. I didn't like that, that they could drop me like that.

Wait.

That's what I did. I had looked at Angela in horror when that realisation had hit me. I had totally zoned out. I hadn't even given her an explanation. I stopped taking her calls, stopped answering her questions in class and I even stopped looking her in the eye. She must think I'm horrible, or disturbing like Charlie. How could I be so naïve, to think that they would welcome me back with open arms.

My panic was short-lived. After lunch period, Angela and I got talking on our own. I told her my fears about my becoming a loner and leaving them all without a word. She assured me that it was okay. That we were okay. That helped me a lot. I felt a temporary bandage crawl into place over the hole in my chest. It wasn't healed but, almost as if it was covered for a while. I didn't question it, I just decided that if it made me feel better, I was all for it.

I had expected it to be excruciatingly painful to sit there with them after all this time. It wasn't. It was… actually sort of pleasant. I was able to numb myself in a different way. I felt lost in their words, but at the same time, I felt alive again. I felt like I had been asleep all this time. How hadn't I seen that my friends would have helped me through this. I must have known that, I was afraid.

He wouldn't have wanted me to wallow. He would have wanted me to have a life. Although, for the moment, I seemed to be using my friends for the numb coating they created over my wound. I knew it would be temporary but it was something. When that pain numbed for the first time in months, I felt free. I felt like I could have dropped to the floor or cried to the heavens.

My reactions weren't what they used to be. I was slower on the uptake than everybody else at that lunch table. Tyler had had some pictures of himself as a kid, funny pictures. Everybody seemed to get the joke but all I could see was the smiles, and it took me minutes to follow along. I was the slowest sheep in the flock. Smiling along with them didn't feel natural like it used to. I felt like I wasn't able. I had forgotten how.

"Bella, could you get that?" Charlie called from the living room, breaking my reverie. I had been so engrossed in thinking about today's turn of events that I barely even heard the phone ringing. I left the oven mitts back down on the counter and shuffled over to the ringing phone.

"Hello? Hello?" I was about to put the phone back down when a breathless voice came on the line.

"Hi, Bella? Hey, hey, it's Angela. How's it going? Listen… I was just in town and I heard a new bookstore is opening…TONIGHT!" She gushed out details of times and addresses to me but I hardly registered them. I knew exactly what she was getting at and she better prepare for the fall.

"I'm cooking dinner, Angela, sorry. I can't come down there now. I can't leave this…" I moaned at her.

"Bella, please. Everyone knows you haven't been out of the house in months. Your dad would love for you to come down. I'm sure he'd love it even more than that dinner. Please, Bell?" She added for extra sympathy from me. Angela knew how to make me feel guilty. Suddenly the phone was ripped from my shaking hands. I hadn't heard Charlie come in.

"Wherever you're taking her, she's going to be there!" Charlie yipped excitedly into the receiver. I heard Angela jabbering on again about place names and Charlie nodding his head along with each noise from the line. I was so mad.

Was I angry, though? I supposed it was good that I felt something. It wasn't better than being numb, now I had two hurts to deal with. The embarrassment of Charlie speaking to Angela to arrange me going out with her, and my open wound. I decided to ignore him as he smirked at me. He saw my anger. He was delighted. Even I was shocked at his…his…audacity. He had practically wrestled me for the phone to tell Angela I was going wherever she was taking me. He didn't even mind where. I was beetroot red as I rushed upstairs to get ready, signalling him that the casserole was ready in the oven.

Getting ready was harder than I had thought. I just decided to leave myself the way I was an I paced my room for a while. I began to get dizzy thinking about ways in which I could get out of this girls night. I knew a bookstore opening didn't count as a girls night, but for me and Angela, it was heaven. I decided that even if I didn't want to speak with her, I could just pick out a new book to scare myself to sleep with and be done with the evening quicker than trying to ignore it.

I walked slowly back downstairs and Charlie was eyeing me up tentatively.

"Kiddo, I know I shouldn't have…"

"No, its fine, Dad. I have to start somewhere. Angela and I need to talk anyway, we haven't in so long." I tried to lace my weak voice with sincerity but I knew by the look in Charlie's face that it did not work.

The drive into town was not that long, as there was no traffic at this time of the evening. I picked out Angela's car on the sidewalk; she was at the parking meter. I pulled in behind her, my truck chugging and spluttering its greetings. Angela turned and looked at me with an expression that mingled fear and pride. She almost seemed confused, I didn't know why as Charlie had decided my fate tonight. We walked in silence to the store. It was empty and it seemed Angela was the only person who had wanted to go to the opening night of a bookstore in small, dingy Forks.

The store was painted black from the outside. I had a red sign simply saying Books across it in block letters. There was something dingy about the place. I had a smell of must and old books, mingled in the air with stale tobacco smell and something I couldn't put my finger on. We looked into each other's eyes and each returned the knowing gaze. This place was a dump. We quickly scanned the shelves with our eyes, and the salesclerk who was busy chewing gum and texting on her cell phone, and left again.

After we got outside, Angela invited me for an ice-cream. I couldn't refuse and being with her, even if only in silence was enough to tape that temporary cover back in place over my empty heart. We ended up in a cute little café, talking amicably about school work. I could manage this, we weren't talking about people or music or cars or love. It was just what I needed. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I realised I could trust Angela. She understood me. She knew what I needed and what I wanted to avoid.

I like Angela even more after that night. I got such a rush just feeling like a human being again. It had been so long. I wasn't overly enthusiastic about all of this, but it was help enough for the time being.

When I lay in bed that night, I felt alive. For the second time that day, I felt alive.

A/N - Hi, Just wondering if you would all like me to continue on with the story. It doesn't seem like it but it is a Jake/Bella story.

I'm trying to go along with SM's character of Bella as best I can to fit her in here. This isn't going to be an all out relationship from the beginning, I want it to seem realistic.

If I get just one review or anything, I will post up the two chapters that I have finished... They're also a bit longer than these. I don't want to hold out, just worried that nobody will like my story, my version of things...How they should have been! :) No offence SM...

Bye!